young women pushing me out of the way (I'm 8 months pregnant)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well - it goes both ways. Pre-baby - I was annoyed with SUV strollers and mega families taking up space, ambling along, anything that slowed me down or inconvenienced me. Post-baby - I get it and have tried to pay society back for my former rude ways. I have held so many doors open for pregnant women and strollers, I have allowed families with unruly children to cut ahead of me in line, and guess what? I rarely get a thank you or any show of appreciation. I'm sorry, but unfortunately, there are many women out there who just feel entitled to special treatment and don't appreciate or recognize that someone just went out of their way to make your life easier. In fact - and this is directed to the credit card lady...I let a family go ahead of me at the grocery store. The mom didn't say one word to em and she proceeded to let her toddlers "help" put the groceries on the conveyor. Was I irritated - you bet! Do you think I am going to go out of my way again? Hell no! I learned my lesson. This area has more self-entitled jerks in it than civilized citizens and while I won't ever shove my way past someone or let the door slam in someone's face...I am not going to go out of my way either because I end up the loser.

I'm not trying to discount your experience. I'm sure I'd be a little annoyed too. But consider - are you being kind because you're a kind person and you feel it's the right thing to do, or because you want the kudos? I hope you don't stop being polite because you're not getting the recognition you feel you deserve. (And again, kind gestures do deserve recognition. They just don't always get them.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP
You need to be surrounded by people who love and support you and your growing family. I am so happy and greatful that you are about to give birth to an amazing human being. You deserve to be respected just because of that. You are making the supreme sacrafice by nurturing this life within you. The least the rest of us can do is: whatever it takes for you to feel the love.
Do whatever you can to enjoy this special time in your life.
Hugs and blessings to you.

should i imagine a nurturing voice when reading this or a sarcastic one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well - it goes both ways. Pre-baby - I was annoyed with SUV strollers and mega families taking up space, ambling along, anything that slowed me down or inconvenienced me. Post-baby - I get it and have tried to pay society back for my former rude ways. I have held so many doors open for pregnant women and strollers, I have allowed families with unruly children to cut ahead of me in line, and guess what? I rarely get a thank you or any show of appreciation. I'm sorry, but unfortunately, there are many women out there who just feel entitled to special treatment and don't appreciate or recognize that someone just went out of their way to make your life easier. In fact - and this is directed to the credit card lady...I let a family go ahead of me at the grocery store. The mom didn't say one word to em and she proceeded to let her toddlers "help" put the groceries on the conveyor. Was I irritated - you bet! Do you think I am going to go out of my way again? Hell no! I learned my lesson. This area has more self-entitled jerks in it than civilized citizens and while I won't ever shove my way past someone or let the door slam in someone's face...I am not going to go out of my way either because I end up the loser.

I'm not trying to discount your experience. I'm sure I'd be a little annoyed too. But consider - are you being kind because you're a kind person and you feel it's the right thing to do, or because you want the kudos? I hope you don't stop being polite because you're not getting the recognition you feel you deserve. (And again, kind gestures do deserve recognition. They just don't always get them.)

I hold doors open and let kids cut ahead, and just about EVERY time I've gotten some gesture of appreciation. So maybe she's still sending out some bad vibes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well - it goes both ways. Pre-baby - I was annoyed with SUV strollers and mega families taking up space, ambling along, anything that slowed me down or inconvenienced me. Post-baby - I get it and have tried to pay society back for my former rude ways. I have held so many doors open for pregnant women and strollers, I have allowed families with unruly children to cut ahead of me in line, and guess what? I rarely get a thank you or any show of appreciation. I'm sorry, but unfortunately, there are many women out there who just feel entitled to special treatment and don't appreciate or recognize that someone just went out of their way to make your life easier. In fact - and this is directed to the credit card lady...I let a family go ahead of me at the grocery store. The mom didn't say one word to em and she proceeded to let her toddlers "help" put the groceries on the conveyor. Was I irritated - you bet! Do you think I am going to go out of my way again? Hell no! I learned my lesson. This area has more self-entitled jerks in it than civilized citizens and while I won't ever shove my way past someone or let the door slam in someone's face...I am not going to go out of my way either because I end up the loser.

PP, why are you letting AN ASSHOLE turn YOU into an asshole? Being a nice person is too valuable to toss aside because one bitch didn't say thank you to you when you let her get ahead of you. (BTW, I am the credit card lady, and i would never not say thank you to someone who let me go ahead of them, unless I was overwhelmed by screaming kids, etc., which would be obvious. I said in my post that people behind me had to wait their, just like I did. That doesn't count if someone lets me get ahead, which so far hasn't happened but I guess I can imagine it....)

