So schocked and sad by "friends'" mean girl behavior

[Anonymous]

I have two coworkers who I thought were friends. One asked for my support during an emotionally wrenching time for her, and I assisted and supported her both professionally and personally.
The other day at work, they exhibited classic mean girl behavior.
The one who I had helped extensively in the past, made a comment about my appearance to the coworker, who laughed. I tried to deflect it, but they acted like it was all a big joke. The main instigator made another dig shortly thereafter.

I was so hurt and shocked by this unprofessional behavior. I avoided both of them the rest of the day though the instigator invited me to join her for a walk.
Later in the day, one asked "why are you so quiet today?" and I lost it. Our cubicles are in close proximity so both could hear the interchange.
I told her I couldn't stand their catty behavior and then said something like "this isn't high school"
One coworker could see how upset I was and came rushing over all apologetic and sorry.
I told her that normally I could laugh off this childish behavior, but my day hadn't started off well and I was in no mood for their rude behavior.

She was crying, and when I looked over I could see that the "rat" who instigated it all was sobbing. They both apologized.

But I am disgusted! They are not who they seemed to be and I plan to stay at a distance. One reached out with a note and small gift, the other emailed me, but I haven't responded.

I am considering asking to move cubicles (I can manufacture some reason for my manager)

[Anonymous]

Ugh, you sound high-maintenance and oversensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, you sound high-maintenance and oversensitive.

hmm, that's why I posted here. I would never talk to someone the way they spoke to me...is it really to much to expect the same from them?

[Anonymous]

OP, friends forgive each other for hurtful words. You can defriend them over the comment, and then they will know what kind of friend you are.

Find better, perfect friends, and you will never be hurt. Good luck finding them.

[Anonymous]

First, this is all so very dramatic for the office. You don't ask to be moved just because of one incident. Your boss most likely expects you to handle these types of conflicts on your own, not by disrupting everything to move every time your feelings are hurt.

As for your friendships, you told them how you feel, they seem genuinely remorseful and sincere. Now it's your turn to buck up, forgive them, and move on. I wouldn't hold this against them.

[Anonymous]

Really, OP, if everything went down as you said, you are the one who over-reacted.

In the future, try not to let jokes get to you. People usually don't mean to hurt you, please realize this. The correct reaction would have been for you to say in a calm tone: "Could you stop laughing about this please? I don't find it funny. Thanks." And then change the subject.

There *are* a small minority of people who will keep on saying nasty things - like my mother. Having had this example in front of me all my life, I can compare and contrast and let go of others making a one-off poorly-judged comment. Learn to recognize which one is which.
The nasties are the ones who keep on doing it and can't help themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, you sound high-maintenance and oversensitive.

um ... depends on what they said.

[Anonymous]

The workplace is for working.

The three of you are too distracted with employee friendship nonsense. All three of you need to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The workplace is for working.

The three of you are too distracted with employee friendship nonsense. All three of you need to grow up.

Strongly agree with this. What the coworkers did was inappropriate but OPs continued reaction to the situation and refusal to let it drop is wildly unprofessional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, you sound high-maintenance and oversensitive.

um ... depends on what they said.

OP here. I won't go into details, but it was pretty nasty. What I'm hung up on, is that I would never talk that way to anybody, especially not in a professional environment.
Maybe my expectations are too high?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The workplace is for working.

The three of you are too distracted with employee friendship nonsense. All three of you need to grow up.

Strongly agree with this. What the coworkers did was inappropriate but OPs continued reaction to the situation and refusal to let it drop is wildly unprofessional.

OP here. In my own defense, I have let it drop at work, and will never bring it up again. I'm a high performer, and know how to focus on the job. But I still feel, rightly or wrongly, very hurt by their rudeness. It's not fun to have coworkers tittering about your appearance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, this is all so very dramatic for the office. You don't ask to be moved just because of one incident. Your boss most likely expects you to handle these types of conflicts on your own, not by disrupting everything to move every time your feelings are hurt.

As for your friendships, you told them how you feel, they seem genuinely remorseful and sincere. Now it's your turn to buck up, forgive them, and move on. I wouldn't hold this against them.

I agree with everything this poster said.

[Anonymous]

You go to work to work, not socialize. Keep it professional.

[Anonymous]

Frenemies. Now you know.

[Anonymous]

They made a comment about your appearance that you overheard.

That's it.

Whatever you said made them both sob. It couldn't have been that nice either OP, and you unleashed this at work after giving them the silent treatment.