Does dating white guys make me self-racist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Has the OP chimed in with her reflections?

Internalized racism may be an issue. Wanting to escape all of the traditions embedded in an Indian-Indian union could be another. There could be something else that's present in this population of blonde, Preppy men that intrigues the OP. We can't know.

I appreciate the input from several AA women on this thread (especially the African poster). I hope the broader audience was listening because I don't usually hear this level of honesty outside of sister circles. (I'm black, too.) My life experience doesn't require citation or significant sample size. The exposure I've had to black men throughout my life has taught me what those PPs have shared. I've heard the African perspective repeatedly. Most of my African girlfriends have ended up with men from the Caribbean, for example. There's something about the legacy of slavery and the history of the black family in the U.S. that burdens AA men (generally). It's rare and wonderful to find a man who's really done the internal work required to overcome it. Listen or not, it's real.

I do hope the OP comes back and shares her thoughts on this. It's an honest question. Good on her for thinking about it.

The West Indian guy I dated for a bit was the laziest dude you would ever meet in your whole life and so were all his male relatives. The women were doing it all -- paying the bills AND all the childcare, home and hearth stuff -- as well as taking over the world by earning multple degrees and starting businesses, and the men were sitting back doing nothing and cheating and making kids with random women. Now, I could take that experience and paint all West Indian men as lazy goodfornothings, but I didn't and don't. I come from a family of strong black men, married to strong black women and the men provide for their families. That is how my father raised me and when I got married that was the expectation I had for my husband and he has more than met that expectation.

There are some black men who ain't shit. But ain't shit men exist in all races yet somehow only black men get are scorned for it. That always puzzles me.

To answer OP's question, I don't think dating white guys makes you self-racist. I think some of what people said earlier about media messaging may be influencing your decision -- may be -- but unless you are using stereotypes (Asian men have small peens and so on) instead of judging people on their character, you're just attracted to who you are attracted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Has the OP chimed in with her reflections?

Internalized racism may be an issue. Wanting to escape all of the traditions embedded in an Indian-Indian union could be another. There could be something else that's present in this population of blonde, Preppy men that intrigues the OP. We can't know.

I appreciate the input from several AA women on this thread (especially the African poster). I hope the broader audience was listening because I don't usually hear this level of honesty outside of sister circles. (I'm black, too.) My life experience doesn't require citation or significant sample size. The exposure I've had to black men throughout my life has taught me what those PPs have shared. I've heard the African perspective repeatedly. Most of my African girlfriends have ended up with men from the Caribbean, for example. There's something about the legacy of slavery and the history of the black family in the U.S. that burdens AA men (generally). It's rare and wonderful to find a man who's really done the internal work required to overcome it. Listen or not, it's real.

I do hope the OP comes back and shares her thoughts on this. It's an honest question. Good on her for thinking about it.

The West Indian guy I dated for a bit was the laziest dude you would ever meet in your whole life and so were all his male relatives. The women were doing it all -- paying the bills AND all the childcare, home and hearth stuff -- as well as taking over the world by earning multple degrees and starting businesses, and the men were sitting back doing nothing and cheating and making kids with random women. Now, I could take that experience and paint all West Indian men as lazy goodfornothings, but I didn't and don't. I come from a family of strong black men, married to strong black women and the men provide for their families. That is how my father raised me and when I got married that was the expectation I had for my husband and he has more than met that expectation.

There are some black men who ain't shit. But ain't shit men exist in all races yet somehow only black men get are scorned for it. That always puzzles me.

To answer OP's question, I don't think dating white guys makes you self-racist. I think some of what people said earlier about media messaging may be influencing your decision -- may be -- but unless you are using stereotypes (Asian men have small peens and so on) instead of judging people on their character, you're just attracted to who you are attracted to.

White men in WV mimics that behavior you described too. Those lazy men cultures can be found everywhere.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I just feel like me and my girlfriends all talk about how sexist and mysogynistic Indian men are. Indian culture is very appreciative of boys and looks down on girls as a burden. This attitude casually even exists in Indian American communities. Mothers spoil their Indian sons and they grow up to be selfish and think the world revolves around them. Indian guys are outwardly successful but they get pressured into engineering and medicine by their family expectations and all they care about is being rich and being an overachiever. They also aren't socialized with girls early on so they are dweeby and don't know how to treat a girlfriend. A lot of them are also FOB and don't know how to dress or present themselves.

From what I see white guys know how to treat girlfriends because it is a part of their culture. They also don't have family pressure so they study and pursue whatever they really care about. Preppy white boys are also so cultured and sophisticated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just feel like me and my girlfriends all talk about how sexist and mysogynistic Indian men are. Indian culture is very appreciative of boys and looks down on girls as a burden. This attitude casually even exists in Indian American communities. Mothers spoil their Indian sons and they grow up to be selfish and think the world revolves around them. Indian guys are outwardly successful but they get pressured into engineering and medicine by their family expectations and all they care about is being rich and being an overachiever. They also aren't socialized with girls early on so they are dweeby and don't know how to treat a girlfriend. A lot of them are also FOB and don't know how to dress or present themselves.

From what I see white guys know how to treat girlfriends because it is a part of their culture. They also don't have family pressure so they study and pursue whatever they really care about. Preppy white boys are also so cultured and sophisticated.

If you are op, you are a troll or a really sad mess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just feel like me and my girlfriends all talk about how sexist and mysogynistic Indian men are. Indian culture is very appreciative of boys and looks down on girls as a burden. This attitude casually even exists in Indian American communities. Mothers spoil their Indian sons and they grow up to be selfish and think the world revolves around them. Indian guys are outwardly successful but they get pressured into engineering and medicine by their family expectations and all they care about is being rich and being an overachiever. They also aren't socialized with girls early on so they are dweeby and don't know how to treat a girlfriend. A lot of them are also FOB and don't know how to dress or present themselves.

From what I see white guys know how to treat girlfriends because it is a part of their culture. They also don't have family pressure so they study and pursue whatever they really care about. Preppy white boys are also so cultured and sophisticated.

Op you sound young and a little immature, not being critical just my observation. Times have changed and your painting "Indians" with a broad brush amuses me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just feel like me and my girlfriends all talk about how sexist and mysogynistic Indian men are. Indian culture is very appreciative of boys and looks down on girls as a burden. This attitude casually even exists in Indian American communities. Mothers spoil their Indian sons and they grow up to be selfish and think the world revolves around them. Indian guys are outwardly successful but they get pressured into engineering and medicine by their family expectations and all they care about is being rich and being an overachiever. They also aren't socialized with girls early on so they are dweeby and don't know how to treat a girlfriend. A lot of them are also FOB and don't know how to dress or present themselves.

From what I see white guys know how to treat girlfriends because it is a part of their culture. They also don't have family pressure so they study and pursue whatever they really care about. Preppy white boys are also so cultured and sophisticated.

Op you sound young and a little immature, not being critical just my observation. Times have changed and your painting "Indians" with a broad brush amuses me.

OP, not Indian, but dated an Indian man who very successful in real estate (not medicine or engineering), he dressed to the nines and lived luxury condo building. He drove a flashy car and was born in India! He took me to the finest restaurants and showered me with expensive gifts. He was also amazing in bed! Mind-blowing!! No white guy I've ever met has all that going on for him. If that's FOB- I'll take it.