Silly things I worried about: infertility edition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PPs are talking past each other. I did 6 rounds of IVF. The actual IVF procedure was largely no big deal (although started feeling like a bigger deal towards the end -- but certainly the first cycle was no big deal). All the failures, though, were heartbreaking.

So, yeah, it does kind of irk me when someone who gets a baby from ONE round of IVF says IVF was no big deal. But I can see how that perspective is helpful to people who are new to the process and fearful of an IVF cycle.

This was my point. Besides all women should take it one cycle at a time and one day at a time. Also it seems like the women who are fearful are fearful of even just one cycle. They are terrified of the meds or the side effects or who knows what. My point is that I didn't find one cycle of IVF a big deal at all and I wouldn't let it keep you from possibly having a child.

But there are people for whom the meds are a big deal. That's the part you seem to be missing. There are people who don't react well to the meds. And when you assume just because YOU didn't have a problem with the meds that all women should give it a try is condescending and ignorant. Some women have a horrible time with regular birth control. Some women don't respond will to overstimulation of the ovaries. They are legitimate concerns. And your experience is your experience. To say you think all women should give it a try when some women have legitimate reasons for not wanting to is ridiculous.

It's just like women who say pregnancy is no big deal. Well, it may be for them, but some women have a different experience. It doesn't actually help convince them to overcome those concerns when you just dismiss them or make them feel like not only are they dealing with infertility but it's their own fault they don't have a child because of their silly concerns about IVF.

I would add that some women also have moral issues with IVF. You may not agree with those issues, but for some, that is a stumbling block. And writing a thread on a forum where the women visiting are struggling with infertility and just telling them their concerns are silly is, frankly, insensitive. You can't see that, though, because your journey is over and it ended in a baby and it all worked out. For some, even if they "just get over" their fears and do what you say, they still won't end up with a baby. Or they may end up with a baby but have a really rough physical ride along the way.

I'm not making this up. I know women who had a difficult time with the IVF meds. It wasn't easy -- and that is aside from the fact that it wasn't successful. It took a physical toll.

The same is true of miscarriages. For some women, the physical experience of a miscarriage isn't much more than a period. For some, the physical experience involves a lot of pain, sometimes sudden and excessive blood loss. It's fine for someone to say their experience of a miscarriage wasn't really a big deal, but for them to say that means it probably isn't a big deal for everyone else is kind of ridiculous.

Why is this kind of thing so hard for people to understand?

Then you have a rough 9-10 days per cycle! However, it's a blip in the grand scheme of things! I don't think the "fear of meds" is a legitimate concern for not doing IVF. I can see how someone could feel this way, but it's overreacting. It's also unfounded and if you can't handle IVF meds and the side effects I don't see how you can handle pregnancy.

Fwiw I suffered from overstimulation after IVF and almost required surgery. Was it worth it to get pregnant? Absolutely. It was just a rough 10 days of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PPs are talking past each other. I did 6 rounds of IVF. The actual IVF procedure was largely no big deal (although started feeling like a bigger deal towards the end -- but certainly the first cycle was no big deal). All the failures, though, were heartbreaking.

So, yeah, it does kind of irk me when someone who gets a baby from ONE round of IVF says IVF was no big deal. But I can see how that perspective is helpful to people who are new to the process and fearful of an IVF cycle.

This was my point. Besides all women should take it one cycle at a time and one day at a time. Also it seems like the women who are fearful are fearful of even just one cycle. They are terrified of the meds or the side effects or who knows what. My point is that I didn't find one cycle of IVF a big deal at all and I wouldn't let it keep you from possibly having a child.

Yes. We ALL know this is how you feel. You have repeated it ad nauseam on thread after thread. And when other people point out that those women who have reservations about the meds or the process have a right to those legitimate feelings, you shame or bully us and them. Telling people they're just being whiners and to just get over it is pretty crap advice.

What's interesting is that this kind of tough love is what got me to bite the bullet and try a round of IVF, which got me pregnant. I was a basket case and going back and forth about IVF for months. It was women on this board telling me to give it a try and that it's not a big deal that pushed me to try it and I'm so glad I did. Unfortunately "getting over it" can be good advice. Sitting around worrying and complaining about IVF doesn't get anyone pregnant. I'm sorry if I offended you, but I do hope I can be of some service to at least one woman who may be in a similar situation and trying to move forward but unsure. All I can say is that it was just a rough 10 days or so of meds and looking back I barely remember it. It was so worth it. I realize not every woman ends up pregnant, but many many do!

