Affair, told his wife and now he's back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is contrasting interestingly with the one where the OP's friend was having an affair and the board encouraged OP to tell the friend's husband or be just as awful and immoral as the people having the affair. Meanwhile over here, this OP is condemned for telling her husband and her AP's husband and people are suggesting that they may be soul mates.

In the other thread, when I said that the OP should leave it alone and not tell the husband, I got yelled at.

There were only a few zealous crazies on that thread who insisted the OP should tell. The majority of reasonable people who were actually living in reality gave no such horrible advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is contrasting interestingly with the one where the OP's friend was having an affair and the board encouraged OP to tell the friend's husband or be just as awful and immoral as the people having the affair. Meanwhile over here, this OP is condemned for telling her husband and her AP's husband and people are suggesting that they may be soul mates.

In the other thread, when I said that the OP should leave it alone and not tell the husband, I got yelled at.

i find responses to be pretty similar. there is always the very loud cheated on group that comes here apparently for the sole reason to 1) shame cheaters 2) agitate that cheaters' partners be told about cheating in all and very circumstance. then there are other people who actually approach topics with the goal to help OP, whoever that is and whatever issue she has. their advice might be vary from topic to topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him to call you when he's single. Every time he calls, ask if he is single, and hang up when he says "no, but..."

He'll stop calling.

In the meantime, find a hobby, and a therapist to help you deal with your commitment and intimacy issues.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find a boyfriend who is not married.

+50

[Anonymous]

OP, why are you looking for more chaos?

It seems like your life descended into chaos and now after the affair, the blow up of the affair and then the divorce, maybe things have calmed down for you.

Why are you looking for trouble again? He is not 100% available to you-likely never will be. Why would you go down that rabbit hole again?

Find someone who is available, have a normal relationship.

Or maybe you "need" the chaos. I have a friend who, each time her life looks like smooth sailing, will go find an unsuitable man/risky investment/all consuming, ridiculous hobby (she was going to be a professional kickboxer starting at 40-overweight/never worked out before-spent all of her time and money at a gym because she had a crush on the trainer). This is a single mom with 3 school aged children and a small business to run. She can't exist without chaos but her kids are suffering greatly (ex will likely get full custody) and now she is close to bankruptcy because of the latest man-child.

Take some time to think about what you are doing with your life and why-maybe therapy is a good idea.

[ZachF]

#!*^

[ZachF]

Anonymous wrote:

ZachF wrote:You love him but you decided one day to completely blow up his whole life and nearly destroy his marriage? Sorry, you are a crazy bitch. I'm not judging you for the affair at all, just how you handled it.

He knows you are a crazy bitch who can't be trusted. He knows you could, and in fact have caused him a huge amount of grief with his wife who has stuck by him after your moment of selfish revelation. But, he's reaching out to you again?

Honey, that isn't out of love. Only a man equally as crazy as you would love someone so malicious and untrustworthy. That's the little head doing all the thinking.

Hey, if the sex was great and you want more, the go for it.

I just realized (duh) that people who are registered can now be understood to be denizens of the explicit forum. But the "honey" says it anyway. Objectify away, Zach!

My tone is one of condescension, but I know, objectify is a popular accusation these days. So take your pick but my intent was not to objectify unless she means to be the objective poster child for CBs everywhere. I'm all for her, or anyone else enjoying an affair as I can't judge a person for their motivations to make that choice. At the same time, I feel the worst kind of people are those who betray another's trust and take it upon themselves to ruin another person's marriage. The betrayed wife especially didn't deserve that but our OP decided what was best for all involved and acted on it with reckless disregard. That he still wants her back after that says as much about him as it does her. I agree with those who say they belong together and could even be soul mates. She is single now with nothing to lose. He is still married with a lot to lose but doesn't have the sense to steer clear of her. Perhaps he wants her to do the dirty work of breaking them up for good this time. I wish that guy would post here.

[Anonymous]

Crawl back into your hole, alone. Done!

[Anonymous]

ZachF wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ZachF wrote:You love him but you decided one day to completely blow up his whole life and nearly destroy his marriage? Sorry, you are a crazy bitch. I'm not judging you for the affair at all, just how you handled it.

He knows you are a crazy bitch who can't be trusted. He knows you could, and in fact have caused him a huge amount of grief with his wife who has stuck by him after your moment of selfish revelation. But, he's reaching out to you again?

Honey, that isn't out of love. Only a man equally as crazy as you would love someone so malicious and untrustworthy. That's the little head doing all the thinking.

Hey, if the sex was great and you want more, the go for it.

I just realized (duh) that people who are registered can now be understood to be denizens of the explicit forum. But the "honey" says it anyway. Objectify away, Zach!

