Do you have an ADHD or aspergers child in a mainstream private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really pains me that privates in this area are so prejudiced against kids with ASDs. I don't think the same thing is true in other areas of the country. For example I'm sure in college towns that if you exclude kids who appeared to be Aspergers or had diagnoses already you would miss some brilliant children of math and physics professors!

It pains me, too, and I hope that if any of those school officials read these boards that they will take some of these criticisms to heart. The vibe that is sometimes given off is a blend of a) ignorance, b) callousness and c) laziness, as in they are not interested in any kids who might require some flexibility with respect to teaching methods, even if the kids' upside is high and the modest investment suggests a big payoff in terms of having a stellar long-term performer.

We went through this many years ago; we did not have a diagnosis but had enrolled DC in a special ed school for pre-K through 1st grade to help with some social thinking challenges that had come up in early childhood. DC did great on tests, extremely high on achievement scores, and was a teacher favorite not only in the school classroom and extracurriculars. But various admissions officers still discouraged us from applying and others rejected the application without even giving it a serious look over, based solely on the perception that DC might be somewhere on the spectrum and the schools clearly didn't want to consider dealing with any potential ramifications of that.

The story had a happy ending -- it only took one open-minded school for that to occur, and we found it. DC went on to become a popular straight-A student, no doubt in part because DC's academic prowess was bolstered by additional work early in life on social thinking. The only accommodations DC required at the new school was the occasional teacher who realized DC was moving so far ahead of the class that DC's curriculum needed to be accelerated. But for a while earlier on in life we feared we had branded DC with a scarlet letter.

Schools will say they are open to different types of kids as long as they can handle the academic workload and contribute positively in the classroom -- but there is a huge gap between the schools that walk the walk on this, and those that only talk the talk and want the kids who are easiest. It probably stems from many schools having the luxury of choice -- if they have a surplus of strong applicants, they rationalize accepting the ones that require the least of the school, rather than the ones who have the biggest potential upside.

[Anonymous]

I have two normal kids and I can not imagine what I would do if my kid have further challenges in life.

But having said that, I wouldn't be too happy to be paying $45k + tuition a year/kid to have my children be in a classroom where the teacher have to spend part of their day/time dealing with a handful of outliers.

Sounds cold but that's how I feel. I want the kids with special needs to be included, I just don't want to pay for it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ADHD inattentive child graduated from Beauvoir last year and has gone on to another TT school. It was diagnosed while at the school. DC had been increasingly behind, and was already getting extra help at the school's suggestion. They were great, both before and after the diagnosis, and did indicate that there were other kids in the same boat. DC was admitted everywhere we applied, and I credit Beauvoir with keeping up the academics and working with us as we developed strategies and learned more. Plus they were incredibly helpful in helping us find a next school that would be as great as they were.

It is amazing to hear that a school like Beauvoir would be so helpful to you and your DC. Our DC attends a Virginia private with nowhere near the reputation and we have found them to be very unhelpful. They just look at us like "we are so sorry it so frustrating for your child" and then they do nothing. We are thinking about medication for our DC and are reluctant to tell the school we are trying it because we think it will give them cause to say we need a different school for our DC even though we have not asked for anything special other than seating in the front of the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two normal kids and I can not imagine what I would do if my kid have further challenges in life.

But having said that, I wouldn't be too happy to be paying $45k + tuition a year/kid to have my children be in a classroom where the teacher have to spend part of their day/time dealing with a handful of outliers.

Sounds cold but that's how I feel. I want the kids with special needs to be included, I just don't want to pay for it!

This is what my ASD child needs: a teacher, aid, whoever at recess to help her find a group of friends to play with and a teacher to remind her verbally to listen with her body (i.e. have her body oriented to the group at group time).

Which to those things takes away from your child? Does your child never need individual attention? Why go to private school if your kid doesn't need individual attention?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two normal kids and I can not imagine what I would do if my kid have further challenges in life.

But having said that, I wouldn't be too happy to be paying $45k + tuition a year/kid to have my children be in a classroom where the teacher have to spend part of their day/time dealing with a handful of outliers.

Sounds cold but that's how I feel. I want the kids with special needs to be included, I just don't want to pay for it!

It's perfectly reasonable to not want to pay handsomely for an education and then have your child's classroom experience disrupted by others.