[Anonymous]

I can see both sides of this. If you accept that growing a baby is socially relevant, you'll help the process by giving the mother *a little* extra space. Same for strollers and toddlers and anyone else who needs understanding.

But there are limits. Everyone, mothers included, also need to take care not to prevent the people around them from concluding their business efficiently. That's inconsiderate, too.

When I had a small child, I lived in a city where people were really expected to hustle. I learned to do it with child, stroller, groceries, and on public transportation with child/stroller/groceries. So did all the other mothers I knew. Most people were willing to make minor allowances, but anyone not moving along briskly inspired understandable irritation. Impatient people were certainly entitled to brush past with a crisp apology.

The pace is slower here in general, but you can't expect Mayberry. I don't see how working around someone being inefficient is any more "self-entitled" than being inconsiderate about the time of the people around you. Frankly, my time is a lot more valuable to me than whatever feelgood moment I might share with a stranger whose admittedly cute kids are playing with the credit card machine in front of me. "Southern efficiency," I guess...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people are rude. It's not because they are women who have the nerve to do well in their careers before bearing children; it's not because they are dog owners who would like to see a few of their tax dollars used for something that brings them great pleasure; it's not because they don't relate to women in their 30s; it's not even because they (GASP) live in Bethesda.

Some people are just jerks. Most likely, their mothers (and fathers) done brung 'em up all wrong.

OP: it's a bummer that people treated you like crap. It happens. I was so excited to finally "show" so that I'd get a seat on buses and Metro. No such luck. Only people who ever yielded to me were old Latina women who looked like they needed the seat more than I did. Go figure.

All you can do is raise your own children to be better citizens, and remember what this feels like when you are back to fighting weight and a great big pregnant woman crosses your path.

I disagree. I think that all of those things have devalued motherhood as a social good. Now dogs are babies too and careers are considered to contribute more to society than parenting that interferes with paid work. Parenthood (of human children) becomes a selfish act that non-parents need not support. I don't think it's enough to call people jerks. Some may be, but it is possible to find an internal logic in most cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people are rude. It's not because they are women who have the nerve to do well in their careers before bearing children; it's not because they are dog owners who would like to see a few of their tax dollars used for something that brings them great pleasure; it's not because they don't relate to women in their 30s; it's not even because they (GASP) live in Bethesda.

Some people are just jerks. Most likely, their mothers (and fathers) done brung 'em up all wrong.

OP: it's a bummer that people treated you like crap. It happens. I was so excited to finally "show" so that I'd get a seat on buses and Metro. No such luck. Only people who ever yielded to me were old Latina women who looked like they needed the seat more than I did. Go figure.

All you can do is raise your own children to be better citizens, and remember what this feels like when you are back to fighting weight and a great big pregnant woman crosses your path.

I disagree. I think that all of those things have devalued motherhood as a social good. Now dogs are babies too and careers are considered to contribute more to society than parenting that interferes with paid work. Parenthood (of human children) becomes a selfish act that non-parents need not support. I don't think it's enough to call people jerks. Some may be, but it is possible to find an internal logic in most cases.

That's an interesting argument, and I tend to agree. It not only devalues motherhood, but also childhood. In other cultures, motherhood and childhood are valued way more - sometimes I'm amazed at how young (and old) white women glare at my children (even if the children are perfectly behaved at the moment). And then I encounter people from other diverse backgrounds who stop, smile and say something nice. Very often they volunteer something about their own children, even if they're all grown up now.

Happens all the time in DC, from Ethiopian cabdrivers to Columbian cashiers at Whole Foods.

[Anonymous]

NP here who can't believe I just read this entire thread. This may be a tangential point, but it is one that a couple of PPs mentioned so I am bringing it up. I always let my kids "help" put groceries on the conveyor belt, and I would never consider this wrong or an unfair "taking up" of someone else's time. If we have waited our turn just like everyone else, there is no rule that says only the adult or fastest person in the group must put everything on the belt, for heaven's sake. It is not a race--and while one shouldn't purposely dawdle, nor should one feel compelled to race along just because others are rude. My kids and I are a unit--if part of the unit is slower than the rest, well, that is kids being kids and they are as entitled as any other paying customer to put the groceries on the belt. Now, if I were actually letting them *play* in the aisles or something that was truly extraneous to the process of checking out, that would be different, but putting groceries on the belt? Good Lord, people who complained about that, lighten up.

