Anyone marry a good person, who wasn't the right person for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me want to seriously consider open marriage as an option. I've struggled with this for sometime and even went so far at one point as to think that if I really loved my DW then I'd feel butterflies, so I thought I didn't really loved her.

Then I tried to imagine my life without out here and I was devastatingly sad. The thought of not having her in my life was crushing. Not having her as my best friend, not appreciating her humor, not raising children together, not enjoying each other's company, when we have sex we know exactly what the other needs and we even experiment from time to time, etc.

If that's what it's like to live like roommates then she's the best goddamn roommate I've ever had (of course, in college, I had a roommate who would eat his toenail clippings).

However, having all that and then still wanting more can be draining on a relationship. I want all those things she has to give, but I also want newness and excitement. I want to confide in someone else so I'm not constantly burdening her with my issues, and I want her to confide in someone else so I don't feel drained by hers.

I feel bad for your wife, good lord. Get some counseling.

Women- raise your boys to turn into men.

Speak for yourself. I'm a DW and I think PP was refreshingly honest.

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of good comments on this thread. I am a DW and married a great guy; kind, thoughtful, loving, considerate, everything I wanted when we met. But this was a rebound relationship for me, and things just never felt "right" for me...we have very few things in common, but get along ok. We got married and had a "roommate" style relationship, the sex was ok.

Fast forward 8 years, and things fell apart. He misses having someone with whom he has more in common, and also feels that the "spark" we used to have is gone. We're separating now, and will divorce. I was happy to go along as things are, but he's hoping to find a better match.

The thing is, I'm not really sad about this. I know there's a better match out there for me too, and I hope he finds happiness. I wish, at the outset, I had broken things off before we got married and so entwined... lesson learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else notice all the responses are women bored with men? Think twice before you get married fellas!

Because men are (on average) simpler to keep happy. I wouldn't say my DW and I are roommates, more like friends who have sex sometimes, and have each other's back. No real butterflies, sometimes we can create some passion. Married 10 years, two school age kids. I am pretty content with peace, family and sex. I don't need a soulmate.

This is so spot on!!

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I wonder if there any any married couples who are actually happy after a few years.

[Anonymous]

I'm married twenty years and believe we are happy in our marriage. We love each other, have each others backs, share common interests and enjoy sex. We also enjoy hobbies with friends too. He watches our professional sports teams at a bar with other neighborhood dads sometimes and bikes with a couple of buddies. I enjoy my book club and am pretty with some women friends active. Life is not perfect but I feel blessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I wonder if there any any married couples who are actually happy after a few years.

I am a PP and wonder the same thing...what is normal after many years? Friendship? Passion? Chemistry? Comfort?

[Anonymous]

Another DW here who married a "friend". We are still friends and great roommates, I can't imagine divorce because I don't feel as if I have a good enough reason. Also, we have a child and it would be financially difficult so I stay and we keep chugging along until...I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Totally confused by all of this. I just read something about Cindy Crawford and her husband, who have been married forever by Hollywood standards. He said they were friends when they met, are still friends, and that is what has kept the marriage going. Don't either of them would have an issue finding a new partner.

So what is the answer? I have seen couples with super hot passion divorce after a few years because you cannot keep that intensity going and there was nothing to fall back on. I have seen couples who were great people and friends divorce after a few years because they felt their marriage lacked passion (see the contradiction here?)

I have been married over 20 years, we still have sex 3-4x/week, and can have a great time on date night. We still try to stay in shape and dress well for each other. It has to be a combination of both friendship and horniness for a marriage to work. During a down time, we both talked about divorce and it got serious enough that my spouse was looking for an apartment. But divorce to what? People expect perfection in marriage because of all the emphasis on total happiness projected by the media. Life isn't like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were great on paper

Of course, your #1 criterion!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister did. And is now divorced. They dated for 3 years with break-ups in-between. Then they married in 2000 and he filed for divorce in 2013. They have one child. He is a very nice guy, but SO different from my sister. When they met they were both working at the same agency, both working as social workers. My sister went on to get her Master's, LICSW, and then started a PhD program. He continued to work in his same job. He had a very different upbringing than we did, neither parent went to college, is one of 5 boys from a small, Kentucky town. Parents very religious, two of his brothers home-school their kids. We grew up in DC, went to private school, both our parents have advanced degrees...I think he just always felt like she was too driven for him if that makes sense and she felt like he was not motivated. But he was nice, a fantastic father, wonderful with my DS. They just weren't right for each other. Shockingly, he was the one who filed for divorce, saying she was selfish for "holding him back" from ever advancing in life. Really long story I won;t go into, but now they are amicably divorced and are co-parenting their 6 year-old beautifully. I think sometimes people find each other and get married because they think after so many years, why not?

You are absolutely insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else notice all the responses are women bored with men? Think twice before you get married fellas!

Yep, I'll print this thread and give it to my friend who is ring shopping. The idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[
Because men are (on average) simpler to keep happy.

That's because we have our heads on straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering what has happened to people who was dating someone who was a good person and there was no real reason to leave them so you married them. You might have had a feeling that this person wasn't the right person for you, but you loved them and they were good and kind and you couldn't come up with a reason to break up. Or maybe you realized after you were married that being good wasn't good enough to sustain a marriage.

What happened? Are you still married? Happily? Divorced?

This is my marriage, it was never bad, it was never great, but it was functional and we got along. I didn't feel that 'thing' that people talk about, but I thought it was better to stay in something stable that worked than look for that 'thing' which may or may not be out there. Fast forward, we were married and have a daughter together. We are currently separating ahead of a divorce after deciding that we don't want our relationship to be the model that our daughter grows up seeing and thinking is what she should aspire to. We're taking our chances that we can each find someone that we love in that way and who loves us back in that way, who knows what the future will bring. We are also making this decision ahead of it becoming a toxic relationship that would negatively affect our ability to coparent together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of good comments on this thread. I am a DW and married a great guy; kind, thoughtful, loving, considerate, everything I wanted when we met. But this was a rebound relationship for me, and things just never felt "right" for me...we have very few things in common, but get along ok. We got married and had a "roommate" style relationship, the sex was ok.

Fast forward 8 years, and things fell apart. He misses having someone with whom he has more in common, and also feels that the "spark" we used to have is gone. We're separating now, and will divorce. I was happy to go along as things are, but he's hoping to find a better match.

The thing is, I'm not really sad about this. I know there's a better match out there for me too, and I hope he finds happiness. I wish, at the outset, I had broken things off before we got married and so entwined... lesson learned.

I think we are the same person. I feel sad about the end of my marriage though, mainly because it took its toll on my husband and we have an infant daughter now, but I hope he finds a better match out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who are comfortable or more like roommates, do you regret marrying them?

Mixed bag. No, because I wouldn't have my daughter (7 months). Yes, because it took a lot out of my husband, his self esteem took a big blow being in our marriage knowing that I didn't love him back that way he wanted. I regret causing him that pain.