how many of us have a mother or MIL who never worked outside the home in her lifetime?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother tried a few half-hearted jobs but never really had a career. I hated it and always wished she worked. She was outrageously suffocating and just a total drag on the family. It got to the point that when I was a teen my brother and I told our dad we'd support him if he wanted to divorce her.

She's like the perfect example of everything NOT to do as a SAHM.

+1. My mom never worked. It was just because she was lazy, not because she cared about raising fine children. She now gets along with no one, takes everything as a personal insult. She's never been forced to get along with personalities as a result of work environment or anything of the sort. Also things like "having to go to an appointment" is a huge ordeal for her because she has to be somewhere at a certain time and it screws up her schedule of nothingness and tv shows.

[Anonymous]

My mom never worked yet was a horrible mother and judges me pretty harshly for working. She talks about my poor latchkey kids and says that my toddler has kennel cough from being in daycare. Work or don't work, but don't judge me for my choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have got me thinking, OP. I had thought that women didn't start working outside the home until about the 1970's. But my mom, who would be in her 90's if she were still alive, worked at some point in her life outside the home. My stepmom, who would be over 100 if she were still alive, worked outside the home at some point in her life. My MIL, who is in her 80's and was born in a foreign country and doesn't read English very well, also managed to find employment outside the home. Even my Grandma, born about 120 years ago, worked outside the home at some point in her life.

Women of a certain class didn't work outside the home much until then. But there were plenty of other women working to support themselves and their families for decades before then. But it wasn't out of choice, it was a necessity.

My grandmother (both in 1914) was upper middle class...went to college during the Depression, did a grand tour of Europe, had household help...and she worked outside the home before she had kids and again after they grew up. It was definitely a choice, they didn't need the money. She specifically made a point of working enough quarters to qualify for her own social security benefits and was annoyed that the value of those benefits ended up being less than the value of her spousal benefits because my grandfather had earned so much more than her. She believed that people should be active and to her, full-time parenting or full-time volunteering or full-time paid work were all equally acceptable choices (and at times she did each of those), but sitting around drinking coffee with the other housewives was not. Protestant work ethic and all that....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother tried a few half-hearted jobs but never really had a career. I hated it and always wished she worked. She was outrageously suffocating and just a total drag on the family. It got to the point that when I was a teen my brother and I told our dad we'd support him if he wanted to divorce her.

She's like the perfect example of everything NOT to do as a SAHM.

+1. My mom never worked. It was just because she was lazy, not because she cared about raising fine children. She now gets along with no one, takes everything as a personal insult. She's never been forced to get along with personalities as a result of work environment or anything of the sort. Also things like "having to go to an appointment" is a huge ordeal for her because she has to be somewhere at a certain time and it screws up her schedule of nothingness and tv shows.

I worked for many years before I had kids but my kids have no memory of me working because I stopped working after they were born. Does it matter that I ever worked if they never saw me working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, my Mom and MIL were born in 1929 and 1933. Both had jobs before they married. Both were required to quit them when they were pregnant. Both started working again once the youngest was in HS. Both went to college. Both were teachers. The other options were nurse or secretary. Both worked hard to change the laws so we have the opportunities we have today. I wish both were alive this November.

Why?

It was the rule. My mother was a teacher and she was proud she was the first teacher in her school district who worked while visibly pregnant (a new policy had just passed permitting it--this was in the late 70s!). Before then it was considered inappropriate to have a pregnant teacher at school. What if the kids saw?!

I think she's asking what's significant about November that you wish they'd be around to witness...

I think that is fairly obvious. I plan to wear white on November 8.

[Anonymous]

It's a class thing and a generational thing. Poor women have always worked. Women n their 70s married to an attorney ? It was a status thing back then. They are the same women who started the " women's movement " giving women the right to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the females in my family worked.

I can't think of one that didn't. My g-mother was born in 1899 and worked for the federal govt her whole life. My mom (born 1926) was a teacher, stayed home until I was born, had a daycare in the home, worked at a daycare center.

My dad's mom worked on their farm raising cattle. I guess that was their form of SAHM in her time in PA.

My MIL worked for the fed, then in a doctor's office after the kids went to school.

I think that is very important. For many families of our grandparents/great grandparents generations, the "family farm" or "family business" was still a thing. I bet a lot our female ancestors "didn't work outside the home for paycheck" in the sense that we think of now, but they certainly worked and contributed to the household income by working the farm, minding the store, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother tried a few half-hearted jobs but never really had a career. I hated it and always wished she worked. She was outrageously suffocating and just a total drag on the family. It got to the point that when I was a teen my brother and I told our dad we'd support him if he wanted to divorce her.