My tone is one of condescension, but I know, objectify is a popular accusation these days. So take your pick but my intent was not to objectify unless she means to be the objective poster child for CBs everywhere. I'm all for her, or anyone else enjoying an affair as I can't judge a person for their motivations to make that choice. At the same time, I feel the worst kind of people are those who betray another's trust and take it upon themselves to ruin another person's marriage. The betrayed wife especially didn't deserve that but our OP decided what was best for all involved and acted on it with reckless disregard. That he still wants her back after that says as much about him as it does her. I agree with those who say they belong together and could even be soul mates. She is single now with nothing to lose. He is still married with a lot to lose but doesn't have the sense to steer clear of her. Perhaps he wants her to do the dirty work of breaking them up for good this time. I wish that guy would post here.

She didn't betray his trust, they had both talked about divorcing their spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
i find responses to be pretty similar. there is always the very loud cheated on group that comes here apparently for the sole reason to 1) shame cheaters 2) agitate that cheaters' partners be told about cheating in all and very circumstance. then there are other people who actually approach topics with the goal to help OP, whoever that is and whatever issue she has. their advice might be vary from topic to topic.

1) Cheaters SHOULD be shamed. They are human garbage.
2) Cheaters partners SHOULD always be told. They're usually the last to know.

There is no reason to want to "help" the OP whose issue is she is a cheater who has caused other people a world of pain and now wants to escape the situation she caused without any further pain to herself. She is a disgusting human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok. Let me have it. DW here, I had a 2 year affair with a married man, we thought it was love. We talked about divorcing and being together. After many ups and downs, the stress of the secrecy got to me and I exposed the affair to the world, including to my husband and his wife. All hell broke lose. Months later, I am in the process of a divorce, rightfully so, and he decided to work things out with his wife.

After about 4 months of silence from him, he contacted me again to talk and try to get closure from how things ended. That one phone call has now turned into several, all initiated by him. We have seen each other a few times, though not sexually but there were love professions.

I know I should cut him off, I don't want to go down that road again but my heart is weak. He should be 100% committed to reconciliation with his wife, we both acknowledge that but knowing the "right" thing to do doesn't prevent him from reaching out and me responding.

How can I put a final end to this without that acute pain of loss?




.

Oh, so you told your friends and coworkers that you're an adulteress?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
i find responses to be pretty similar. there is always the very loud cheated on group that comes here apparently for the sole reason to 1) shame cheaters 2) agitate that cheaters' partners be told about cheating in all and very circumstance. then there are other people who actually approach topics with the goal to help OP, whoever that is and whatever issue she has. their advice might be vary from topic to topic.

1) Cheaters SHOULD be shamed. They are human garbage.
2) Cheaters partners SHOULD always be told. They're usually the last to know.

There is no reason to want to "help" the OP whose issue is she is a cheater who has caused other people a world of pain and now wants to escape the situation she caused without any further pain to herself. She is a disgusting human being.

Are you authorized or somehow qualified to pronounce judgement on other humans? "For the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. " Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
i find responses to be pretty similar. there is always the very loud cheated on group that comes here apparently for the sole reason to 1) shame cheaters 2) agitate that cheaters' partners be told about cheating in all and very circumstance. then there are other people who actually approach topics with the goal to help OP, whoever that is and whatever issue she has. their advice might be vary from topic to topic.

1) Cheaters SHOULD be shamed. They are human garbage.
2) Cheaters partners SHOULD always be told. They're usually the last to know.

There is no reason to want to "help" the OP whose issue is she is a cheater who has caused other people a world of pain and now wants to escape the situation she caused without any further pain to herself. She is a disgusting human being.

Q.E.D.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could be your soulmate. Take a chance.

+1 Why go through life always wondering, "What if?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
i find responses to be pretty similar. there is always the very loud cheated on group that comes here apparently for the sole reason to 1) shame cheaters 2) agitate that cheaters' partners be told about cheating in all and very circumstance. then there are other people who actually approach topics with the goal to help OP, whoever that is and whatever issue she has. their advice might be vary from topic to topic.

1) Cheaters SHOULD be shamed. They are human garbage.
2) Cheaters partners SHOULD always be told. They're usually the last to know.

There is no reason to want to "help" the OP whose issue is she is a cheater who has caused other people a world of pain and now wants to escape the situation she caused without any further pain to herself. She is a disgusting human being.

Are you authorized or somehow qualified to pronounce judgement on other humans? "For the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. " Right?

That verse does not prohibit judgment. It says do not judge hypocritically. As I am not a cheater, it is not at all hypocritical of me to say cheaters are human garbage who are disgusting. Right? Right!