how many of us have a mother or MIL who never worked outside the home in her lifetime?

[Anonymous]

Really. What's your point? If she always had enough money that she didn't need to work at paid jobs as a teen or adult, and she also didn't have a desire for a career, what does that take away from you? Have her life choices harmed you or anyone?

Did she do anything worthwhile? Did she take care of her children, household, elders, and/or do volunteer work at school or in the community or at church? Was all that worthless because a monetary value wasn't given to it?

Is she judgmental and critical towards you and your life choices, so you are looking at reasons to judge her? Why not take the positive road, the high road? Are you envious that she maybe had it easier, somehow, and doesn't understand what life is like for you? Have you any idea how much more limited women's choices were when she was your age? It's frustrating enough now being a woman in this country. It was never easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really. What's your point? If she always had enough money that she didn't need to work at paid jobs as a teen or adult, and she also didn't have a desire for a career, what does that take away from you? Have her life choices harmed you or anyone?

Did she do anything worthwhile? Did she take care of her children, household, elders, and/or do volunteer work at school or in the community or at church? Was all that worthless because a monetary value wasn't given to it?

Is she judgmental and critical towards you and your life choices, so you are looking at reasons to judge her? Why not take the positive road, the high road? Are you envious that she maybe had it easier, somehow, and doesn't understand what life is like for you? Have you any idea how much more limited women's choices were when she was your age? It's frustrating enough now being a woman in this country. It was never easy.

+1

But you know she'll be a friendless cripple because she was a SAHM. So don't worry OP that'll get back at her for criticizing you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have got me thinking, OP. I had thought that women didn't start working outside the home until about the 1970's. But my mom, who would be in her 90's if she were still alive, worked at some point in her life outside the home. My stepmom, who would be over 100 if she were still alive, worked outside the home at some point in her life. My MIL, who is in her 80's and was born in a foreign country and doesn't read English very well, also managed to find employment outside the home. Even my Grandma, born about 120 years ago, worked outside the home at some point in her life.

Women of a certain class didn't work outside the home much until then. But there were plenty of other women working to support themselves and their families for decades before then. But it wasn't out of choice, it was a necessity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have got me thinking, OP. I had thought that women didn't start working outside the home until about the 1970's. But my mom, who would be in her 90's if she were still alive, worked at some point in her life outside the home. My stepmom, who would be over 100 if she were still alive, worked outside the home at some point in her life. My MIL, who is in her 80's and was born in a foreign country and doesn't read English very well, also managed to find employment outside the home. Even my Grandma, born about 120 years ago, worked outside the home at some point in her life.

I can't think of any woman on either side of my family going back to great grandparents who didn't work at some point, even if they took off a period of time to raise children. Not one.

[Anonymous]

My 75 year old mother never worked; neither did her sister or mother or grandmother. The first working woman was my older sister. Seriously.

I definitely feel I benefitted by having an at-home mom and at-home grandmother (who lived nearby). But my mother never got any "feedback" on her interpersonal skills in the way one does in a work environment. Volunteering does not do the same thing, because a volunteer can always quit. An employee learns to work through things and sand off the rough edges of her personality (or won't last long.)

My mom is ultimately oriented toward herself. She volunteers and spends some time with grandkids (not very much). But mainly her life is built around herself and my dad. Currently, she puts her energy into her health anxiety.

I do wonder if she and I would have had an easier time when I was in my twenties and starting to work, if she had also been working (in her fifties). We might have had more in common then. I don't know exactly what she did for those decades, as my last sibling left home when she was 46.

Oh well. Just speculation. She got to live her life the way she wanted which is what matters most.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is in her late 60s and hasn't worked outside the home since before my husband was born (he's 40). I suppose she didn't, and doesn't, want or need to. It's none of my business.

[Anonymous]

My mom has never had a career. She has worked a couple of jobs here and there, but she cannot take any kind of constructive criticism or direction on how to improve. She quit at the first hint of any supervisor recognizing good work and giving some guidance on how to improve. And please note she has had maybe 3 jobs since getting married in the 1960s. She is also an artist, but does nothing to publicize or generate interest in her art. She believes that someday someone will discover her and that she will be a famous artist.

[Anonymous]

Sounds ideal to me!

[Anonymous]

My mom and MIL worked as well were SAHM for a while. I did the same. Why do you care OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just spent a week with my inlaws and I'm always struck by the fact that my MIL has never worked in a paid position.
She got went to college, got married, and has been a homemaker ever since (she's now 72). Her husband worked as an
attorney and continues to work part time in retirement at close to 75.
My own mother took off about 10 years to raise children but before that worked to put my dad through law school. She went
back to work again once her kids were in middle school and worked for close to 25 years.

It's easy for me to be critical of my MIL because at times she's been critical of me for working. Also I can't imagine never
earning a cent in a lifetime. However, when I think about it, several of her friends were the same way. How common is (was) this?

Wow! You totally figured out why your MIL hates you!

[Anonymous]

My grandma. Now my grandpa is on his deathbed and she keeps talking about how his pension and his ss stops. She only had 80+ years to prepare. Now she has to live on her little ss benefits

[Anonymous]

My grandmother who died at 104 around 2000 worked as a medical transcriptionist during the Depression while my grandfather fought the state's quota against Jews in the teaching profession. He won. She "retired" and had two children in her mid-thirties. (He went on to be a school principal).

My mother worked and put my father through graduate school twice and while he wrote his doctorate. She was an SAH while I was young but then went back to work later as well.

I'm betting a lot of women consider their own mothers and grandmothers SAH and have no idea they worked outside the home to put their husbands through school or in hard times.

[Anonymous]

some mothers regretted that they didn't at least work for their interest, and wants to make sure D/DIL don't miss out opportunity to work. dont take the criticism negatively. sometimes you have to see it from their point of view.

[Anonymous]

My mother is in her late 60s and was mostly a SAHM when my siblings and I were young, but worked before I was born and after my youngest sibling went to high school.
Also, my Dad was a physician in private practice. My mom did a LOT of the billing/paperwork for the office--and didn't receive an official paycheck.

Looking back at my grandmothers/great grandmothers the all worked at some point.
Most notably, I think of all the women that went to work during WWII in factories and other jobs that were previously considered "men's work."

I am a little surprised that your MIL has never had any part time job--not even a few hours a week shelving books at the campus library in college?

[Anonymous]

My MIL worked on and off as a nurse until age 40 when DH came along. 70 now and hasn't worked since.