Do you have an ADHD or aspergers child in a mainstream private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if your child had the gene for breadth cancer or a rare disease, must you disclose it? What if he needed surgery as a toddler to fix a birth defect? Schools have a right to know things likely to impact the student's performance, attentiveness, treatment of other students and teachers, but not one's entire medical history. A diagnosis of autistic spectrum disorder is a medical diagnosis. Now, if the child had an IEP in public school and that reflects the diagnosis at the time you apply to school, that is tougher issue. But even then - what if the parents disagreed with a school's diagnosis? What if two doctors disagrees? It gets complocated.

If you are talking about middle school, you are talking about 11 yr olds and 11 yr old don't get misdiagnosed with ASDs. 3 yr olds, maybe. 11 yr olds, doubtful.

Hi, I am the poster you are responding too and I agree with your statement, but the fact is that many ASD kids are diagnosed by age 5 or before. In your example, by the time a child diagnosed at 4 turns 11, for example, he/she could have had 7 years of intervention. if that were the case, do you still believe an applicant must disclose this history to a middle school automatically without any consideration of particulars. Fortunately, when we applied for middle school our school - at least at that time - only required is to submit copies of educational testing that was done within the past three years. Our testing was further back than that so we did not have to make any misrepresentation. But I too had the experience when our DC was younger a private elementary school - supposedly one tolerant of at least some kids with some "issues" - refused to even meet our DC because we were open about DC's diagnosis. I know tons of parents in MoCo who tried to game the system by keeping a PDD-NOD or other diagnosis as long as possible in anticipation of applying to private schools. Privates need to still up their staff education about these kids to spot them and understand them.

Most kids with Asperger's are diagnosed older than 5 and many can probably pass for NT before getting any interventions. My kid with Asperger's got accepted into a mainstream private school at 3 for instance before we ever suspected that he has ASD/ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if your child had the gene for breadth cancer or a rare disease, must you disclose it? What if he needed surgery as a toddler to fix a birth defect? Schools have a right to know things likely to impact the student's performance, attentiveness, treatment of other students and teachers, but not one's entire medical history. A diagnosis of autistic spectrum disorder is a medical diagnosis. Now, if the child had an IEP in public school and that reflects the diagnosis at the time you apply to school, that is tougher issue. But even then - what if the parents disagreed with a school's diagnosis? What if two doctors disagrees? It gets complocated.

If you are talking about middle school, you are talking about 11 yr olds and 11 yr old don't get misdiagnosed with ASDs. 3 yr olds, maybe. 11 yr olds, doubtful.

Hi, I am the poster you are responding too and I agree with your statement, but the fact is that many ASD kids are diagnosed by age 5 or before. In your example, by the time a child diagnosed at 4 turns 11, for example, he/she could have had 7 years of intervention. if that were the case, do you still believe an applicant must disclose this history to a middle school automatically without any consideration of particulars. Fortunately, when we applied for middle school our school - at least at that time - only required is to submit copies of educational testing that was done within the past three years. Our testing was further back than that so we did not have to make any misrepresentation. But I too had the experience when our DC was younger a private elementary school - supposedly one tolerant of at least some kids with some "issues" - refused to even meet our DC because we were open about DC's diagnosis. I know tons of parents in MoCo who tried to game the system by keeping a PDD-NOD or other diagnosis as long as possible in anticipation of applying to private schools. Privates need to still up their staff education about these kids to spot them and understand them.

Most kids with Asperger's are diagnosed older than 5 and many can probably pass for NT before getting any interventions. My kid with Asperger's got accepted into a mainstream private school at 3 for instance before we ever suspected that he has ASD/ADHD.

My kid also was not diagnosed until 5 when his pre-k teacher flagged his behavior. But before that, he would have had a hard time with private school playdates because he didn't really talk to anyone outside his family. Four years of intervention and development later, he would do just find on private school visit and just seem a little shy, but would have a harder time being admitted because of the diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I don't live in DC anymore. I have an ADHD/ unmedicated DS9 in mainstream private. He is intellectually exceptionally gifted and impaired in social pragmatics. It's not going very well-- especially socially. He has no friends. One playdate invitation in 2 1/2 years-- and he's so lonely.