[Anonymous]

I would tell anyone trying to have a baby to always have a plan B. plan A does not always work out and - yes that could mean for YOU. if you are lucky and it does, DON'T FORGET ever how lucky you are.

[Anonymous]

Except it's not just a rough 10 days if you have to do it 6 times. And still end up without a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell anyone trying to have a baby to always have a plan B. plan A does not always work out and - yes that could mean for YOU. if you are lucky and it does, DON'T FORGET ever how lucky you are.

Plus 1. Great advice! Signed, happy adoptive mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Except it's not just a rough 10 days if you have to do it 6 times. And still end up without a baby.

+1. That poster seems a bit clueless and lacking in empathy.

I did not have a hard time with the meds or the shots but 9 to 10 days of my life it was not. Three surgeries, 1 missed miscarriage, a D&C, umpteen cycles and five years have taken their toll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PPs are talking past each other. I did 6 rounds of IVF. The actual IVF procedure was largely no big deal (although started feeling like a bigger deal towards the end -- but certainly the first cycle was no big deal). All the failures, though, were heartbreaking.

So, yeah, it does kind of irk me when someone who gets a baby from ONE round of IVF says IVF was no big deal. But I can see how that perspective is helpful to people who are new to the process and fearful of an IVF cycle.

This was my point. Besides all women should take it one cycle at a time and one day at a time. Also it seems like the women who are fearful are fearful of even just one cycle. They are terrified of the meds or the side effects or who knows what. My point is that I didn't find one cycle of IVF a big deal at all and I wouldn't let it keep you from possibly having a child.

Yes. We ALL know this is how you feel. You have repeated it ad nauseam on thread after thread. And when other people point out that those women who have reservations about the meds or the process have a right to those legitimate feelings, you shame or bully us and them. Telling people they're just being whiners and to just get over it is pretty crap advice.

Telling other people what they can post is even crappier.

No one is telling her what she can post. They're telling her she's rude.

I'm not her, and it certainly seems there are one or two posters here that cluck about every post that they don't deem sufficiently empathetic. Perhaps you might be happier in life generally if you stop playing the victim. Or perhaps you should stop reading this board if you are so easily offended.

I've had three miscarriages and I remember how heart breaking each one was, so please, don't tell me how I couldn't possibly understand your pain. Everyone posting here has had their own heartaches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PPs are talking past each other. I did 6 rounds of IVF. The actual IVF procedure was largely no big deal (although started feeling like a bigger deal towards the end -- but certainly the first cycle was no big deal). All the failures, though, were heartbreaking.

So, yeah, it does kind of irk me when someone who gets a baby from ONE round of IVF says IVF was no big deal. But I can see how that perspective is helpful to people who are new to the process and fearful of an IVF cycle.

This was my point. Besides all women should take it one cycle at a time and one day at a time. Also it seems like the women who are fearful are fearful of even just one cycle. They are terrified of the meds or the side effects or who knows what. My point is that I didn't find one cycle of IVF a big deal at all and I wouldn't let it keep you from possibly having a child.

Yes. We ALL know this is how you feel. You have repeated it ad nauseam on thread after thread. And when other people point out that those women who have reservations about the meds or the process have a right to those legitimate feelings, you shame or bully us and them. Telling people they're just being whiners and to just get over it is pretty crap advice.

Telling other people what they can post is even crappier.

No one is telling her what she can post. They're telling her she's rude.

I'm not her, and it certainly seems there are one or two posters here that cluck about every post that they don't deem sufficiently empathetic. Perhaps you might be happier in life generally if you stop playing the victim. Or perhaps you should stop reading this board if you are so easily offended.

I've had three miscarriages and I remember how heart breaking each one was, so please, don't tell me how I couldn't possibly understand your pain. Everyone posting here has had their own heartaches.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PPs are talking past each other. I did 6 rounds of IVF. The actual IVF procedure was largely no big deal (although started feeling like a bigger deal towards the end -- but certainly the first cycle was no big deal). All the failures, though, were heartbreaking.

So, yeah, it does kind of irk me when someone who gets a baby from ONE round of IVF says IVF was no big deal. But I can see how that perspective is helpful to people who are new to the process and fearful of an IVF cycle.

This was my point. Besides all women should take it one cycle at a time and one day at a time. Also it seems like the women who are fearful are fearful of even just one cycle. They are terrified of the meds or the side effects or who knows what. My point is that I didn't find one cycle of IVF a big deal at all and I wouldn't let it keep you from possibly having a child.

