how many of us have a mother or MIL who never worked outside the home in her lifetime?

[Anonymous]

Every woman in my family (mom, stepmom, both of my grandmothers) worked outside of the home. Even my great-grandmothers worked (on my mom's side - Puerto Rican - poor women have always worked!).

Growing up in DC, all of my friends mothers worked. Once I was spending some time with my stepmother's SIL and asked her what she did for work. She snapped "I'm raising a family." I was ten and had just never been around SAHMs! Now I'm a SAHM to a toddler and can't imagine myself doing this when my kids are in middle school, which is how old hers were at that time.

[Anonymous]

No, my Mom and MIL were born in 1929 and 1933. Both had jobs before they married. Both were required to quit them when they were pregnant. Both started working again once the youngest was in HS. Both went to college. Both were teachers. The other options were nurse or secretary. Both worked hard to change the laws so we have the opportunities we have today. I wish both were alive this November.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, my Mom and MIL were born in 1929 and 1933. Both had jobs before they married. Both were required to quit them when they were pregnant. Both started working again once the youngest was in HS. Both went to college. Both were teachers. The other options were nurse or secretary. Both worked hard to change the laws so we have the opportunities we have today. I wish both were alive this November.

Why?

[Anonymous]

I work part-time, but know many women who don't have paying jobs but are volunteering in my kids' schools and community activities. I appreciate them, even if they aren't getting a paycheck. My own mother worked until she got pregnant with me and then, due to company policy, she HAD to quit her job. My maternal grandmother worked her whole life as a nurse's aide out of financial necessity, but I don't think my paternal grandmother ever worked a paid job-mostly because her husband didn't want her to. There are a ton of reasons that women did or didn't work paid jobs in the past-but we can't forget that if wasn't necessarily because of their own choice. And, when it was their choice, who are we to question it? Isn't that what we want for women-to be able to make those decisions for themselves based on what's best for their families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandma. Now my grandpa is on his deathbed and she keeps talking about how his pension and his ss stops. She only had 80+ years to prepare. Now she has to live on her little ss benefits

Dismissive much? You do understand that things were much different when she was younger, so it isn't as if she had her WHOLE LIFE to build a retirement for herself. She's probably terrified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, my Mom and MIL were born in 1929 and 1933. Both had jobs before they married. Both were required to quit them when they were pregnant. Both started working again once the youngest was in HS. Both went to college. Both were teachers. The other options were nurse or secretary. Both worked hard to change the laws so we have the opportunities we have today. I wish both were alive this November.

Why?

It was the rule. My mother was a teacher and she was proud she was the first teacher in her school district who worked while visibly pregnant (a new policy had just passed permitting it--this was in the late 70s!). Before then it was considered inappropriate to have a pregnant teacher at school. What if the kids saw?!

[Anonymous]

Wow there's a lot of sanctimonious bullshit in this thread. Live and let live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandma. Now my grandpa is on his deathbed and she keeps talking about how his pension and his ss stops. She only had 80+ years to prepare. Now she has to live on her little ss benefits

Actually, she will continue to live on his SS benefits after his death. She will receive the higher or her benefits, or his benefits, for the rest of her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandma. Now my grandpa is on his deathbed and she keeps talking about how his pension and his ss stops. She only had 80+ years to prepare. Now she has to live on her little ss benefits

Actually, she will continue to live on his SS benefits after his death. She will receive the higher or her benefits, or his benefits, for the rest of her life.

Right, and how would she even have any SS benefits of her own if she didn't work 40 quarters?

[Anonymous]

Mine has a graduate degree but worked out of the home for maybe three years total.

[Anonymous]

I know a woman like you mention, OP. She is very wealthy and her out-of-touchness comes more from her privileged and sheltered and frankly, snobby, upbringing than it does from not working. She is intelligent and can talk about most things, but her attitude about money and "class" is at times very off-putting.

My own MIL has worked but never in a paid position. She went from being a child at home to living with her DH, whom she assists in his office but has never received a paycheck nor any type of ownership or say in the business. I can't believe she ever stood for this! She is down to earth and kind and organized. But she doesn't stand up for herself and definitely takes backseat to him in every single way possible. Luckily, he is a good man, but there is no way I could see myself or my peers standing for a life like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sweet its only been about 12 hours since that other SAHM vs WOHM thread was locked. It was about time we had another one.

Oops. Didn't see that other thread.

Op!

huh. this is the OP. I didn't write this post. Weird.

This is not meant to be a SAHM vs. WOHM debate. I have spent about 50% of my life in both roles (at home with kids for a total of 10 years, working full time for about 15---split before kids and since kids entered elementary school). I don't identify completely with either role.
I suppose I shouldn't have included the fact that I work in my OP.

Do you really think this won't devolve into one?

Also I reported the above poster you should too if it isn't you.

To clarify - I responded to Op's post but I was not aware that there had been another thread. Thus the "Oops!" and the "Op!". I wouldn't have responded to an Op just trying to stir the water if that was what Op was doing. I can sort of see how it came across as Op's post but I really was not trying to pretend I was Op. No need to report me.

[Anonymous]

^I was the one who said "didn't she raise that fine man you're married to"....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, my Mom and MIL were born in 1929 and 1933. Both had jobs before they married. Both were required to quit them when they were pregnant. Both started working again once the youngest was in HS. Both went to college. Both were teachers. The other options were nurse or secretary. Both worked hard to change the laws so we have the opportunities we have today. I wish both were alive this November.

Why?

It was the rule. My mother was a teacher and she was proud she was the first teacher in her school district who worked while visibly pregnant (a new policy had just passed permitting it--this was in the late 70s!). Before then it was considered inappropriate to have a pregnant teacher at school. What if the kids saw?!

I think she's asking what's significant about November that you wish they'd be around to witness...

[Anonymous]

All the females in my family worked.

I can't think of one that didn't. My g-mother was born in 1899 and worked for the federal govt her whole life. My mom (born 1926) was a teacher, stayed home until I was born, had a daycare in the home, worked at a daycare center.

My dad's mom worked on their farm raising cattle. I guess that was their form of SAHM in her time in PA.

My MIL worked for the fed, then in a doctor's office after the kids went to school.