Jealous boyfriend or am I in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating over a year. When I first met him, I had a few guy friends that had told me that they had feelings for me. I distanced myself from them because it made my boyfriend uncomfortable to talk to them. One in particular lives 3 hours away and I only ever heard from him once a month or so. One time when he came to town, he ended up being at a bar that my gf and I were at and I noticed him as I was leaving. I sat down at his table with him and a few of his friends, just catching up, I wasnt there long. I then received a text from my boyfriend that he was outside the bar watching me. It resulted in a huge fight. I have since deleted that friend from Facebook and any other social media, as well as from my cell phone.

A few months ago, I met a guy through my mutual gf. He works at the place she goes frequently to eat and drink. He is harmless. I met him a few times while being there with her. Once when I went in there, his coworker had told me that this guy had a crush on me. He is nobody I would ever date or want to be with, he is pretty much just a nice harmless man. He friend requested me on Facebook and at the time, I told my boyfriend that I wasnt going to accept the friend request. Fast forward to a few weeks later and about 5 huge fights with my boyfriend, I accepted this guys request.

My boyfriend feels like I have lied to him. He feels like I am trying to meet single men. I really dont have any interest in anyone else except my boyfriend, and I certainly would never be anymore than a friend to this guy even if I wasnt in a relationship.
I told my boyfriend that what bothers me most is our constant arguments that we have, and yes, I originally told him that I wouldn't add this person, but given we have recently had a lot of arguments, I added him.

My boyfriend now wants to take time to think about if he can "handle being with me". Is he being jealous and insecure or am I doing something wrong?

[Anonymous]

He's jealous and insecure and you're doing something wrong. I'm married, and I don't Facebook friend new men that I meet out of respect for my husband.

[Anonymous]

A few things ... you like the attention that this beta orbiter gives you, which is why you added him to facebook.

And, you did lie to your bf - you told him you weren't going to add the beta orbiter and then you did. How's he even remotely in the wrong here?

[Anonymous]

Red flag for being jealous and insecure. Save yourself the heartache and end this relationship soon.

[Anonymous]

You all sound young and dumb. He watches you outside of a bar??? Creepy. Also, why add the new friend, when you said you wouldn't? Just to make him jealous? You like the attention and that is fine, but then don't have a bf

[Anonymous]

Drake said it best- no new friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I have been dating over a year. When I first met him, I had a few guy friends that had told me that they had feelings for me. I distanced myself from them because it made my boyfriend uncomfortable to talk to them. One in particular lives 3 hours away and I only ever heard from him once a month or so. One time when he came to town, he ended up being at a bar that my gf and I were at and I noticed him as I was leaving. I sat down at his table with him and a few of his friends, just catching up, I wasnt there long. I then received a text from my boyfriend that he was outside the bar watching me. It resulted in a huge fight. I have since deleted that friend from Facebook and any other social media, as well as from my cell phone.

A few months ago, I met a guy through my mutual gf. He works at the place she goes frequently to eat and drink. He is harmless. I met him a few times while being there with her. Once when I went in there, his coworker had told me that this guy had a crush on me. He is nobody I would ever date or want to be with, he is pretty much just a nice harmless man. He friend requested me on Facebook and at the time, I told my boyfriend that I wasnt going to accept the friend request. Fast forward to a few weeks later and about 5 huge fights with my boyfriend, I accepted this guys request.

My boyfriend feels like I have lied to him. He feels like I am trying to meet single men. I really dont have any interest in anyone else except my boyfriend, and I certainly would never be anymore than a friend to this guy even if I wasnt in a relationship.
I told my boyfriend that what bothers me most is our constant arguments that we have, and yes, I originally told him that I wouldn't add this person, but given we have recently had a lot of arguments, I added him.

My boyfriend now wants to take time to think about if he can "handle being with me". Is he being jealous and insecure or am I doing something wrong?

What are your other fights about? These constant fights could be more of an issue than if you friended someone on FB.

I don't think that it is ever a good idea to friend someone on FB because of a fight. It makes the man think that you are at least keeping your options open. I am guessing he is not a complete idiot, so he is aware and sensitive to the fact that you guys fight a lot, that the relationship is not exactly where you two want it to be, and then you add a man on FB that you said you wouldn't. It makes him think that you are either messing with him to make him jealous because you had some fights, or you are keeping your options open or looking for someone new since you are having fights. Either way, it was wrong.

However, he needs to be less insecure and jealous. There is nothing wrong with you having guy friends. They were there before your relationship, they will be there after your relationship, etc.

Now, the one thing I would wonder about, is why you told him that they liked you.

[Anonymous]

He's abnormally jealous and crazy. You however are a tad instigating. No matter what you should just ditch Facebook. You two sound like middle schoolers.

[Anonymous]

I find his behavior jealous and controlling and would not tolerate it. And no, I have never cheated. It is no one's place to dictate with whom his/her partner associates or befriends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Red flag for being jealous and insecure. Save yourself the heartache and end this relationship soon.

I have been in an abusive relationship and these are red flags. DTMFA.

[Anonymous]

Read your original post and think of it from the opposite perspective. Read it as you posting about potentially being jealous of your bf. If my bf told me that there are 3 women who he is friends with, who are single, that are interested in him then I would think he was telling me that to make me jealous. Why did you even mention that to your bf? Also, why mention that this guy you just met "likes" you? Your bf does not need to know that unless you are trying to make him jealous or feel insecure. Or, you are trying to make yourself seem more desirable.

When you are ready for a committed relationship then you no longer care whom else is interested in you. You are happy and content with the person you are with and do not need another option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find his behavior jealous and controlling and would not tolerate it. And no, I have never cheated. It is no one's place to dictate with whom his/her partner associates or befriends.

+1

And he was watching you from outside the bar?! That's a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's abnormally jealous and crazy. You however are a tad instigating. No matter what you should just ditch Facebook. You two sound like middle schoolers.

+1. Watching you from outside the bar is way off. I'd have dumped him that night.

[Anonymous]

I friend whoever I want, male or female on Facebook. My spouse and I have friendships with people of the opposite sex independent of our marriage and have never so much as had an argument about that. We trust each other without even thinking about it. If that dynamic sounds appealing to you for a relationship then get out of the crappy one you're in ASAP. If not, then keep fanning the flames of a controlling one and watch how that turns out.

[Anonymous]

When I get a friend request, I either accept, ignore, or delete, without discussing it with my husband first. Can you explain why on earth you told your boyfriend that the other guy friend requested you?
And how does he know the guy in the bar had feelings for you? Yeah, it's creepy that he watched you through the window.

I think you do enjoy the drama. Some guy has a crush on you? And you don't even know him or work with him or see him often? You were the one who brought this mess by even telling your boyfriend about these guys.