What is your opinion on a guy who is a virgin in his 30's?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

Yes we did not actually kiss for two months. The first month was kind of a wash do to scheduling/timing issues, but even still most people our age kiss on the first date, some have sex. I guess I didn't really think of the timing, until I sat down because the dates have been sporadic. Which I thought was really odd.

Our first technical kiss, was more like him brushing up against me, and I think that happened because we were being stupid and I half teasingly mentioned the no kissing thing.
Even with the little peck, he didn't do anything.

Then with yesterday's kiss. It was a real kiss, and I could tell he was into it, but it was very amature , and he told me before that he only hat 1 serious girlfriend- from college

So I just asked him, and he admitted it- very embarrassed.

I'm now torn between feeling bad for the guy, and wanting to run.

His friends that I met are normal guys, all 3 are in relationships. 2 married, 1 engaged. He is definitely the quiet one of the bunch, and he's known these guys since childhood.

I don't understand the problem. You like the guy, things are moving along (slowly), yet you are asking random strangers here to volunteer reasons why you shouldn't even attempt to progress the relationship. Same with the other recent thread about the two divorced folks. It's not an ideal scenario, and someone writes in "nope, nope, just be happy with your hobbies and your grandkids".

You're looking for tips from people who are just making wild guesses. You know the guy, no one on here does.
You don't actually have a significant problem. You apparently like him. Break him in, or not.

[Anonymous]

Dh here. I was a virgin until I was 22 when my wife and I met. There's nothing wrong with me, I'm a pretty decent guy, and not bad looking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh here. I was a virgin until I was 22 when my wife and I met. There's nothing wrong with me, I'm a pretty decent guy, and not bad looking.

I can understand 22. But not 30. There is something wrong- he's either gay or some issue. That is not normal. I would RUN!

A friend of mine married a guy who was a v25 y/o virgin when they met. Things are fine in the bedroom for several years, but their marriage deteriorated and they divorce. It's quite obvious that he's gay now (while he's still not out of the closet, he has "friends" he spends a lot of time with who are obviously gay. Their marriage counselor also told my friend she thought he was gay.

[Anonymous]

Woman here who also waited until much later in life. This is why you don't tell, unless there is some specific issue you really need to deal with (eg response to sexual trauma, etc).

My "reason" is that I find the idea of random sex/hookups distasteful, want through a "heavy" period in my 20s, did a lot of shift work, and am the personality type who has a few strong close friends and it's similar in my romantic life. Wasn't getting out much, didn't feel confident about my body, etc. To put it succinctly - opportunity and inclination weren't in the same place until I was over 30. But when they were in the right place, it really wasn't an issue for me (just seemed like something I really wanted to do with this particular person) and I decided not to make it an issue for him by sharing something that didn't have some deep emotional component for me at that point.

Since he shared, and it's still bothering you, you need to talk to him about it.

[Anonymous]

A man who is a virgin until his 30's either does it for religious reasons, is extremely socially awkward/shy, or is not into women (prefers men, kids, etc)

Run OP! Its not worth it.

[Anonymous]

I forgot to add he also could have been molested in his youth and has sexual issues as a result.

[Anonymous]

First off, in college ANY woman can find a guy in the dorm, frat party, or bar and get laid in 50 seconds. In their twenties, the same for women. Men have to do the approaching, face rejection, perform in bed, etc. There are probably way more men who left college virgins and took a while to have confidence with women than you think.

OP, you say nothing about what it is like when you go out - is he a funny guy? easy to talk to? good listener? These traits don't grow on trees. Who knows? If it gets going with him maybe he will be 100% into pleasing you.

[Anonymous]

One of my best friends is 31 and a virgin because she believes in waiting for a special person, one that respects and commits to her. Not religious, but simply hasn't found him yet.

My handsome, successful husband was a late bloomer- not socially awkward but was painfully shy around girls throughout high school and college. His buddies and family would tease him about it. I am very outgoing and "pulled him out of his shell," though I wanted to wait a while to become intimate. He respected that, and said he would have waited until marriage if that's what I wanted. I had far more experience and partners, and he knows of it but we never discussed in detail.

Give the guy a chance. It's not like the two of you are engaged...get to know him more and perhaps be a little flirtier to get him to open up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A very late bloomer and someone with anxiety issues with women.

+1

How much money does he have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what's with the virgin shaming? Grow up people.

This person has no experience with intimacy of any kind. One girlfriend in college.

Marriage will not work. Not mature enough to be a father.

This is an immature socially inept person.

It'd be the same for a guy who slept around a bit but never had a real relationship.

Not spouse material.

[Anonymous]

Could be terrible performance anxiety; I was a virgin till I was 23- my first experience when I was 17 was a complete failure and it never left the forefront of my mind anytime I was with a girl. I always shut down when things were getting close until I was with the right girl (my now wife) and everything fell into perfect working order.
Go slow, let him lead and you might get there.

[Anonymous]

He's gay or lying

[Anonymous]

I'd worry about whatever ideas he's used to justify or make sense of his situation.

"Women are dirty" would be #1 in that list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't understand the problem. You like the guy, things are moving along (slowly), yet you are asking random strangers here to volunteer reasons why you shouldn't even attempt to progress the relationship. Same with the other recent thread about the two divorced folks. It's not an ideal scenario, and someone writes in "nope, nope, just be happy with your hobbies and your grandkids".

You're looking for tips from people who are just making wild guesses. You know the guy, no one on here does.
You don't actually have a significant problem. You apparently like him. Break him in, or not.

More than anything else in the world, women care about the approval of others. A woman may meet the greatest man on earth, but if others tell her there is something wrong with him and they don't approve, she'll dump him in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't understand the problem. You like the guy, things are moving along (slowly), yet you are asking random strangers here to volunteer reasons why you shouldn't even attempt to progress the relationship. Same with the other recent thread about the two divorced folks. It's not an ideal scenario, and someone writes in "nope, nope, just be happy with your hobbies and your grandkids".

You're looking for tips from people who are just making wild guesses. You know the guy, no one on here does.
You don't actually have a significant problem. You apparently like him. Break him in, or not.

More than anything else in the world, women care about the approval of others. A woman may meet the greatest man on earth, but if others tell her there is something wrong with him and they don't approve, she'll dump him in a heartbeat.

this poster knows what she/he is talking about.