Does dating white guys make me self-racist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

African woman here. I find AA men as ignorant where gender is concerned as white men are where race is concerned. Perhaps because I see myself as a woman first and black second (black means nothing where I come from), I find I can't tolerate AA men's poisonous attitudes towards women and their lack of traditional family values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

African woman here. I find AA men as ignorant where gender is concerned as white men are where race is concerned. Perhaps because I see myself as a woman first and black second (black means nothing where I come from), I find I can't tolerate AA men's poisonous attitudes towards women and their lack of traditional family values.

I doubt you are given your first sentence. I do believe you are the person who likes to haunt another website to make certain nothing positive gets said about AA men.
In my experience AA are extremely respectful in their attitudes towards women and place a high value on family, they are no more ignorant than their white counterparts.
Like you and OP some men of color have been impacted by the age old objectification of us that was used as a tool of subjugation.
Since you are interested in women and respect take a Google on Sarah Baartman. Whose culture was that?
This is the endgame of social conditioning White= good, anything not white has no value and is demonized and lied about to to maintain division and control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

Op I was raised the same but I'm white and have only dated Turkish or south asian men. I'm currently married to a Bangladeshi guy. None of my white friends supported me because they have heard so many horror stories about these guys breaking up with them to marry someone from their home countries. I'm also the only person that married outside my race in my family. I am so grateful both our families have been incredibly supportive. I'm not sure why I only have a thing for brown guys. This is who I am usually checking out when I'm in public haha and Bangladeshi events can be so fun because there are tons of guys I am attracted to!

I once started talking to an american white guy but broke it off after 2 dates. I confessed that I am kinda into foreign guys. He was so mad it was kind of laughable. He couldn't understand why I rejected him since he was 1) very cute 2) went to Harvard 3) had an amazing job .

[Anonymous]

This is why I don't want my kid in an all white school. Whites make up the large majority of the population plus they dominate the media. It's very hard not too look at them as the standard of beauty when that's all that's on display.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

Op I was raised the same but I'm white and have only dated Turkish or south asian men. I'm currently married to a Bangladeshi guy. None of my white friends supported me because they have heard so many horror stories about these guys breaking up with them to marry someone from their home countries. I'm also the only person that married outside my race in my family. I am so grateful both our families have been incredibly supportive. I'm not sure why I only have a thing for brown guys. This is who I am usually checking out when I'm in public haha and Bangladeshi events can be so fun because there are tons of guys I am attracted to!

I once started talking to an american white guy but broke it off after 2 dates. I confessed that I am kinda into foreign guys. He was so mad it was kind of laughable. He couldn't understand why I rejected him since he was 1) very cute 2) went to Harvard 3) had an amazing job .

He sounds like a date I had many times (of various demographics) before I met the right guy, who ended up being my own demographic. The guy you dated probably said that to many, many women because he was superficial and shallow. Nobody should judge an entire demographic group because one guy was "laughable" -- probably in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

African woman here. I find AA men as ignorant where gender is concerned as white men are where race is concerned. Perhaps because I see myself as a woman first and black second (black means nothing where I come from), I find I can't tolerate AA men's poisonous attitudes towards women and their lack of traditional family values.

I doubt you are given your first sentence. I do believe you are the person who likes to haunt another website to make certain nothing positive gets said about AA men.
In my experience AA are extremely respectful in their attitudes towards women and place a high value on family, they are no more ignorant than their white counterparts.
Like you and OP some men of color have been impacted by the age old objectification of us that was used as a tool of subjugation.
Since you are interested in women and respect take a Google on Sarah Baartman. Whose culture was that?
This is the endgame of social conditioning White= good, anything not white has no value and is demonized and lied about to to maintain division and control.

Yes, AA men are so respectful that they created an entire genre of music to denigrate their women. Have you listened to hip hop lately? For every song protesting racism, there are 500 calling women all sorts of names. Such respect!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

African woman here. I find AA men as ignorant where gender is concerned as white men are where race is concerned. Perhaps because I see myself as a woman first and black second (black means nothing where I come from), I find I can't tolerate AA men's poisonous attitudes towards women and their lack of traditional family values.

I doubt you are given your first sentence. I do believe you are the person who likes to haunt another website to make certain nothing positive gets said about AA men.
In my experience AA are extremely respectful in their attitudes towards women and place a high value on family, they are no more ignorant than their white counterparts.
Like you and OP some men of color have been impacted by the age old objectification of us that was used as a tool of subjugation.
Since you are interested in women and respect take a Google on Sarah Baartman. Whose culture was that?
This is the endgame of social conditioning White= good, anything not white has no value and is demonized and lied about to to maintain division and control.

Yes, AA men are so respectful that they created an entire genre of music to denigrate their women. Have you listened to hip hop lately? For every song protesting racism, there are 500 calling women all sorts of names. Such respect!

Well damn...I must have missed the indoctrination seminar where they said black men have to listen to hip hop. Is there a repeat course I can take? Here I am walking around with Lonnie Liston Smith and Earth, Wind and Fire downloaded in my iPhone thinking its perfectly okay, that I'm allotted such a thing as personal preference, but apparently I'm breaking the rules of being a black man. Geezus is my blackness going to get revoked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

African woman here. I find AA men as ignorant where gender is concerned as white men are where race is concerned. Perhaps because I see myself as a woman first and black second (black means nothing where I come from), I find I can't tolerate AA men's poisonous attitudes towards women and their lack of traditional family values.

I doubt you are given your first sentence. I do believe you are the person who likes to haunt another website to make certain nothing positive gets said about AA men.
In my experience AA are extremely respectful in their attitudes towards women and place a high value on family, they are no more ignorant than their white counterparts.
Like you and OP some men of color have been impacted by the age old objectification of us that was used as a tool of subjugation.
Since you are interested in women and respect take a Google on Sarah Baartman. Whose culture was that?
This is the endgame of social conditioning White= good, anything not white has no value and is demonized and lied about to to maintain division and control.