Yes. We ALL know this is how you feel. You have repeated it ad nauseam on thread after thread. And when other people point out that those women who have reservations about the meds or the process have a right to those legitimate feelings, you shame or bully us and them. Telling people they're just being whiners and to just get over it is pretty crap advice.

Telling other people what they can post is even crappier.

No one is telling her what she can post. They're telling her she's rude.

I'm not her, and it certainly seems there are one or two posters here that cluck about every post that they don't deem sufficiently empathetic. Perhaps you might be happier in life generally if you stop playing the victim. Or perhaps you should stop reading this board if you are so easily offended.

I've had three miscarriages and I remember how heart breaking each one was, so please, don't tell me how I couldn't possibly understand your pain. Everyone posting here has had their own heartaches.

No one, including me, every said you couldn't possibly understand. They're saying that her statements completely dismissing other people's legitimate concerns as being "silly things" is absolutely ridiculous, not supportive, and only makes people feel crummy.

She thinks she is motivating people to do something, but she's only alienating people -- and on a forum for people who ALREADY feel alone and kind of alienated by virtue of dealing with infertility.

She's almost as bad as the people who say, "oh, just adopt! it's no big deal." Nothing about infertility is no big deal to people who are going through it. She has a baby now and seems to have forgotten that feeling because now she is chalking it up to "silly things."

It's one thing to say, "I didn't find IVF cycles difficult at all. I didn't find the meds difficult." in an effort to let others considering it know that at least your experience is encouraging. It's a completely different thing to tell a group of people who get nonstop advice from everyone about what to do and what not to do to have a baby that their concerns are silly, that their decisions regarding their medical care of "not legitimate." It's obnoxious. It's arrogance at the highest level.

More than one poster has told her that, has mentioned people who didn't find it "no big deal," and yet she persists and gets even more obnoxious with every post.

But, yes, you are right. I should stop visiting this forum. It's not supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PPs are talking past each other. I did 6 rounds of IVF. The actual IVF procedure was largely no big deal (although started feeling like a bigger deal towards the end -- but certainly the first cycle was no big deal). All the failures, though, were heartbreaking.

So, yeah, it does kind of irk me when someone who gets a baby from ONE round of IVF says IVF was no big deal. But I can see how that perspective is helpful to people who are new to the process and fearful of an IVF cycle.

This was my point. Besides all women should take it one cycle at a time and one day at a time. Also it seems like the women who are fearful are fearful of even just one cycle. They are terrified of the meds or the side effects or who knows what. My point is that I didn't find one cycle of IVF a big deal at all and I wouldn't let it keep you from possibly having a child.

Yes. We ALL know this is how you feel. You have repeated it ad nauseam on thread after thread. And when other people point out that those women who have reservations about the meds or the process have a right to those legitimate feelings, you shame or bully us and them. Telling people they're just being whiners and to just get over it is pretty crap advice.

Telling other people what they can post is even crappier.

No one is telling her what she can post. They're telling her she's rude.

I'm not her, and it certainly seems there are one or two posters here that cluck about every post that they don't deem sufficiently empathetic. Perhaps you might be happier in life generally if you stop playing the victim. Or perhaps you should stop reading this board if you are so easily offended.

I've had three miscarriages and I remember how heart breaking each one was, so please, don't tell me how I couldn't possibly understand your pain. Everyone posting here has had their own heartaches.

No one, including me, every said you couldn't possibly understand. They're saying that her statements completely dismissing other people's legitimate concerns as being "silly things" is absolutely ridiculous, not supportive, and only makes people feel crummy.

She thinks she is motivating people to do something, but she's only alienating people -- and on a forum for people who ALREADY feel alone and kind of alienated by virtue of dealing with infertility.

She's almost as bad as the people who say, "oh, just adopt! it's no big deal." Nothing about infertility is no big deal to people who are going through it. She has a baby now and seems to have forgotten that feeling because now she is chalking it up to "silly things."

It's one thing to say, "I didn't find IVF cycles difficult at all. I didn't find the meds difficult." in an effort to let others considering it know that at least your experience is encouraging. It's a completely different thing to tell a group of people who get nonstop advice from everyone about what to do and what not to do to have a baby that their concerns are silly, that their decisions regarding their medical care of "not legitimate." It's obnoxious. It's arrogance at the highest level.

