Reply to Silly things I worried about: infertility edition

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the PPs are talking past each other. I did 6 rounds of IVF. The actual IVF procedure was largely no big deal (although started feeling like a bigger deal towards the end -- but certainly the first cycle was no big deal). All the failures, though, were heartbreaking.

So, yeah, it does kind of irk me when someone who gets a baby from ONE round of IVF says IVF was no big deal. [b]But I can see how that perspective is helpful to people who are new to the process and fearful of an IVF cycle[/b].[/quote]

This was my point.  Besides all women should take it one cycle at a time and one day at a time.  Also it seems like the women who are fearful are fearful of even just one cycle.  They are terrified of the meds or the side effects or who knows what.  My point is that I didn't find one cycle of IVF a big deal at all and I wouldn't let it keep you from possibly having a child. [/quote]

[b]But there are people for whom the meds are a big deal.  That's the part you seem to be missing.  There are people who don't react well to the meds.   [/b]And when you assume just because YOU didn't have a problem with the meds that all women should give it a try is condescending and ignorant.  Some women have a horrible time with regular birth control.  Some women don't respond will to overstimulation of the ovaries.  They are legitimate concerns.  And your experience is your experience.  [b]To say you think all women should give it a try when some women have legitimate reasons for not wanting to is ridiculous.[/b]

It's just like women who say pregnancy is no big deal.  Well, it may be for them, but some women have a different experience.  It doesn't actually help convince them to overcome those concerns when you just dismiss them or make them feel like not only are they dealing with infertility but it's their own fault they don't have a child because of their silly concerns about IVF.

I would add that some women also have moral issues with IVF.  You may not agree with those issues, but for some, that is a stumbling block.  And writing a thread on a forum where the women visiting are struggling with infertility and just telling them their concerns are silly is, frankly, insensitive.  You can't see that, though, because your journey is over and it ended in a baby and it all worked out.  For some, even if they "just get over" their fears and do what you say, they still won't end up with a baby.  Or they may end up with a baby but have a really rough physical ride along the way.

I'm not making this up.  I know women who had a difficult time with the IVF meds.  It wasn't easy -- and that is aside from the fact that it wasn't successful.  It took a physical toll.

The same is true of miscarriages.  For some women, the physical experience of a miscarriage isn't much more than a period.  For some, the physical experience involves a lot of pain, sometimes sudden and excessive blood loss.  It's fine for someone to say their experience of a miscarriage wasn't really a big deal, but for them to say that means it probably isn't a big deal for everyone else is kind of ridiculous.

Why is this kind of thing so hard for people to understand?  [/quote]

Then you have a rough 9-10 days per cycle!  However, it's a blip in the grand scheme of things!  I don't think the "fear of meds" is a legitimate concern for not doing IVF.  I can see how someone could feel this way, but it's overreacting.  It's also unfounded and if you can't handle IVF meds and the side effects I don't see how you can handle pregnancy.

Fwiw I suffered from overstimulation after IVF and almost required surgery.  Was it worth it to get pregnant?  Absolutely.   It was just a rough 10 days of my life.  [/quote]

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