The Weight Thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Put more simply, people who gain a bunch of weight just don't care. They don't care about a lot of stuff and it would be hard to be a person who cares married to one who doesn't.

Maybe they care more about their mental/emotional health and spend their free time at the therapist and not the gym.

Maybe they care more about an elderly parent and are too exhausted to work out.

Maybe they care more about their job that requires a heavy amount of travel, and the meals out and irregular sleep are catching up to them.

Maybe they care more about making things comfortable and secure for the people they love, and don't invest time in themselves.

I get that being thin is important to you. Good for you, and no one is begrudging that time and energy that you spend solely on yourself. But others have different priorities. Their priorities aren't wrong, just like yours aren't wrong. They are just different.

Maybe they have codependency/martyr issues that they are hopefully working on in all that therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Put more simply, people who gain a bunch of weight just don't care. They don't care about a lot of stuff and it would be hard to be a person who cares married to one who doesn't.

Maybe they care more about their mental/emotional health and spend their free time at the therapist and not the gym.

Maybe they care more about an elderly parent and are too exhausted to work out.

Maybe they care more about their job that requires a heavy amount of travel, and the meals out and irregular sleep are catching up to them.

Maybe they care more about making things comfortable and secure for the people they love, and don't invest time in themselves.

I get that being thin is important to you. Good for you, and no one is begrudging that time and energy that you spend solely on yourself. But others have different priorities. Their priorities aren't wrong, just like yours aren't wrong. They are just different.

They certainly don't care about the environment as they overconsume agricultural products. There's an aspect where it does affect others.

[Anonymous]

I have gained about 20 lbs since we got married. I had 3 kids, 3 long term bedrest situations during pregnancy, I don't overeat and I exercise fairly regularly. But I cannot lose the weight short of surgery. This discussion makes me very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I have gained about 20 lbs since we got married. I had 3 kids, 3 long term bedrest situations during pregnancy, I don't overeat and I exercise fairly regularly. But I cannot lose the weight short of surgery. This discussion makes me very sad.

Aw, don't take these people seriously. This thread is full of stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I have gained about 20 lbs since we got married. I had 3 kids, 3 long term bedrest situations during pregnancy, I don't overeat and I exercise fairly regularly. But I cannot lose the weight short of surgery. This discussion makes me very sad.

First of all we aren't talking 20 lbs. we are talking like 100. Second of all, if your spouse doesn't care, this doesn't have anything to do with you. Third of all, nobody does weight loss surgery for 20 lbs. that's losable. Not saying you need to but it's seriously not impossible if you want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Physical attraction is a huge component of a relationship/marriage. Otherwise, you'd be "just friends." So, to me it is. I'm a woman. Sorry, a huge gut and three chins doesn't do it for me and I don't want to be married to someone who I see as just a friend. Of course I want them to be my best friend but also have an incredible attraction. Before the disgruntled women flame me, yes, I take good care of myself. 36, 5'5, 125 pounds, work out 5 days a week for the past two decades.

Honey, you don't have a clue. Anyone can look good at 36. See us when you are 46.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is a marathon. The hope is that you grow old and die together. When I'm 80 and my husband is 85, I hope he doesn't divorce me because of my wrinkles, my gray hair, the sounds my body makes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put more simply, people who gain a bunch of weight just don't care. They don't care about a lot of stuff and it would be hard to be a person who cares married to one who doesn't.

Please don't start with thyroid excuses, we all know that's not what anybody is talking about.

+1

Wait until you go through menopause and then you can say this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I have gained about 20 lbs since we got married. I had 3 kids, 3 long term bedrest situations during pregnancy, I don't overeat and I exercise fairly regularly. But I cannot lose the weight short of surgery. This discussion makes me very sad.

First of all we aren't talking 20 lbs. we are talking like 100. Second of all, if your spouse doesn't care, this doesn't have anything to do with you. Third of all, nobody does weight loss surgery for 20 lbs. that's losable. Not saying you need to but it's seriously not impossible if you want to.

I think he does care. He has said a few things to me. I have tried to lose it. Believe me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put more simply, people who gain a bunch of weight just don't care. They don't care about a lot of stuff and it would be hard to be a person who cares married to one who doesn't.

Please don't start with thyroid excuses, we all know that's not what anybody is talking about.

+1

Wait until you go through menopause and then you can say this.

Nobody is talking about 15 lbs of middle aged spread. We are talking the people who get married and then get lax and pile on 50-100 lbs. and frankly I see it more in men, not women.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read the responses, but I don't think the weight itself is the problem. You simply CANNOT force yourself to be physically attracted to someone you aren't. If you are not physically attracted then bringing yourself to have sex with them can be nauseating. This clearly isn't compatible with marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I have gained about 20 lbs since we got married. I had 3 kids, 3 long term bedrest situations during pregnancy, I don't overeat and I exercise fairly regularly. But I cannot lose the weight short of surgery. This discussion makes me very sad.

First of all we aren't talking 20 lbs. we are talking like 100. Second of all, if your spouse doesn't care, this doesn't have anything to do with you. Third of all, nobody does weight loss surgery for 20 lbs. that's losable. Not saying you need to but it's seriously not impossible if you want to.

I disagree, men complain about 20lbs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I married I was at the bottom of my BMI. I had children and ended up in the middle of my BMI. My H complained because I gained weight,but I was a healthier weight. The middle of my BMI, was healthier. But his brain was so afraid I was "letting it all go".

So we are divorcing now ... Unrealistic expectations killed our marriage.

To go from the low end of your BMI to the middle of the range is at most 20 lbs. There were a lot of other areas of your marriage with unmatched expectations, weren't there? 20 lbs doesn't kill a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I married I was at the bottom of my BMI. I had children and ended up in the middle of my BMI. My H complained because I gained weight,but I was a healthier weight. The middle of my BMI, was healthier. But his brain was so afraid I was "letting it all go".

So we are divorcing now ... Unrealistic expectations killed our marriage.

To go from the low end of your BMI to the middle of the range is at most 20 lbs. There were a lot of other areas of your marriage with unmatched expectations, weren't there? 20 lbs doesn't kill a marriage.

Yes, that was 1 thing of many. I was expected to be perfect in every way and the rules changed daily.

[Anonymous]

I was an overweight mom because I prioritized everything and everyone else above me. I worked my ass off at an executive position, I was involved in my two kids lives being room mom, team mom, scout mom, et al. I handled everything with the house. My husband did the lawn and fixed things plus he cooked and grocery shopped. We had an awesome sex life. As the kids got older I squeezed in more me time, lost weight and got fit. I would still like to lose more but I'm in a good place and feel sexy.

I believed I was selfless in my choices before but realize now that I needed to be a bit more selfish to do what's right for me and set a good example for my kids. Maybe your wives are the same.