My beef is with the presumption too many people have that certain learning challenges automatically translate into distractions and disruptions for others. That's just wrong. Many neurotypical kids are poorly behaved and disrupt the class. Many, indeed most, kids with various challenges do not.

Admissions offices, and schools generally, should decide on the basis of what each particular child can bring to the school, not traffic in stereotyping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two normal kids and I can not imagine what I would do if my kid have further challenges in life.

But having said that, I wouldn't be too happy to be paying $45k + tuition a year/kid to have my children be in a classroom where the teacher have to spend part of their day/time dealing with a handful of outliers.

Sounds cold but that's how I feel. I want the kids with special needs to be included, I just don't want to pay for it!

I am paying $35k and my child says he wishes he could get more help from his teacher with instructions and classwork but she is always dealing with two rowdy boys and a mean-girls clique in his class. . These are the "normal kids" that suck the air out of classrooms that I was trying to avoid at a private school with small classes. Obviously we are not happy with our school but it just goes to show that kids bring all kinds of problems to the classroom that take away attention from others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two normal kids and I can not imagine what I would do if my kid have further challenges in life.

But having said that, I wouldn't be too happy to be paying $45k + tuition a year/kid to have my children be in a classroom where the teacher have to spend part of their day/time dealing with a handful of outliers.

Sounds cold but that's how I feel. I want the kids with special needs to be included, I just don't want to pay for it!

I am paying $35k and my child says he wishes he could get more help from his teacher with instructions and classwork but she is always dealing with two rowdy boys and a mean-girls clique in his class. . These are the "normal kids" that suck the air out of classrooms that I was trying to avoid at a private school with small classes. Obviously we are not happy with our school but it just goes to show that kids bring all kinds of problems to the classroom that take away attention from others.

Amen. Because kids with social thinking challenges aren't necessarily more likely to be a distraction in the classroom. Many such kids like classroom structure and are motivated primarily by doing well and meeting adult expectations; certain forms of distraction-causing, such as being mean to other kids, or just trying to amuse or otherwise get a rise of out of people, are not behaviors to which they're likely to gravitate.

Of course, one shouldn't stereotype in the other direction either. Each child is an individual and deserves to be assessed based on their own conduct alone.

[Anonymous]

for all of you recommending Field, am interested in where all the kids with Aspergers, etc are at Field-- there are not many. A few, but the classes are by no means filled with kids on the spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:for all of you recommending Field, am interested in where all the kids with Aspergers, etc are at Field-- there are not many. A few, but the classes are by no means filled with kids on the spectrum.

How do you know? I think the point of this thread is that kids on the spectrum don't look a certain, uniform way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for all of you recommending Field, am interested in where all the kids with Aspergers, etc are at Field-- there are not many. A few, but the classes are by no means filled with kids on the spectrum.

How do you know? I think the point of this thread is that kids on the spectrum don't look a certain, uniform way.

Are you seriously going to tell me that behavior-wise kids with Aspergers are hard to spot in a classroom or other social setting. Maybe some are, but I would bet most you can tell after some interaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All area pediatricians I assure you have dozens of kids in their practice who display some symptoms of ADD. The pediatrician will recommend a child psychotherapist. Child then goes to talk with that doctor for a couple hours and in a week or two you get a report. The report is totally private and you don't need to disclose it to anyone (other than pediatrician, presumably). Get prescription for meds and let the help begin! There are a few different types of meds for ADD. As others have said, the results are miraculous. Your child will be so much happier, more successful, better at anything he/she does that requires concentration or dedication. And your household will be much, much more peaceful. Even if your child isn't all-out ADD, but just displays some symptoms of ADD, your child will still immensely benefit from the meds. I feel sorry for families and kids who don't go that route! And I expect some marriages have been helped because of it too.

Thanks Eli Lily rep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for all of you recommending Field, am interested in where all the kids with Aspergers, etc are at Field-- there are not many. A few, but the classes are by no means filled with kids on the spectrum.

How do you know? I think the point of this thread is that kids on the spectrum don't look a certain, uniform way.

Are you seriously going to tell me that behavior-wise kids with Aspergers are hard to spot in a classroom or other social setting. Maybe some are, but I would bet most you can tell after some interaction.

