The Weight Thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Physical attraction is a huge component of a relationship/marriage. Otherwise, you'd be "just friends." So, to me it is. I'm a woman. Sorry, a huge gut and three chins doesn't do it for me and I don't want to be married to someone who I see as just a friend. Of course I want them to be my best friend but also have an incredible attraction. Before the disgruntled women flame me, yes, I take good care of myself. 36, 5'5, 125 pounds, work out 5 days a week for the past two decades.

Honey, you don't have a clue. Anyone can look good at 36. See us when you are 46.

,

So true.

Please! Like 46 is all that old either. DCUM is this strange place where menopause is considered the harbinger of doom for any sense of fitness or attractiveness. I know some damn good looking late 40s-early 50s women who went through menopause and somehow didn't come out looking like ogres.

Not saying that 46 is old. But it's harder to keep it shape as you get older and metabolism slows. Sure you can look great in late 40s and 50s but it takes more work and discipline than it did when younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, nobody beaks up their marriage solely because of weight gain. It's not like people just up and file for divorce and list the reason as "gained 50 lbs." But letting yourself gain a massive amount of weight like that is symptomatic of other ways the spouse has probably let things go- there's likely little/no sex, no connection, etc. It's an outward symptom of someone who likely does not focus on the health of their marriage in many different ways. How many guys who gained 100 lbs during marriage are active, involved fathers, equally contributing partners, motivated and successful employees, etc? Probably not many.

You should take your head out of your ass and look around the world the rest of us live in.

Your comment doesn't negate anything I said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There has been plenty of discussion on whether spouse has put on weight and if that led to not being attracted to them, affairs, divorce, etc. Of course physical attraction and sex are important in marriage, but just want to put this out there... Is weight gain really a good reason to break up a marriage? Isn't a person about so much more than their weight and physical appearance? Personality, how he/she is as a parent, community member, activity partner, supporter in time of need, etc etc. Seems a shame that all of these things are swept away with such a focus on physical appearance. And this is not to say that people shouldn't care about their appearance, be slovenly, etc. But weight gain being the death knell of committed relationship, really? Seems like our society is not going down the best track...

No. It isn't a really good reason to break up a marriage. But I sympathize. Because it is difficult to tell your spouse you find them downright unattractive with that extra 50 pounds on. And he/she may not be able to do anything about it, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put more simply, people who gain a bunch of weight just don't care. They don't care about a lot of stuff and it would be hard to be a person who cares married to one who doesn't.

Please don't start with thyroid excuses, we all know that's not what anybody is talking about.

What an asshole you are. How about this? Put more simply, people who gains bunch of weight are busy caring about things other than vanity, like their children, their elderly parents, their moody partner, their housework, their friends, their community, their yard, their extended family, their reading list, their writing, their activism, their hobbies, their travels, their volunteer work, etc.

Some of us prioritize a LOT of things above our appearance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There has been plenty of discussion on whether spouse has put on weight and if that led to not being attracted to them, affairs, divorce, etc. Of course physical attraction and sex are important in marriage, but just want to put this out there... Is weight gain really a good reason to break up a marriage? Isn't a person about so much more than their weight and physical appearance? Personality, how he/she is as a parent, community member, activity partner, supporter in time of need, etc etc. Seems a shame that all of these things are swept away with such a focus on physical appearance. And this is not to say that people shouldn't care about their appearance, be slovenly, etc. But weight gain being the death knell of committed relationship, really? Seems like our society is not going down the best track...

No. It isn't a really good reason to break up a marriage. But I sympathize. Because it is difficult to tell your spouse you find them downright unattractive with that extra 50 pounds on. And he/she may not be able to do anything about it, anyway.

Agreed. My DH has put on more than 100 pounds, and I've learned it is easiest to say nothing. I do not find him attractive at all, but I love him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There has been plenty of discussion on whether spouse has put on weight and if that led to not being attracted to them, affairs, divorce, etc. Of course physical attraction and sex are important in marriage, but just want to put this out there... Is weight gain really a good reason to break up a marriage? Isn't a person about so much more than their weight and physical appearance? Personality, how he/she is as a parent, community member, activity partner, supporter in time of need, etc etc. Seems a shame that all of these things are swept away with such a focus on physical appearance. And this is not to say that people shouldn't care about their appearance, be slovenly, etc. But weight gain being the death knell of committed relationship, really? Seems like our society is not going down the best track...

