New coworker made rude comment

[Anonymous]

New coworker just started Monday. He was discussing an issue with the woman who shares my two cube area, an issue that was actually my project. I waited until an appropriate time and said, "Hey, actually, I have some information on that, blah, blah, blah." Really short sentence. My new coworker replied, "Hey, this is a conversation with her, ok?"

I didn't interrupt, and didn't do anything that's culturally frowned upon in my company and especially our department. I'm kind of at a loss here - I hate having an adversarial relationship with coworkers, but I feel like I have one with him now. And he's brand new! How do I fix this?

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a jerk.

[Anonymous]

How did the woman who shares your two cube area react?

[Anonymous]

You don't. He was the one who was rude and wrong. if you try and fix it, he'll think you accept that what you did was wrong and that he can talk to you that way. Don't' do any running. Be professional but nothing more and certainly don't try and overcompensate by being too nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did the woman who shares your two cube area react?

She just said "Oh, yeah, what she said, blah, blah, blah." Didn't seem to notice his comment.

[Anonymous]

Is there a chance that he didn't know the project is yours? Do you both report to the same person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't. He was the one who was rude and wrong. if you try and fix it, he'll think you accept that what you did was wrong and that he can talk to you that way. Don't' do any running. Be professional but nothing more and certainly don't try and overcompensate by being too nice.

Yeah I don't think you need to do anything to fix it. Be polite with him going forward, and hope it was a one-off thing.

[Anonymous]

Wow.

I would address this head on, because he's a new worker.

I would get him alone, reference this earlier conversation, and say that the topic at hand was actually your project. That you were offended by his lack of grace when he said: "Hey, this is a conversation with her, ok?" .

Your words should be simple yet blunt. Your demeanor should be calm, your voice clear. Stand up straight, but don't be aggressive. Look him in the eye, but don't glare.

You have to get him to respect you, and not let this fester between you. He has to apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a chance that he didn't know the project is yours? Do you both report to the same person?

We do both report to the same person and there are only four of us in the department, so a lot of things are handled by multiple people.

I suppose there's a chance he didn't know it was mine, but still - to be rude? I'd never think of saying that my first three days on a new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a chance that he didn't know the project is yours? Do you both report to the same person?

Even if that were the case, and he didn't know that, this was still a pretty rude thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow.

I would address this head on, because he's a new worker.

I would get him alone, reference this earlier conversation, and say that the topic at hand was actually your project. That you were offended by his lack of grace when he said: "Hey, this is a conversation with her, ok?" .

Your words should be simple yet blunt. Your demeanor should be calm, your voice clear. Stand up straight, but don't be aggressive. Look him in the eye, but don't glare.

You have to get him to respect you, and not let this fester between you. He has to apologize.

Oddly, his predecessor had zero respect for me, because I was 24 when I started, just out of school and he'd been around 30 years. Seriously, the guy made it known every chance he could. I hated it, and was pretty happy at the prospect of a replacement until this happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow.

I would address this head on, because he's a new worker.

I would get him alone, reference this earlier conversation, and say that the topic at hand was actually your project. That you were offended by his lack of grace when he said: "Hey, this is a conversation with her, ok?" .

Your words should be simple yet blunt. Your demeanor should be calm, your voice clear. Stand up straight, but don't be aggressive. Look him in the eye, but don't glare.

You have to get him to respect you, and not let this fester between you. He has to apologize.

Oddly, his predecessor had zero respect for me, because I was 24 when I started, just out of school and he'd been around 30 years. Seriously, the guy made it known every chance he could. I hated it, and was pretty happy at the prospect of a replacement until this happened.

I'm the PP you replied to. I look young for my age and I'm usually quiet and polite - this makes it easy for people to underestimate me! Perhaps you are like this too, but trust me, from experience, I know that what you say and how you say it is what earns you respect. Do not sweep this under the rug, otherwise he will learn that he can treat you like this all the time (like toddlers and dogs). You have to tell him that this warrants an apology, that his remark was uncalled for. He may react in a variety of ways, but all you have to do is keep calm and look at him until he wilts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow.

I would address this head on, because he's a new worker.

I would get him alone, reference this earlier conversation, and say that the topic at hand was actually your project. That you were offended by his lack of grace when he said: "Hey, this is a conversation with her, ok?" .

Your words should be simple yet blunt. Your demeanor should be calm, your voice clear. Stand up straight, but don't be aggressive. Look him in the eye, but don't glare.

You have to get him to respect you, and not let this fester between you. He has to apologize.

Oddly, his predecessor had zero respect for me, because I was 24 when I started, just out of school and he'd been around 30 years. Seriously, the guy made it known every chance he could. I hated it, and was pretty happy at the prospect of a replacement until this happened.

I'm the PP you replied to. I look young for my age and I'm usually quiet and polite - this makes it easy for people to underestimate me! Perhaps you are like this too, but trust me, from experience, I know that what you say and how you say it is what earns you respect. Do not sweep this under the rug, otherwise he will learn that he can treat you like this all the time (like toddlers and dogs). You have to tell him that this warrants an apology, that his remark was uncalled for. He may react in a variety of ways, but all you have to do is keep calm and look at him until he wilts.

What if he doesn't remember it? I also look young for my age, and another newish coworker referred to me as a clerk the other day to him (I'm not a clerk), so I wonder if that was part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Jerks would never know or realize they're being jerks even if you point it out. I feel like maybe he didn't realize it was your project? Is he your peer or superior? He can't expect privacy talking over cubes! This is making me angry thinking about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jerks would never know or realize they're being jerks even if you point it out. I feel like maybe he didn't realize it was your project? Is he your peer or superior? He can't expect privacy talking over cubes! This is making me angry thinking about it

He's a peer, although at a higher level than I am. I agree he can't expect privacy, especially since I wasn't even talking over a wall!