So schocked and sad by "friends'" mean girl behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two coworkers who I thought were friends. One asked for my support during an emotionally wrenching time for her, and I assisted and supported her both professionally and personally.
The other day at work, they exhibited classic mean girl behavior.
The one who I had helped extensively in the past, made a comment about my appearance to the coworker, who laughed. I tried to deflect it, but they acted like it was all a big joke. The main instigator made another dig shortly thereafter.

I was so hurt and shocked by this unprofessional behavior. I avoided both of them the rest of the day though the instigator invited me to join her for a walk.
Later in the day, one asked "why are you so quiet today?" and I lost it. Our cubicles are in close proximity so both could hear the interchange.
I told her I couldn't stand their catty behavior and then said something like "this isn't high school"
One coworker could see how upset I was and came rushing over all apologetic and sorry.
I told her that normally I could laugh off this childish behavior, but my day hadn't started off well and I was in no mood for their rude behavior.

She was crying, and when I looked over I could see that the "rat" who instigated it all was sobbing. They both apologized.

But I am disgusted! They are not who they seemed to be and I plan to stay at a distance. One reached out with a note and small gift, the other emailed me, but I haven't responded.

I am considering asking to move cubicles (I can manufacture some reason for my manager)

I honestly can't get past this part of the story. If two women were openly crying in my office, one sobbing, I would be alarmed and think something very tragic had happened. I can't even imagine this scenario playing out in an open office area with cubicles. All three of you should be very embarrassed by your behavior. None of you acted professionally.

Op you need to go to work to just go to work. You were correct - it's not high school and the "social scene" is a secondary part of the office not the primary one. If something goes wrong in that part, you need to just suck it up. You can't have an emotional break down because someone made a not nice comment to you.

[Anonymous]

Comments about one's physical appearance from others ARE NEVER ACCEPTABLE in the workplace.

[Anonymous]

Your reaction is extremely immature. Let it go. They apologized and even bought you gifts. Holding a grudge is a waste of energy. Learn to form boundaries at work. Obviously the 3 of you socialize to the point that your girls thought it was cool. Shrugs. As others have noted, grow up. Think about it, will this incident matter in 10-20 years? Nope. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

She isn't telling the whole story...there is more to this than what she is revealing here. I would love for one of girls involved to tell her side.

Anonymous wrote:NP here. My goodness, the DCUM mean-girl harpies are out in full force.

If the colleagues made fun of OP's appearance at work in front of her, they are unprofessional and assholes. Any PP who has defended this behavior as okay needs training in social skills and professionalism.

That said, it is weird to me, OP, that they sobbed when you confronted them. And for you to want to switch cubicles over this is an over-reaction. Just learn and move on.

If this story is real, your best bet is just to keep everything on the professional level from here on out.

[Anonymous]

Op It's really impossible to comment without knowing what was said. From you have posted here, you sound like the crazy one.

[Anonymous]

You could go to HR if it happens again. Or retain counsel.

[Anonymous]

All parties are in the wrong. They shouldn't have been mean, and you shouldn't have chastised them in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. My goodness, the DCUM mean-girl harpies are out in full force.

If the colleagues made fun of OP's appearance at work in front of her, they are unprofessional and assholes. Any PP who has defended this behavior as okay needs training in social skills and professionalism.

That said, it is weird to me, OP, that they sobbed when you confronted them. And for you to want to switch cubicles over this is an over-reaction. Just learn and move on.

If this story is real, your best bet is just to keep everything on the professional level from here on out.

OP here, thank-you for your reasonable and nonjudgmental response. Frankly I was surprised that this cattiness is considered normal workplace behavior by so many on DCUM. I've worked in the same office 10 years and never encountered it before, so maybe I've been overly sheltered. I agree with your wisdom to learn from this and move on. Thank-you again, and to the others who gave helpful advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did the co-workers say about your appearance? Did they not like your shoe selection or were they commenting on your body?

+1

Need more details.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe this little story. If it were true, everyone involved would be an embarrassment to all grown women. Twelve year olds handle things better than this. Cubicles of sobbing women? LOL

[Anonymous]

Less women in the workplace would benefit everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Less women in the workplace would benefit everyone.

Fewer, asshole.

[Anonymous]

So you agree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, this is all so very dramatic for the office. You don't ask to be moved just because of one incident. Your boss most likely expects you to handle these types of conflicts on your own, not by disrupting everything to move every time your feelings are hurt.

As for your friendships, you told them how you feel, they seem genuinely remorseful and sincere. Now it's your turn to buck up, forgive them, and move on. I wouldn't hold this against them.

+1 I would forgive them.

[Anonymous]

I know if I made fun of someone (with another person chiming in) and that person heard and confronted me, I absolutely would get emotional (probably not sobbing but id be embarrassed and guilty and my face is very easily read!).

I think you had every right to call them out on it and hopefully they learned a really big lesson. They were clearly bolstered by each other and crossed a big line. I think your best bet is to forgive and move on. You don't need to stay close because forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. If you can't get past it, just keep them at arms length and I'm sure they'll understand why.