If I had a great public school option or a therapeutic school that wound prioritize his intellect, I would take it. I am desperate for a 2e private, but they are rare and none in our area.

There are no perfect or even very good options for kids with my DS's learning profile. Except perhaps a 2e environment.

Sorry to hear this. Can you reach out to parents and invite them for playdates? Maybe even children a little older if he is that gifted he may be years ahead of his peers. Good luck.

Thank you. I wanted to try to answer OP's question about ADHD and private school. Our answer is that it's a trade off and maybe not a good one when a child has issues with social pragmatics. Although a small classroom can cut down on overt bullying, children still select who they want to play with (and they should have that right). Also, the teachers at our school aren't consistent about accommodations, and they don't (by law) have to be.

We don't have a great public school option but if we did, I would consider it. Socially, it could be better in a more diverse classroom and I might get more traction with an IEP or 504. Additionally, there is less risk of being asked to leave. That can definitely happen if a child is disruptive or can't keep up.

OP- whatever decision you ultimately make, keep in mind that friendships and belonging cannot be underestimated.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thank you all for the helpful input. I have no intention of hiding my child's diagnosis. As far as his issues- he is very very quiet and has a hard time finding friends to play with. He is never disruptive to other kids and is very bright. He daydreams a lot and gets distracted but he is learning to cope slowly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- I don't live in DC anymore. I have an ADHD/ unmedicated DS9 in mainstream private. He is intellectually exceptionally gifted and impaired in social pragmatics. It's not going very well-- especially socially. He has no friends. One playdate invitation in 2 1/2 years-- and he's so lonely.

If I had a great public school option or a therapeutic school that wound prioritize his intellect, I would take it. I am desperate for a 2e private, but they are rare and none in our area.

There are no perfect or even very good options for kids with my DS's learning profile. Except perhaps a 2e environment.

What is 2e?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I don't live in DC anymore. I have an ADHD/ unmedicated DS9 in mainstream private. He is intellectually exceptionally gifted and impaired in social pragmatics. It's not going very well-- especially socially. He has no friends. One playdate invitation in 2 1/2 years-- and he's so lonely.

If I had a great public school option or a therapeutic school that wound prioritize his intellect, I would take it. I am desperate for a 2e private, but they are rare and none in our area.

There are no perfect or even very good options for kids with my DS's learning profile. Except perhaps a 2e environment.

What is 2e?

Twice exceptional - gifted w/ a learning disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I don't live in DC anymore. I have an ADHD/ unmedicated DS9 in mainstream private. He is intellectually exceptionally gifted and impaired in social pragmatics. It's not going very well-- especially socially. He has no friends. One playdate invitation in 2 1/2 years-- and he's so lonely.

If I had a great public school option or a therapeutic school that wound prioritize his intellect, I would take it. I am desperate for a 2e private, but they are rare and none in our area.

There are no perfect or even very good options for kids with my DS's learning profile. Except perhaps a 2e environment.

What is 2e?

Twice exceptional - gifted w/ a learning disability.

Did you try medicating the ADHD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ADHD inattentive child graduated from Beauvoir last year and has gone on to another TT school. It was diagnosed while at the school. DC had been increasingly behind, and was already getting extra help at the school's suggestion. They were great, both before and after the diagnosis, and did indicate that there were other kids in the same boat. DC was admitted everywhere we applied, and I credit Beauvoir with keeping up the academics and working with us as we developed strategies and learned more. Plus they were incredibly helpful in helping us find a next school that would be as great as they were.

