Do you have an ADHD or aspergers child in a mainstream private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people try to bucket Aspergers and ADHD together. An Aspergers kid is going to be a lot more disruptive, high maintenance, than an ADHD child. I have a child with ADHD and he is no longer medicated, and is a straight A student in a private high school in DC. He does get some minimal accommodations like extended time for tests and preferential seating.

As for Aspergers, I know several children with this disorder, and I can tell you it is rare that they would do well in a mainstream environment. The two disorders are very different.

This is the unfortunate spread of ignorance regarding these children. Yes, some high functioning autistic children (Aspie is no longer a diagnostic category) will not do well in mainstream at young ages, but if the diagnosis is accurate most will do well in mainstream classrooms eventually so long as there is no comorbidity, such as ADD or it is also controlled. I have seen ADD kids be just as or far more disruptive as some not so high functioning Austistoc spectrum kids, and others well medicated whom you would not guess are ADD. And I know kids with HFA diagnosis who have brought up the level of discourse in later elementary year classes and beyond, and to the outside world appear to have essentially outgrown the diagnosis. An autistic child with severe sensory issues, a need for repetitive behaviors, resistance to changes and very concrete language will have trouble in a mainstream class. But plenty of HFA kids - especially as they get to mid-later elementary years deal well with issues. The biggest lingering issue for hen is unstructured social dynamics -- lunch, recess, and - depending on the school - gyms and specials if teachers provide minimal structure. The classroom for these kids is a safe haven - rules can be established more clearly and expectations. They can do well in mainstream eventually. Almost by definition, So called Aspie kids are often quite bright. The bottom line is that children are all developmentally different. Labels can be helpful to the well informed parent, educator or therapist as a heads up of what to look about for, but they can be very misleading when bantered about by those who who are less informed.

Unfortunately, many private school educators are not nearly as well informed about HFA as they should be. I have seen instances where they have accepted Kids not early as high functioning on the spectrum and don't know the kids are on the spectrum ( the same may be true for the parents), then turned away far higher functioning kids where the parents were really on top of the child's issues with therapies outside of school. It is ashame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people try to bucket Aspergers and ADHD together. An Aspergers kid is going to be a lot more disruptive, high maintenance, than an ADHD child. I have a child with ADHD and he is no longer medicated, and is a straight A student in a private high school in DC. He does get some minimal accommodations like extended time for tests and preferential seating.

As for Aspergers, I know several children with this disorder, and I can tell you it is rare that they would do well in a mainstream environment. The two disorders are very different.

This is the unfortunate spread of ignorance regarding these children. Yes, some high functioning autistic children (Aspie is no longer a diagnostic category) will not do well in mainstream at young ages, but if the diagnosis is accurate most will do well in mainstream classrooms eventually so long as there is no comorbidity, such as ADD or it is also controlled. I have seen ADD kids be just as or far more disruptive as some not so high functioning Austistoc spectrum kids, and others well medicated whom you would not guess are ADD. And I know kids with HFA diagnosis who have brought up the level of discourse in later elementary year classes and beyond, and to the outside world appear to have essentially outgrown the diagnosis. An autistic child with severe sensory issues, a need for repetitive behaviors, resistance to changes and very concrete language will have trouble in a mainstream class. But plenty of HFA kids - especially as they get to mid-later elementary years deal well with issues. The biggest lingering issue for hen is unstructured social dynamics -- lunch, recess, and - depending on the school - gyms and specials if teachers provide minimal structure. The classroom for these kids is a safe haven - rules can be established more clearly and expectations. They can do well in mainstream eventually. Almost by definition, So called Aspie kids are often quite bright. The bottom line is that children are all developmentally different. Labels can be helpful to the well informed parent, educator or therapist as a heads up of what to look about for, but they can be very misleading when bantered about by those who who are less informed.