+10000

Nailed it! Where have been all of my DCUM life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

Op I was raised the same but I'm white and have only dated Turkish or south asian men. I'm currently married to a Bangladeshi guy. None of my white friends supported me because they have heard so many horror stories about these guys breaking up with them to marry someone from their home countries. I'm also the only person that married outside my race in my family. I am so grateful both our families have been incredibly supportive. I'm not sure why I only have a thing for brown guys. This is who I am usually checking out when I'm in public haha and Bangladeshi events can be so fun because there are tons of guys I am attracted to!

I once started talking to an american white guy but broke it off after 2 dates. I confessed that I am kinda into foreign guys. He was so mad it was kind of laughable. He couldn't understand why I rejected him since he was 1) very cute 2) went to Harvard 3) had an amazing job .

He sounds like a date I had many times (of various demographics) before I met the right guy, who ended up being my own demographic. The guy you dated probably said that to many, many women because he was superficial and shallow. Nobody should judge an entire demographic group because one guy was "laughable" -- probably in general.

How am I judging an entire demographic when I am white myself. I grew up here! I'm attracted to other races. This doesn't make me racist. Op I think they're two different things. I used that guy as an example because he seemed perfect. I'm just into other races when it comes to dating. Nothing wrong with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I don't want my kid in an all white school. Whites make up the large majority of the population plus they dominate the media. It's very hard not too look at them as the standard of beauty when that's all that's on display.

I agree. Don't get me wrong, white people can be amazing and incredible. I'm a brown lady married to my wonderful dh who happens tp be white. I just wonder sometimes if the reason I found him attractive was because of media brain washing. Prince Charming is White, Mr. Darcy is White, etc. When you grow up in an Indian culture, we are exposed to a lot of western media. Through that we are exposed to a lot of white media. Every rom com love interest is a white guy. Every boy band member is white. So we naturally grow up to associate white guys with love and romance.

Now, of course I love my husband irregardless of his skin color. But it makes me sad to think that there are other cultures and people out there that we are missing on because we are so brain washed to admire white ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

African woman here. I find AA men as ignorant where gender is concerned as white men are where race is concerned. Perhaps because I see myself as a woman first and black second (black means nothing where I come from), I find I can't tolerate AA men's poisonous attitudes towards women and their lack of traditional family values.

Thank you for being brave enough to share your experience, which will probably be quite unpopular in these threads even if it rings quite true (as an obviously broad generalization)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

African woman here. I find AA men as ignorant where gender is concerned as white men are where race is concerned. Perhaps because I see myself as a woman first and black second (black means nothing where I come from), I find I can't tolerate AA men's poisonous attitudes towards women and their lack of traditional family values.

Thank you for being brave enough to share your experience, which will probably be quite unpopular in these threads even if it rings quite true (as an obviously broad generalization)

Oh please, there's nothing brave about blindly subscribing to negative stereotypes and assuming that people within the same racial, ethnic, or cultural group all act alike and share the same beliefs and attitudes. There's nothing brave about ignorantly accepting age-old propaganda and ignoring individual identity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian American woman who was raised by really traditional and conservative Indian parents. At 24, I am now almost exclusively attracted to blonde super preppy Americana boys.

A part of it feels natural; I went to an all white high school. The other feels strange. Why don't I want to date Indian guys?

I'm so confused!

OP you sound like me at that age only I'm AA. when I was older ( 30) I discovered my preference was because like you I had come of age surrounded by white males, the only AA males were related to me. I just didn't see my own as something to see as attractive as a potential partner. Does that make sense?
Anyway once I recognized that it helped me broaden my horizons, and if I'm to be 100% I am no longer attracted to those race which is ok with me, given this country's current climate I want a husband who understands how it is to the core without me needing to teach him, but that' s a different conversation.

Another AA woman here and I agree with you. I recently went on a date with a guy(I've dated outside of my race frequently) and he brought up a situation with police and racism. My first thought was "he just doesn't get it". While I am definitely open to dating white men, I feel like other minorities are more relatable.

African woman here. I find AA men as ignorant where gender is concerned as white men are where race is concerned. Perhaps because I see myself as a woman first and black second (black means nothing where I come from), I find I can't tolerate AA men's poisonous attitudes towards women and their lack of traditional family values.

Thank you for being brave enough to share your experience, which will probably be quite unpopular in these threads even if it rings quite true (as an obviously broad generalization)

Thank you. I knew that my experience-based opinion would be unpopular and attacked as a stereotype-laden lie, but I am not going to be intimidated. There is something very wrong with the majority of AA men's views on women and family. Everyone knows it and it shows in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I don't want my kid in an all white school. Whites make up the large majority of the population plus they dominate the media. It's very hard not too look at them as the standard of beauty when that's all that's on display.

I agree. Don't get me wrong, white people can be amazing and incredible. I'm a brown lady married to my wonderful dh who happens tp be white. I just wonder sometimes if the reason I found him attractive was because of media brain washing. Prince Charming is White, Mr. Darcy is White, etc. When you grow up in an Indian culture, we are exposed to a lot of western media. Through that we are exposed to a lot of white media. Every rom com love interest is a white guy. Every boy band member is white. So we naturally grow up to associate white guys with love and romance.

Now, of course I love my husband irregardless of his skin color. But it makes me sad to think that there are other cultures and people out there that we are missing on because we are so brain washed to admire white ones.

Yeah, we've definitely been brain-washed to idealize white skin/features. It's such bullshit. Brown is beautiful!