I'm 43 with no kids, but want 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this even possible at your age?

Umm, yes, I'm only 43! Everything still works the right way and I'm in great shape... My OB/GYN is completely fine with it.

This statement alone proves how naive you are op

[Anonymous]

Obviously, DCUM falls into two very clearly divided groups:

1) people who have kids in their 40s;
2) people who stridently disapprove -- with charts!

Here's my question: would #2 people disapprove if OP adopted kids in her 40s like my SIL did?

Is fostering O.K. to you?

If so, why or why not?

OP, you can guess that I'm in Camp #1; my advice to you is never to run your life by consensus. You're the only person who gets to live it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, DCUM falls into two very clearly divided groups:

1) people who have kids in their 40s;
2) people who stridently disapprove -- with charts!

Here's my question: would #2 people disapprove if OP adopted kids in her 40s like my SIL did?

Is fostering O.K. to you?

If so, why or why not?

OP, you can guess that I'm in Camp #1; my advice to you is never to run your life by consensus. You're the only person who gets to live it.

Camp 3. People who think this entire arrangement is immoral and selfish on op's part. No matter what the age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, DCUM falls into two very clearly divided groups:

1) people who have kids in their 40s;
2) people who stridently disapprove -- with charts!

Here's my question: would #2 people disapprove if OP adopted kids in her 40s like my SIL did?

Is fostering O.K. to you?

If so, why or why not?

OP, you can guess that I'm in Camp #1; my advice to you is never to run your life by consensus. You're the only person who gets to live it.

Camp 3. People who think this entire arrangement is immoral and selfish on op's part. No matter what the age

How many couples get divorced? No marriage, no divorce. Just 2 loving parents. Op is not naïve, I can name 8 friends right now that had healthy pregnancies in their 40's . of which 3 were FIRST pregnancies. It happens...maybe the conservative crew on DCUM doesn't see it, accept it, but it happens....and it does work out. How many 20 somethings do you see not taking care of their kids? Watch the news. How about go visit a hospital and ask for their statistics, you'd be shocked. If OP wants to go it alone fine, but if she has a healthy willing sperm donor that she has know for 14 yrs...I'd rather that then anon donor. If Op's doctor had reservations, I'm sure he/she would have voiced them....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, DCUM falls into two very clearly divided groups:

1) people who have kids in their 40s;
2) people who stridently disapprove -- with charts!

Here's my question: would #2 people disapprove if OP adopted kids in her 40s like my SIL did?

Is fostering O.K. to you?

If so, why or why not?

OP, you can guess that I'm in Camp #1; my advice to you is never to run your life by consensus. You're the only person who gets to live it.

Camp 3. People who think this entire arrangement is immoral and selfish on op's part. No matter what the age

How many couples get divorced? No marriage, no divorce. Just 2 loving parents. Op is not naïve, I can name 8 friends right now that had healthy pregnancies in their 40's . of which 3 were FIRST pregnancies. It happens...maybe the conservative crew on DCUM doesn't see it, accept it, but it happens....and it does work out. How many 20 somethings do you see not taking care of their kids? Watch the news. How about go visit a hospital and ask for their statistics, you'd be shocked. If OP wants to go it alone fine, but if she has a healthy willing sperm donor that she has know for 14 yrs...I'd rather that then anon donor. If Op's doctor had reservations, I'm sure he/she would have voiced them....

You completely miss the point. That others fail at the ideal is not a reason to excuse starting out on a path that is wrong to begin with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, DCUM falls into two very clearly divided groups:

1) people who have kids in their 40s;
2) people who stridently disapprove -- with charts!

Here's my question: would #2 people disapprove if OP adopted kids in her 40s like my SIL did?

Is fostering O.K. to you?

If so, why or why not?

OP, you can guess that I'm in Camp #1; my advice to you is never to run your life by consensus. You're the only person who gets to live it.

Camp 3. People who think this entire arrangement is immoral and selfish on op's part. No matter what the age

How many couples get divorced? No marriage, no divorce. Just 2 loving parents. Op is not naïve, I can name 8 friends right now that had healthy pregnancies in their 40's . of which 3 were FIRST pregnancies. It happens...maybe the conservative crew on DCUM doesn't see it, accept it, but it happens....and it does work out. How many 20 somethings do you see not taking care of their kids? Watch the news. How about go visit a hospital and ask for their statistics, you'd be shocked. If OP wants to go it alone fine, but if she has a healthy willing sperm donor that she has know for 14 yrs...I'd rather that then anon donor. If Op's doctor had reservations, I'm sure he/she would have voiced them....

You completely miss the point. That others fail at the ideal is not a reason to excuse starting out on a path that is wrong to begin with

What about accidental pregnancies that have to be dealt with? Are we feeling bad for those "mistakes" they work out with parents never marrying, or marrying "because of a pregnancy"...here you have 2 people that are not getting married, so that drama will never enter the picture....but can co parent in a loving way. My parents divorced when I was 14 months old....I don't ever remember them being married, and they were great parents living in 2 separate homes... I really (along with most of the free world) don't see a problem bringing a child that is WANTED into the world and supporting them fully. Isn't that what is SUPPOSED to happen???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this even possible at your age?