Unfortunately, many private school educators are not nearly as well informed about HFA as they should be. I have seen instances where they have accepted Kids not early as high functioning on the spectrum and don't know the kids are on the spectrum ( the same may be true for the parents), then turned away far higher functioning kids where the parents were really on top of the child's issues with therapies outside of school. It is ashame.

Thank you -- 8:40 PP here, you and I are on the same track but you provide a lot more detail.

This prejudice hurts kids, families, and schools alike. We know of one family whose stellar student couldn't get an open look from a school because of a spectrum diagnosis; that child is now doing fantastic at another school but that experience still rankles them (and us) because it showed there is still so much prejudice out there among professionals who ought to know more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people try to bucket Aspergers and ADHD together. An Aspergers kid is going to be a lot more disruptive, high maintenance, than an ADHD child. I have a child with ADHD and he is no longer medicated, and is a straight A student in a private high school in DC. He does get some minimal accommodations like extended time for tests and preferential seating.

As for Aspergers, I know several children with this disorder, and I can tell you it is rare that they would do well in a mainstream environment. The two disorders are very different.

This is the unfortunate spread of ignorance regarding these children. Yes, some high functioning autistic children (Aspie is no longer a diagnostic category) will not do well in mainstream at young ages, but if the diagnosis is accurate most will do well in mainstream classrooms eventually so long as there is no comorbidity, such as ADD or it is also controlled. I have seen ADD kids be just as or far more disruptive as some not so high functioning Austistoc spectrum kids, and others well medicated whom you would not guess are ADD. And I know kids with HFA diagnosis who have brought up the level of discourse in later elementary year classes and beyond, and to the outside world appear to have essentially outgrown the diagnosis. An autistic child with severe sensory issues, a need for repetitive behaviors, resistance to changes and very concrete language will have trouble in a mainstream class. But plenty of HFA kids - especially as they get to mid-later elementary years deal well with issues. The biggest lingering issue for hen is unstructured social dynamics -- lunch, recess, and - depending on the school - gyms and specials if teachers provide minimal structure. The classroom for these kids is a safe haven - rules can be established more clearly and expectations. They can do well in mainstream eventually. Almost by definition, So called Aspie kids are often quite bright. The bottom line is that children are all developmentally different. Labels can be helpful to the well informed parent, educator or therapist as a heads up of what to look about for, but they can be very misleading when bantered about by those who who are less informed.

Unfortunately, many private school educators are not nearly as well informed about HFA as they should be. I have seen instances where they have accepted Kids not early as high functioning on the spectrum and don't know the kids are on the spectrum ( the same may be true for the parents), then turned away far higher functioning kids where the parents were really on top of the child's issues with therapies outside of school. It is ashame.

Thank you -- 8:40 PP here, you and I are on the same track but you provide a lot more detail.

This prejudice hurts kids, families, and schools alike. We know of one family whose stellar student couldn't get an open look from a school because of a spectrum diagnosis; that child is now doing fantastic at another school but that experience still rankles them (and us) because it showed there is still so much prejudice out there among professionals who ought to know more.

+2. We have a kid with Asperger's and ADHD and before the ADHD was diagnosed and treated, it caused more issues than the ASD ever did.

Our Aspie currently attends a language immersion charter but we are looking at NYC private schools for middle school. For some reason, elite NYC private schools seem less prejudiced against kids with Asperger's. DS is an excellent student and a standout in an extracurricular activity that NYC private schools actively recruit.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, 8:40 and 11:27.

Our HFA DD is in a mainstream public and doing well with minimal in school supports. She is an excellent student, focused and never disruptive. She has a friend here and there but has difficulty socially.

We have been investigating private schools for MS because the public MS we are zoned for is large and, like many kids, she would probably do better in a smaller school. But when we talk to mainstream privates about admissions, it is very discouraging. Most are unable or unwilling to see past her diagnosis, perhaps suffering from the same prejudices as the PP at 7:57. Mostly, I think they have plenty of applicants and so can't be bothered with a kid that might make them think outside their box.

