SAH with Older Kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, when they're older, they need the actual parents more -- to look at homework (rather than a nanny or au pair) and talking to them about issue they're facing as tweens or teens. Plus all the driving around to activities.

Worked for us. I have one child at TJ right now and the other is a straight A student. It's not because of the AP helping with homework, it is because they are naturally intelligent and a core family value we have is hard work and goal achievement. Not many parents can look at or correct my boys calculus homework. It was simply checked for completion.

The AP had minimal involvement with "issues they faced" that has been our job. Working for a paycheck does not mean our kids don't share with us. And thr AP driving? That's exactly what she was hired for.

Yes. It is fortunate we can afford an AP. I frankly couldn't imagine getting off work and hauling my kids to all their sports activities. For instance, my one son had practice at 445 yesterday. AP dropped him off, I then got to practice at 5:30 to watch and them pick him up. In thr meantime, AP did some simple meal prep. I got home, finished up dinner and we all ate at 730. Can't imagine the logistics otherwise. I would have had to leave work at 345. My teens are missing nothing by not having me at home between 330-530. I don't need to hover over their homework or personally make them a snack

You are missing things but you don't know that you are. BTW I never outsource driving, you may gravely regret that.

Can you please elaborate? I don't understand what you mean by this. Serious question.

Not pp, but I would ignore her. No one spends every single second with their kids, including SAHs. Missing 1.5 hours a day is not "missing things."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard to find good care for elementary school kids. Most nannies want the cute cuddly babies and toddlers, not the older kids with opinions and their own friends. Prospective nannies don't even respond to my email when I tell them how old my kids are.

You aren't paying enough. It's a lot easier to take care of older kids.

Actually that wasn't the case for us. I needed help 2 days/week to pick the children up from after school care, bring them home and babysit for 45 minutes. I was paying $50/day for a total of 1.5 hours and the first person quit after a few months, she was taking a full time classes and had a scheduling conflict; and the other one was very unreliable and was almost late to pick up the kids on several occasions even though she worked 4 miles from the school. DD also told me that one of them use to text and drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard to find good care for elementary school kids. Most nannies want the cute cuddly babies and toddlers, not the older kids with opinions and their own friends. Prospective nannies don't even respond to my email when I tell them how old my kids are.

You aren't paying enough. It's a lot easier to take care of older kids.

Actually that wasn't the case for us. I needed help 2 days/week to pick the children up from after school care, bring them home and babysit for 45 minutes. I was paying $50/day for a total of 1.5 hours and the first person quit after a few months, she was taking a full time classes and had a scheduling conflict; and the other one was very unreliable and was almost late to pick up the kids on several occasions even though she worked 4 miles from the school. DD also told me that one of them use to text and drive.

Yes, it is hard to find someone to work two hours a week, even for $100. Ask yourself who would want that job. You need to offer a bunch more hours to make it worth someone's time. My afternoon only nanny gets paid for a minimum of 20 hours a week, even if we use her less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard to find good care for elementary school kids. Most nannies want the cute cuddly babies and toddlers, not the older kids with opinions and their own friends. Prospective nannies don't even respond to my email when I tell them how old my kids are.

You aren't paying enough. It's a lot easier to take care of older kids.

Actually that wasn't the case for us. I needed help 2 days/week to pick the children up from after school care, bring them home and babysit for 45 minutes. I was paying $50/day for a total of 1.5 hours and the first person quit after a few months, she was taking a full time classes and had a scheduling conflict; and the other one was very unreliable and was almost late to pick up the kids on several occasions even though she worked 4 miles from the school. DD also told me that one of them use to text and drive.

Yes, it is hard to find someone to work two hours a week, even for $100. Ask yourself who would want that job. You need to offer a bunch more hours to make it worth someone's time. My afternoon only nanny gets paid for a minimum of 20 hours a week, even if we use her less.

When I was in college, it would have been very helpful for me to earn $100 working 3 hours/week especially if the job was only 4 miles from my other part time job.

[Anonymous]

Dropping kids off/picking them up, running them around to activities, making them snacks is not a hard job but it is a responsible job.

It's harder when they are younger. Once they get older and can ride the bus or walk home or stay after school for an activity it becomes easier.

Most extracurricular activities take place during evening hours. You really have to look to find a non school related activity that happens directly after school.