We are in a similar situation. Did you decide to try medication? We are thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ADHD inattentive child graduated from Beauvoir last year and has gone on to another TT school. It was diagnosed while at the school. DC had been increasingly behind, and was already getting extra help at the school's suggestion. They were great, both before and after the diagnosis, and did indicate that there were other kids in the same boat. DC was admitted everywhere we applied, and I credit Beauvoir with keeping up the academics and working with us as we developed strategies and learned more. Plus they were incredibly helpful in helping us find a next school that would be as great as they were.

We are in a similar situation. Did you decide to try medication? We are thinking about it.

Yes, we did medication and it has been a godsend. The first we tried was a struggle, but we hit gold on the second we tried. Would highly recommend working with a specialist (child psychiatrist, in our case), rather than the pediatrician, who can't tailor the medication as carefully. DC's confidence skyrocketed, and DC jumped two reading levels in a month (that had been the primary issue.) Went from being very self-conscious about being behind and different than others (we talk about trouble with focus), to being so proud of their progress and work. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ADHD inattentive child graduated from Beauvoir last year and has gone on to another TT school. It was diagnosed while at the school. DC had been increasingly behind, and was already getting extra help at the school's suggestion. They were great, both before and after the diagnosis, and did indicate that there were other kids in the same boat. DC was admitted everywhere we applied, and I credit Beauvoir with keeping up the academics and working with us as we developed strategies and learned more. Plus they were incredibly helpful in helping us find a next school that would be as great as they were.

We are in a similar situation. Did you decide to try medication? We are thinking about it.

Yes, we did medication and it has been a godsend. The first we tried was a struggle, but we hit gold on the second we tried. Would highly recommend working with a specialist (child psychiatrist, in our case), rather than the pediatrician, who can't tailor the medication as carefully. DC's confidence skyrocketed, and DC jumped two reading levels in a month (that had been the primary issue.) Went from being very self-conscious about being behind and different than others (we talk about trouble with focus), to being so proud of their progress and work. Good luck.

I have been pained to do medication but my DC has exactly the same situation. Tested well on WPPSI and was accepted to good private school. He has been struggling since kindergarten and is now in fourth grade - diagnosed inattentive in 2nd. The school provides in house extra help but it has not moved the needle much and we feel they may push us out. There are a number of other kids who are ADD/ADHD there and I just wonder how they are managing it. It may be medication is what we need. Our DC is so down about his performance and my heart is just about to break over it and how hard he is trying. Our pediatrician specializes in ADD so we are hopeful that we will find a solution.

[Anonymous]

00:04 here. We have friends who are in a similar boat and going at this just nutritionally - omega-3s, magnesium, zinc. The Mom sees a change, but it isn't having anywhere near the impact at school. Since the lowest dosage is working for our DC, we are hopeful that she'll grow out of needing it. If you think about meds, my two takeaways are: 1. keep your teachers in the loop. Their feedback on how it changes DC is critical, especially when you are trying one of the drugs that only lasts a few hours or is expected to have an immediate effect. 2. Teach dc to swallow pills ASAP. Not being able to swallow pills rules out a lot of possible meds, especially those that are longer acting. I am so glad we can do a dose every morning wjust like vitamins, and not DC doesn't have to go to the school nurse every day like several classmates do. It would have made DC SO SO self-conscious. 3. Make sure you have access to the pediatrician (or whoever is prescribing) a lot more often than the usually once-a-month appointments, at least as you are finding the right fit. There is no way I was going to keep DC on a med that wasn't working or had side effects for a whole month.

[Anonymous]

It really pains me that privates in this area are so prejudiced against kids with ASDs. I don't think the same thing is true in other areas of the country. For example I'm sure in college towns that if you exclude kids who appeared to be Aspergers or had diagnoses already you would miss some brilliant children of math and physics professors!

