How I, a transwoman, use the bathroom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To people are who are opposed to transgender using the bathroom, do you realize what you are afraid of is ludicrous? Or do you know it's ludicrous and are really just bigoted and are hiding under the excuse "I'm afraid for my safety". The absolute last thing a transgendered person would think of doing, in an already awkward situation, is performing violence ( a feeling of power and making others feels helpless).


Again so if the OP feels one way than everyone supports her but if I feel differently than my feelings/opinions are "ludicrous" Got it. No use explaining myself anymore.

It's been explained to you several times that OPs fear is supported by verifiable facts and statistics while yours is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're dressed like a woman and look like a woman I don't see how anyone even looks differently at you? Lots of women look manly.

I'm wondering this too. Your OP says you present like a woman, if that's the case why can't you just walk in, go, wash your hands and walk out? I don't want to diminish your experience but please explain because I'm not understanding what the problem is in your case. I'm guessing if you walked into the bathroom I was in I wouldnt even know your were trans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To people are who are opposed to transgender using the bathroom, do you realize what you are afraid of is ludicrous? Or do you know it's ludicrous and are really just bigoted and are hiding under the excuse "I'm afraid for my safety". The absolute last thing a transgendered person would think of doing, in an already awkward situation, is performing violence ( a feeling of power and making others feels helpless).


Again so if the OP feels one way than everyone supports her but if I feel differently than my feelings/opinions are "ludicrous" Got it. No use explaining myself anymore.

NP -- I wouldn't say your feelings are ludicrous. You feel what you feel. But they are pretty baseless (unless you have some evidence of transwomen attacking you, or other cis women, in bathrooms). Transwomen, on the other hand, have ample reason for feeling afraid -- they're being physically attacked in mens rooms at an extremely elevated rate.

So, while you have feelings of discomfort, those are outweighed by actual concerns for physical safety based on evidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To people are who are opposed to transgender using the bathroom, do you realize what you are afraid of is ludicrous? Or do you know it's ludicrous and are really just bigoted and are hiding under the excuse "I'm afraid for my safety". The absolute last thing a transgendered person would think of doing, in an already awkward situation, is performing violence ( a feeling of power and making others feels helpless).


Again so if the OP feels one way than everyone supports her but if I feel differently than my feelings/opinions are "ludicrous" Got it. No use explaining myself anymore.

They are unfounded unless you can give me a reason that they do not belong there. Feeling uncomfortable is not enough. You're probably the kind of person who tells the flight attendant to kick off Muslims from the plane because you feel unsafe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but by forcing yourself in the women's restrooms you are saying your rights are more important. Because you will feel safe but we will not.

There are no cases of trans women attacking cis women in bathrooms. Your irrational fear of trans people just trying to use the toilet is not OPs problem.

[Anonymous]

You can pee with me in the women's room anytime, OP! I'd be more than happy to let you take my place in line too, if that makes you more comfortable so you can get in and get out quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but by forcing yourself in the women's restrooms you are saying your rights are more important. Because you will feel safe but we will not.

There are no cases of trans women attacking cis women in bathrooms. Your irrational fear of trans people just trying to use the toilet is not OPs problem.

I don't see where that was a transwoman -- you do know that, just because a man puts on a woman's suit, that doesn't make him a transwoman, right?

Also, that happened 6 years ago -- pretty sure these bathroom policies weren't in effect then. So I'm not sure how this makes you less safe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Gaia wrote:Good morning DCUM.

I am a woman who was born with a penis and raised as male. I am on HRT (hormone replacement therapy), present, and live as a woman. I do everyday activities like go to work and go grocery shopping. I encounter stares and whispers everywhere I go.

Sometimes I have to pee. I try to plan ahead by going before I leave in my safe home, but sometimes I have to venture into a public bathroom. My first response at needing to go is to always try and hold it; I actually get really frequent UTIs because of this. I am terrified every single time I have to go in public. I try to find a family/single bathroom, but a lot of places don't have them.

So I'll put my head down, hunch my shoulders and draw into myself as I open the door to the woman's bathroom. If there's a line, I close the door and find another one. If it's an emergency, I try and brave the line. When one becomes available, I make a beeline for the closest stall, do my business (while sitting down), and wait until I think the room is empty. It's only then that I venture out to wash my hands and leave.

I used to use the men's restroom early in my transition. I got punched, verbally abused, and had a very large and intimidating man threaten to rape me. I am in fear for my life. I am in fear that some man will say or do something that will ruin my day, my week, my life.

You have rights to feel safe when you go to the bathroom. Why do I not have those rights either?

Please be respectful of my experiences and my life as you respond. Thank you.

No. You must sail in as if you belong there. Go in the stall, do your business and come out. Don't wait on people to leave to wash your hands.

You are drawing attention to yourself by trying to not draw attention to yourself. Women just go into the bathroom - they don't gird their loins and prepare for battle. If someone asks what you are doing in there, you answer truthfully - You need to pee. So pee, wash your hands and leave.

+1, your posture and how you are presenting yourself is a problem and that is not how women do things. And, with the women's room there is always a line. That's why every once in a while out of desperation you see a woman rushing into the men's.

