Jealous boyfriend or am I in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

OP, you and your boyfriend both sound immature. In my experience, I have found that there are certainly some people who are irrationally jealous, and your boyfriend could be one of them. I also see an equal or greater number of people, and I suspect you are one, who like and seek attention from the opposite sex and/or thrive off of creating jealousy and uncertainty/insecurity for their partner.

I don't consider myself a jealous person and, in 14 years of marriage, have never felt jealous of my wife, in spite of her being very attractive and receiving lots of attention from men. That also applies to virtually every girl I dated before marriage, but there was one who drove me bat shit crazy jealous and made me feel things I had never felt before or since, and it took a while (too long) to learn that she loved making me feel that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's jealous and insecure and you're doing something wrong. I'm married, and I don't Facebook friend new men that I meet out of respect for my husband.

This.

Yes, he is overly jealous. Unless you phrased it strangely, watching you outside of a bar is weird. It wouldn't be weird if he also ended up going to the same bar and ran into you. You make it sound stalker-y, which is a red flag, but of course it depends on exactly how it went down. I always give a skeptical eye to any OP because I know you're trying to usually spin things to make yourself look good and the other person look bad. So, if it happened the way you said it did...red flag.

I agree with the PP I quoted, though. Yes, my fiancé and I can have opposite sex friends but every person and every friend request is different. This one girl hoes around and goes after almost every guy in my fiance's circle of friends, and friends all of them even if she's never met them or only met them once. I told him I wouldn't like it if he accepted her friend request and he understood. I don't accept requests from random guys I barely know, either. It is a respect thing. We both get new friend requests from people we meet through work, other friends we start to see often, etc. I have no issues with that and neither does he. It's transparent, we don't sneak around or hide them from each other, and usually we BOTH know the person.

You do sound like you instigate it. Maybe you subconsciously want him to know you're "in demand" and could have other options and he should be grateful to have you. I don't know. But that's not a cool game to play. You both have issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find his behavior jealous and controlling and would not tolerate it. And no, I have never cheated. It is no one's place to dictate with whom his/her partner associates or befriends.

+1

And he was watching you from outside the bar?! That's a red flag.

Yes!! WTF is that all about?? That's scary as s^^t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I have been dating over a year. When I first met him, I had a few guy friends that had told me that they had feelings for me. I distanced myself from them because it made my boyfriend uncomfortable to talk to them. One in particular lives 3 hours away and I only ever heard from him once a month or so. One time when he came to town, he ended up being at a bar that my gf and I were at and I noticed him as I was leaving. I sat down at his table with him and a few of his friends, just catching up, I wasnt there long. I then received a text from my boyfriend that he was outside the bar watching me. It resulted in a huge fight. I have since deleted that friend from Facebook and any other social media, as well as from my cell phone.

A few months ago, I met a guy through my mutual gf. He works at the place she goes frequently to eat and drink. He is harmless. I met him a few times while being there with her. Once when I went in there, his coworker had told me that this guy had a crush on me. He is nobody I would ever date or want to be with, he is pretty much just a nice harmless man. He friend requested me on Facebook and at the time, I told my boyfriend that I wasnt going to accept the friend request. Fast forward to a few weeks later and about 5 huge fights with my boyfriend, I accepted this guys request.

My boyfriend feels like I have lied to him. He feels like I am trying to meet single men. I really dont have any interest in anyone else except my boyfriend, and I certainly would never be anymore than a friend to this guy even if I wasnt in a relationship.
I told my boyfriend that what bothers me most is our constant arguments that we have, and yes, I originally told him that I wouldn't add this person, but given we have recently had a lot of arguments, I added him.

My boyfriend now wants to take time to think about if he can "handle being with me". Is he being jealous and insecure or am I doing something wrong?

For starters, your boyfriend sounds controlling. Being uncomfortable that you talk to your friends? Watching you from outside a bar talking to someone? Those are creepy behaviors - jealous, possessive, controlling. Demanding that you not be friends with someone who someone else told you had a crush on you is ridiculous, but you agreeing not to accept friend request and then doing so - by your own admission - because you and your BF had arguments is also ridiculous.

It sounds to me like you are making sure you know who your romantic options are if this relationship doesn't work out. It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't want you to have any opposite sex friends at all. End the relationship and do some maturing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few things ... you like the attention that this beta orbiter gives you, which is why you added him to facebook.

And, you did lie to your bf - you told him you weren't going to add the beta orbiter and then you did. How's he even remotely in the wrong here?

This poster is correct. You're an attention seeking liar..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find his behavior jealous and controlling and would not tolerate it. And no, I have never cheated. It is no one's place to dictate with whom his/her partner associates or befriends.

Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few things ... you like the attention that this beta orbiter gives you, which is why you added him to facebook.

And, you did lie to your bf - you told him you weren't going to add the beta orbiter and then you did. How's he even remotely in the wrong here?

This poster is correct. You're an attention seeking liar..

+1

Although I will say him waiting outside a bar is jealous behavior. You may be made for each other.

[Anonymous]

Please explain the watching you outside the bar thing. WTH?

[Anonymous]

You are both immature drama-seekers.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

My boyfriend often will look at my phone when I am on it. He was there when I received the Facebook request and so I told him I wouldn't approve of the request if it made him uncomfortable.
He did NOT tell me to not accept the request but instead asked WHY the guy was friend requesting me, so I told him.

furthermore, my boyfriend thinks that every single man I come in contact with is flirting with me, so it is hard to have outside friends or even acquaintances.

[Anonymous]

Why are you even asking your boyfriend about a facebook friend request ? And why does he care ? You both need to re-evaluate your relationship. Do you want/need that kind of drama ? Does he? It sounds like he is really controlling. But you also sound more than a bit like you are trying to provoke him. It sounds like a miserable relationship.

[Anonymous]

Your boyfriend is psycho and controlling. Break up NOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you even asking your boyfriend about a facebook friend request ? And why does he care ? You both need to re-evaluate your relationship. Do you want/need that kind of drama ? Does he? It sounds like he is really controlling. But you also sound more than a bit like you are trying to provoke him. It sounds like a miserable relationship.

Op Here. I never asked him, he saw the request.

He also doesn't like it when I am on my phone while we are together. I usually get up in the mornings before him and if I roll over and look at my phone, he doesn't like that. He accused me once of setting my alarm so I could be on my phone while he sleeps. When he saw me out at the bar, it wasn't the first time he has followed me or seen me out. I once told him I was going home but met a gf that he did not like, at a bar and he followed me there. I didn't tell him I was going because I knew he would be upset.
I have told him that his reactions to things make it so I feel he will be uncomfortable with the truth.

[Anonymous]

Okay so why exactly are you with this guy?

[Anonymous]

you're a serial flirt and drama queen. deal with your choices or change your hand. stop trying to rationalize.