Affair, told his wife and now he's back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Telling my husband is not something I regret but telling his wife is the biggest mistake that I have ever made, I lost my senses that day and will forever regret that single action.

You are dangerous, impulsive, selfish, and reckless. I still wish your AP would post. I'm more interested in asking him why he goes for the crazy type who will destroy his marriage again, or worse, given the chance.

AGREE. OP is also arrogant and shows no sense of remorse. A sociopath or psychopath, but I'm pretty certain sociopath because she feels so much self pity and LOVES the drama and chaos she has caused in so many lives - including children's lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my god, you are the worst.

Yes, she is. And it takes a lot to shock me!

[Anonymous]

What? You wives are deflecting the blame hardcore. This dude brought his kids around her, and possibly his wife, around a woman he had a separate romantic, long term relationship with. Then, he continued contacting her and professing his love for this woman. And SHE's despicable? She came clean, at least, and is no longer lying to her family. Imagine what he's doing to his wife mentally and emotionally right now. He's still putting her needs behind his wants and urges. OP has her own family to accept responsibility for. He is solely to blame at this point for any pain inflicted to his family.

[Anonymous]

How in the world did his DW not know before you told her?? Especially if you traveled with her DH, spent time with their kids, etc. over a three year period?

How did she respond when you told her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, were you surprised when he didn't leave? No judgment, honestly curious. I agree with telling him you can no longer talk to him as long as he's married. He's taking up too much space in your head and doesn't want you to move on. You do not deserve a life of misery because of this.

OP here, no I wasn't surprised. I knew from the start that we both didn't have it in us to leave. There are young kids involved on both sides, established lives, mutual friends. I didn't leave my marriage for him, I left because I didn't want to be married anymore, it was that simple. If I was going to go as far as cheat on my husband, it meant that I didn't want to be married to him, that's just it.

Telling my husband is not something I regret but telling his wife is the biggest mistake that I have ever made, I lost my senses that day and will forever regret that single action.

I don't regret the affair, it was 3 years together, very involved with us meeting and spending time with each other's children. We "house shopped" together, we discussed finances, even saw an accountant a couple of times. Lots of traveling together, etc. I do consider him a kindred spirit that would have been an ideal mate in another lifetime.

It's hard to stop talking to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
NP, actually that verse does not parse out sins the way you are presenting it here. It's not okay to call someone a disgusting human being because they are an adulterer and you are not. You have your own sins that may not be on the front page right now, but the fact that you have them means you have no room to talk. Counsel others, pray for them, try to guide them to the right path, sure. But calling them human garbage? Nope, that's not your role, no matter what sins you aren't committing.

Yes, it does parse that way. We are allowed - in fact, commanded - to rebuke sinners. For example,

1 Timothy 5:20 - Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.

2 Timothy 4:2 - Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.

2 Timothy 3:16 - All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.

It is obviously stupid to claim that only people who are completely sinless may judge or rebuke others, because nobody is completely sinless. Of course, immoral Leftists want a world in which no sins can be rebuked, but your efforts to twist the Bible to support that goal are false and will fail.

Do we really need to bring G-D and scripture into DCUM? For those who do not believe and think like you this is a bit much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How in the world did his DW not know before you told her?? Especially if you traveled with her DH, spent time with their kids, etc. over a three year period?

How did she respond when you told her?

OP here, you will have to ask his wife that. I don't know. All I know is that we continously text each other non stop from 6am in the morning to 10 pm at night all day every single day for 3 years. I won't make anything up on an anonymous board. We would wake up in the middle of the night and text each other kissy faces. My husband didn't suspect because he had already checked out of our marriage himself, he didn't care that I was always on my phone.

When I told her, she seemed calm, we only had one conversation over the phone, that was it.

[Anonymous]

She probably thought you were a huge bitch for contacting her. She was happy in her own world and happy with her situation with her husband - i.e. they are still together.

[Anonymous]

OP again, however messy the whole situation is, I loved/love the man, I will say that. Many many poor choices/actions along the way but I felt something deep in my gut for that man. We fought, we hurt each other endlessly/needlessly, hurt so many others in the process but I would still pick him over any other guy in the world. It doesn't make any sense but it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She probably thought you were a huge bitch for contacting her. She was happy in her own world and happy with her situation with her husband - i.e. they are still together.

riiiight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She probably thought you were a huge bitch for contacting her. She was happy in her own world and happy with her situation with her husband - i.e. they are still together.

She's a dumb ass if she'd be happily married to a man who would carry on like that... At least twice.

[Anonymous]

You involved your children? Ugh. OP... why?

[Anonymous]

You can't spare yourself the pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, however messy the whole situation is, I loved/love the man, I will say that. Many many poor choices/actions along the way but I felt something deep in my gut for that man. We fought, we hurt each other endlessly/needlessly, hurt so many others in the process but I would still pick him over any other guy in the world. It doesn't make any sense but it is what it is.

You cannot love a man who is married and you are married too. You might love the idea of him - you are delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You involved your children? Ugh. OP... why?

This is a Jammu a serious question. There have been many affair posts that talk about introducing APs to children and I'm curious how/why it gets to that point, from the affair partners' perspectives.

Weren't your afraid your children would out you?