Have you ever had to discuss class with your kids? If so, how did you do it?

[Anonymous]

The OP's and one of the PP's attitudes are so sad to me. Remind me of my MIL.

I am white, but ethnically mixed, from an extended multiracial family of VERY varying SES. DH is Asian American and grew up upper middle class+ in the DMV. This thread makes me so grateful that he appreciates and wants our child exposed to Asian Americans and other POC of "lower" SES, recent immigrants, etc. Because YES, our child DOES have "something in common" with refugees from Burma and what-have-you. Or even "lower" class folks with a different immigration trajectory from my husband's own country. Not to mention Latinos, poorer black folks, etc. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP's and one of the PP's attitudes are so sad to me. Remind me of my MIL.

I am white, but ethnically mixed, from an extended multiracial family of VERY varying SES. DH is Asian American and grew up upper middle class+ in the DMV. This thread makes me so grateful that he appreciates and wants our child exposed to Asian Americans and other POC of "lower" SES, recent immigrants, etc. Because YES, our child DOES have "something in common" with refugees from Burma and what-have-you. Or even "lower" class folks with a different immigration trajectory from my husband's own country. Not to mention Latinos, poorer black folks, etc. Sigh.

Asian-American here. I respectfully disagree. I don't think my 3rd generation Asian-American child has much in common with a Burman refugee. That's like saying you have a lot in common with a Caucasian Cuban refugee. Just because you are both white doesn't mean you should be grouped in the same group.

That being said, my children have friends from various backgrounds including many mixed children.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is the goal of the youth group? I know you say it intends to bring together kids of the same ethnic group, but why? You say the group leaders are trying to help but they are making things worse--what are they trying to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP's and one of the PP's attitudes are so sad to me. Remind me of my MIL.

I am white, but ethnically mixed, from an extended multiracial family of VERY varying SES. DH is Asian American and grew up upper middle class+ in the DMV. This thread makes me so grateful that he appreciates and wants our child exposed to Asian Americans and other POC of "lower" SES, recent immigrants, etc. Because YES, our child DOES have "something in common" with refugees from Burma and what-have-you. Or even "lower" class folks with a different immigration trajectory from my husband's own country. Not to mention Latinos, poorer black folks, etc. Sigh.

Asian-American here. I respectfully disagree. I don't think my 3rd generation Asian-American child has much in common with a Burman refugee. That's like saying you have a lot in common with a Caucasian Cuban refugee. Just because you are both white doesn't mean you should be grouped in the same group.

That being said, my children have friends from various backgrounds including many mixed children.

She didn't say a lot (or much) in common, she said something in common. This thread explains America. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

I wonder how a white family would feel if they say went to Korea. Then all of a sudden, a Korean school decided to get all the white kids in Korea together since they have so much in common. They take the kids who would be living in rural America, with poorly educated parents, maybe kids of military. Then they add some kids whose parents are there in academia, maybe kids from Manhattan or Boston. Then throw in some kids of Christian missionaries. Add some Finnish kids, then a few white kids from Argentina, Brazil, and South Africa. Add kids of tech geeks. Then some kids of peaceniks and some gun and bible kids. Add few Jewish kids, some Greek kids, and hey for good measure, some Indian kids since they are caucasian. Also, don't forget the set that would be called douchebags, and mix them with the granola set. Then tell them that they all have so much in common. Tell them that they should meet weekly to discuss their similarities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP's and one of the PP's attitudes are so sad to me. Remind me of my MIL.

I am white, but ethnically mixed, from an extended multiracial family of VERY varying SES. DH is Asian American and grew up upper middle class+ in the DMV. This thread makes me so grateful that he appreciates and wants our child exposed to Asian Americans and other POC of "lower" SES, recent immigrants, etc. Because YES, our child DOES have "something in common" with refugees from Burma and what-have-you. Or even "lower" class folks with a different immigration trajectory from my husband's own country. Not to mention Latinos, poorer black folks, etc. Sigh.

Asian-American here. I respectfully disagree. I don't think my 3rd generation Asian-American child has much in common with a Burman refugee. That's like saying you have a lot in common with a Caucasian Cuban refugee. Just because you are both white doesn't mean you should be grouped in the same group.