[Anonymous]

New poster here, and I really don't get all the controversy over this issue. We go to the bathroom to pee and poop. Every human does this.

If you present as a woman, then you should go to the women's restroom. If you present as a man, then you should go to the men's restroom. If you are purposely dressing up like the opposite gender to gain access to the bathroom to commit violence, you are a criminal. And no bathroom law would change that fact.

[Anonymous]

If you are getting that many UTI's maybe something else is wrong. Men/male parts generally do not get UTI's like women (in less you've done a complete transformation and not sure what that is involved).

http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/understanding-urinary-tract-infections-treatment

[Anonymous]

They are unfounded unless you can give me a reason that they do not belong there. Feeling uncomfortable is not enough. You're probably the kind of person who tells the flight attendant to kick off Muslims from the plane because you feel unsafe.

This is so not true and again people make assumptions about people because my viewpoint is different than you. I have many friends who are Muslim, Jewish, Catholic, protestant. Again, there have been Men and Women's separate restrooms forever. Just because you want to transition to something you were not born that does not mean everyone is going to jump up and down for joy. The next step will be UNISEX and I can see you all will be happy with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but by forcing yourself in the women's restrooms you are saying your rights are more important. Because you will feel safe but we will not.

There are no cases of trans women attacking cis women in bathrooms. Your irrational fear of trans people just trying to use the toilet is not OPs problem.

I don't see where that was a transwoman -- you do know that, just because a man puts on a woman's suit, that doesn't make him a transwoman, right?

Also, that happened 6 years ago -- pretty sure these bathroom policies weren't in effect then. So I'm not sure how this makes you less safe?

Even though I complete support anybody coming into the woman's room who doesn't make a mess, I wish people would not make this ludicrous argument. When a male presenting as a woman walks into a woman's room, nobody can tell if they are trans or not. Of course, if it is a trans person you know, then you know. But if you are in a rural national park and some stranger presenting as a woman walks in, you have no idea if they are trans or just a creep. So, while there are many good arguements that transwomen should be allowed to use the woman's room, this is not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're dressed like a woman and look like a woman I don't see how anyone even looks differently at you? Lots of women look manly.

I'm wondering this too. Your OP says you present like a woman, if that's the case why can't you just walk in, go, wash your hands and walk out? I don't want to diminish your experience but please explain because I'm not understanding what the problem is in your case. I'm guessing if you walked into the bathroom I was in I wouldnt even know your were trans.

I wonder this too.

[Anonymous]

Gaia wrote:Good morning DCUM.

I am a woman who was born with a penis and raised as male. I am on HRT (hormone replacement therapy), present, and live as a woman. I do everyday activities like go to work and go grocery shopping. I encounter stares and whispers everywhere I go.

Sometimes I have to pee. I try to plan ahead by going before I leave in my safe home, but sometimes I have to venture into a public bathroom. My first response at needing to go is to always try and hold it; I actually get really frequent UTIs because of this. I am terrified every single time I have to go in public. I try to find a family/single bathroom, but a lot of places don't have them.

So I'll put my head down, hunch my shoulders and draw into myself as I open the door to the woman's bathroom. If there's a line, I close the door and find another one. If it's an emergency, I try and brave the line. When one becomes available, I make a beeline for the closest stall, do my business (while sitting down), and wait until I think the room is empty. It's only then that I venture out to wash my hands and leave.

I used to use the men's restroom early in my transition. I got punched, verbally abused, and had a very large and intimidating man threaten to rape me. I am in fear for my life. I am in fear that some man will say or do something that will ruin my day, my week, my life.

You have rights to feel safe when you go to the bathroom. Why do I not have those rights either?

Please be respectful of my experiences and my life as you respond. Thank you.

but how can they tell you are a transwoman and not a woman? Most transwomen do a good enough job that they pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but by forcing yourself in the women's restrooms you are saying your rights are more important. Because you will feel safe but we will not.

There are no cases of trans women attacking cis women in bathrooms. Your irrational fear of trans people just trying to use the toilet is not OPs problem.

I don't see where that was a transwoman -- you do know that, just because a man puts on a woman's suit, that doesn't make him a transwoman, right?

Also, that happened 6 years ago -- pretty sure these bathroom policies weren't in effect then. So I'm not sure how this makes you less safe?

Even though I complete support anybody coming into the woman's room who doesn't make a mess, I wish people would not make this ludicrous argument. When a male presenting as a woman walks into a woman's room, nobody can tell if they are trans or not. Of course, if it is a trans person you know, then you know. But if you are in a rural national park and some stranger presenting as a woman walks in, you have no idea if they are trans or just a creep. So, while there are many good arguements that transwomen should be allowed to use the woman's room, this is not one of them.

But how can you tell that it's a man presenting as a woman in the first place? Are you studying everyone who comes into the bathroom? Asking to see their genitalia?

And if you are attacked in a bathroom - whether it's by a man pretending to be a woman, a transgender, or a woman - it is a crime all the same. That can be prosecuted even without a bathroom law.