Hostility to Name Change

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'd never say anything but secretly I think less of women who change their names.


And you are part of the problem. Why does it matter to you?

It matters to me bc only women are expected to change their names. If it were truly a choice men would change their name too. It's a horrible outdated expectation that I am against.

You are overstating this as a problem.

And, FYI, men do change their names. Google is your friend. And I offered. DW though that was cool, but didn't want me to.

Take your ill-informed self-righteous indignation elsewhere.

Very few men change their name and it isn't expected of them

Do what you want. If you live your life concerned about the expectations of others you are doomed.

And judging other people because it MAY have an impact on you? Who died and made you Goddess?

[Anonymous]

Husband and wife having a similar last name is not a matter of like or dislike. Of course no one would like to change a name that has been there with you for a good part of their life whether it is the husband or the wife. But fortunately or unfortunately it has been a tradition of the world for hundreds of years and our society has adopted to accommodate that. So one should blame our ancestors if you think it's the husband who should change the name or you think wife should not change the name at all.

Here's my point. Since it has been a tradition for many years, there are consequences for going against it. Here's a small example: What last name would the children have? And there will be many of these down the road of life.

On a more important note. Family is a unit, one team, a coexistence that needs to survive in the long run. Hence it naturally make sense to have everybody on the same page and being able to compromise has everything to do for its survival. Therefore, not willing to change ones name can say a lot about the self-centeredness of that person and usually a good recipe for a disaster in family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband and wife having a similar last name is not a matter of like or dislike. Of course no one would like to change a name that has been there with you for a good part of their life whether it is the husband or the wife. But fortunately or unfortunately it has been a tradition of the world for hundreds of years and our society has adopted to accommodate that. So one should blame our ancestors if you think it's the husband who should change the name or you think wife should not change the name at all.

Here's my point. Since it has been a tradition for many years, there are consequences for going against it. Here's a small example: What last name would the children have? And there will be many of these down the road of life.

On a more important note. Family is a unit, one team, a coexistence that needs to survive in the long run. Hence it naturally make sense to have everybody on the same page and being able to compromise has everything to do for its survival. Therefore, not willing to change ones name can say a lot about the self-centeredness of that person and usually a good recipe for a disaster in family life.

Great. So now men can start changing their names too, for the "survival" of the family.

[Anonymous]

What is your general field of work? I'm curious, because our dd is now 10, and out of all he moms I've met over the years, easily hundreds, I can only think of three that kept their maiden names.

Once you have kids, it is really so much easier for everyone to have the same last name.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I'm a government attorney. My fellow attorneys do not make rude comments - it is other employees.

I need to challenge people more. When folks make rude comments and don't stop when I tell them it's a personal decision, I need to treat them like a child and shut it down. Folks need to know it's unwelcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband and wife having a similar last name is not a matter of like or dislike. Of course no one would like to change a name that has been there with you for a good part of their life whether it is the husband or the wife. But fortunately or unfortunately it has been a tradition of the world for hundreds of years and our society has adopted to accommodate that. So one should blame our ancestors if you think it's the husband who should change the name or you think wife should not change the name at all.

Here's my point. Since it has been a tradition for many years, there are consequences for going against it. Here's a small example: What last name would the children have? And there will be many of these down the road of life.

On a more important note. Family is a unit, one team, a coexistence that needs to survive in the long run. Hence it naturally make sense to have everybody on the same page and being able to compromise has everything to do for its survival. Therefore, not willing to change ones name can say a lot about the self-centeredness of that person and usually a good recipe for a disaster in family life.

What a tortured way to try to prove a point.

So, we should "blame our ancestors" for establishing the tradition, but we're "self centered" and create "a good recipe for disaster" if we choose to buck that tradition? What a load. I suppose you're also in favor of husbands routinely beating their wives? After all, it is a tradition that our ancestors established, so we should just blame them and live with it in the name of keeping our families together, right?

[Anonymous]

I got flak for thinking I might change my last name before I ever met my DH by a friend who is so into asserting herself that it is crazy. She asked me years ago if I would ever change my name, I told her that I probably would but would never marry someone who demanded it or thought it was a big deal. I She is a stay at home mom and does a great job at it but is the same person who thinks I should not be WAH and should not change my last name.

I also have gotten eye rolls from other people as well which I found odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never say anything but secretly I think less of women who change their names.

And you are part of the problem. Why does it matter to you?

Because their actions affect all of us. When some women continue to bow to sexist traditions, other women are expected to follow suit.

So I assume you did not accept an engagement ring or wear a white wedding dress because of those same sexist traditions? Right?

It's mind boggling that the same women that despise the name changing would never think of not getting a ring.

(I am a woman, btw).

[Anonymous]

Man I never got any comments about it. They are jerks. Ignore it, in a few months it will go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never say anything but secretly I think less of women who change their names.

And you are part of the problem. Why does it matter to you?

Because their actions affect all of us. When some women continue to bow to sexist traditions, other women are expected to follow suit.

Honey, you need to look up the meaning of “sexist.” I am sure you find “sexism” just about everywhere you look.
I was PROUD to take my husband’s name. It was symbolic of us coming together as a family. It is also easier when you have children - we all have the same last name, at least for now.
It is tradition, and evidently, most women agree.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/20/married-woman-name_n_6004376.html

While a majority of respondents think women should have a choice in the matter, most ended up taking their husband's last name when it came to their personal decision. Sixty percent of the women polled legally changed their surname to their husband's name, 11 percent of women kept their maiden name and only 8 percent opted to hyphenate or otherwise combine their maiden name with their husband's name. (The remaining 23 percent of women have never married.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never say anything but secretly I think less of women who change their names.

And you are part of the problem. Why does it matter to you?

Because their actions affect all of us. When some women continue to bow to sexist traditions, other women are expected to follow suit.

Oh eff off. Changing your name allowed me to feel more like a family unit. I wanted that very much because growing up my parents were divorced and my 'different' last name was very annoying. Not EVERYTHING is about the patriarchy and its definitely NO ONE'S business how one family wants to conduct themselves.

Get over yourself. You clearly would not be interested in marrying the type of man that this was important to and likely the feeling would be mutual. Which is great and why everyone making their own decisions is such a great model of life!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'd probably just laugh at them and keep moving. A blank stare and silence works wonders as well.

You should know by now that pretty much any decision you make about any aspect of your life will either be lauded or criticized by people who are almost entirely irrelevant to your existence. Do you have kids as yet? If not, boy are you in for a treat.

Just do you and let the obnoxious fools know their opinions have been duly noted and discarded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a very normal English last name.

English last names are the best! I wish I had one, but unfortunately, I am not from English stock. Being English is normal. Everyone in the world should adopt the "normal" English last name.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure the coworker was just kidding around. You sound hypersensitive, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your general field of work? I'm curious, because our dd is now 10, and out of all he moms I've met over the years, easily hundreds, I can only think of three that kept their maiden names.

Once you have kids, it is really so much easier for everyone to have the same last name.

IDGAF if you change your name or not, but that reason is complete bunk. We have three last names in our house -- mine, DH/DD's, and our niece's who we're raising -- and there has never been a single complication of any kind anywhere. Not at school, not at the airport, not at the doctor's office. It just does not happen.