That being said, my children have friends from various backgrounds including many mixed children.

Doesn't mean you "should" be grouped...? Who is forcing anyone else to do this? Do what you want.

None of this white people stuff is analogous IMHO, though I'd be happy to be grouped with a white Cuban refugee, thanks. That said, in our family, we think it's important to be connected to your roots AND to other people of your racial/nearby national groups (knowing your history) AND to be connected to people of all races and SES, but we are particularly interested in solidarity among POC. If you are "colorblind," hey, whatever floats your boat. Realistically, I know my child will be grouped with those Burmese refugees and other Asian groups and other POC, and I want her to feel like that's cool, and that she shares *some* bond (not *all* bonds) vs. distancing herself because "I'm not like THOSE Asians/POC." We are attempting to steer away from the internalized racism and internalized classism we have seen in parts of my husband's and others' families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP's and one of the PP's attitudes are so sad to me. Remind me of my MIL.

I am white, but ethnically mixed, from an extended multiracial family of VERY varying SES. DH is Asian American and grew up upper middle class+ in the DMV. This thread makes me so grateful that he appreciates and wants our child exposed to Asian Americans and other POC of "lower" SES, recent immigrants, etc. Because YES, our child DOES have "something in common" with refugees from Burma and what-have-you. Or even "lower" class folks with a different immigration trajectory from my husband's own country. Not to mention Latinos, poorer black folks, etc. Sigh.

Asian-American here. I respectfully disagree. I don't think my 3rd generation Asian-American child has much in common with a Burman refugee. That's like saying you have a lot in common with a Caucasian Cuban refugee. Just because you are both white doesn't mean you should be grouped in the same group.

That being said, my children have friends from various backgrounds including many mixed children.

Doesn't mean you "should" be grouped...? Who is forcing anyone else to do this? Do what you want.

None of this white people stuff is analogous IMHO, though I'd be happy to be grouped with a white Cuban refugee, thanks. That said, in our family, we think it's important to be connected to your roots AND to other people of your racial/nearby national groups (knowing your history) AND to be connected to people of all races and SES, but we are particularly interested in solidarity among POC. If you are "colorblind," hey, whatever floats your boat. Realistically, I know my child will be grouped with those Burmese refugees and other Asian groups and other POC, and I want her to feel like that's cool, and that she shares *some* bond (not *all* bonds) vs. distancing herself because "I'm not like THOSE Asians/POC." We are attempting to steer away from the internalized racism and internalized classism we have seen in parts of my husband's and others' families.

In this case the kids are being TOLD that they have a lot in common by the adults who formed the group!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP's and one of the PP's attitudes are so sad to me. Remind me of my MIL.

I am white, but ethnically mixed, from an extended multiracial family of VERY varying SES. DH is Asian American and grew up upper middle class+ in the DMV. This thread makes me so grateful that he appreciates and wants our child exposed to Asian Americans and other POC of "lower" SES, recent immigrants, etc. Because YES, our child DOES have "something in common" with refugees from Burma and what-have-you. Or even "lower" class folks with a different immigration trajectory from my husband's own country. Not to mention Latinos, poorer black folks, etc. Sigh.

Asian-American here. I respectfully disagree. I don't think my 3rd generation Asian-American child has much in common with a Burman refugee. That's like saying you have a lot in common with a Caucasian Cuban refugee. Just because you are both white doesn't mean you should be grouped in the same group.

That being said, my children have friends from various backgrounds including many mixed children.

Doesn't mean you "should" be grouped...? Who is forcing anyone else to do this? Do what you want.

None of this white people stuff is analogous IMHO, though I'd be happy to be grouped with a white Cuban refugee, thanks. That said, in our family, we think it's important to be connected to your roots AND to other people of your racial/nearby national groups (knowing your history) AND to be connected to people of all races and SES, but we are particularly interested in solidarity among POC. If you are "colorblind," hey, whatever floats your boat. Realistically, I know my child will be grouped with those Burmese refugees and other Asian groups and other POC, and I want her to feel like that's cool, and that she shares *some* bond (not *all* bonds) vs. distancing herself because "I'm not like THOSE Asians/POC." We are attempting to steer away from the internalized racism and internalized classism we have seen in parts of my husband's and others' families.