More than one poster has told her that, has mentioned people who didn't find it "no big deal," and yet she persists and gets even more obnoxious with every post.

But, yes, you are right. I should stop visiting this forum. It's not supportive.

Where did I say the concerns are silly? You keep reusing the word silly. My point was that I didn't find the IVF cycle physically difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PPs are talking past each other. I did 6 rounds of IVF. The actual IVF procedure was largely no big deal (although started feeling like a bigger deal towards the end -- but certainly the first cycle was no big deal). All the failures, though, were heartbreaking.

So, yeah, it does kind of irk me when someone who gets a baby from ONE round of IVF says IVF was no big deal. But I can see how that perspective is helpful to people who are new to the process and fearful of an IVF cycle.

This was my point. Besides all women should take it one cycle at a time and one day at a time. Also it seems like the women who are fearful are fearful of even just one cycle. They are terrified of the meds or the side effects or who knows what. My point is that I didn't find one cycle of IVF a big deal at all and I wouldn't let it keep you from possibly having a child.

Yes. We ALL know this is how you feel. You have repeated it ad nauseam on thread after thread. And when other people point out that those women who have reservations about the meds or the process have a right to those legitimate feelings, you shame or bully us and them. Telling people they're just being whiners and to just get over it is pretty crap advice.

Telling other people what they can post is even crappier.

No one is telling her what she can post. They're telling her she's rude.

I'm not her, and it certainly seems there are one or two posters here that cluck about every post that they don't deem sufficiently empathetic. Perhaps you might be happier in life generally if you stop playing the victim. Or perhaps you should stop reading this board if you are so easily offended.

I've had three miscarriages and I remember how heart breaking each one was, so please, don't tell me how I couldn't possibly understand your pain. Everyone posting here has had their own heartaches.

No one, including me, every said you couldn't possibly understand. They're saying that her statements completely dismissing other people's legitimate concerns as being "silly things" is absolutely ridiculous, not supportive, and only makes people feel crummy.

She thinks she is motivating people to do something, but she's only alienating people -- and on a forum for people who ALREADY feel alone and kind of alienated by virtue of dealing with infertility.

She's almost as bad as the people who say, "oh, just adopt! it's no big deal." Nothing about infertility is no big deal to people who are going through it. She has a baby now and seems to have forgotten that feeling because now she is chalking it up to "silly things."

It's one thing to say, "I didn't find IVF cycles difficult at all. I didn't find the meds difficult." in an effort to let others considering it know that at least your experience is encouraging. It's a completely different thing to tell a group of people who get nonstop advice from everyone about what to do and what not to do to have a baby that their concerns are silly, that their decisions regarding their medical care of "not legitimate." It's obnoxious. It's arrogance at the highest level.

More than one poster has told her that, has mentioned people who didn't find it "no big deal," and yet she persists and gets even more obnoxious with every post.

But, yes, you are right. I should stop visiting this forum. It's not supportive.

On the flip side you could view my post in a different way. I'm a woman who didn't find IVF that difficult and ended up pregnant. When I was going through IVF I loved hearing stories about women who got pregnant via IVF. Positive stories are great and can be encouraging. I'm not a bad person because I didn't find IVF to be difficult and it got me pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PPs are talking past each other. I did 6 rounds of IVF. The actual IVF procedure was largely no big deal (although started feeling like a bigger deal towards the end -- but certainly the first cycle was no big deal). All the failures, though, were heartbreaking.

So, yeah, it does kind of irk me when someone who gets a baby from ONE round of IVF says IVF was no big deal. But I can see how that perspective is helpful to people who are new to the process and fearful of an IVF cycle.

This was my point. Besides all women should take it one cycle at a time and one day at a time. Also it seems like the women who are fearful are fearful of even just one cycle. They are terrified of the meds or the side effects or who knows what. My point is that I didn't find one cycle of IVF a big deal at all and I wouldn't let it keep you from possibly having a child.

Yes. We ALL know this is how you feel. You have repeated it ad nauseam on thread after thread. And when other people point out that those women who have reservations about the meds or the process have a right to those legitimate feelings, you shame or bully us and them. Telling people they're just being whiners and to just get over it is pretty crap advice.

Telling other people what they can post is even crappier.

No one is telling her what she can post. They're telling her she's rude.

I'm not her, and it certainly seems there are one or two posters here that cluck about every post that they don't deem sufficiently empathetic. Perhaps you might be happier in life generally if you stop playing the victim. Or perhaps you should stop reading this board if you are so easily offended.