[Anonymous]

I see nothing wrong with staying home with older kids, and I wish I could afford to but it would be for me, not the kids. The idea would be to have the payoff of having worked through the baby years be some flexibility, telecommuting, maybe part time. My kids are gone 8 hours from when the bus comes until it drops off. On days I go to the office I leave early, DH puts kids on the bus, and kids go to SACC for 1-1.5 hrs until I pick them up. That's 3 days a week and 2 I work at home and kids Come home on the bus. To walk away from 150k a year for about 4 more hours a week with the kids would be crazy. And my kids are in a better routine if doing homework on SACC days frankly.

I would love not to work and have more time to workout, cook, pursue hobbies, but my kids aren't impacted much at this point. I also have a lot of leave and work in a family friendly office so I've been the room mom, DH has chaperoned field trips as have I, I go to class parties, etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I WAH. I often have to get them to activities by 4:45 or 5pm. They get home from school at 3.50pm.

They need to eat prior too. 90 min of sports.

Many early release days, school events, etc. it would be hard as hell if I WOH--not to mention weather closures.

If you can WAH, it's feasible. If not--Id need to drop part-time at a minimum.

+100

Most of the moms do some form of teleworking in my close-in neighborhood--from every day --to 2-3 days per week. Some are part-time. Fewer WOH full-time these days and the ones that do have a dedicated nanny/after school babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dropping kids off/picking them up, running them around to activities, making them snacks is not a hard job but it is a responsible job.

It's harder when they are younger. Once they get older and can ride the bus or walk home or stay after school for an activity it becomes easier.

Most extracurricular activities take place during evening hours. You really have to look to find a non school related activity that happens directly after school.

By middle school, most extracurricular activities, including school sports, take place at school, after school hours. Makes even less sense to stay home then, at least claiming it's for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with staying home with older kids, and I wish I could afford to but it would be for me, not the kids. The idea would be to have the payoff of having worked through the baby years be some flexibility, telecommuting, maybe part time. My kids are gone 8 hours from when the bus comes until it drops off. On days I go to the office I leave early, DH puts kids on the bus, and kids go to SACC for 1-1.5 hrs until I pick them up. That's 3 days a week and 2 I work at home and kids Come home on the bus. To walk away from 150k a year for about 4 more hours a week with the kids would be crazy. And my kids are in a better routine if doing homework on SACC days frankly.

I would love not to work and have more time to workout, cook, pursue hobbies, but my kids aren't impacted much at this point. I also have a lot of leave and work in a family friendly office so I've been the room mom, DH has chaperoned field trips as have I, I go to class parties, etc...

I think that's key. Unfortunately, some of us do not have family friendly jobs and I have to work extra hours during my office hours to keep up with my case load and deadlines. I've only been to ONE school event this year. it's hard on me and the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard to find good care for elementary school kids. Most nannies want the cute cuddly babies and toddlers, not the older kids with opinions and their own friends. Prospective nannies don't even respond to my email when I tell them how old my kids are.

You aren't paying enough. It's a lot easier to take care of older kids.

Actually that wasn't the case for us. I needed help 2 days/week to pick the children up from after school care, bring them home and babysit for 45 minutes. I was paying $50/day for a total of 1.5 hours and the first person quit after a few months, she was taking a full time classes and had a scheduling conflict; and the other one was very unreliable and was almost late to pick up the kids on several occasions even though she worked 4 miles from the school. DD also told me that one of them use to text and drive.

Yes, it is hard to find someone to work two hours a week, even for $100. Ask yourself who would want that job. You need to offer a bunch more hours to make it worth someone's time. My afternoon only nanny gets paid for a minimum of 20 hours a week, even if we use her less.

When I was in college, it would have been very helpful for me to earn $100 working 3 hours/week especially if the job was only 4 miles from my other part time job.

This is what I did in nursing school. Nannied two elementary school kids 4-8pm M-F. I would pick them up at aftercare, take them to all their events, sports, do homework with them, make them dinner, do baths and then one of the parents came home to either put them to bed or kiss them hello and then ask me to put them to bed so they could go exercise in the basement. It was a great job and I loved those kids and still keep in touch with them. But their parents were such go-getters and were clueless about what was going on in their kid's lives. It makes me not want to do that to my own kids.

Anyway, I am rambling. Post in the local colleges. You will find someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with staying home with older kids, and I wish I could afford to but it would be for me, not the kids. The idea would be to have the payoff of having worked through the baby years be some flexibility, telecommuting, maybe part time. My kids are gone 8 hours from when the bus comes until it drops off. On days I go to the office I leave early, DH puts kids on the bus, and kids go to SACC for 1-1.5 hrs until I pick them up. That's 3 days a week and 2 I work at home and kids Come home on the bus. To walk away from 150k a year for about 4 more hours a week with the kids would be crazy. And my kids are in a better routine if doing homework on SACC days frankly.