I wish you good luck in finding a school that will be a good fit for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- I don't live in DC anymore. I have an ADHD/ unmedicated DS9 in mainstream private. He is intellectually exceptionally gifted and impaired in social pragmatics. It's not going very well-- especially socially. He has no friends. One playdate invitation in 2 1/2 years-- and he's so lonely.

If I had a great public school option or a therapeutic school that wound prioritize his intellect, I would take it. I am desperate for a 2e private, but they are rare and none in our area.

There are no perfect or even very good options for kids with my DS's learning profile. Except perhaps a 2e environment.

May I ask where you live (general area)? My son is 2E and our mainstream private school has been a Godsend for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 8:40 and 11:27.

Our HFA DD is in a mainstream public and doing well with minimal in school supports. She is an excellent student, focused and never disruptive. She has a friend here and there but has difficulty socially.

We have been investigating private schools for MS because the public MS we are zoned for is large and, like many kids, she would probably do better in a smaller school. But when we talk to mainstream privates about admissions, it is very discouraging. Most are unable or unwilling to see past her diagnosis, perhaps suffering from the same prejudices as the PP at 7:57. Mostly, I think they have plenty of applicants and so can't be bothered with a kid that might make them think outside their box.

I wish you good luck in finding a school that will be a good fit for your child.

This will be us in a couple years.

I wish educators, of all people, would be educated enough to evaluate each individual kids -- whether the school can provide what that individual child needs -- instead of being scared away by a label.

I know lots of kids with both HFA and ADHD and the ADHD (and accompanying impulsivity) is almost always more disruptive than the HFA.

[Anonymous]

OP - back to your question. Some progressive schools claim to be able to work with every child so I can understand why you are looking at these, but I would suggest you ask all those nit picky questions about transitions, recess, lunch, etc in detail. We found a progressive elementary was ok, but not great - and part of thst was dogmatic philosophy. "Children need there play time" was used as justification for not having organized activities as recess, lunch, breaks. The "lets bring everyone to talk about things" as the only response to minor bullying was not effective, and tough to understand for a young HFA child almost biologically incapable of telling a lie and utterly ineffective to prevent other children with impulse control issues from acting out. They said, DC learned well, and always had one or two close friends. I would personally look at nurturing schools that are a bit more structured than traditional progressives.

[Anonymous]

We have an older kid with ADHD in mainstream privates. Things were rough before we realized what was going on and started meds. Now it is going well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 8:40 and 11:27.

Our HFA DD is in a mainstream public and doing well with minimal in school supports. She is an excellent student, focused and never disruptive. She has a friend here and there but has difficulty socially.

We have been investigating private schools for MS because the public MS we are zoned for is large and, like many kids, she would probably do better in a smaller school. But when we talk to mainstream privates about admissions, it is very discouraging. Most are unable or unwilling to see past her diagnosis, perhaps suffering from the same prejudices as the PP at 7:57. Mostly, I think they have plenty of applicants and so can't be bothered with a kid that might make them think outside their box.
.
I wish you good luck in finding a school that will be a good fit for your child.

First, look at privates in MD and VA. They do not have the built in flow of applicants based on the same degree of negative perceptions of the local publics as DC schools in the middle years. Second, I just need to ask - how mainstream can your DD appear in an interview, and are you seeking specific supports? If you need specific socially related supports, they need to be worked out up front then it's a "no go," then you need to disclose and discuss with the school. If the range of support needed may be what a school would do for a NT girl described as "shy with new kids," and your DD can pull off a reasonable interview, you might consider the route we took - we explained our child totally and honestly, but omitted any diagnosis. Our DC thrived in a supportive but slightly more strictured small private. DC was never part of the "in crowd"'of socially fast affluent kids, but DC graduated with several very good friends that had their own group, and as each year of high school went by the social group grew. Now, before we got to middle school there were no noticeable signs. Obviously, if a child perseverates in an interview on an odd topic or has clearly noticeable styms, this won't work -- yet. Good luck to you and others above in your situation. Our DC is now in college and we have several friends who had similar children who have already graduated and have jobs. As young adults, these kids lives aren't problem free but whose is anyone? Just stay on top of doing the best you can and odds are that your HFA/Aspie kid will turn out better than you imagined before you even had a diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 8:40 and 11:27.