I've had three miscarriages and I remember how heart breaking each one was, so please, don't tell me how I couldn't possibly understand your pain. Everyone posting here has had their own heartaches.

No one, including me, every said you couldn't possibly understand. They're saying that her statements completely dismissing other people's legitimate concerns as being "silly things" is absolutely ridiculous, not supportive, and only makes people feel crummy.

She thinks she is motivating people to do something, but she's only alienating people -- and on a forum for people who ALREADY feel alone and kind of alienated by virtue of dealing with infertility.

She's almost as bad as the people who say, "oh, just adopt! it's no big deal." Nothing about infertility is no big deal to people who are going through it. She has a baby now and seems to have forgotten that feeling because now she is chalking it up to "silly things."

It's one thing to say, "I didn't find IVF cycles difficult at all. I didn't find the meds difficult." in an effort to let others considering it know that at least your experience is encouraging. It's a completely different thing to tell a group of people who get nonstop advice from everyone about what to do and what not to do to have a baby that their concerns are silly, that their decisions regarding their medical care of "not legitimate." It's obnoxious. It's arrogance at the highest level.

More than one poster has told her that, has mentioned people who didn't find it "no big deal," and yet she persists and gets even more obnoxious with every post.

But, yes, you are right. I should stop visiting this forum. It's not supportive.

Except I never did this. It's like you can't stand it that I didn't find IVF to be a huge deal and you're reading into what I wrote and claiming I said things I never said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No one, including me, every said you couldn't possibly understand. They're saying that her statements completely dismissing other people's legitimate concerns as being "silly things" is absolutely ridiculous, not supportive, and only makes people feel crummy.

She thinks she is motivating people to do something, but she's only alienating people -- and on a forum for people who ALREADY feel alone and kind of alienated by virtue of dealing with infertility.

She's almost as bad as the people who say, "oh, just adopt! it's no big deal." Nothing about infertility is no big deal to people who are going through it. She has a baby now and seems to have forgotten that feeling because now she is chalking it up to "silly things."

It's one thing to say, "I didn't find IVF cycles difficult at all. I didn't find the meds difficult." in an effort to let others considering it know that at least your experience is encouraging. It's a completely different thing to tell a group of people who get nonstop advice from everyone about what to do and what not to do to have a baby that their concerns are silly, that their decisions regarding their medical care of "not legitimate." It's obnoxious. It's arrogance at the highest level.

More than one poster has told her that, has mentioned people who didn't find it "no big deal," and yet she persists and gets even more obnoxious with every post.

But, yes, you are right. I should stop visiting this forum. It's not supportive.

OMG, YES!!!! This. Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PPs are talking past each other. I did 6 rounds of IVF. The actual IVF procedure was largely no big deal (although started feeling like a bigger deal towards the end -- but certainly the first cycle was no big deal). All the failures, though, were heartbreaking.

So, yeah, it does kind of irk me when someone who gets a baby from ONE round of IVF says IVF was no big deal. But I can see how that perspective is helpful to people who are new to the process and fearful of an IVF cycle.

This was my point. Besides all women should take it one cycle at a time and one day at a time. Also it seems like the women who are fearful are fearful of even just one cycle. They are terrified of the meds or the side effects or who knows what. My point is that I didn't find one cycle of IVF a big deal at all and I wouldn't let it keep you from possibly having a child.

Yes. We ALL know this is how you feel. You have repeated it ad nauseam on thread after thread. And when other people point out that those women who have reservations about the meds or the process have a right to those legitimate feelings, you shame or bully us and them. Telling people they're just being whiners and to just get over it is pretty crap advice.

Telling other people what they can post is even crappier.

No one is telling her what she can post. They're telling her she's rude.

I'm not her, and it certainly seems there are one or two posters here that cluck about every post that they don't deem sufficiently empathetic. Perhaps you might be happier in life generally if you stop playing the victim. Or perhaps you should stop reading this board if you are so easily offended.

I've had three miscarriages and I remember how heart breaking each one was, so please, don't tell me how I couldn't possibly understand your pain. Everyone posting here has had their own heartaches.

No one, including me, every said you couldn't possibly understand. They're saying that her statements completely dismissing other people's legitimate concerns as being "silly things" is absolutely ridiculous, not supportive, and only makes people feel crummy.

