the woman who broke up my marriage bought a house near me- should I move?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people telling OP she is crazy and unhinged because she is still dealing with the pain and betrayal of having been cheated on are major assholes. Seriously, you need an empathy class. Can't wait to see what high roads you take when it happens to you.

[i] AGREED. THIS IS WHY OUR NATION IS CLOSE TO ELECTING A SELF ABSORBED NARCISSIST. WE DO NOT HAVE EMPATHY FOR OTHERS WHETHER IT'S A MEXICAN IMMIGRANT OR A NEIGHBOR. SAD SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS

so what do you want??? you want posters to egg op on and tell her she should just let the other woman have it? What if op is posting on here in five years about the same thing? Should we respond the same way...with empathy?

Op is wasting her life and needs professional help

[Anonymous]

This would probably drive me crazy, and I'd want to move too. I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but if you're not able to let it go, then move, for your own peace of mind.

[Anonymous]

Let me get this straight...

Your husband cheated on you with a professional whore who is married with a normal life and lives in Greemwich, ct?

You sound like a troll or delusional. No wonder your husband cheated.

[Anonymous]

I understand this is a public forum and there are many people who are extremely well versed and know the pain infidelity can inflict, but I think on occasion people overreact and are very dramatic. I don't really believe there is a cookie cutter approach which can be applied to every situation though, we are all different, we all deal with relationships and turmoil within them differently.

[Anonymous]

I think we all have triggers, if it's not THE actual AP, then it's something that reminds us of them. A kind of car, a certain race, etc.

It's tempting to say some snide remark and I think nobody would dis you if you allowed yourself that evil pleasure. However, you don't sound like you want to slap her face into next week, just be AWAY from her orbit. So an option would be to walk tall and proud (even if you're short ha ha) and BE the one with the upper hand. She stole something form you, she is a theif. Yes, WH had part of that, but she has the ugly on her soul, not you. But today you still have the moral high ground. It may not be pleasant ground, but at least you can walk proud as one who is true to yourself (and, btw, your WS).

When my second LTR left me for a married guy, I actually prayed for the guy. Not because she was so horrible, but because I felt he needed God's hand to wake up and not be such a destroyer of his own wife's heart. I don't know if it worked, but one thing I have heard is that when you pray for your enemies, God makes their life uncomfortable. God gets to do that, not me. How he does it is beyond me and I don't really care, I just know I can honestly say I asked God to forgive them and have His voice be the loudest one in their heads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we all have triggers, if it's not THE actual AP, then it's something that reminds us of them. A kind of car, a certain race, etc.

It's tempting to say some snide remark and I think nobody would dis you if you allowed yourself that evil pleasure. However, you don't sound like you want to slap her face into next week, just be AWAY from her orbit. So an option would be to walk tall and proud (even if you're short ha ha) and BE the one with the upper hand. She stole something form you, she is a theif. Yes, WH had part of that, but she has the ugly on her soul, not you. But today you still have the moral high ground. It may not be pleasant ground, but at least you can walk proud as one who is true to yourself (and, btw, your WS).

When my second LTR left me for a married guy, I actually prayed for the guy. Not because she was so horrible, but because I felt he needed God's hand to wake up and not be such a destroyer of his own wife's heart. I don't know if it worked, but one thing I have heard is that when you pray for your enemies, God makes their life uncomfortable. God gets to do that, not me. How he does it is beyond me and I don't really care, I just know I can honestly say I asked God to forgive them and have His voice be the loudest one in their heads.

Total bs. Besides the fact I'm not sure why this woman has to have an "enemy." If her husband truly had sex with a prostitute then sounds like the prostitute did op a favor. Who wants to be married to someone who has sex with women like that?

Sounds like you dodged a bullet op! Now go on and enjoy your life and stay away from crazies in the future.

[Anonymous]

When I was going through a hideous divorce after my husband took up with his secretary, I had two markers: Will it matter in 5 years? and Would I want my mom or my daughter to know I did this. Neither question took away my interest in finding a knife to twist in his back, but they did keep my hand off the hilt.

Almost 16 years later, I can honestly say none of it mattered in 5 years. Someone who would do the kinds of things he did turns out not to be that big a loss in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was going through a hideous divorce after my husband took up with his secretary, I had two markers: Will it matter in 5 years? and Would I want my mom or my daughter to know I did this. Neither question took away my interest in finding a knife to twist in his back, but they did keep my hand off the hilt.

Almost 16 years later, I can honestly say none of it mattered in 5 years. Someone who would do the kinds of things he did turns out not to be that big a loss in the long run.