Our HFA DD is in a mainstream public and doing well with minimal in school supports. She is an excellent student, focused and never disruptive. She has a friend here and there but has difficulty socially.

We have been investigating private schools for MS because the public MS we are zoned for is large and, like many kids, she would probably do better in a smaller school. But when we talk to mainstream privates about admissions, it is very discouraging. Most are unable or unwilling to see past her diagnosis, perhaps suffering from the same prejudices as the PP at 7:57. Mostly, I think they have plenty of applicants and so can't be bothered with a kid that might make them think outside their box.
.
I wish you good luck in finding a school that will be a good fit for your child.

First, look at privates in MD and VA. They do not have the built in flow of applicants based on the same degree of negative perceptions of the local publics as DC schools in the middle years. Second, I just need to ask - how mainstream can your DD appear in an interview, and are you seeking specific supports? If you need specific socially related supports, they need to be worked out up front then it's a "no go," then you need to disclose and discuss with the school. If the range of support needed may be what a school would do for a NT girl described as "shy with new kids," and your DD can pull off a reasonable interview, you might consider the route we took - we explained our child totally and honestly, but omitted any diagnosis. Our DC thrived in a supportive but slightly more strictured small private. DC was never part of the "in crowd"'of socially fast affluent kids, but DC graduated with several very good friends that had their own group, and as each year of high school went by the social group grew. Now, before we got to middle school there were no noticeable signs. Obviously, if a child perseverates in an interview on an odd topic or has clearly noticeable styms, this won't work -- yet. Good luck to you and others above in your situation. Our DC is now in college and we have several friends who had similar children who have already graduated and have jobs. As young adults, these kids lives aren't problem free but whose is anyone? Just stay on top of doing the best you can and odds are that your HFA/Aspie kid will turn out better than you imagined before you even had a diagnosis.

Nowadays, schools will ask directly on the application whether the kid has a diagnosis and/or IEP so getting around having either by only describing the child's issues and hoping to pass for NT will not work. Being less than honest on the application can be grounds for expulsion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 8:40 and 11:27.

Our HFA DD is in a mainstream public and doing well with minimal in school supports. She is an excellent student, focused and never disruptive. She has a friend here and there but has difficulty socially.

We have been investigating private schools for MS because the public MS we are zoned for is large and, like many kids, she would probably do better in a smaller school. But when we talk to mainstream privates about admissions, it is very discouraging. Most are unable or unwilling to see past her diagnosis, perhaps suffering from the same prejudices as the PP at 7:57. Mostly, I think they have plenty of applicants and so can't be bothered with a kid that might make them think outside their box.
.
I wish you good luck in finding a school that will be a good fit for your child.

First, look at privates in MD and VA. They do not have the built in flow of applicants based on the same degree of negative perceptions of the local publics as DC schools in the middle years. Second, I just need to ask - how mainstream can your DD appear in an interview, and are you seeking specific supports? If you need specific socially related supports, they need to be worked out up front then it's a "no go," then you need to disclose and discuss with the school. If the range of support needed may be what a school would do for a NT girl described as "shy with new kids," and your DD can pull off a reasonable interview, you might consider the route we took - we explained our child totally and honestly, but omitted any diagnosis. Our DC thrived in a supportive but slightly more strictured small private. DC was never part of the "in crowd"'of socially fast affluent kids, but DC graduated with several very good friends that had their own group, and as each year of high school went by the social group grew. Now, before we got to middle school there were no noticeable signs. Obviously, if a child perseverates in an interview on an odd topic or has clearly noticeable styms, this won't work -- yet. Good luck to you and others above in your situation. Our DC is now in college and we have several friends who had similar children who have already graduated and have jobs. As young adults, these kids lives aren't problem free but whose is anyone? Just stay on top of doing the best you can and odds are that your HFA/Aspie kid will turn out better than you imagined before you even had a diagnosis.