^^This is me. To be clearer, she may have *more* in common with people other than Burmese refugees-- I'm not denying that. But we want her to see what she *does* have in common with them, and to be proud of that, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP's and one of the PP's attitudes are so sad to me. Remind me of my MIL.

I am white, but ethnically mixed, from an extended multiracial family of VERY varying SES. DH is Asian American and grew up upper middle class+ in the DMV. This thread makes me so grateful that he appreciates and wants our child exposed to Asian Americans and other POC of "lower" SES, recent immigrants, etc. Because YES, our child DOES have "something in common" with refugees from Burma and what-have-you. Or even "lower" class folks with a different immigration trajectory from my husband's own country. Not to mention Latinos, poorer black folks, etc. Sigh.

Asian-American here. I respectfully disagree. I don't think my 3rd generation Asian-American child has much in common with a Burman refugee. That's like saying you have a lot in common with a Caucasian Cuban refugee. Just because you are both white doesn't mean you should be grouped in the same group.

That being said, my children have friends from various backgrounds including many mixed children.

Doesn't mean you "should" be grouped...? Who is forcing anyone else to do this? Do what you want.

None of this white people stuff is analogous IMHO, though I'd be happy to be grouped with a white Cuban refugee, thanks. That said, in our family, we think it's important to be connected to your roots AND to other people of your racial/nearby national groups (knowing your history) AND to be connected to people of all races and SES, but we are particularly interested in solidarity among POC. If you are "colorblind," hey, whatever floats your boat. Realistically, I know my child will be grouped with those Burmese refugees and other Asian groups and other POC, and I want her to feel like that's cool, and that she shares *some* bond (not *all* bonds) vs. distancing herself because "I'm not like THOSE Asians/POC." We are attempting to steer away from the internalized racism and internalized classism we have seen in parts of my husband's and others' families.

In this case the kids are being TOLD that they have a lot in common by the adults who formed the group!

This is one of those semantic things. They surely DO have "a lot" in common with them, although this can be true at the same time we could say they don't have more in common with them than they have with another group. "A lot" is a relative term.

[Anonymous]

I'm a little confused as to what this youth group is. Is it something that a school just decided to put your kid in? I would have a problem with that - under the guise of diversity, they're picking out kids and pointing out they're different. It's a form of ghettoization. So if this is a public school this is an overreach.

If it's some other kind if group you opted in to, why the heck are you so worried about class? If things are unfamiliar, then you explain "Johnny's family does this this way, but we do it that way" and if it's part of your heritage you explain the basis for the tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how a white family would feel if they say went to Korea. Then all of a sudden, a Korean school decided to get all the white kids in Korea together since they have so much in common. They take the kids who would be living in rural America, with poorly educated parents, maybe kids of military. Then they add some kids whose parents are there in academia, maybe kids from Manhattan or Boston. Then throw in some kids of Christian missionaries. Add some Finnish kids, then a few white kids from Argentina, Brazil, and South Africa. Add kids of tech geeks. Then some kids of peaceniks and some gun and bible kids. Add few Jewish kids, some Greek kids, and hey for good measure, some Indian kids since they are caucasian. Also, don't forget the set that would be called douchebags, and mix them with the granola set. Then tell them that they all have so much in common. Tell them that they should meet weekly to discuss their similarities.

i think it would make sense. all of those people would be non-Korean and the "other" in a homogenous country, so they would have something in common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how a white family would feel if they say went to Korea. Then all of a sudden, a Korean school decided to get all the white kids in Korea together since they have so much in common. They take the kids who would be living in rural America, with poorly educated parents, maybe kids of military. Then they add some kids whose parents are there in academia, maybe kids from Manhattan or Boston. Then throw in some kids of Christian missionaries. Add some Finnish kids, then a few white kids from Argentina, Brazil, and South Africa. Add kids of tech geeks. Then some kids of peaceniks and some gun and bible kids. Add few Jewish kids, some Greek kids, and hey for good measure, some Indian kids since they are caucasian. Also, don't forget the set that would be called douchebags, and mix them with the granola set. Then tell them that they all have so much in common. Tell them that they should meet weekly to discuss their similarities.

i think it would make sense. all of those people would be non-Korean and the "other" in a homogenous country, so they would have something in common.

