Affair, told his wife and now he's back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope your ex is getting custody of the kids op. Doesn't sound like you have time to give them any thought.

And maybe this will hurt his custody chances in his eventual divorce. Not that you give a crap.

It won't. It takes a lot more than just an affair to have an effect on custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or blow it up again. Tell his wife about how he is still calling you and telling you he loves you.

That should do it.

You'd be a horrible human being, and a complete asshole, but that should finish this one way or another.

I agree that she should blow it up again but it won't make her an asshole. It'll be good for the wife to know that this is what reconciliation looks like to her husband.

If OP were a rational and moral person, then we could say the wife deserved to know. But we already know that OP is motivated solely by her own narcissism.

[Anonymous]

I think it's good that you told your husband about the affair. I am sort of on the fence about you telling your AP's wife. In my opinion, that is for him to do.

So let me ask you something. He is still saying he is in love with you. While he is still married. While he is "working it out" with his wife. Do you really think that he TRULY loves you? If he was committed to working it out with his wife, he would not have contacted you at all. There is no closure in affairs. I speak from experience. I tried closure and the only way to turn things around and close the door, is to NEVER speak to the other person again. That is what allowed me to rebuild my relationship with my husband. However, if he really loves you and wants to REALLY be with you, he will leave her. That said, you need to do your part and say "we will be together when you get divorced".

It's that simple. If you really wanted him to try and work it out with her that is what you would do. Affairs are not reality. Do you really want to be with someone who will cheat on his wife repeatedly? This is his second time cheating on her with you. Serial cheaters don't change.

Use this experience as a lesson and learn to love yourself more. A much better world could open up for you.

[Anonymous]

He wants his cake AND to eat it too.

Meaning he wants both you + his wife in his life.

Like what planet does he reside on.....???!!

If you do continue seeing him, know that he is playing both you & his wife and getting the best of both worlds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok. Let me have it. DW here, I had a 2 year affair with a married man, we thought it was love. We talked about divorcing and being together. After many ups and downs, the stress of the secrecy got to me and I exposed the affair to the world, including to my husband and his wife. All hell broke lose. Months later, I am in the process of a divorce, rightfully so, and he decided to work things out with his wife.

After about 4 months of silence from him, he contacted me again to talk and try to get closure from how things ended. That one phone call has now turned into several, all initiated by him. We have seen each other a few times, though not sexually but there were love professions.

I know I should cut him off, I don't want to go down that road again but my heart is weak. He should be 100% committed to reconciliation with his wife, we both acknowledge that but knowing the "right" thing to do doesn't prevent him from reaching out and me responding.

How can I put a final end to this without that acute pain of loss?


How about you quit answering his calls for starters?



.

[Anonymous]

You did things you regret, but it's never too late to raise the bar in terms of how you treat yourself and others. Take a stand and commit to it, OP.

[Anonymous]

Have some self-respect and block his number, ignore his attempts at getting in contact. I can't see how it would make you feel good about yourself to know he's ultimately chosen his wife over you but is still willing to let you be his dirty little secret. Don't you want more out of life? Not even considering the bad karma you're wracking up left and right with what maintaining contact will end up doing to his wife and family.

[Anonymous]

For once, I agree with the "you could be soulmates" poster.

You blew up two families and publicly humiliated everyone in the process, which puts you in the deplorable human garbage category. He came back to you, which puts him in the mentally insane category. Cue the Hollywood ending

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope your ex is getting custody of the kids op. Doesn't sound like you have time to give them any thought.

And maybe this will hurt his custody chances in his eventual divorce. Not that you give a crap.

It won't. It takes a lot more than just an affair to have an effect on custody.

Seriously, my friend's husband was actually convicted of spousal abuse, he beat her so bad she was hospitalized - it had no effect on custody during the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him to call you when he's single. Every time he calls, ask if he is single, and hang up when he says "no, but..."

+1

[Anonymous]

ZachF wrote:You love him but you decided one day to completely blow up his whole life and nearly destroy his marriage? Sorry, you are a crazy bitch. I'm not judging you for the affair at all, just how you handled it.

He knows you are a crazy bitch who can't be trusted. He knows you could, and in fact have caused him a huge amount of grief with his wife who has stuck by him after your moment of selfish revelation. But, he's reaching out to you again?

Honey, that isn't out of love. Only a man equally as crazy as you would love someone so malicious and untrustworthy. That's the little head doing all the thinking.

Hey, if the sex was great and you want more, the go for it.

I just realized (duh) that people who are registered can now be understood to be denizens of the explicit forum. But the "honey" says it anyway. Objectify away, Zach!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope your ex is getting custody of the kids op. Doesn't sound like you have time to give them any thought.

And maybe this will hurt his custody chances in his eventual divorce. Not that you give a crap.

It won't. It takes a lot more than just an affair to have an effect on custody.

Seriously, my friend's husband was actually convicted of spousal abuse, he beat her so bad she was hospitalized - it had no effect on custody during the divorce.

WTF? That's something that should definitely have an impact on custody! He could do that to his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope your ex is getting custody of the kids op. Doesn't sound like you have time to give them any thought.

And maybe this will hurt his custody chances in his eventual divorce. Not that you give a crap.

It won't. It takes a lot more than just an affair to have an effect on custody.

But it could piss off the wife and she could use it as leverage for many things including custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope your ex is getting custody of the kids op. Doesn't sound like you have time to give them any thought.

And maybe this will hurt his custody chances in his eventual divorce. Not that you give a crap.

It won't. It takes a lot more than just an affair to have an effect on custody.

But it could piss off the wife and she could use it as leverage for many things including custody.

This leverage only works if the cheater feels guilty or believes he may legally lose standing because of the affair. But as so many cheated upon wives find out, that's not really how it works.

[Anonymous]

This thread is contrasting interestingly with the one where the OP's friend was having an affair and the board encouraged OP to tell the friend's husband or be just as awful and immoral as the people having the affair. Meanwhile over here, this OP is condemned for telling her husband and her AP's husband and people are suggesting that they may be soul mates.

In the other thread, when I said that the OP should leave it alone and not tell the husband, I got yelled at.