New coworker made rude comment

[Anonymous]

I think the problem is the "clerk" comment. Think of a way to casually mention to both of these guys that you're an engineer. Something like, "hey bob (80% of older men are bob), we're going to be working on the vandalay project together. I went to x and y schools for engineering and I like working on z."

I also agree that you shouldn't be volunteering to do the admin. work. I think you should let the comment go. Sometimes people will say something rude once and realize it on their own. If it happens again, then say something right then or soon afterwards.

And guess what your reward will be for doing the admin work...more admin work! So don't do it. Just start saying you're too busy when it comes up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back finally. First, I'm not sure where the comments about us being losers came from - I work in R&D for a company whose aircraft you've probably flown on. No new career necessary.

Second, I talked to my manager today and let him know I was going to have to back off the admin work a bit. I didn't tell him why, but he knows I'm overworked and I'm sure assumed it's a workload issue. It's really hard because I like to take on work, but you all are right, I shouldn't be taking on admin work as a younger (as if I feel young at 35) woman.

New coworker was not in today, so I bought myself some time to decide if and what to say to him. You all gave me great ideas on that as well.

Good for you for telling the boss you're scaling back on the admin work.
I think you should not bring up the rude comment with the new employee. Too much time has passed and he probably doesn't remember it anymore. If you bring it up he'll know that you've been thinking about it all this time and he's gotten under your skin. It will just give him more leverage against you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the problem is the "clerk" comment. Think of a way to casually mention to both of these guys that you're an engineer. Something like, "hey bob (80% of older men are bob), we're going to be working on the vandalay project together. I went to x and y schools for engineering and I like working on z."

I also agree that you shouldn't be volunteering to do the admin. work. I think you should let the comment go. Sometimes people will say something rude once and realize it on their own. If it happens again, then say something right then or soon afterwards.

And guess what your reward will be for doing the admin work...more admin work! So don't do it. Just start saying you're too busy when it comes up.

Whenever someone brings up that they have such-and-such degree from some prestigious university I think they are insecure. Sure, mention it when someone calls you a clerk, but there's no way to bring it up casually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back finally. First, I'm not sure where the comments about us being losers came from - I work in R&D for a company whose aircraft you've probably flown on. No new career necessary.

Second, I talked to my manager today and let him know I was going to have to back off the admin work a bit. I didn't tell him why, but he knows I'm overworked and I'm sure assumed it's a workload issue. It's really hard because I like to take on work, but you all are right, I shouldn't be taking on admin work as a younger (as if I feel young at 35) woman.

New coworker was not in today, so I bought myself some time to decide if and what to say to him. You all gave me great ideas on that as well.

I'm not one of the PPs who called you or anyone a loser. Not sure why they said that either.

Good luck. I still think that it would be better -- if you do confront the coworker -- to not focus on the comment he made. Let that go. Instead, find a way to approach him that makes clear your role there.

Trust me on this. It will backfire if you fixate on the rudeness. It will make you seem overly sensitive. Or it will devolve into a "who was ruder" debate. Neither scenario helps your situation and sets a good tone going forward. Your strategy should be focused on making clear that you aren't an admin, that you work on the same projects, and that you are all expected to work together.

[Anonymous]

I would think ops comment is part of the reason why open office spaces are encouraged - collaboration.

New coworker sounds rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back finally. First, I'm not sure where the comments about us being losers came from - I work in R&D for a company whose aircraft you've probably flown on. No new career necessary.

Second, I talked to my manager today and let him know I was going to have to back off the admin work a bit. I didn't tell him why, but he knows I'm overworked and I'm sure assumed it's a workload issue. It's really hard because I like to take on work, but you all are right, I shouldn't be taking on admin work as a younger (as if I feel young at 35) woman.

New coworker was not in today, so I bought myself some time to decide if and what to say to him. You all gave me great ideas on that as well.

You do sound much younger than 35.

[Anonymous]

New co worker sounds like a complete jackass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back finally. First, I'm not sure where the comments about us being losers came from - I work in R&D for a company whose aircraft you've probably flown on. No new career necessary.

Second, I talked to my manager today and let him know I was going to have to back off the admin work a bit. I didn't tell him why, but he knows I'm overworked and I'm sure assumed it's a workload issue. It's really hard because I like to take on work, but you all are right, I shouldn't be taking on admin work as a younger (as if I feel young at 35) woman.

New coworker was not in today, so I bought myself some time to decide if and what to say to him. You all gave me great ideas on that as well.

You do sound much younger than 35.

I have lots of social issues, so what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back finally. First, I'm not sure where the comments about us being losers came from - I work in R&D for a company whose aircraft you've probably flown on. No new career necessary.

Second, I talked to my manager today and let him know I was going to have to back off the admin work a bit. I didn't tell him why, but he knows I'm overworked and I'm sure assumed it's a workload issue. It's really hard because I like to take on work, but you all are right, I shouldn't be taking on admin work as a younger (as if I feel young at 35) woman.