Serious discussion aside, this made me LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP's and one of the PP's attitudes are so sad to me. Remind me of my MIL.

I am white, but ethnically mixed, from an extended multiracial family of VERY varying SES. DH is Asian American and grew up upper middle class+ in the DMV. This thread makes me so grateful that he appreciates and wants our child exposed to Asian Americans and other POC of "lower" SES, recent immigrants, etc. Because YES, our child DOES have "something in common" with refugees from Burma and what-have-you. Or even "lower" class folks with a different immigration trajectory from my husband's own country. Not to mention Latinos, poorer black folks, etc. Sigh.

Asian-American here. I respectfully disagree. I don't think my 3rd generation Asian-American child has much in common with a Burman refugee. That's like saying you have a lot in common with a Caucasian Cuban refugee. Just because you are both white doesn't mean you should be grouped in the same group.

That being said, my children have friends from various backgrounds including many mixed children.

I think the PP meant that the Burman refugee and white upper-middle-class kid have things in common like their humanity, their desire for love, kindness, friends, meaningful work, etc. Not just the surface types of things like skin color or SES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My very kind and influential dc just got into a youth group that is supposed to be composed of people in their ethnic, cultural background. The only issue is that these kids have only one thing in common with dc, race/skin color.
They have nothing else in common, not country of origin, religion, language, social class, economic class....
We are different.
The idea for this youth group came from the school and it brings together kids from all over who are labeled the same way on a form with regards to race.
Most of the families are so very different from us. We are middle class (low middle) academicians who teach at local colleges. None of the other families was similar. Many wealthier, many with less money, most less educated. Overall very different.
They simply aren't people that we would spend any amount of time with.
More interestingly, I completely disagree with the opinions of the group leaders. I know that they are trying to help, but to me, they are making matters worse.
I need to explain to dc why this group just doesn't work for our family. Not an easy discussion. Dc liked the group....

First, could you explain to me why this group just doesn't work for your family? Because I don't get the problem with associating with people of a different country of origin, religion, language, social class or economic class.

An Ethiopian-American probably has nothing in common with an African-American whose great grandparents lived in America. A Korean immigrant from Korea may have nothing in common with a Vietnamese-American whose grandparents were refugees in the 70's. Poor Mexican immigrant may have nothing in common with a wealthy Puerto Rican. Can go on and on.

wow-- how sad you think like this

Said the standard white American.
Honestly, how can you not grasp that this is the truth and the way it is?
and yes, I am a standard white American myself but at least I have a clue.

I am also a "standard white American." But I have friends of various religions, familial backgrounds, social and/or economic means, etc. My family tree includes Native American, a few different European variants, one Asian and one African. I would never assume that anyone else shared my family tree, but I would also never limit a child's access to other people solely because they don't share the same background.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how a white family would feel if they say went to Korea. Then all of a sudden, a Korean school decided to get all the white kids in Korea together since they have so much in common. They take the kids who would be living in rural America, with poorly educated parents, maybe kids of military. Then they add some kids whose parents are there in academia, maybe kids from Manhattan or Boston. Then throw in some kids of Christian missionaries. Add some Finnish kids, then a few white kids from Argentina, Brazil, and South Africa. Add kids of tech geeks. Then some kids of peaceniks and some gun and bible kids. Add few Jewish kids, some Greek kids, and hey for good measure, some Indian kids since they are caucasian. Also, don't forget the set that would be called douchebags, and mix them with the granola set. Then tell them that they all have so much in common. Tell them that they should meet weekly to discuss their similarities.

In some ways, they have a lot in common. They are perceived the same way by the majority where they live. In other ways, they are very different, and each child voicing their difference will bind them together. My mother was in the military, she saw kids whose only commonality (language) become great friends. I really don't understand what OP's problem is.