New coworker made rude comment

[Anonymous]

So did you talk to this coworker about the rude comment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back finally. First, I'm not sure where the comments about us being losers came from - I work in R&D for a company whose aircraft you've probably flown on. No new career necessary.

Second, I talked to my manager today and let him know I was going to have to back off the admin work a bit. I didn't tell him why, but he knows I'm overworked and I'm sure assumed it's a workload issue. It's really hard because I like to take on work, but you all are right, I shouldn't be taking on admin work as a younger (as if I feel young at 35) woman.

New coworker was not in today, so I bought myself some time to decide if and what to say to him. You all gave me great ideas on that as well.

I'm not one of the PPs who called you or anyone a loser. Not sure why they said that either.

Good luck. I still think that it would be better -- if you do confront the coworker -- to not focus on the comment he made. Let that go. Instead, find a way to approach him that makes clear your role there.

Trust me on this. It will backfire if you fixate on the rudeness. It will make you seem overly sensitive. Or it will devolve into a "who was ruder" debate. Neither scenario helps your situation and sets a good tone going forward. Your strategy should be focused on making clear that you aren't an admin, that you work on the same projects, and that you are all expected to work together.

Totally agree with this. The time to address that comment was in the moment, and it has passed.

[Anonymous]

Agree that it would be a bit too confrontational to bring it up again now that the moment has passed. However, you won't be as surprised if it happens again - so be prepared to respond in a positive and cheerful but firm manner : "but we all cooperate on projects and share information as a team, and this is a project I've been working on for several weeks" with a smile on your face. Be careful not to seem passive-agressive or confrontational because you don't want to escalate the situation or create a rivalry. Just be professional, positive and oblivious to any tension there might be.