New coworker was not in today, so I bought myself some time to decide if and what to say to him. You all gave me great ideas on that as well.

You do sound much younger than 35.

I have lots of social issues, so what?

Tee hee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back finally. First, I'm not sure where the comments about us being losers came from - I work in R&D for a company whose aircraft you've probably flown on. No new career necessary.

Second, I talked to my manager today and let him know I was going to have to back off the admin work a bit. I didn't tell him why, but he knows I'm overworked and I'm sure assumed it's a workload issue. It's really hard because I like to take on work, but you all are right, I shouldn't be taking on admin work as a younger (as if I feel young at 35) woman.

New coworker was not in today, so I bought myself some time to decide if and what to say to him. You all gave me great ideas on that as well.

You do sound much younger than 35.

I have lots of social issues, so what?

Engineers tend to be socially awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back finally. First, I'm not sure where the comments about us being losers came from - I work in R&D for a company whose aircraft you've probably flown on. No new career necessary.

Second, I talked to my manager today and let him know I was going to have to back off the admin work a bit. I didn't tell him why, but he knows I'm overworked and I'm sure assumed it's a workload issue. It's really hard because I like to take on work, but you all are right, I shouldn't be taking on admin work as a younger (as if I feel young at 35) woman.

New coworker was not in today, so I bought myself some time to decide if and what to say to him. You all gave me great ideas on that as well.

You do sound much younger than 35.

I have lots of social issues, so what?

Engineers tend to be socially awkward.

Yes, we do, so I'm unclear as to why PP would have to call me out on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back finally. First, I'm not sure where the comments about us being losers came from - I work in R&D for a company whose aircraft you've probably flown on. No new career necessary.

Second, I talked to my manager today and let him know I was going to have to back off the admin work a bit. I didn't tell him why, but he knows I'm overworked and I'm sure assumed it's a workload issue. It's really hard because I like to take on work, but you all are right, I shouldn't be taking on admin work as a younger (as if I feel young at 35) woman.

New coworker was not in today, so I bought myself some time to decide if and what to say to him. You all gave me great ideas on that as well.

You do sound much younger than 35.

I have lots of social issues, so what?

Engineers tend to be socially awkward.

Yes, we do, so I'm unclear as to why PP would have to call me out on it.

Because this is DCUM.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if your new coworker wasn't flirting with or trying to engage your other coworker for reasons not directly related to the project being discussed.

I'd let this one instance go...but if ever does something similar again - be ready to call him out on it immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back finally. First, I'm not sure where the comments about us being losers came from - I work in R&D for a company whose aircraft you've probably flown on. No new career necessary.

Second, I talked to my manager today and let him know I was going to have to back off the admin work a bit. I didn't tell him why, but he knows I'm overworked and I'm sure assumed it's a workload issue. It's really hard because I like to take on work, but you all are right, I shouldn't be taking on admin work as a younger (as if I feel young at 35) woman.

New coworker was not in today, so I bought myself some time to decide if and what to say to him. You all gave me great ideas on that as well.

You do sound much younger than 35.

I have lots of social issues, so what?

I think you may have put yourself in a worse position by not telling your boss why you don't want to do more admin work. Tell her/him that you want to focus on more X/Y/Z professional tasks - mention that you do the professional/technical already, want to get more in depth or broaden in these areas. Now the boss thinks you are overworked and will say no to new work altogether. That isn't good for a young professional. I'm a 50-ish boss, and you know what happens when someone who is on the upward trajectory tells me they are too busy? I don't give them any work, and I have to do it myself more often than not. If I know that someone wants more of a particular technical task, I'm happy to give it to this person and naturally shift-away other work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back finally. First, I'm not sure where the comments about us being losers came from - I work in R&D for a company whose aircraft you've probably flown on. No new career necessary.

Second, I talked to my manager today and let him know I was going to have to back off the admin work a bit. I didn't tell him why, but he knows I'm overworked and I'm sure assumed it's a workload issue. It's really hard because I like to take on work, but you all are right, I shouldn't be taking on admin work as a younger (as if I feel young at 35) woman.

New coworker was not in today, so I bought myself some time to decide if and what to say to him. You all gave me great ideas on that as well.

You do sound much younger than 35.

I have lots of social issues, so what?

I think you may have put yourself in a worse position by not telling your boss why you don't want to do more admin work. Tell her/him that you want to focus on more X/Y/Z professional tasks - mention that you do the professional/technical already, want to get more in depth or broaden in these areas. Now the boss thinks you are overworked and will say no to new work altogether. That isn't good for a young professional. I'm a 50-ish boss, and you know what happens when someone who is on the upward trajectory tells me they are too busy? I don't give them any work, and I have to do it myself more often than not. If I know that someone wants more of a particular technical task, I'm happy to give it to this person and naturally shift-away other work.

I've been taking on more and more technical work as well. It's fine.