How many kids with Aspergers do you know? I would bet you a lot of money that you would not recognize my daughter's social communications challenges on a tour of a school and probably not even if you, an adult, engaged her in conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people try to bucket Aspergers and ADHD together. An Aspergers kid is going to be a lot more disruptive, high maintenance, than an ADHD child. I have a child with ADHD and he is no longer medicated, and is a straight A student in a private high school in DC. He does get some minimal accommodations like extended time for tests and preferential seating.

As for Aspergers, I know several children with this disorder, and I can tell you it is rare that they would do well in a mainstream environment. The two disorders are very different.

This is the unfortunate spread of ignorance regarding these children. Yes, some high functioning autistic children (Aspie is no longer a diagnostic category) will not do well in mainstream at young ages, but if the diagnosis is accurate most will do well in mainstream classrooms eventually so long as there is no comorbidity, such as ADD or it is also controlled. I have seen ADD kids be just as or far more disruptive as some not so high functioning Austistoc spectrum kids, and others well medicated whom you would not guess are ADD. And I know kids with HFA diagnosis who have brought up the level of discourse in later elementary year classes and beyond, and to the outside world appear to have essentially outgrown the diagnosis. An autistic child with severe sensory issues, a need for repetitive behaviors, resistance to changes and very concrete language will have trouble in a mainstream class. But plenty of HFA kids - especially as they get to mid-later elementary years deal well with issues. The biggest lingering issue for hen is unstructured social dynamics -- lunch, recess, and - depending on the school - gyms and specials if teachers provide minimal structure. The classroom for these kids is a safe haven - rules can be established more clearly and expectations. They can do well in mainstream eventually. Almost by definition, So called Aspie kids are often quite bright. The bottom line is that children are all developmentally different. Labels can be helpful to the well informed parent, educator or therapist as a heads up of what to look about for, but they can be very misleading when bantered about by those who who are less informed.

Unfortunately, many private school educators are not nearly as well informed about HFA as they should be. I have seen instances where they have accepted Kids not early as high functioning on the spectrum and don't know the kids are on the spectrum ( the same may be true for the parents), then turned away far higher functioning kids where the parents were really on top of the child's issues with therapies outside of school. It is ashame.

to the PP above : I can tell you why this is happening:

1) parents apply to many NW DC privates either in denial of their child's needs for extensive support or intentionally concealing that info from the schools they apply to

2) the pre-schools often, to a man, do NOT share with the applicant school in an informed way ( sorry, but it is a lie to say a child's social behavior is in " developing" stage when he self stims all day long and throws tantrums.

3) parents maybe use a hook for one school or look at cost when really what their kid needs is Field or Burke but they are in denial

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people try to bucket Aspergers and ADHD together. An Aspergers kid is going to be a lot more disruptive, high maintenance, than an ADHD child. I have a child with ADHD and he is no longer medicated, and is a straight A student in a private high school in DC. He does get some minimal accommodations like extended time for tests and preferential seating.

As for Aspergers, I know several children with this disorder, and I can tell you it is rare that they would do well in a mainstream environment. The two disorders are very different.

This is the unfortunate spread of ignorance regarding these children. Yes, some high functioning autistic children (Aspie is no longer a diagnostic category) will not do well in mainstream at young ages, but if the diagnosis is accurate most will do well in mainstream classrooms eventually so long as there is no comorbidity, such as ADD or it is also controlled. I have seen ADD kids be just as or far more disruptive as some not so high functioning Austistoc spectrum kids, and others well medicated whom you would not guess are ADD. And I know kids with HFA diagnosis who have brought up the level of discourse in later elementary year classes and beyond, and to the outside world appear to have essentially outgrown the diagnosis. An autistic child with severe sensory issues, a need for repetitive behaviors, resistance to changes and very concrete language will have trouble in a mainstream class. But plenty of HFA kids - especially as they get to mid-later elementary years deal well with issues. The biggest lingering issue for hen is unstructured social dynamics -- lunch, recess, and - depending on the school - gyms and specials if teachers provide minimal structure. The classroom for these kids is a safe haven - rules can be established more clearly and expectations. They can do well in mainstream eventually. Almost by definition, So called Aspie kids are often quite bright. The bottom line is that children are all developmentally different. Labels can be helpful to the well informed parent, educator or therapist as a heads up of what to look about for, but they can be very misleading when bantered about by those who who are less informed.