I would love not to work and have more time to workout, cook, pursue hobbies, but my kids aren't impacted much at this point. I also have a lot of leave and work in a family friendly office so I've been the room mom, DH has chaperoned field trips as have I, I go to class parties, etc...

I think that's key. Unfortunately, some of us do not have family friendly jobs and I have to work extra hours during my office hours to keep up with my case load and deadlines. I've only been to ONE school event this year. it's hard on me and the children.

I'm the PP and I totally understand that's not everyone's situation. My observations were really for the OP who has a younger child and time to perhaps strategize as to how to make her job allow for some flexibility or time to get established in a new job that would do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dropping kids off/picking them up, running them around to activities, making them snacks is not a hard job but it is a responsible job.

It's harder when they are younger. Once they get older and can ride the bus or walk home or stay after school for an activity it becomes easier.

Most extracurricular activities take place during evening hours. You really have to look to find a non school related activity that happens directly after school.

??? All my kids activities are right after school: soccer, swim, gymnastics and piano. None are in the evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dropping kids off/picking them up, running them around to activities, making them snacks is not a hard job but it is a responsible job.

It's harder when they are younger. Once they get older and can ride the bus or walk home or stay after school for an activity it becomes easier.

Most extracurricular activities take place during evening hours. You really have to look to find a non school related activity that happens directly after school.

??? All my kids activities are right after school: soccer, swim, gymnastics and piano. None are in the evening.

My kid's coaches are working parents so all practices start 5pm or later. We have one practice that is 6:30 to 7:30pm and my oldest practices travel from 6-8pm twice a week.

But my youngest kid doesn't even get off the school bus until 4:15pm so the earliest could be 5pm anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dropping kids off/picking them up, running them around to activities, making them snacks is not a hard job but it is a responsible job.

It's harder when they are younger. Once they get older and can ride the bus or walk home or stay after school for an activity it becomes easier.

Most extracurricular activities take place during evening hours. You really have to look to find a non school related activity that happens directly after school.

??? All my kids activities are right after school: soccer, swim, gymnastics and piano. None are in the evening.

SAHM of three - two teens and one ES. Three schools. I will pick up ES DC at dismissal today to make a 5:00 practice. ES gets out at 4:00.

Also, I am busier now than when my three were younger. A different busy, but I often have to juggle three schedules, not including my own. I earnestly try to be home when middle school arrives at 2:30. HS DC arrives at 3. Youngest doesn't go to ES until 9:00. Time flies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dropping kids off/picking them up, running them around to activities, making them snacks is not a hard job but it is a responsible job.

It's harder when they are younger. Once they get older and can ride the bus or walk home or stay after school for an activity it becomes easier.

Most extracurricular activities take place during evening hours. You really have to look to find a non school related activity that happens directly after school.

??? All my kids activities are right after school: soccer, swim, gymnastics and piano. None are in the evening.

My kid's coaches are working parents so all practices start 5pm or later. We have one practice that is 6:30 to 7:30pm and my oldest practices travel from 6-8pm twice a week.

But my youngest kid doesn't even get off the school bus until 4:15pm so the earliest could be 5pm anyway.

Same here. I think a lot of the "is it difficult or not" is affected by the overall culture of your area and the predominance of working vs. SAH parents. WOH has been easy for us because my kids want to be at extended day because that's where all their friends are. They do a couple extracurricular activities there. Their sports (rec level) all have practices no earlier than 5:30 because the coaches are working parents too. Those sports also only meet 1-2 times a week for practice during M-F plus a game or occasional weekend tournament. If they wanted to do something like dance or gymnastics, we'd have a problem because I know those are not scheduled at convenient times for working parents. They don't do piano lessons but the kids I know who do that have them in the evenings. DD sang in church choir for a while, which is scheduled at 6:30 pm, because parents work. It takes an acknowledgement from all the organizations involved in kids activities that a 4pm activity doesn't work for lots of families.

And on the in-school front, our school very, very rarely has events where they want parents there during the day. Maybe one activity per year per grade asks for volunteers and there is zero expectation that all parents will come. There are no parent-attending holiday parties, except for a Xmas thing in K and a Thanksgiving thing in 1st. Once you are into the upper grades, most families do not have SAHP.