Hostility to Name Change

[Anonymous]

Looks like you're among some militant feminists. They suck. Just ignore them, and they will go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never say anything but secretly I think less of women who change their names.

And you are part of the problem. Why does it matter to you?

Seriously. I used to secretly think less of people of thought less of people for random and irrelevant things. But now I have a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband and wife having a similar last name is not a matter of like or dislike. Of course no one would like to change a name that has been there with you for a good part of their life whether it is the husband or the wife. But fortunately or unfortunately it has been a tradition of the world for hundreds of years and our society has adopted to accommodate that. So one should blame our ancestors if you think it's the husband who should change the name or you think wife should not change the name at all.

Here's my point. Since it has been a tradition for many years, there are consequences for going against it. Here's a small example: What last name would the children have? And there will be many of these down the road of life.

On a more important note. Family is a unit, one team, a coexistence that needs to survive in the long run. Hence it naturally make sense to have everybody on the same page and being able to compromise has everything to do for its survival. Therefore, not willing to change ones name can say a lot about the self-centeredness of that person and usually a good recipe for a disaster in family life.

Dumbest post of the day. This is right up there with my male colleague who has been divorced three times and has had two broken engagments since I have known him--he also tried to question my "committment" to my DH because I also wasnt changing my name. Its not complicated folks. Its my name. My kid has DHs name. I honestly don't spend anytime thnking about this until ding dong women pipe in about the "survival" of the family unit. You really think the name change has anything to do with that? Holy cow I hope I don't know you in real life, then again I am sure I would find you very uninteresting if this is your depth.

[Anonymous]

People probably aren't realizing how deeply this is affecting you OP. Just let it go or speak up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your general field of work? I'm curious, because our dd is now 10, and out of all he moms I've met over the years, easily hundreds, I can only think of three that kept their maiden names.

Once you have kids, it is really so much easier for everyone to have the same last name.

IDGAF if you change your name or not, but that reason is complete bunk. We have three last names in our house -- mine, DH/DD's, and our niece's who we're raising -- and there has never been a single complication of any kind anywhere. Not at school, not at the airport, not at the doctor's office. It just does not happen.

Agreed. It has never been an issue, and there is even a large section in the school directory where you can look up a child by the parent's (different) last name; it is not unusual in the DC area.

I have many friends, coworkers and neighbors who have different last names than their children and their lives are not complicated by that fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People probably aren't realizing how deeply this is affecting you OP. Just let it go or speak up.

+1

I am often amazed how easily others comment on things they have no business commenting on. It's like people have no boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never say anything but secretly I think less of women who change their names.

And you are part of the problem. Why does it matter to you?

Because their actions affect all of us. When some women continue to bow to sexist traditions, other women are expected to follow suit.

All well and good, but it is more important to me that I have the same name as my children than that I keep the name I had growing up. Neither my husband nor I care enough to make this a cause Worth identifying some hyphenated were newfangled name, so I took his name. Also, I am now the step mother of his children from a prior marriage, and I am glad to share a last name with them as well. I don't expect anyone to follow suit as you say. And if I were to divorce, I would still keep the name I have now, again, because it is the last name of my young children. That does not mean I am not a feminist, or that I am bowing it down to anything. It means I have issues that are much more important to me to deal with, and I really couldn't care less about fighting the ingrained notion that names are patrilineal. I am also a lawyer who has done significant pro bono work in defense of women in a variety of areas, have worked closely with human resources to improve conditions for women at my office, including the normalizing and proper establishment of nursing facilities. Instead of judging people, you may want to assume that each moment is making progress in her own way, and that you may be taking different paths that ultimately lead in the same direction.

[Anonymous]

I had the opposite problem - didn't change my name. Was amazed at all of the randos who had an opinion on that. I told them to eff off.

As for kids - I'm birthing them, so they will 100% have my last name. DH is ambivalent, so they may or may not share his last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had the opposite problem - didn't change my name. Was amazed at all of the randos who had an opinion on that. I told them to eff off.

As for kids - I'm birthing them, so they will 100% have my last name. DH is ambivalent, so they may or may not share his last name.

Just don't decide to SAH. I think it's totally hypocritical when SAHM's keep their maiden name. Like they are soooo badass feminist but at the same time fine being totally dependent on their husbands money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a very normal English last name.

English last names are the best! I wish I had one, but unfortunately, I am not from English stock. Being English is normal. Everyone in the world should adopt the "normal" English last name.

Um, okay. Not sure the OP was saying that only English last names are "normal". Or that she took her DH's last name because it was English and therefore "normal".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had the opposite problem - didn't change my name. Was amazed at all of the randos who had an opinion on that. I told them to eff off.

As for kids - I'm birthing them, so they will 100% have my last name. DH is ambivalent, so they may or may not share his last name.

Just don't decide to SAH. I think it's totally hypocritical when SAHM's keep their maiden name. Like they are soooo badass feminist but at the same time fine being totally dependent on their husbands money.

You've got some issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a very normal English last name.

English last names are the best! I wish I had one, but unfortunately, I am not from English stock. Being English is normal. Everyone in the world should adopt the "normal" English last name.

Um, okay. Not sure the OP was saying that only English last names are "normal". Or that she took her DH's last name because it was English and therefore "normal".

I think she meant not unusual/easy enough to spell rather than normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I'm not a brat and would never say anything. I would outwardly even appear happy and congratulatory about your name change, as is expected in polite society but yes I'd think less of you.

Why is this attitude considered feminist? Judging and tearing down other women without knowing them or their reasons for making this choice (even if it is behind their backs or kept to yourself)? Do you really think that is what feminism is about? As a woman in 2016 I get to choose for myself, weigh the pros and cons of this decision. You are not a feminist, you are a judgey, nasty person who thinks you are better than people based on silly name change choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name when I got married frankly because I like my husbands last name much better than my maiden name and think it sounds much better w my first name. Also, I like my husband much better than my dad or my dads family too.

Me too! Somewhat estranged from my parents and maiden was frequently mispronounced and misspelled. If DH had a horrible last name, I would have kept maiden name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had the opposite problem - didn't change my name. Was amazed at all of the randos who had an opinion on that. I told them to eff off.

As for kids - I'm birthing them, so they will 100% have my last name. DH is ambivalent, so they may or may not share his last name.

Just don't decide to SAH. I think it's totally hypocritical when SAHM's keep their maiden name. Like they are soooo badass feminist but at the same time fine being totally dependent on their husbands money.

Yeah, being a feminist means that I want the CHOICE to do what I feel is right for me and my family.

If I did decide to SAH in the future (unlikely, but since you asked), it will be because I worked along side my husband to build the resources to do so. For the record, I make a hell of a lot more than him, so that nest egg? Mostly my money.