[Anonymous]

Hey, ya'll want to lighten up? Read 6/14 10:20 post on this very thread-hysterical!!!!

[Anonymous]

I think most often the vibes we receive from other people are the vibes we ourselves give off. I'm not talking about the OP in particular, but people in general. I find that people are exceptionally friendly and helpful when I'm out with my baby, and they were when I was pregnant as well. And yes, I totally run into rude people sometimes, but they are not the majority -- not by a longshot -- and they certainly aren't going to stop me from being polite and nice to other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here who can't believe I just read this entire thread. This may be a tangential point, but it is one that a couple of PPs mentioned so I am bringing it up. I always let my kids "help" put groceries on the conveyor belt, and I would never consider this wrong or an unfair "taking up" of someone else's time. If we have waited our turn just like everyone else, there is no rule that says only the adult or fastest person in the group must put everything on the belt, for heaven's sake. It is not a race--and while one shouldn't purposely dawdle, nor should one feel compelled to race along just because others are rude. My kids and I are a unit--if part of the unit is slower than the rest, well, that is kids being kids and they are as entitled as any other paying customer to put the groceries on the belt. Now, if I were actually letting them *play* in the aisles or something that was truly extraneous to the process of checking out, that would be different, but putting groceries on the belt? Good Lord, people who complained about that, lighten up.

I heartily disagree with you, though I'm sure your kids are very cute and enjoy playing store. Your unit needs to move along, because the line behind you is not there for a playdate. It's a place of business. I don't think anyone is entitled to take any longer than physically necessary to conclude his business and move on. It's not rude to be busy and to allocate a reasonable amount of time for a task that shouldn't take any longer. It is rude to hold up the line so your kids can play. If there's no one behind you, of course, it's not inconveniencing anyone.

I wonder if this is a growing pain for DC as the pace of life picks up a little? I'm guessing PP lives in the 'burbs, but I'm really seeing competing ideas of good citizenship that were probably formed under very different circumstances. Where time is money, it is rude to steal time. Where politeness requires yielding with a smile, it is rude to assert your need to stay on schedule. I'm in the goodbye sleepy Southern town camp, but PP is clearly on the other side of this. It probably has a lot to do with where we come from and what kind of city we want to live in. Interesting, but I still don't want to stand behind PP in line!

[Anonymous]

PP, I am the person you disagree with, and while you are very polite in your disagreement (refreshing, thank you!), you are mistaken--I live in the city. Also, I think you may have misread my post. I specifically said that I do not allow my kids to "play store." I said I allow them to put the items on the belt; there is a difference. They are therefore legitimately completing our purchase, and they are not playing, they are simply doing the same task I would be doing, only slower. It is not reasonable to expect that simply because the adult can put the items on the conveyor belt the fastest, that the adult therefore MUST ALWAYS be the one to do so. If I am at the store with my husband and he could theoretically go faster than me, it does not follow that everyone in line behind us gets to say, "hey, speed it up! Let the faster one do the job!" It is analogous to a situation with children. Again, please re-read where I said I do not allow them to PLAY. Letting them put the items on the belt is not playing; it is doing the necessary procedure for our purchse, and it may not be as fast as an adult, but it is completely legitimate. Now, I get that you may be irked that they are slower--just as I might be irked that an elderly person or handicapped person might be slower--but it is no different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here who can't believe I just read this entire thread. This may be a tangential point, but it is one that a couple of PPs mentioned so I am bringing it up. I always let my kids "help" put groceries on the conveyor belt, and I would never consider this wrong or an unfair "taking up" of someone else's time. If we have waited our turn just like everyone else, there is no rule that says only the adult or fastest person in the group must put everything on the belt, for heaven's sake. It is not a race--and while one shouldn't purposely dawdle, nor should one feel compelled to race along just because others are rude. My kids and I are a unit--if part of the unit is slower than the rest, well, that is kids being kids and they are as entitled as any other paying customer to put the groceries on the belt. Now, if I were actually letting them *play* in the aisles or something that was truly extraneous to the process of checking out, that would be different, but putting groceries on the belt? Good Lord, people who complained about that, lighten up.

