Hostility to Name Change

[Anonymous]

I am a total feminist and love my maiden name. It's both of my kids' middle name. But, after growing up with a mom who had a different last name (my stepfather's), I know how incredibly annoying it can be to have a different name than one of your parents. No, it is not that bad, but it is an inconvenience that I did not want my kids to deal with (or to deal with myself). I would rather not have a different last name than everyone else in my immediate family. Also, ultimately, I am not certain that taking a big stand that amounts to keeping my FATHER's last name over taking my husband's is really that principled as a feminist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I would actually mention this to HR.

What a pussy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently married and I decided to take my husband’s last name. I am shocked that many co-workers and friends have provided un-solicited negative opinions about my decision to take my husband’s last name.

Yesterday in a work meeting of 7 people I was asked my last name. A co-worker announced that “my husband made me change my name.”

I’ve repeatedly shut people down by stating that it’s my “personal decision,” but yesterday really affected me.

I want nothing to do with these people; in fact, as a result of these un-solicited negative opinons, I have an extreme distaste for said people. Don’t like my name – don’t talk to me.

Has anyone experienced such hostility? Any advice?

At least you didn't follow the absurd trend of hyphenating your last names together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your general field of work? I'm curious, because our dd is now 10, and out of all he moms I've met over the years, easily hundreds, I can only think of three that kept their maiden names.

Once you have kids, it is really so much easier for everyone to have the same last name.

IDGAF if you change your name or not, but that reason is complete bunk. We have three last names in our house -- mine, DH/DD's, and our niece's who we're raising -- and there has never been a single complication of any kind anywhere. Not at school, not at the airport, not at the doctor's office. It just does not happen.

Well good for you. I grew up in a house where my last name was different (due to divorce) and felt like I was constantly explaining it for years and this was actually the main reason I WANTED to change my name. So like many things, your anecdotal experience is not representative of everyone in that situation.

Nice, I just posted about this too. It's also why my kids have simple names with only one spelling. My first name is little annoying and I have to spell it a lot, so I wanted to avoid that, too. A name is something you use so much that my view is whatever makes things most convenient is best. I understand the principle behind keeping the maiden name, but that's not my hill to die on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name when I got married frankly because I like my husbands last name much better than my maiden name and think it sounds much better w my first name.

Me too. Lifetime of hating how my first and last name sounded together. Ironically, my husband outright in all seriousness offered to change his last name, if I wanted him to.

[Anonymous]

I have a last name that should be no problem to pronounce correctly since it is phonetic. However, people almost always mispronounce it since it is unique here. My DH's name is very easy to spell and pronounce. I also wanted our whole family to have the same last name. It works for us and I do not judge other women for their choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looks like you're among some militant feminists. They suck. Just ignore them, and they will go away.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd never say anything but secretly I think less of women who change their names.

I do too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never say anything but secretly I think less of women who change their names.

I do too.

I thought you were feminists? Doesn't that mean we get to make our own choices?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never say anything but secretly I think less of women who change their names.

I do too.

I thought you were feminists? Doesn't that mean we get to make our own choices?

No, that is actually not what feminism means. Feminism means believing that men and women should have social, political, and economic equality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never say anything but secretly I think less of women who change their names.

I do too.

Same.

- Husband whose wife kept her name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

wtf? So either I'm named after my DAD or my HUSBAND? How is either less sexist? I personally loved taking DH's name. It's a worse name than my maiden name, but it means a lot that we're the same last name and will have children share our name.

No. Choose one of these options:

1. You have your father's last name and your husband has his father's last name. (In that case, when you change your name upon marriage, you are giving up your father's name and taking your father-in-law's last name.)
2. You have your own last name and your husband has his own last name. (In that case, when you change your name upon marriage, you are giving up your own name and taking your husband's name.)

But there is no way that you can give up your father's last name and take your husband's name -- unless you believe that women can't have their own last names?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Nice, I just posted about this too. It's also why my kids have simple names with only one spelling. My first name is little annoying and I have to spell it a lot, so I wanted to avoid that, too. A name is something you use so much that my view is whatever makes things most convenient is best. I understand the principle behind keeping the maiden name, but that's not my hill to die on.

It's just as convenient for the husband to change his name to the wife's as for the wife to change her name to the husband's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'd never say anything but secretly I think less of women who change their names.


And you are part of the problem. Why does it matter to you?

It matters to me bc only women are expected to change their names. If it were truly a choice men would change their name too. It's a horrible outdated expectation that I am against.

So don't do it. But stop being a brat to women who CHOOSE to do it.

Who said she mentioned it to the women? She said SECRETLY. Reading is fundamental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never say anything but secretly I think less of women who change their names.

And you are part of the problem. Why does it matter to you?

Because their actions affect all of us. When some women continue to bow to sexist traditions, other women are expected to follow suit.

wtf? So either I'm named after my DAD or my HUSBAND? How is either less sexist? I personally loved taking DH's name. It's a worse name than my maiden name, but it means a lot that we're the same last name and will have children share our name.

Why didn't DH take your name then?