Have you ever had to discuss class with your kids? If so, how did you do it?

[Anonymous]

My very kind and influential dc just got into a youth group that is supposed to be composed of people in their ethnic, cultural background. The only issue is that these kids have only one thing in common with dc, race/skin color.
They have nothing else in common, not country of origin, religion, language, social class, economic class....
We are different.
The idea for this youth group came from the school and it brings together kids from all over who are labeled the same way on a form with regards to race.
Most of the families are so very different from us. We are middle class (low middle) academicians who teach at local colleges. None of the other families was similar. Many wealthier, many with less money, most less educated. Overall very different.
They simply aren't people that we would spend any amount of time with.
More interestingly, I completely disagree with the opinions of the group leaders. I know that they are trying to help, but to me, they are making matters worse.
I need to explain to dc why this group just doesn't work for our family. Not an easy discussion. Dc liked the group....

[Anonymous]

I guess I don't see the issue with the group but I would just say what you wrote here - the group isn't a good fit for your family. That all families are different and believe in different things, value certain things over others etc and this group doesn't align with those.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you need to discuss class. How old are your kids?

My parents were poor graduate students/professors. They were very well educated but I always thought we were poor. We are Asian-American.

DH and I were educated in the states but picked more lucrative professions. DH is a surgeon and earns a very high income. I go out of my way to have my children play with kids with different backgrounds. It is not limited to race, income or religion. When I see poor immigrant children, I see myself 30 years ago.

[Anonymous]

We talk about it all the time. How affluent the majority of this area is and how it contrasts with how desparately poor so much of the other half of this area is. What is considered "middle class" in this area and how those opportunities we can afford contrasts to what their truly middle class cousins in the midwest have.

We talk about how affluence does not mean better although many in this area believe it does. We talk about character and kindness and compassion for others and that those with those traits are more valuable than material wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We talk about it all the time. How affluent the majority of this area is and how it contrasts with how desparately poor so much of the other half of this area is. What is considered "middle class" in this area and how those opportunities we can afford contrasts to what their truly middle class cousins in the midwest have.

We talk about how affluence does not mean better although many in this area believe it does. We talk about character and kindness and compassion for others and that those with those traits are more valuable than material wealth.

Just curious how old your children are.

I'm pp Asian-American poster. We never talk about money to our kids. They are 4 and 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My very kind and influential dc just got into a youth group that is supposed to be composed of people in their ethnic, cultural background. The only issue is that these kids have only one thing in common with dc, race/skin color.
They have nothing else in common, not country of origin, religion, language, social class, economic class....
We are different.
The idea for this youth group came from the school and it brings together kids from all over who are labeled the same way on a form with regards to race.
Most of the families are so very different from us. We are middle class (low middle) academicians who teach at local colleges. None of the other families was similar. Many wealthier, many with less money, most less educated. Overall very different.
They simply aren't people that we would spend any amount of time with.
More interestingly, I completely disagree with the opinions of the group leaders. I know that they are trying to help, but to me, they are making matters worse.
I need to explain to dc why this group just doesn't work for our family. Not an easy discussion. Dc liked the group....

Not sure what they problem is - can you be more specific as to why you think this group isn't a good fit? Isn't the point to spend time with people who are different than you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My very kind and influential dc just got into a youth group that is supposed to be composed of people in their ethnic, cultural background. The only issue is that these kids have only one thing in common with dc, race/skin color.
They have nothing else in common, not country of origin, religion, language, social class, economic class....
We are different.
The idea for this youth group came from the school and it brings together kids from all over who are labeled the same way on a form with regards to race.
Most of the families are so very different from us. We are middle class (low middle) academicians who teach at local colleges. None of the other families was similar. Many wealthier, many with less money, most less educated. Overall very different.
They simply aren't people that we would spend any amount of time with.
More interestingly, I completely disagree with the opinions of the group leaders. I know that they are trying to help, but to me, they are making matters worse.
I need to explain to dc why this group just doesn't work for our family. Not an easy discussion. Dc liked the group....

First, could you explain to me why this group just doesn't work for your family? Because I don't get the problem with associating with people of a different country of origin, religion, language, social class or economic class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My very kind and influential dc just got into a youth group that is supposed to be composed of people in their ethnic, cultural background. The only issue is that these kids have only one thing in common with dc, race/skin color.
They have nothing else in common, not country of origin, religion, language, social class, economic class....
We are different.
The idea for this youth group came from the school and it brings together kids from all over who are labeled the same way on a form with regards to race.
Most of the families are so very different from us. We are middle class (low middle) academicians who teach at local colleges. None of the other families was similar. Many wealthier, many with less money, most less educated. Overall very different.
They simply aren't people that we would spend any amount of time with.
More interestingly, I completely disagree with the opinions of the group leaders. I know that they are trying to help, but to me, they are making matters worse.
I need to explain to dc why this group just doesn't work for our family. Not an easy discussion. Dc liked the group....

First, could you explain to me why this group just doesn't work for your family? Because I don't get the problem with associating with people of a different country of origin, religion, language, social class or economic class.