It does the other way too. Sometimes a spouse is less attracted when the other loses weight too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put more simply, people who gain a bunch of weight just don't care. They don't care about a lot of stuff and it would be hard to be a person who cares married to one who doesn't.

Please don't start with thyroid excuses, we all know that's not what anybody is talking about.

What an asshole you are. How about this? Put more simply, people who gains bunch of weight are busy caring about things other than vanity, like their children, their elderly parents, their moody partner, their housework, their friends, their community, their yard, their extended family, their reading list, their writing, their activism, their hobbies, their travels, their volunteer work, etc.

Some of us prioritize a LOT of things above our appearance.

Ok. I don't care. Your spouse might, though, since you're choosing the yard and activism over them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There has been plenty of discussion on whether spouse has put on weight and if that led to not being attracted to them, affairs, divorce, etc. Of course physical attraction and sex are important in marriage, but just want to put this out there... Is weight gain really a good reason to break up a marriage? Isn't a person about so much more than their weight and physical appearance? Personality, how he/she is as a parent, community member, activity partner, supporter in time of need, etc etc. Seems a shame that all of these things are swept away with such a focus on physical appearance. And this is not to say that people shouldn't care about their appearance, be slovenly, etc. But weight gain being the death knell of committed relationship, really? Seems like our society is not going down the best track...

No. It isn't a really good reason to break up a marriage. But I sympathize. Because it is difficult to tell your spouse you find them downright unattractive with that extra 50 pounds on. And he/she may not be able to do anything about it, anyway.

Agreed. My DH has put on more than 100 pounds, and I've learned it is easiest to say nothing. I do not find him attractive at all, but I love him.

It's not worth saying anything because as this thread proves he would just get defensive and then try to gaslight you into thinking he gained 100 lbs by focusing on 74 different activities and enterprises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put more simply, people who gain a bunch of weight just don't care. They don't care about a lot of stuff and it would be hard to be a person who cares married to one who doesn't.

Please don't start with thyroid excuses, we all know that's not what anybody is talking about.

What an asshole you are. How about this? Put more simply, people who gains bunch of weight are busy caring about things other than vanity, like their children, their elderly parents, their moody partner, their housework, their friends, their community, their yard, their extended family, their reading list, their writing, their activism, their hobbies, their travels, their volunteer work, etc.

Some of us prioritize a LOT of things above our appearance.

It's not about your appearance. It's about looking good and taking care of yourself because you love your spouse and you prioritize the spark, attraction, and sex life with your LIFE PARTNER. Clearly your yard is more important, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was an overweight mom because I prioritized everything and everyone else above me. I worked my ass off at an executive position, I was involved in my two kids lives being room mom, team mom, scout mom, et al. I handled everything with the house. My husband did the lawn and fixed things plus he cooked and grocery shopped. We had an awesome sex life. As the kids got older I squeezed in more me time, lost weight and got fit. I would still like to lose more but I'm in a good place and feel sexy.

I believed I was selfless in my choices before but realize now that I needed to be a bit more selfish to do what's right for me and set a good example for my kids. Maybe your wives are the same.

You were overweight because you ate poorly and didn't work out. When you changed that you lost weight. I know lots of busy moms who do it all. It doesn't correlate to fatness. If anything, the opposite.

No shit. Sometimes I'm too busy to eat. I look up at its 2pm and haven't had lunch. When I'm super busy I sometimes put my pants on and they fall down. I then have to make an effort to remember to eat.

You clearly don't devote enough of yourself to your family.

Clearly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put more simply, people who gain a bunch of weight just don't care. They don't care about a lot of stuff and it would be hard to be a person who cares married to one who doesn't.

Please don't start with thyroid excuses, we all know that's not what anybody is talking about.

