Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The anti feminist part of this is if you were being forced to change your name like you're chattel.

The delightfully feminist part of this is that you DO have the choice. I don't think it's anti feminist to change your name if it pleases you. It's antifeminist to judge a woman for making the choice to do so. The point of feminism is not that women cannot follow tradition - it's allowing them to choose if doing so suits them, and allowing them to do it.

+1 Well said

[Anonymous]

My advice is to pick one name (whichever) and keep it. My aunt tried to keep one name professionally and another in her personal life, and it has caused her nothing but trouble for 50 years.

Also, no one is going to think much about your name choice after you announce it. It's like, "Okay, I need to change my address book" and that's the end. Both are so accepted that it doesn't even cause me to blink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The anti feminist part of this is if you were being forced to change your name like you're chattel.

The delightfully feminist part of this is that you DO have the choice. I don't think it's anti feminist to change your name if it pleases you. It's antifeminist to judge a woman for making the choice to do so. The point of feminism is not that women cannot follow tradition - it's allowing them to choose if doing so suits them, and allowing them to do it.

+1 Well said

Agree with all of this. Great way to describe it.

[Anonymous]

Husband and I both changed our names into a combination of both of them. We both wanted to match names with our children while still honoring both sides of our family.

For example, his name was Smith and mine was Johnson, so now we're the Smithson family.

[Anonymous]

I kept my last name. The children have my husband's last name. It does not bother me when people call me Mrs. 'husband's last name' even though it's not legally my name.

[Anonymous]

I kept my name. Not in order of importance: I really like my last name, I like the connection to my father and grandfather that my last name brings, my mother and paternal grandmother kept their names so it's what's common in my family, my husband didn't expect nor want me to take his name, I had publications with my name (least important to me of those listed).

I only regret that our children don't have my last name as their middle names. Their middle names are special to us and I didn't want to burden them with four names but slightly regret not going for it. (They were in the hospital for a couple months after birth and were referred to with my last name due to hospital convention. I got used to it and love how my last name sounds with their first name.)

[Anonymous]

I kept my name - it represents who I am, and changing it felt wrong for me. 25 years later, the only time it was inconvenient was taking kids to get driver's licenses - I had to bring the birth certificate to show that the rest of the documentation (my license, etc) was relevant. So twice so far.

I will say it helped that I never had a problem with being called Mrs. Spouse by my kids' friends.

[Anonymous]

I (and my DH) hated my DH's last name. It's awful.

I loved my maiden name and had it for 35 years. Did not necessarily want to change it because I was a professional/was known by my last name.

DH told me not to change it.

In the end, though, I did change it because we wanted children and I wanted to have the same last name as my kids (we have 3 now).

I grew up in a household with three names -- my stepdad, my mom's maiden name and my name. Although my stepdad and mom didn't care if my friends called them by my last name it was sort of annoying. I felt bad for them and felt like I needed to correct my friends, etc. We also got 3 of everything-- 3 phone books, 3 sets of junk mail, 3 telemarketer calls, etc.

Overall, it wasn't THAT big of a deal that we all had different names but having that experience already, I am happy now that everyone in my current household shares the same name.

Of course, my DH and I both regret we just didn't pick something totally non-awful when we both had the chance!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I'd kept my name. You lose your identity and the ability of long lost friends to locate you on social media, among other things.

Ok, the social media thing is just an excuse. I took my husband's last name and still have my last name listed on Facebook, LinkedIn. If people want to find me, they can find me. Many people I know do the same.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand how keeping your name is feminist but handing your husbands name (only) to the children you carried then happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice is to pick one name (whichever) and keep it. My aunt tried to keep one name professionally and another in her personal life, and it has caused her nothing but trouble for 50 years.

Also, no one is going to think much about your name choice after you announce it. It's like, "Okay, I need to change my address book" and that's the end. Both are so accepted that it doesn't even cause me to blink.

How has it caused her trouble? I've been married 14 years, still use my maiden name professionally and obviously on all legal documents but will use my husband's name in certain instances and I can't think of one issue I've ever had.

[Anonymous]

Kept mine. Never had a desire to change it. I don't judge anyone for doing it, but it's certainly not for me. Why should I change the name I've always had? The thought of it bugged me.

My husband was NOT happy. He's very traditional. I didn't budge. I never made a big deal of it, just said I wasn't going to do it. I asked him if we had a daughter, what would he think about if she wanted to keep her (his?) last name and then all of a sudden, he got it.

We have four children. Ranging in age from upper teens to under 10. It's never, not even once, been an issue. It's very common.

Oh, and I've been a SAHM for many, many years, so work (or lack thereof) didn't really factor in.

[Anonymous]

I never had an intentions to change my name, and didn't. But I don't have any kids, so I don't have a gun in this fight.

But I really don't understand all of the comments, "Well, I changed it because I wanted the same last name as my kids." I mean... can't the kids have your last name? Can't you hyphenate? Can't your husband change his name? How is changing your name the only option?

[Anonymous]

I didn't take my husband's last name but wanted to share a name with my kids, so they have my last as their middle.

[Anonymous]

Don't decide now. After a few months of being married, I realized I really wanted to take my husband's last name. Now it feels fully mine. But I'm glad I waited until I was sure I wanted to take it.