She thinks she is motivating people to do something, but she's only alienating people -- and on a forum for people who ALREADY feel alone and kind of alienated by virtue of dealing with infertility.

She's almost as bad as the people who say, "oh, just adopt! it's no big deal." Nothing about infertility is no big deal to people who are going through it. She has a baby now and seems to have forgotten that feeling because now she is chalking it up to "silly things."

It's one thing to say, "I didn't find IVF cycles difficult at all. I didn't find the meds difficult." in an effort to let others considering it know that at least your experience is encouraging. It's a completely different thing to tell a group of people who get nonstop advice from everyone about what to do and what not to do to have a baby that their concerns are silly, that their decisions regarding their medical care of "not legitimate." It's obnoxious. It's arrogance at the highest level.

More than one poster has told her that, has mentioned people who didn't find it "no big deal," and yet she persists and gets even more obnoxious with every post.

But, yes, you are right. I should stop visiting this forum. It's not supportive.

There was nothing obnoxious on her post. And if you don't want to hear from people who had success, probably would be best to avoid a lessons learned thread.


Honestly, I don't understand your anger. If you don't want IVF, don't get it. That doesn't mean no one else gets to benefit from ivf or to talk about it. Everybody gets to make their own choices. That doesn't give you license to attack those who make different choices. I am really sorry for your struggles, I hope you have a real life outlet to deal with the considerable anger you have expressed here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PPs are talking past each other. I did 6 rounds of IVF. The actual IVF procedure was largely no big deal (although started feeling like a bigger deal towards the end -- but certainly the first cycle was no big deal). All the failures, though, were heartbreaking.

So, yeah, it does kind of irk me when someone who gets a baby from ONE round of IVF says IVF was no big deal. But I can see how that perspective is helpful to people who are new to the process and fearful of an IVF cycle.

This was my point. Besides all women should take it one cycle at a time and one day at a time. Also it seems like the women who are fearful are fearful of even just one cycle. They are terrified of the meds or the side effects or who knows what. My point is that I didn't find one cycle of IVF a big deal at all and I wouldn't let it keep you from possibly having a child.

Yes. We ALL know this is how you feel. You have repeated it ad nauseam on thread after thread. And when other people point out that those women who have reservations about the meds or the process have a right to those legitimate feelings, you shame or bully us and them. Telling people they're just being whiners and to just get over it is pretty crap advice.

Telling other people what they can post is even crappier.

No one is telling her what she can post. They're telling her she's rude.

I'm not her, and it certainly seems there are one or two posters here that cluck about every post that they don't deem sufficiently empathetic. Perhaps you might be happier in life generally if you stop playing the victim. Or perhaps you should stop reading this board if you are so easily offended.

I've had three miscarriages and I remember how heart breaking each one was, so please, don't tell me how I couldn't possibly understand your pain. Everyone posting here has had their own heartaches.

No one, including me, every said you couldn't possibly understand. They're saying that her statements completely dismissing other people's legitimate concerns as being "silly things" is absolutely ridiculous, not supportive, and only makes people feel crummy.

She thinks she is motivating people to do something, but she's only alienating people -- and on a forum for people who ALREADY feel alone and kind of alienated by virtue of dealing with infertility.

She's almost as bad as the people who say, "oh, just adopt! it's no big deal." Nothing about infertility is no big deal to people who are going through it. She has a baby now and seems to have forgotten that feeling because now she is chalking it up to "silly things."

It's one thing to say, "I didn't find IVF cycles difficult at all. I didn't find the meds difficult." in an effort to let others considering it know that at least your experience is encouraging. It's a completely different thing to tell a group of people who get nonstop advice from everyone about what to do and what not to do to have a baby that their concerns are silly, that their decisions regarding their medical care of "not legitimate." It's obnoxious. It's arrogance at the highest level.

More than one poster has told her that, has mentioned people who didn't find it "no big deal," and yet she persists and gets even more obnoxious with every post.

But, yes, you are right. I should stop visiting this forum. It's not supportive.

There was nothing obnoxious on her post. And if you don't want to hear from people who had success, probably would be best to avoid a lessons learned thread.


Honestly, I don't understand your anger. If you don't want IVF, don't get it. That doesn't mean no one else gets to benefit from ivf or to talk about it. Everybody gets to make their own choices. That doesn't give you license to attack those who make different choices. I am really sorry for your struggles, I hope you have a real life outlet to deal with the considerable anger you have expressed here.

I don't understand her anger either. Someone is allowed to have a different experience or opinion.