I'm 43 with no kids, but want 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Possibility of pregnancy aside, you really need to think this through. What happens if one of you does meet someone and get married? What happens if you guys disagree about parenting? What happens if one of you gets a great new job somewhere else and wants to move? How are you going to split child-related finances? Child care? What if you disagree about schooling or other issues? What if you don't like each other's families? How will you handle the holidays? Vacations? Trips?

True, married couples can have some of these issues, too, but that's no reason not to think really seriously about it.

Married couples also have a legal commitment in place to make it more necessary to work things out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Possibility of pregnancy aside, you really need to think this through. What happens if one of you does meet someone and get married? What happens if you guys disagree about parenting? What happens if one of you gets a great new job somewhere else and wants to move? How are you going to split child-related finances? Child care? What if you disagree about schooling or other issues? What if you don't like each other's families? How will you handle the holidays? Vacations? Trips?

True, married couples can have some of these issues, too, but that's no reason not to think really seriously about it.

Definitely, OP should speak with a lawyer who works with nontraditional families. Just because there are issues for her to contemplate and work out doesn't mean that she shouldn't have a child with a good friend who also wants to have a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes the chances of getting pregnant at 43 with your own eggs is low, but it's not infinitesimal. Back a generation ago when people had more kids there were plenty of naturally conceived babies to moms in their early 40s. It's certainly far from a given but she might have a shot.

They weren't first pregnancies.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you decide to do, make sure you do not waste much time. At 43 your odds of becoming pregnant are slowing down & will slow down even more so as you fall greater + greater in your 40's.

If you truly feel like a piece is missing from your life puzzle, then I don't see how this cold be a bad idea.

Have you considered adopting OP? So many children are caught up in the Foster Care system now, a loving home would be the best gift ever.

Whatever the outcome, I wish you all the best in your endeavors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced female, 43 and have never had kids. Been divorced for 5 years. One of my best friends is gay. We've known each other for 14 years. He's never been married, not in any relationships. We are Will and Grace (but 43 and 45). He wants a child. What could be the worst that could happen if we have a child together? We have discussed it and are seriously considering it.

Google Clay Aiken and Jamie Foster. The worst that could happen is a lot of acrimony and instability for your kid. Better to go the sperm bank route so you at least don't put the kid through a custody battle if you are also going to deny him a stable family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it would work and be fine. You're not a 20 year old who can't afford it. I would work out finances and issues prior though. Also know that fertility treatments aren't covered by insurance unless you're married.

This is not true.

I just finished treatments and yes, we had to be married. Maybe other insurances are different, but I read this before.

This deem da on your company's policy. My company covered my ivf even though we weren't married.

Op, get it ALL in writing b

[Anonymous]

If you both show unconditional love for this child, it will grow up well adjusted and have a wonderful life.

Just be honest from the beginning and your kid will turn out fine

[Anonymous]

I have two you can have. They eat a lot so be prepared. Just let me know the when where how of it all and I'll drop them off for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced female, 43 and have never had kids. Been divorced for 5 years. One of my best friends is gay. We've known each other for 14 years. He's never been married, not in any relationships. We are Will and Grace (but 43 and 45). He wants a child. What could be the worst that could happen if we have a child together? We have discussed it and are seriously considering it.

The worst that could happen is that children trigger feelings and instincts in people that you simply cannot predict, so whatever agreements you make before the baby arrives, you can count on tossing them out of the window.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you both show unconditional love for this child, it will grow up well adjusted and have a wonderful life.

Just be honest from the beginning and your kid will turn out fine

Wow. That's quite a prediction. Sorry to burst the bubble, OP, but there is a lot more to it than this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, DCUM falls into two very clearly divided groups:

1) people who have kids in their 40s;
2) people who stridently disapprove -- with charts!

Here's my question: would #2 people disapprove if OP adopted kids in her 40s like my SIL did?

Is fostering O.K. to you?

If so, why or why not?

OP, you can guess that I'm in Camp #1; my advice to you is never to run your life by consensus. You're the only person who gets to live it.

Camp 3. People who think this entire arrangement is immoral and selfish on op's part. No matter what the age

How many couples get divorced? No marriage, no divorce. Just 2 loving parents. Op is not naïve, I can name 8 friends right now that had healthy pregnancies in their 40's . of which 3 were FIRST pregnancies. It happens...maybe the conservative crew on DCUM doesn't see it, accept it, but it happens....and it does work out. How many 20 somethings do you see not taking care of their kids? Watch the news. How about go visit a hospital and ask for their statistics, you'd be shocked. If OP wants to go it alone fine, but if she has a healthy willing sperm donor that she has know for 14 yrs...I'd rather that then anon donor. If Op's doctor had reservations, I'm sure he/she would have voiced them....

You completely miss the point. That others fail at the ideal is not a reason to excuse starting out on a path that is wrong to begin with

Wrong? Who says?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You'll regret it if you don't.

This is really the bottom line, OP. Go for it.

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of that Jennifer Anniston movie (except the dad wasn't gay)- The Switch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this even possible at your age?

Umm, yes, I'm only 43! Everything still works the right way and I'm in great shape... My OB/GYN is completely fine with it.

Only 43???? Are you out of your mind?

This whole discussion is probably moot if you're thinking of having biological children.

^^ Where are you from PP? Open your eyes, 43 is hardly unheard of.

This is not true. Statistically speaking more women are having kids over 40 and with the right preparation (vitamins, folic acid, healthy) ...they are more successful and better parents then the "younger generation". Women have careers, and are waiting longer. Couples are getting married older and then having healthy kids. Its 2015 people.

Yea. I'm sure these kids when they are 40 with their own families will be THRILLED to either have dead parents or parents in their mid 80s who will have ZERO chance of knowing their own grandkids. But hey, at least with that mountain of money you supposedly spent all that time earning, they can dry their tears with 100 dollar bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, DCUM falls into two very clearly divided groups:

1) people who have kids in their 40s;
2) people who stridently disapprove -- with charts!

Here's my question: would #2 people disapprove if OP adopted kids in her 40s like my SIL did?

Is fostering O.K. to you?

If so, why or why not?

OP, you can guess that I'm in Camp #1; my advice to you is never to run your life by consensus. You're the only person who gets to live it.

Camp 3. People who think this entire arrangement is immoral and selfish on op's part. No matter what the age

This. Don't so CRAZY OP. This is a terrible thing to do to a poor kid.