Too bad op can't figure this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You obviously haven't. You need to deal with this anger and get into counseling. If you're going to live anywhere in the same vicinity, you have the possibility of running into her. Deal with your anger so that she no longer has control of your life.

oh I have. I divorced him, see him every other week with barely to no communication. I was fine for years until the whore decided to move near me. This isn't about my ex. Whore is still married to her idiot husband, like nothing ever happened, probably still fucking around other men and here I am not able to enjoy my neighborhood.

You clearly haven't dealt with your anger. If you can't see that by reading your responses, you absolutely need therapy. Stop letting her control your life and your behavior.

+1

You can't therapise all anger out of someone.
It's reasonable for her to be angry and irritated with a sucky situation.
She isn't going around fire bombing her house or anything, she's discussing it with strangers which seems like a reasonable outlet.
Yes, op it sucks. She sucks.
I'll bet karma will rear its head at some point - wait for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You obviously haven't. You need to deal with this anger and get into counseling. If you're going to live anywhere in the same vicinity, you have the possibility of running into her. Deal with your anger so that she no longer has control of your life.

oh I have. I divorced him, see him every other week with barely to no communication. I was fine for years until the whore decided to move near me. This isn't about my ex. Whore is still married to her idiot husband, like nothing ever happened, probably still fucking around other men and here I am not able to enjoy my neighborhood.

You clearly haven't dealt with your anger. If you can't see that by reading your responses, you absolutely need therapy. Stop letting her control your life and your behavior.

+1

You can't therapise all anger out of someone.
It's reasonable for her to be angry and irritated with a sucky situation.
She isn't going around fire bombing her house or anything, she's discussing it with strangers which seems like a reasonable outlet.
Yes, op it sucks. She sucks.
I'll bet karma will rear its head at some point - wait for it.

But didn't this happen a long time ago? Op seems unable to move past the divorce and affair. Her choice of words also seem extreme and very unhealthy. This doesn't seem like a normal situation of a cheating spouse, betrayal, hurt, divorce, recovery etc. it actually seems kind of scary. Op seems obsessed with the other woman and stalkerish. I don't get why she even cares about the other woman.

[Anonymous]

I was with you about the discomfort of seeing her. However, once you declared her inferior, I lost a lot of sympathy for you. A major part of what is wrong with this world is the misconception that one person can be inferior to another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You obviously haven't. You need to deal with this anger and get into counseling. If you're going to live anywhere in the same vicinity, you have the possibility of running into her. Deal with your anger so that she no longer has control of your life.

oh I have. I divorced him, see him every other week with barely to no communication. I was fine for years until the whore decided to move near me. This isn't about my ex. Whore is still married to her idiot husband, like nothing ever happened, probably still fucking around other men and here I am not able to enjoy my neighborhood.

You clearly haven't dealt with your anger. If you can't see that by reading your responses, you absolutely need therapy. Stop letting her control your life and your behavior.

+1

You can't therapise all anger out of someone.
It's reasonable for her to be angry and irritated with a sucky situation.
She isn't going around fire bombing her house or anything, she's discussing it with strangers which seems like a reasonable outlet.
Yes, op it sucks. She sucks.
I'll bet karma will rear its head at some point - wait for it.

She said it's been years. That her anger is so strong today is the problem. Anyone who speaks with the venom that she has, has not dealt with her feelings. You shouldn't encourage her to be so vengeful. Doing so gives the power of control over her life to someone else, instead of the OP.

[Anonymous]

She said it's been years. That her anger is so strong today is the problem. Anyone who speaks with the venom that she has, has not dealt with her feelings. You shouldn't encourage her to be so vengeful. Doing so gives the power of control over her life to someone else, instead of the OP.


[b] My brother in law is a psychiatrist and says that people who defend adulterers in a way that tell the victims to just move on have narcissistic traits. How about we look at it objectively shall we? It's been years since the divorce but the skank who moved into the OP territory is not suppose to disrupt that recovery? Only someone devoid of real feelings or able to block them out would be capable of this situation not effecting them on any level. Some people are great at practicing denial, I agree. I have a good friend who always sticks her head in the sand when difficult situations come up. OP is panicking because this is triggering her mentally. She's struggling in finding a solution. To each is own.

Also, ever wonder why so many of us prefer escapism to alcohol, drugs; shopping addiction instead of dealing with our feelings? Because of how little support we get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you find out they're buying a house nearby?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If the former, I would move, because I don't want to live in a high-crime neighborhood.

I live in Greenwich, CT. So no, as no crime as it gets.

Tell that to the Moxley family.