Nowadays, schools will ask directly on the application whether the kid has a diagnosis and/or IEP so getting around having either by only describing the child's issues and hoping to pass for NT will not work. Being less than honest on the application can be grounds for expulsion.

I think you're majorly missing the point. If she can pull off a good interview and get on with kids and thrive in the school, her diagnosis is not relevant. She is not going to be expelled for being a good student with a secret diagnosis that has no tangible impact on the days of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 8:40 and 11:27.

Our HFA DD is in a mainstream public and doing well with minimal in school supports. She is an excellent student, focused and never disruptive. She has a friend here and there but has difficulty socially.

We have been investigating private schools for MS because the public MS we are zoned for is large and, like many kids, she would probably do better in a smaller school. But when we talk to mainstream privates about admissions, it is very discouraging. Most are unable or unwilling to see past her diagnosis, perhaps suffering from the same prejudices as the PP at 7:57. Mostly, I think they have plenty of applicants and so can't be bothered with a kid that might make them think outside their box.
.
I wish you good luck in finding a school that will be a good fit for your child.

First, look at privates in MD and VA. They do not have the built in flow of applicants based on the same degree of negative perceptions of the local publics as DC schools in the middle years. Second, I just need to ask - how mainstream can your DD appear in an interview, and are you seeking specific supports? If you need specific socially related supports, they need to be worked out up front then it's a "no go," then you need to disclose and discuss with the school. If the range of support needed may be what a school would do for a NT girl described as "shy with new kids," and your DD can pull off a reasonable interview, you might consider the route we took - we explained our child totally and honestly, but omitted any diagnosis. Our DC thrived in a supportive but slightly more strictured small private. DC was never part of the "in crowd"'of socially fast affluent kids, but DC graduated with several very good friends that had their own group, and as each year of high school went by the social group grew. Now, before we got to middle school there were no noticeable signs. Obviously, if a child perseverates in an interview on an odd topic or has clearly noticeable styms, this won't work -- yet. Good luck to you and others above in your situation. Our DC is now in college and we have several friends who had similar children who have already graduated and have jobs. As young adults, these kids lives aren't problem free but whose is anyone? Just stay on top of doing the best you can and odds are that your HFA/Aspie kid will turn out better than you imagined before you even had a diagnosis.

Nowadays, schools will ask directly on the application whether the kid has a diagnosis and/or IEP so getting around having either by only describing the child's issues and hoping to pass for NT will not work. Being less than honest on the application can be grounds for expulsion.

I think you're majorly missing the point. If she can pull off a good interview and get on with kids and thrive in the school, her diagnosis is not relevant. She is not going to be expelled for being a good student with a secret diagnosis that has no tangible impact on the days of others.

You have to be accepted into the school first and lying on the application to get into a school is not a good idea.

[Anonymous]

And just because the kid can pass as NT during the interview and application process does not mean that they will thrive at the school.

[Anonymous]

My ADHD inattentive child graduated from Beauvoir last year and has gone on to another TT school. It was diagnosed while at the school. DC had been increasingly behind, and was already getting extra help at the school's suggestion. They were great, both before and after the diagnosis, and did indicate that there were other kids in the same boat. DC was admitted everywhere we applied, and I credit Beauvoir with keeping up the academics and working with us as we developed strategies and learned more. Plus they were incredibly helpful in helping us find a next school that would be as great as they were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And just because the kid can pass as NT during the interview and application process does not mean that they will thrive at the school.

Absolutely true. Of course, the same can be said for every other child. I know many families that started out at GDS, Sidwell, Maret, etc and later transferred to other schools or stayed there as lifers even though it was a as fit as the students got older.