Anyone marry a good person, who wasn't the right person for them?

[Anonymous]

It happened to me. I have been with him for 15 years married 12 years. I feel numb and bored with him. Nothing is wrong with him, he is just not the right person for me. I knew it from the beginning. He is still in love with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It happened to me. I have been with him for 15 years married 12 years. I feel numb and bored with him. Nothing is wrong with him, he is just not the right person for me. I knew it from the beginning. He is still in love with me.

Did you feel differently when you married him?

[Anonymous]

My first husband is a great guy. Just a fantastic human being. We were great on paper, his parents loved me and my parents loved him. We were college sweethearts and shared all of our friends. I knew going in that the sex was awful, but everything else was great. After we got married he went from religious to really devout. I went the other way. So we split after 4 years. We're both happily married to other people. I still think he's one of the best people I've ever met, but he wasn't right for me at all.

[Anonymous]

Yes, 20+ years now. I had the feeling from day one that we should not get married but was afraid to back out. He's satisfied with our life but I'm lonely and bored and have felt this way for a long long time. We are more like roommates although at times I feel like the babysitter / housekeeper. If I didn't find things to talk about I swear we would just drive around in silence or watch tv. It's getting old. I don't think I would be as lonely if I "were" alone. He doesn't understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I almost think that everyone needs to have two marriages. The first is for learning about how to do marriage and then figuring out the kind of person you do and do not want in one. So then you break it off and get married to that right person during the second one. Marriage is such an unknown thing that few people can know who is the right person until they go through it.

Marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It happened to me. I have been with him for 15 years married 12 years. I feel numb and bored with him. Nothing is wrong with him, he is just not the right person for me. I knew it from the beginning. He is still in love with me.

Did you feel differently when you married him?

I felt the same. I was bored but comfortable with him.

[Anonymous]

For those of you who are comfortable or more like roommates, do you regret marrying them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who are comfortable or more like roommates, do you regret marrying them?

No. Best decision ever. Dh has the biggest heart.

[Anonymous]

My sister did. And is now divorced. They dated for 3 years with break-ups in-between. Then they married in 2000 and he filed for divorce in 2013. They have one child. He is a very nice guy, but SO different from my sister. When they met they were both working at the same agency, both working as social workers. My sister went on to get her Master's, LICSW, and then started a PhD program. He continued to work in his same job. He had a very different upbringing than we did, neither parent went to college, is one of 5 boys from a small, Kentucky town. Parents very religious, two of his brothers home-school their kids. We grew up in DC, went to private school, both our parents have advanced degrees...I think he just always felt like she was too driven for him if that makes sense and she felt like he was not motivated. But he was nice, a fantastic father, wonderful with my DS. They just weren't right for each other. Shockingly, he was the one who filed for divorce, saying she was selfish for "holding him back" from ever advancing in life. Really long story I won;t go into, but now they are amicably divorced and are co-parenting their 6 year-old beautifully. I think sometimes people find each other and get married because they think after so many years, why not?

[Anonymous]

I dated an almost married a really great guy who was simply just not for me. I'm so glad I had the courage to break up with him before getting engaged because I then started dating my DH, who is (almost) perfect for me and also a really great guy.

That said, marriage can feel boring at times for everyone.

I think sometimes it's really really hard to know whether feelings of "something's missing" mean you are with the wrong person or whether you need to inject some excitement into your life somehow.

[Anonymous]

My first marriage was like this. I actually think my XH is a better person than my DH, but my current marriage is better. Partially because I learned how to be in a marriage from my first marriage, I grew up and worked on myself after the divorce, and my DH has qualities that make our marriage work better.

I dated my XH for 10 years on and off before we got married, and dated my DX for 1.5 years before we got married.

[Anonymous]

Anyone else notice all the responses are women bored with men? Think twice before you get married fellas!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I almost think that everyone needs to have two marriages. The first is for learning about how to do marriage and then figuring out the kind of person you do and do not want in one. So then you break it off and get married to that right person during the second one. Marriage is such an unknown thing that few people can know who is the right person until they go through it.

What is the divorce rate for second marriages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I almost think that everyone needs to have two marriages. The first is for learning about how to do marriage and then figuring out the kind of person you do and do not want in one. So then you break it off and get married to that right person during the second one. Marriage is such an unknown thing that few people can know who is the right person until they go through it.

What is the divorce rate for second marriages?

Higher than firsts, especially when kids are involved. Often same problems with different person plus more stress to get it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else notice all the responses are women bored with men? Think twice before you get married fellas!

Because men are (on average) simpler to keep happy. I wouldn't say my DW and I are roommates, more like friends who have sex sometimes, and have each other's back. No real butterflies, sometimes we can create some passion. Married 10 years, two school age kids. I am pretty content with peace, family and sex. I don't need a soulmate.