Unfortunately, many private school educators are not nearly as well informed about HFA as they should be. I have seen instances where they have accepted Kids not early as high functioning on the spectrum and don't know the kids are on the spectrum ( the same may be true for the parents), then turned away far higher functioning kids where the parents were really on top of the child's issues with therapies outside of school. It is ashame.

to the PP above : I can tell you why this is happening:

1) parents apply to many NW DC privates either in denial of their child's needs for extensive support or intentionally concealing that info from the schools they apply to

2) the pre-schools often, to a man, do NOT share with the applicant school in an informed way ( sorry, but it is a lie to say a child's social behavior is in " developing" stage when he self stims all day long and throws tantrums.

3) parents maybe use a hook for one school or look at cost when really what their kid needs is Field or Burke but they are in denial

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people try to bucket Aspergers and ADHD together. An Aspergers kid is going to be a lot more disruptive, high maintenance, than an ADHD child. I have a child with ADHD and he is no longer medicated, and is a straight A student in a private high school in DC. He does get some minimal accommodations like extended time for tests and preferential seating.

As for Aspergers, I know several children with this disorder, and I can tell you it is rare that they would do well in a mainstream environment. The two disorders are very different.

This is the unfortunate spread of ignorance regarding these children. Yes, some high functioning autistic children (Aspie is no longer a diagnostic category) will not do well in mainstream at young ages, but if the diagnosis is accurate most will do well in mainstream classrooms eventually so long as there is no comorbidity, such as ADD or it is also controlled. I have seen ADD kids be just as or far more disruptive as some not so high functioning Austistoc spectrum kids, and others well medicated whom you would not guess are ADD. And I know kids with HFA diagnosis who have brought up the level of discourse in later elementary year classes and beyond, and to the outside world appear to have essentially outgrown the diagnosis. An autistic child with severe sensory issues, a need for repetitive behaviors, resistance to changes and very concrete language will have trouble in a mainstream class. But plenty of HFA kids - especially as they get to mid-later elementary years deal well with issues. The biggest lingering issue for hen is unstructured social dynamics -- lunch, recess, and - depending on the school - gyms and specials if teachers provide minimal structure. The classroom for these kids is a safe haven - rules can be established more clearly and expectations. They can do well in mainstream eventually. Almost by definition, So called Aspie kids are often quite bright. The bottom line is that children are all developmentally different. Labels can be helpful to the well informed parent, educator or therapist as a heads up of what to look about for, but they can be very misleading when bantered about by those who who are less informed.

Unfortunately, many private school educators are not nearly as well informed about HFA as they should be. I have seen instances where they have accepted Kids not early as high functioning on the spectrum and don't know the kids are on the spectrum ( the same may be true for the parents), then turned away far higher functioning kids where the parents were really on top of the child's issues with therapies outside of school. It is ashame.

to the PP above : I can tell you why this is happening:

1) parents apply to many NW DC privates either in denial of their child's needs for extensive support or intentionally concealing that info from the schools they apply to

2) the pre-schools often, to a man, do NOT share with the applicant school in an informed way ( sorry, but it is a lie to say a child's social behavior is in " developing" stage when he self stims all day long and throws tantrums.

3) parents maybe use a hook for one school or look at cost when really what their kid needs is Field or Burke but they are in denial

I agree with your explanation No. 1, but I would add that while some parents are in denial, many parents are really just ignorant. This is especially true of first time parents with no basis for comparison and others who just have not spent much time around smaller children in recent years. As for explanation No. 2, again I believe many preschool teachers are simply not adequately trained -- at least that was true when our DC was young and from others' posts I take it the problem continues today. Our DC's preschool teachers and principal were still telling us DC was reserved, marched to the beat of his own drummer, but certainly behaved within a "normal" developmental range right up to the point when they expressed dismay that the developmental team at Children's saw our DC as HFA. I also think some preschool teachers and administrators are reluctant to say anything that might upset a parent (and might result in the loss of a student) . Perhaps well intentioned, but not helpful.

I take issue, however, with the tone of your third point as needlessly -- and inaccurately -- disparaging to both HFA students generally as well as to typical students who attend the above mentioned schools. I know young HFA kids who attended other privates and ended up at top ivy league schools, and I know there have been typical kids from Burke who have ended up at top ivy league schools as well. An ASD child does not necessarily fit better at Field or Burke, and a bright non-ASD child does not necessarily fit better at another school.