Does dating white guys make me self-racist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

African woman here. I find AA men as ignorant where gender is concerned as white men are where race is concerned. Perhaps because I see myself as a woman first and black second (black means nothing where I come from), I find I can't tolerate AA men's poisonous attitudes towards women and their lack of traditional family values.

Thank you for being brave enough to share your experience, which will probably be quite unpopular in these threads even if it rings quite true (as an obviously broad generalization)

Thank you. I knew that my experience-based opinion would be unpopular and attacked as a stereotype-laden lie, but I am not going to be intimidated. There is something very wrong with the majority of AA men's views on women and family. Everyone knows it and it shows in real life.

You know the majority of AA men (in order to form an opinion on what they all think about women and family)? Amazing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

African woman here. I find AA men as ignorant where gender is concerned as white men are where race is concerned. Perhaps because I see myself as a woman first and black second (black means nothing where I come from), I find I can't tolerate AA men's poisonous attitudes towards women and their lack of traditional family values.

Thank you for being brave enough to share your experience, which will probably be quite unpopular in these threads even if it rings quite true (as an obviously broad generalization)

Thank you. I knew that my experience-based opinion would be unpopular and attacked as a stereotype-laden lie, but I am not going to be intimidated. There is something very wrong with the majority of AA men's views on women and family. Everyone knows it and it shows in real life.

You know the majority of AA men (in order to form an opinion on what they all think about women and family)? Amazing!

If you knew just a little bit of statistics, you'd know about something called "sampling."

Yes, same way pollsters work and, while not perfect, good enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I don't want my kid in an all white school. Whites make up the large majority of the population plus they dominate the media. It's very hard not too look at them as the standard of beauty when that's all that's on display.

I agree. Don't get me wrong, white people can be amazing and incredible. I'm a brown lady married to my wonderful dh who happens tp be white. I just wonder sometimes if the reason I found him attractive was because of media brain washing. Prince Charming is White, Mr. Darcy is White, etc. When you grow up in an Indian culture, we are exposed to a lot of western media. Through that we are exposed to a lot of white media. Every rom com love interest is a white guy. Every boy band member is white. So we naturally grow up to associate white guys with love and romance.

Now, of course I love my husband irregardless of his skin color. But it makes me sad to think that there are other cultures and people out there that we are missing on because we are so brain washed to admire white ones.

Yeah, we've definitely been brain-washed to idealize white skin/features. It's such bullshit. Brown is beautiful!

A+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

African woman here. I find AA men as ignorant where gender is concerned as white men are where race is concerned. Perhaps because I see myself as a woman first and black second (black means nothing where I come from), I find I can't tolerate AA men's poisonous attitudes towards women and their lack of traditional family values.

Thank you for being brave enough to share your experience, which will probably be quite unpopular in these threads even if it rings quite true (as an obviously broad generalization)

Thank you. I knew that my experience-based opinion would be unpopular and attacked as a stereotype-laden lie, but I am not going to be intimidated. There is something very wrong with the majority of AA men's views on women and family. Everyone knows it and it shows in real life.

You know the majority of AA men (in order to form an opinion on what they all think about women and family)? Amazing!

If you knew just a little bit of statistics, you'd know about something called "sampling."

Yes, same way pollsters work and, while not perfect, good enough.

The real stats tell a different story.
Polls and stats can be biased and their is a motive to paint all that is not white negatively.

If you want to date white date white, but do it because you've fallen for the person not the myth of white perfection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

African woman here. I find AA men as ignorant where gender is concerned as white men are where race is concerned. Perhaps because I see myself as a woman first and black second (black means nothing where I come from), I find I can't tolerate AA men's poisonous attitudes towards women and their lack of traditional family values.