What an asshole you are. How about this? Put more simply, people who gains bunch of weight are busy caring about things other than vanity, like their children, their elderly parents, their moody partner, their housework, their friends, their community, their yard, their extended family, their reading list, their writing, their activism, their hobbies, their travels, their volunteer work, etc.

Some of us prioritize a LOT of things above our appearance.

It's not about your appearance. It's about looking good and taking care of yourself because you love your spouse and you prioritize the spark, attraction, and sex life with your LIFE PARTNER. Clearly your yard is more important, though.

Um. Listen to yourself. It's not about appearance, it's about looking good. Um, right.

My spark with my partner was never about appearance. I also don't expect a spark to last forever. Do you think 75 and 85 year old happy partners have a "spark"? No, they have shared values, goals, memories, friendship, trust, affection, laughter.

I care about my partner's goals, wishes, and happiness. I would like to work out with him because I think it might be fun, but he's not interested in that as a shared activity. If he was unhappy with my appearance, I be open to adjusting priorities. I've never worn makeup and have always been bigger than most women and he fell in love with me that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put more simply, people who gain a bunch of weight just don't care. They don't care about a lot of stuff and it would be hard to be a person who cares married to one who doesn't.

Please don't start with thyroid excuses, we all know that's not what anybody is talking about.

What an asshole you are. How about this? Put more simply, people who gains bunch of weight are busy caring about things other than vanity, like their children, their elderly parents, their moody partner, their housework, their friends, their community, their yard, their extended family, their reading list, their writing, their activism, their hobbies, their travels, their volunteer work, etc.

Some of us prioritize a LOT of things above our appearance.

It's not about your appearance. It's about looking good and taking care of yourself because you love your spouse and you prioritize the spark, attraction, and sex life with your LIFE PARTNER. Clearly your yard is more important, though.

Um. Listen to yourself. It's not about appearance, it's about looking good. Um, right.

My spark with my partner was never about appearance. I also don't expect a spark to last forever. Do you think 75 and 85 year old happy partners have a "spark"? No, they have shared values, goals, memories, friendship, trust, affection, laughter.

I care about my partner's goals, wishes, and happiness. I would like to work out with him because I think it might be fun, but he's not interested in that as a shared activity. If he was unhappy with my appearance, I be open to adjusting priorities. I've never worn makeup and have always been bigger than most women and he fell in love with me that way.

Then this thread isn't talking about you!!! We are talking about the people like a Pp before you whose husband has gained 100 lbs and she's not attracted to him any longer and also feels she can't say anything. If you were always big and your husband likes that, this is not a discussion that relates to you.

[Anonymous]

This thread is also perfectly self-illustrating about why this issue does cause problems for some marriages. I can only imagine how it must feel to approach your spouse concerned about their ballooning weight and already feeling bad about how it makes you feel only for them to turn it around and suggest that you only care about vanity whereas they are overweight because of their activism. Now you are made to be a shallow, selfish, vain person because you wonder what happened to the person you married and worry about their health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is also perfectly self-illustrating about why this issue does cause problems for some marriages. I can only imagine how it must feel to approach your spouse concerned about their ballooning weight and already feeling bad about how it makes you feel only for them to turn it around and suggest that you only care about vanity whereas they are overweight because of their activism. Now you are made to be a shallow, selfish, vain person because you wonder what happened to the person you married and worry about their health.

Oh my. You are the king of gas lighting. Poor you! Can't imagine how that feels!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is also perfectly self-illustrating about why this issue does cause problems for some marriages. I can only imagine how it must feel to approach your spouse concerned about their ballooning weight and already feeling bad about how it makes you feel only for them to turn it around and suggest that you only care about vanity whereas they are overweight because of their activism. Now you are made to be a shallow, selfish, vain person because you wonder what happened to the person you married and worry about their health.

Oh my. You are the king of gas lighting. Poor you! Can't imagine how that feels!

I'm the king of gas lighting?? No no. That is the people who just insist that their focus on writing and yard work and their reading list made them overweight. And nobody better mention it or else they'll martyr themselves by saying they were just so devoted to taking care of everyone else while the spouse who DIDN'T gain 100 lbs only cared about vanity.