Umm, yes, I'm only 43! Everything still works the right way and I'm in great shape... My OB/GYN is completely fine with it.

This statement alone proves how naive you are op

And your statement alone proves how much of an idiot you are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this even possible at your age?

Umm, yes, I'm only 43! Everything still works the right way and I'm in great shape... My OB/GYN is completely fine with it.

This statement alone proves how naive you are op

OP, have you had any blood tests to assess your fertility? Having regular menstrual cycles don't mean anything.

[Anonymous]

There are several factors here that recommend caution, like age and the possibility that your living situations might change should one or both of you find partners you want to live with exclusively.

The medical stuff is between you and your vagina and your doctor.

The legal stuff - just go see a LGBTQ-friendly lawyer who can talk you through any agreements or contracts you'd want to make sure you have in place before there's an actual child in the picture. It does seem like setting out clear expectations, and having plans in place should you guys decide that you do want to get married to other people, could help forestall any family law conflicts down the road.

And good luck - I hope this works out for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The worst that could happen? There are lots of worsts, and you will never have children with anyone, even a committed spouse, if you decide on "worsts."

The worst likely to happen? One of you wants to move far away for a job or new partner and the child loses a parent. OR, one of you finds someone you want to marry, and the new family unit takes one of you away from the child.

I think this is spot-on.

I'd add that there's potential for you and your friend to have a falling out or discover that you have drastically different parenting styles and end up in an ugly custody battle. Or one of you loses a job and cannot provide financial support anymore and the other starts getting resentful. But those are things that happen with married couples.

In my opinion, you should both talk to a therapist (together) and a lawyer (separately) before you decide to do this. If you ultimately feel that you're not prepared to co-parent with your friend, an anonymous sperm donor may be the right option for you.

I agree with all this. You should talk through in advance what you would do if genetic testing shows possible special needs, what you would do if the child has special needs, what your parenting philosophies are, what religion the child would be raised, etc., etc. Co-parenting is super tough. No couple is perfect, but you want to make sure you've thought it all through.

Also, my mom had me at 43 -- naturally and with no adverse consequences. But it is not typical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this even possible at your age?

Umm, yes, I'm only 43! Everything still works the right way and I'm in great shape... My OB/GYN is completely fine with it.

Only 43???? Are you out of your mind?

This whole discussion is probably moot if you're thinking of having biological children.

^^ Where are you from PP? Open your eyes, 43 is hardly unheard of.

This is not true. Statistically speaking more women are having kids over 40 and with the right preparation (vitamins, folic acid, healthy) ...they are more successful and better parents then the "younger generation". Women have careers, and are waiting longer. Couples are getting married older and then having healthy kids. Its 2015 people.

Yeah it is 2015. These people are getting pregnant with DONOR EGGS. Open your eyes PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this even possible at your age?

Umm, yes, I'm only 43! Everything still works the right way and I'm in great shape... My OB/GYN is completely fine with it.

Only 43???? Are you out of your mind?

This whole discussion is probably moot if you're thinking of having biological children.

^^ Where are you from PP? Open your eyes, 43 is hardly unheard of.

This is not true. Statistically speaking more women are having kids over 40 and with the right preparation (vitamins, folic acid, healthy) ...they are more successful and better parents then the "younger generation". Women have careers, and are waiting longer. Couples are getting married older and then having healthy kids. Its 2015 people.

Yeah it is 2015. These people are getting pregnant with DONOR EGGS. Open your eyes PP.

Right. There's nothing wrong with using donor eggs. But that's not the scenario OP floated. She has less than a 5% chance of getting pregnant on her own using her own eggs. ART can do many things but it can't make your 43 yo eggs young again.

[Anonymous]

Yes the chances of getting pregnant at 43 with your own eggs is low, but it's not infinitesimal. Back a generation ago when people had more kids there were plenty of naturally conceived babies to moms in their early 40s. It's certainly far from a given but she might have a shot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this even possible at your age?

Umm, yes, I'm only 43! Everything still works the right way and I'm in great shape... My OB/GYN is completely fine with it.

This statement alone proves how naive you are op

And your statement alone proves how much of an idiot you are

Why?

[Anonymous]

Possibility of pregnancy aside, you really need to think this through. What happens if one of you does meet someone and get married? What happens if you guys disagree about parenting? What happens if one of you gets a great new job somewhere else and wants to move? How are you going to split child-related finances? Child care? What if you disagree about schooling or other issues? What if you don't like each other's families? How will you handle the holidays? Vacations? Trips?

True, married couples can have some of these issues, too, but that's no reason not to think really seriously about it.