She's like the perfect example of everything NOT to do as a SAHM.

+1. My mom never worked. It was just because she was lazy, not because she cared about raising fine children. She now gets along with no one, takes everything as a personal insult. She's never been forced to get along with personalities as a result of work environment or anything of the sort. Also things like "having to go to an appointment" is a huge ordeal for her because she has to be somewhere at a certain time and it screws up her schedule of nothingness and tv shows.

I worked for many years before I had kids but my kids have no memory of me working because I stopped working after they were born. Does it matter that I ever worked if they never saw me working?

Yes, that does matter. You worked outside the home in your lifetime which is not what the OP as asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother tried a few half-hearted jobs but never really had a career. I hated it and always wished she worked. She was outrageously suffocating and just a total drag on the family. It got to the point that when I was a teen my brother and I told our dad we'd support him if he wanted to divorce her.

She's like the perfect example of everything NOT to do as a SAHM.

+1. My mom never worked. It was just because she was lazy, not because she cared about raising fine children. She now gets along with no one, takes everything as a personal insult. She's never been forced to get along with personalities as a result of work environment or anything of the sort. Also things like "having to go to an appointment" is a huge ordeal for her because she has to be somewhere at a certain time and it screws up her schedule of nothingness and tv shows.

I worked for many years before I had kids but my kids have no memory of me working because I stopped working after they were born. Does it matter that I ever worked if they never saw me working?

+1 I really worry that they think I sat around and ate Bon bons. Now that DH is retired nobody works !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, my Mom and MIL were born in 1929 and 1933. Both had jobs before they married. Both were required to quit them when they were pregnant. Both started working again once the youngest was in HS. Both went to college. Both were teachers. The other options were nurse or secretary. Both worked hard to change the laws so we have the opportunities we have today. I wish both were alive this November.

Why?

It was the rule. My mother was a teacher and she was proud she was the first teacher in her school district who worked while visibly pregnant (a new policy had just passed permitting it--this was in the late 70s!). Before then it was considered inappropriate to have a pregnant teacher at school. What if the kids saw?!

I think she's asking what's significant about November that you wish they'd be around to witness...

I think that is fairly obvious. I plan to wear white on November 8.

Not sure it's that obvious to the PP who gave a decent response (or was that you?). I refrained from snark on the off chance it actually was an innocent question.

[Anonymous]

My MIL worked a few years in her 20s before getting married and never worked again. The problems with her setup were/are:

1. My FIL was a cheating asshole who treated her like crap and I personally believe she stuck it out with him because she thought she didn't have any better options and was too scared to go it alone.
2. She had zero independent access or insight into their money situation. See the part about how he was an asshole. She was pretty much on an allowance and when he died before her, she was utterly clueless. As in, she didn't know how to write a check.

I certainly think that some women can never work their whole lives and have great lives, great relationships, add a ton of value to their community and families, etc. But for some women, like my MIL, the whole thing seems very disempowering.

[Anonymous]

Staying at home was pretty common for the older generations unless they were spinsters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother tried a few half-hearted jobs but never really had a career. I hated it and always wished she worked. She was outrageously suffocating and just a total drag on the family. It got to the point that when I was a teen my brother and I told our dad we'd support him if he wanted to divorce her.

She's like the perfect example of everything NOT to do as a SAHM.

+1. My mom never worked. It was just because she was lazy, not because she cared about raising fine children. She now gets along with no one, takes everything as a personal insult. She's never been forced to get along with personalities as a result of work environment or anything of the sort. Also things like "having to go to an appointment" is a huge ordeal for her because she has to be somewhere at a certain time and it screws up her schedule of nothingness and tv shows.

I worked for many years before I had kids but my kids have no memory of me working because I stopped working after they were born. Does it matter that I ever worked if they never saw me working?

Yes, that does matter. You worked outside the home in your lifetime which is not what the OP as asking.

I guess my point is that, yes, while I did work before I had kids, my own kids have never and may never see me working. Does it matter that I worked for years before they were born? Or, because they have no memory of me going into the office and working long hours every day, does that mean that it doesn't "count" because they never saw it. Does the fact that I have been a SAHM mean that my future DILs will have reason to look down their noses at me?

I think it's a legitimate question.

[Anonymous]

My mother and MIL both worked, as do I. But my DIL hasn't since soon after marriage. So there's that.

[Anonymous]

Its almost purely geographical these days just like it was back then

If you are in a rural area chances are the woman doesn't work
The more urban you get the more likely it is that the woman works
And then there are the truely rich people with the woman who doesn't work and outsources everything.... now those are the people I don't like envy :-p