I doubt you are given your first sentence. I do believe you are the person who likes to haunt another website to make certain nothing positive gets said about AA men.
In my experience AA are extremely respectful in their attitudes towards women and place a high value on family, they are no more ignorant than their white counterparts.
Like you and OP some men of color have been impacted by the age old objectification of us that was used as a tool of subjugation.
Since you are interested in women and respect take a Google on Sarah Baartman. Whose culture was that?
This is the endgame of social conditioning White= good, anything not white has no value and is demonized and lied about to to maintain division and control.

Yes, AA men are so respectful that they created an entire genre of music to denigrate their women. Have you listened to hip hop lately? For every song protesting racism, there are 500 calling women all sorts of names. Such respect!

You mean the genre that was created to uplift a people that has been taken over the last 20 + years as another tool of subjugation whose consumers include a large number if not majority non AA individuals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

African woman here. I find AA men as ignorant where gender is concerned as white men are where race is concerned. Perhaps because I see myself as a woman first and black second (black means nothing where I come from), I find I can't tolerate AA men's poisonous attitudes towards women and their lack of traditional family values.

I doubt you are given your first sentence. I do believe you are the person who likes to haunt another website to make certain nothing positive gets said about AA men.
In my experience AA are extremely respectful in their attitudes towards women and place a high value on family, they are no more ignorant than their white counterparts.
Like you and OP some men of color have been impacted by the age old objectification of us that was used as a tool of subjugation.
Since you are interested in women and respect take a Google on Sarah Baartman. Whose culture was that?
This is the endgame of social conditioning White= good, anything not white has no value and is demonized and lied about to to maintain division and control.

Yes, AA men are so respectful that they created an entire genre of music to denigrate their women. Have you listened to hip hop lately? For every song protesting racism, there are 500 calling women all sorts of names. Such respect!

You mean the genre that was created to uplift a people that has been taken over the last 20 + years as another tool of subjugation whose consumers include a large number if not majority non AA individuals?

Saying sh*t like that, you really wonder why other races typically prefer to look elsewhere for dating material?

[Anonymous]

The direction of this thread saddens me. When I think of the negative sweeping generalizations people have about AA men as it relates to dating, imagine how law enforcement and employers look at them.

[Anonymous]

Like whoever you want OP.
It's your life do the best you can with it and try not to stress about what is accepted or expected or perceived by others.
Respect others respect yourself and respect the fact that it's okay to be you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The direction of this thread saddens me. When I think of the negative sweeping generalizations people have about AA men as it relates to dating, imagine how law enforcement and employers look at them.

Bingo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

African woman here. I find AA men as ignorant where gender is concerned as white men are where race is concerned. Perhaps because I see myself as a woman first and black second (black means nothing where I come from), I find I can't tolerate AA men's poisonous attitudes towards women and their lack of traditional family values.

I doubt you are given your first sentence. I do believe you are the person who likes to haunt another website to make certain nothing positive gets said about AA men.
In my experience AA are extremely respectful in their attitudes towards women and place a high value on family, they are no more ignorant than their white counterparts.
Like you and OP some men of color have been impacted by the age old objectification of us that was used as a tool of subjugation.
Since you are interested in women and respect take a Google on Sarah Baartman. Whose culture was that?
This is the endgame of social conditioning White= good, anything not white has no value and is demonized and lied about to to maintain division and control.

Yes, AA men are so respectful that they created an entire genre of music to denigrate their women. Have you listened to hip hop lately? For every song protesting racism, there are 500 calling women all sorts of names. Such respect!

You mean the genre that was created to uplift a people that has been taken over the last 20 + years as another tool of subjugation whose consumers include a large number if not majority non AA individuals?

Saying sh*t like that, you really wonder why other races typically prefer to look elsewhere for dating material?

Who gives a shit. Black people have survived without the interest of whites for centuries and centuries. In fact, we have survived with the UNWANTED interest of MANY whites. So, WTF ever.

[Anonymous]

Has the OP chimed in with her reflections?