I heartily disagree with you, though I'm sure your kids are very cute and enjoy playing store. Your unit needs to move along, because the line behind you is not there for a playdate. It's a place of business. I don't think anyone is entitled to take any longer than physically necessary to conclude his business and move on. It's not rude to be busy and to allocate a reasonable amount of time for a task that shouldn't take any longer. It is rude to hold up the line so your kids can play. If there's no one behind you, of course, it's not inconveniencing anyone.

I wonder if this is a growing pain for DC as the pace of life picks up a little? I'm guessing PP lives in the 'burbs, but I'm really seeing competing ideas of good citizenship that were probably formed under very different circumstances. Where time is money, it is rude to steal time. Where politeness requires yielding with a smile, it is rude to assert your need to stay on schedule. I'm in the goodbye sleepy Southern town camp, but PP is clearly on the other side of this. It probably has a lot to do with where we come from and what kind of city we want to live in. Interesting, but I still don't want to stand behind PP in line!

I agree with this statement (in bold), but the issue is, who decides what is "physically necessary"? It's not up to random people in line to decide that gee, other people really should be hustling and going faster. If someone else moves more deliberately but isn't doing anything wrong--i.e. there is a difference between kids taking groceries from the cart (a la the other PP) vs. someone chatting with the checkout person, because the latter is irrelevant while the former is slow but not irrelevant--then it is up to the people behind in line to wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here who can't believe I just read this entire thread. This may be a tangential point, but it is one that a couple of PPs mentioned so I am bringing it up. I always let my kids "help" put groceries on the conveyor belt, and I would never consider this wrong or an unfair "taking up" of someone else's time. If we have waited our turn just like everyone else, there is no rule that says only the adult or fastest person in the group must put everything on the belt, for heaven's sake. It is not a race--and while one shouldn't purposely dawdle, nor should one feel compelled to race along just because others are rude. My kids and I are a unit--if part of the unit is slower than the rest, well, that is kids being kids and they are as entitled as any other paying customer to put the groceries on the belt. Now, if I were actually letting them *play* in the aisles or something that was truly extraneous to the process of checking out, that would be different, but putting groceries on the belt? Good Lord, people who complained about that, lighten up.

I heartily disagree with you, though I'm sure your kids are very cute and enjoy playing store. Your unit needs to move along, because the line behind you is not there for a playdate. It's a place of business. I don't think anyone is entitled to take any longer than physically necessary to conclude his business and move on. It's not rude to be busy and to allocate a reasonable amount of time for a task that shouldn't take any longer. It is rude to hold up the line so your kids can play. If there's no one behind you, of course, it's not inconveniencing anyone.

I wonder if this is a growing pain for DC as the pace of life picks up a little? I'm guessing PP lives in the 'burbs, but I'm really seeing competing ideas of good citizenship that were probably formed under very different circumstances. Where time is money, it is rude to steal time. Where politeness requires yielding with a smile, it is rude to assert your need to stay on schedule. I'm in the goodbye sleepy Southern town camp, but PP is clearly on the other side of this. It probably has a lot to do with where we come from and what kind of city we want to live in. Interesting, but I still don't want to stand behind PP in line!

Your money is not more valuable to me than my time. In fact, your money is not valuable to me at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, I am the person you disagree with, and while you are very polite in your disagreement (refreshing, thank you!), you are mistaken--I live in the city. Also, I think you may have misread my post. I specifically said that I do not allow my kids to "play store." I said I allow them to put the items on the belt; there is a difference. They are therefore legitimately completing our purchase, and they are not playing, they are simply doing the same task I would be doing, only slower. It is not reasonable to expect that simply because the adult can put the items on the conveyor belt the fastest, that the adult therefore MUST ALWAYS be the one to do so. If I am at the store with my husband and he could theoretically go faster than me, it does not follow that everyone in line behind us gets to say, "hey, speed it up! Let the faster one do the job!" It is analogous to a situation with children. Again, please re-read where I said I do not allow them to PLAY. Letting them put the items on the belt is not playing; it is doing the necessary procedure for our purchse, and it may not be as fast as an adult, but it is completely legitimate. Now, I get that you may be irked that they are slower--just as I might be irked that an elderly person or handicapped person might be slower--but it is no different.

No... I caught that they are doing a necessary job. I disagree that your "unit" is entitled to the extra time it takes for the kids do it and define it as letting them play. It is necessary that the job get done, but granting your kids the experience imposes on the people behind you. If your unit did not include an able-bodied adult, I would see this very differently.

I agree that we should be able to disagree politely.