[Anonymous]

All area pediatricians I assure you have dozens of kids in their practice who display some symptoms of ADD. The pediatrician will recommend a child psychotherapist. Child then goes to talk with that doctor for a couple hours and in a week or two you get a report. The report is totally private and you don't need to disclose it to anyone (other than pediatrician, presumably). Get prescription for meds and let the help begin! There are a few different types of meds for ADD. As others have said, the results are miraculous. Your child will be so much happier, more successful, better at anything he/she does that requires concentration or dedication. And your household will be much, much more peaceful. Even if your child isn't all-out ADD, but just displays some symptoms of ADD, your child will still immensely benefit from the meds. I feel sorry for families and kids who don't go that route! And I expect some marriages have been helped because of it too.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]All area pediatricians I assure you have dozens of kids in their practice who display some symptoms of ADD. The pediatrician will recommend a child psychotherapist. Child then goes to talk with that doctor for a couple hours and in a week or two you get a report. The report is totally private and you don't need to disclose it to anyone (other than pediatrician, presumably). Get prescription for meds and let the help begin! There are a few different types of meds for ADD. As others have said, the results are miraculous. Your child will be so much happier, more successful, better at anything he/she does that requires concentration or dedication. And your household will be much, much more peaceful. Even if your child isn't all-out ADD, but just displays some symptoms of ADD, your child will still immensely benefit from the meds. I feel sorry for families and kids who don't go that route! And I expect some marriages have been helped because of it too.[/quote]

This is off topic but I just have to respond to the prior post.

1. A pediatrician is definitely not the most qualified professional to prescribe medication. A child psychiatrist is much more knowledgeable. There are many choices for meds and it will be a matter of trial and error to find the correct medication and dosage.

2. Medication is not always the answer. Yes, many children find it life changing but there can be terrible side effects for some kids. Other kids do ok with behavioral interventions, therapy, and other supports. Some even do well with dietary changes.

I have one child who does wonderfully on Concerta. I have another who was misdiagnosed with ADHD. He took medication and developed severe tics and feel off his growth chart. We took him off the meds and tried the Feingold diet. The latest neuropsych evaluation showed no signs of ADHD (both in testing and based on multiple teacher reports).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really pains me that privates in this area are so prejudiced against kids with ASDs. I don't think the same thing is true in other areas of the country. For example I'm sure in college towns that if you exclude kids who appeared to be Aspergers or had diagnoses already you would miss some brilliant children of math and physics professors!

Excellent point! Let me add another. I think it is generally accepted that the earlier the interventions, the more likely they will be helpful for ASD kids. Some posters above had kids not diagnosed until they were older, while others had kids diagnosed at 4 or 5. The ironic impact of the surprisingly still wide spread relative ignorance about ASDs in private schools is this -- families that are most on top of this with their kids at younger ages have the best possible prognoses for their children all other things equal, are these kids are the most likely to be excluded from schools without a fair shake. Families who report they had no idea their child was ASD until a teacher in 2d or 3d grade explained that their child is not interacting with other kids at all and is exhibiting other tell tail signs, are often already in privates when the seek intervention. And families who do not seek interventions for their children even as issues are becoming more obvious later in elementary school may actually manage to get these kids into a private that supports each individual child even though such a child is more likely to be more disruptive in some instances than the child diagnosed at age 5 who has had 4 year of therapy, but may not be considered at some privates because they claim to be ill equipped to deal with autistic children. The only serious problems my diagnosed HFA kid ever had in elementary school was having to deal with other special needs kids who were not diagnosed and had not yet received adequate interventions. I can't tell you how many times a teacher or administrator initially assumed the problem was my child's oversensitivity to the kid with poor impulse control and was either moderately ASD with no intervention or severely ADHD with no meds because my HFA child was actually more verbal about what bothered him than other children. But half way through the school year, they would finally start hearing about the problem from parents of other NT kids who finally started to realize that so much class time was wasted they may not get to go on field trips or they were getting too much homework or they got a bad test grade because they couldn't get help from a teacher to explain something because they were dealing with the same kid over and again disrupting class. Eventually, those kids were usually asked to leave the school after a couple of years, but our child was still seen differently -- stigmatized -- and his views discounted initially on a wide range of issues because he previously had an IEP. I am so glad those years are over!