Internalized racism may be an issue. Wanting to escape all of the traditions embedded in an Indian-Indian union could be another. There could be something else that's present in this population of blonde, Preppy men that intrigues the OP. We can't know.

I appreciate the input from several AA women on this thread (especially the African poster). I hope the broader audience was listening because I don't usually hear this level of honesty outside of sister circles. (I'm black, too.) My life experience doesn't require citation or significant sample size. The exposure I've had to black men throughout my life has taught me what those PPs have shared. I've heard the African perspective repeatedly. Most of my African girlfriends have ended up with men from the Caribbean, for example. There's something about the legacy of slavery and the history of the black family in the U.S. that burdens AA men (generally). It's rare and wonderful to find a man who's really done the internal work required to overcome it. Listen or not, it's real.

I do hope the OP comes back and shares her thoughts on this. It's an honest question. Good on her for thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Has the OP chimed in with her reflections?

Internalized racism may be an issue. Wanting to escape all of the traditions embedded in an Indian-Indian union could be another. There could be something else that's present in this population of blonde, Preppy men that intrigues the OP. We can't know.

I appreciate the input from several AA women on this thread (especially the African poster). I hope the broader audience was listening because I don't usually hear this level of honesty outside of sister circles. (I'm black, too.) My life experience doesn't require citation or significant sample size. The exposure I've had to black men throughout my life has taught me what those PPs have shared. I've heard the African perspective repeatedly. Most of my African girlfriends have ended up with men from the Caribbean, for example. There's something about the legacy of slavery and the history of the black family in the U.S. that burdens AA men (generally). It's rare and wonderful to find a man who's really done the internal work required to overcome it. Listen or not, it's real.

I do hope the OP comes back and shares her thoughts on this. It's an honest question. Good on her for thinking about it.

So well said. I too find that the black people whom I meet who are immigrants from Africa or the Caribbean have a "lightness" to them. I think we seriously underestimate the legacy of slavery on AA lives, marriages, and families. I also don't think that this is something that cannot be overcome. There are many AA families and marriages that are successful and I think that a religious foundation and community that supports these families is helpful.
I don't know about a preference for someone who is outside of your race means you have a problem, but I would explore what it is you think about Indian men. Have you ever given an Indian man a chance? I'm not Indian, but I think they are very attractive and driven which is also attractive. I think there are so many issues with interracial couples. I love when a couples withstands the test of family, society, and cultural differences. A love that cannot be rattled is a beautiful thing.

[Anonymous]

Op, it is racist. And that is the case for anyone who has a racial preference. That is true for blacks who would only date blacks, whites who would only date whites, whites who would only date Asians and so on. I am black and my husband is white. I dared any race and would have married any race, the same is true if my husband. My kids are told to never look at race. If my DC meets and falls in love with a white person, black person, mixed person,....it is all just fine.
I would be saddened if my son said, I only like blondes.
You might be missing out on the love of your life with that attitude. He might be a short Italian looking guy with black, curly hair and dark olive skin. Hope you don't regret this fettish of yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, it is racist. And that is the case for anyone who has a racial preference. That is true for blacks who would only date blacks, whites who would only date whites, whites who would only date Asians and so on. I am black and my husband is white. I dared any race and would have married any race, the same is true if my husband. My kids are told to never look at race. If my DC meets and falls in love with a white person, black person, mixed person,....it is all just fine.
I would be saddened if my son said, I only like blondes.
You might be missing out on the love of your life with that attitude. He might be a short Italian looking guy with black, curly hair and dark olive skin. Hope you don't regret this fettish of yours.

Dated. Not dared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

African woman here. I find AA men as ignorant where gender is concerned as white men are where race is concerned. Perhaps because I see myself as a woman first and black second (black means nothing where I come from), I find I can't tolerate AA men's poisonous attitudes towards women and their lack of traditional family values.

Research has been showing this not to be true wrt the family values thing with black men. More devoted as fathers once they are married to the mothers and so on.