An Ethiopian-American probably has nothing in common with an African-American whose great grandparents lived in America. A Korean immigrant from Korea may have nothing in common with a Vietnamese-American whose grandparents were refugees in the 70's. Poor Mexican immigrant may have nothing in common with a wealthy Puerto Rican. Can go on and on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My very kind and influential dc just got into a youth group that is supposed to be composed of people in their ethnic, cultural background. The only issue is that these kids have only one thing in common with dc, race/skin color.
They have nothing else in common, not country of origin, religion, language, social class, economic class....
We are different.
The idea for this youth group came from the school and it brings together kids from all over who are labeled the same way on a form with regards to race.
Most of the families are so very different from us. We are middle class (low middle) academicians who teach at local colleges. None of the other families was similar. Many wealthier, many with less money, most less educated. Overall very different.
They simply aren't people that we would spend any amount of time with.
More interestingly, I completely disagree with the opinions of the group leaders. I know that they are trying to help, but to me, they are making matters worse.
I need to explain to dc why this group just doesn't work for our family. Not an easy discussion. Dc liked the group....

First, could you explain to me why this group just doesn't work for your family? Because I don't get the problem with associating with people of a different country of origin, religion, language, social class or economic class.

An Ethiopian-American probably has nothing in common with an African-American whose great grandparents lived in America. A Korean immigrant from Korea may have nothing in common with a Vietnamese-American whose grandparents were refugees in the 70's. Poor Mexican immigrant may have nothing in common with a wealthy Puerto Rican. Can go on and on.

This doesn't explain the problem of associating with these people - they are different - OP knew this going in.

[Anonymous]

Our extended family is extremely mixed racially and classwise, from very dark to very white and from dirt poor living in a 3rd world country to upper middle class (unfortunately nobody is extremely wealth yet). I expect we'll have to discuss it at some point, but my kids are too little at this point (1 and 3). The subject will definitely come up.

If your DC liked the group, why are you so unwilling to let him/her participate? How old is your DC? At some point your DC will form his own opinions that may not mesh with yours and may choose to affiliate with people you wouldn't. Ex: my mom allowed me to participate in a pro-life group as a child even though she was staunchly pro-choice. I ended up making my own mind up.

[Anonymous]

So...your child enjoyed the group, but you want to teach your child that he should learn to avoid unnecessary interaction with others of (what you feel to be) different "class"? Really?

When I discussed "class" with my son, I explained that it existed, and that some ignorant, nasty people (such as yourself) judge others based upon their "class", to be honest. I wish I had had your terrible post to use as an example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We talk about it all the time. How affluent the majority of this area is and how it contrasts with how desparately poor so much of the other half of this area is. What is considered "middle class" in this area and how those opportunities we can afford contrasts to what their truly middle class cousins in the midwest have.

We talk about how affluence does not mean better although many in this area believe it does. We talk about character and kindness and compassion for others and that those with those traits are more valuable than material wealth.

Just curious how old your children are.

I'm pp Asian-American poster. We never talk about money to our kids. They are 4 and 6.

An am part asian.

My kids are early elementary through young teen.

The discussion is age appropriate. My 13 year old and I have had some fabulous conversations about this. My older elementary kid and I talk about things like this as well. We touch on it in age appropriate ways with my youngest

I grew up in a poorer area (trailer parks and small houses, mostly blue collar workers). Due to a wonderful spouse, we have a comfortable upper middle class lifestyle (although dcum consideres our HH income to be on the low or middle end of middle class).

I see my kids surrounded by what dcum considers basic middle class but what I know to be as affluence: $500 swim memberships, comfortable homes, nice cars, paying out of pocket for car repairs, home improvements and new gadgets. My kids get to sign up for $150 after school minecraft clubs and we don't even blink.

Most people in most parts of the country don't live like this. Most people in the middle class do not have the level of comfort that the dcum "middle class" has. We are in a bubble in this part of the country, and really out of touch with how most of the country lives.

I want my kids to be aware of this and not tie value of a person to affluence. I want them to be able to connect with the laborer with the muddy boots living in the trailer park back home and to see their worth and value as easily as they relate to the educated, cultured, affluent and priveledged person from this area, so we talk about those kinds of things all the time.

I will not raise snobs and I will raise decent kind people who see value and goodness in others that is not tied to their status in society.

If you don't discuss these kinds of things with your kids, how will they learn them?

[Anonymous]

Not sure how different leads to wouldn't associate or not a good fit. Why can't your DC go if he's enjoying it?

[Anonymous]

America doesn't have a class system like other countries. DH and I were children of poor immigrants. We both hated being poor, studied hard, attended top schools and now have a 7 figure HHI. My parents had a dry cleaners and we lived in the smallest apartment in the best school district. Sometimes I tell people where I am from and they automatically assume that I grew up wealthy. Far from the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So...your child enjoyed the group, but you want to teach your child that he should learn to avoid unnecessary interaction with others of (what you feel to be) different "class"? Really?

When I discussed "class" with my son, I explained that it existed, and that some ignorant, nasty people (such as yourself) judge others based upon their "class", to be honest. I wish I had had your terrible post to use as an example.

That's the impression that I get from the OP, too.

I don't think that I've ever explicitly discussed class with my kids, but it's certainly been an implicit part of many discussions, starting with the family saying for when you find bird poo on the car windshield ("for the rich they sing").