The Weight Thing

[Anonymous]

^ nobody is talking about weight gain related to debilitating health issues.just like you get a pass for having a dead sex life if you have cancer but not if you're totally healthy and just not interested anymore but one spouse is. Quit internalizing comments that have nothing to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you people live in a world where no one ever gets sick or disabled? I recently found out I have a genetic disorder that is literally destroying my body from the inside out. One of the things that has been destroyed is my thyroid. I take synthetic thyroid hormones, but it hasn't helped. My joints and connective tissue are also disintegrating, so I am not allowed to workout aside from no-impact aquatic therapy, and even that is becoming problematic. I also have to take medication known for causing weight gain so I don't, you know, die. So I've gained 40 lbs, going from a size 0-2 to a 10-12. I can tell just from the difference in the way my husband treats me that he no longer finds me attractive (although other people do - I'm tall, so I carry the weight well and don't have rolls or a double chin or anything). Add the strain on our relationship and finances from my having to stop working, and I'm depressed. I had to give up wine because of the meds, so now I end up indulging in a bowl of ice cream every night just to make life seem bearable for a few minutes. Glad to know all of this makes me a horrible spouse. It confirms the message I'm getting from my own spouse. I didn't ask to get sick and I'm in constant, debilitating physical pain, but I guess I should get used to the emotional abuse from my husband because after all, I brought this on myself by being a horrible spouse who isn't 29 and underweight anymore. Bait and switch, amirite?

Do you really think the majority of the negative posts here are directed toward your situation? And, honestly, a lot of people are in total agreement that it isn't something worthy of divorse but that a spouse cannot make themselves become attracted to someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you people live in a world where no one ever gets sick or disabled? I recently found out I have a genetic disorder that is literally destroying my body from the inside out. One of the things that has been destroyed is my thyroid. I take synthetic thyroid hormones, but it hasn't helped. My joints and connective tissue are also disintegrating, so I am not allowed to workout aside from no-impact aquatic therapy, and even that is becoming problematic. I also have to take medication known for causing weight gain so I don't, you know, die. So I've gained 40 lbs, going from a size 0-2 to a 10-12. I can tell just from the difference in the way my husband treats me that he no longer finds me attractive (although other people do - I'm tall, so I carry the weight well and don't have rolls or a double chin or anything). Add the strain on our relationship and finances from my having to stop working, and I'm depressed. I had to give up wine because of the meds, so now I end up indulging in a bowl of ice cream every night just to make life seem bearable for a few minutes. Glad to know all of this makes me a horrible spouse. It confirms the message I'm getting from my own spouse. I didn't ask to get sick and I'm in constant, debilitating physical pain, but I guess I should get used to the emotional abuse from my husband because after all, I brought this on myself by being a horrible spouse who isn't 29 and underweight anymore. Bait and switch, amirite?

You know sickness isn't the same as not trying. Stop baiting people.

Plus, even with sickness, yeah, your husband may not like the new normal. If my husband got sick and put on 50 pounds I wouldn't like it. Even if I can empathize, and would still love him doesn't mean I would find him attractive and sexy. Why is that difficult to understand?

[Anonymous]

Sorry about your health issue.

Were you a fitness freak before getting sick? Probably not, in which case exercise restrictions are not the cause of your weight gain. It's your diet! Eat fewer calories (bowl of ice cream every night) and you will lose weight.

There is a major cosmetic difference between a size 2 and 12. Are you genuinely surprised this affects how attractive you look? Are you genuinely surprised your husband would notice this?

[Anonymous]

And if you're married to a dude who is emotionally abusive because you have a disease, he would have been way worse over you gaining 100 lbs because you just let yourself go.

[Anonymous]

I really wish my spouse wasn't balding. I am so upset that he got so defensive when I talked to him about this. If he cared about our marriage, he would use Rogaine. I have had no problem maintaining my hair. Why can't he do that? Why is this so difficult to understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really wish my spouse wasn't balding. I am so upset that he got so defensive when I talked to him about this. If he cared about our marriage, he would use Rogaine. I have had no problem maintaining my hair. Why can't he do that? Why is this so difficult to understand?

Nice try. Working out and eating better causes weight loss. Nothing magically stops hair loss. Good try though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really wish my spouse wasn't balding. I am so upset that he got so defensive when I talked to him about this. If he cared about our marriage, he would use Rogaine. I have had no problem maintaining my hair. Why can't he do that? Why is this so difficult to understand?

Nice try. Working out and eating better causes weight loss. Nothing magically stops hair loss. Good try though.

Oh I have empathy, but it just isn't as attractive. He should use Rogaine. Sorry. Truth hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really wish my spouse wasn't balding. I am so upset that he got so defensive when I talked to him about this. If he cared about our marriage, he would use Rogaine. I have had no problem maintaining my hair. Why can't he do that? Why is this so difficult to understand?

Nice try. Working out and eating better causes weight loss. Nothing magically stops hair loss. Good try though.

Oh I have empathy, but it just isn't as attractive. He should use Rogaine. Sorry. Truth hurts.

Yes honey, we understood your attempt at wittiness the first time. No need to explain.

[Anonymous]

This entire thread disgusts me. And I am a thin person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This entire thread disgusts me. And I am a thin person.

Well, that's because you are better than the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really wish my spouse wasn't balding. I am so upset that he got so defensive when I talked to him about this. If he cared about our marriage, he would use Rogaine. I have had no problem maintaining my hair. Why can't he do that? Why is this so difficult to understand?

Nice try. Working out and eating better causes weight loss. Nothing magically stops hair loss. Good try though.

Oh I have empathy, but it just isn't as attractive. He should use Rogaine. Sorry. Truth hurts.

Yes honey, we understood your attempt at wittiness the first time. No need to explain.

Not trying to be witty. Just speaking the truth. Hair is more attractive than balding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This entire thread disgusts me. And I am a thin person.

Why should it disgust you? Not all of us are even speaking personally. We're simply acknowledging that for some people, excessive weight gain is problematic in the framework of their marriage. Is it better to just deny that that's true?

I do like how you felt the need to make sure we knew you were thin though, lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Diet contributes way more to a person's weight than exercise, so the time excuse never quite resonates.

If you're short on time, you have less time to plan and cook nutritious meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Physical attraction is a huge component of a relationship/marriage. Otherwise, you'd be "just friends." So, to me it is. I'm a woman. Sorry, a huge gut and three chins doesn't do it for me and I don't want to be married to someone who I see as just a friend. Of course I want them to be my best friend but also have an incredible attraction. Before the disgruntled women flame me, yes, I take good care of myself. 36, 5'5, 125 pounds, work out 5 days a week for the past two decades.

Honey, you don't have a clue. Anyone can look good at 36. See us when you are 46.

,

So true.

Please! Like 46 is all that old either. DCUM is this strange place where menopause is considered the harbinger of doom for any sense of fitness or attractiveness. I know some damn good looking late 40s-early 50s women who went through menopause and somehow didn't come out looking like ogres.

Are those women still working at full time career type jobs and raising teenagers?