Did I deserve such rudeness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone else. OP, you were wrong and extremely rude. By 27 you should know better. You asked for help, received it, criticized the suggestions, then chastised the friend for her perceived tone over a text message. Do you really not see the problem?

P.S. as it stood, there was only going to be one friend of your sister's at this party. That's sad. I think the friend was probably trying to boost the numbers so your sister wouldn't be embarrassed. Under the circumstances, it seems the guy she's talking to and another girl she has hung out with at least once are appropriate suggestions. It's not like there are any better options.

In fact, you seem determined to emphasize your sister's loner status in front of your family by keeping her friends away. You may want to examine your motivations here.

OP here.

It was this girl who was being unspeakably rude! It was extremely kind of my aunt to host a celebration for my sister's graduation. It was extremely nice of her to loop me in. It was also very nice of ME to even nudge this girl for her thoughts.

WHAT is rude about contemplating whether the two weak prospects she suggested were legitimate candidates for an invite! How would my sister feel randomly having a girl she hung out with a semester ago to her aunt's house? How would she feel walking in and seeing this boy she was talking to sitting in her aunt's living room all the while she has not had the chance to introduce him to anyone?!

Nothing is rude about that. What's rude is that you chastised the suggestion giver. If you spend any time on DCUM, you'd know that consensus is uncommon and unanimity rare. Yet, in this case, everyone agrees you were rude.......

+1 million
You made a mistake, and your responses trying to rationalize your reactions are not changing anyone's opinion that it was you who were rude.
If you are actually interested in your sister having a nice graduation celebration (and like other PPs I'm starting to doubt that) your two choices are:
1. A family-only party at your sister's house, and it can be a surprise or not
2. Chuck the idea of a surprise party. Aunt contacts sister, tells her she like to do this, and gives a rough number of how many people your sister can invite. Sister then names the friends she'd like to come, based on that number.

[Anonymous]

OP, you were both rude. She seemed ruder. On your end, though, it's both rude and ineffective to call someone out for their tone.

To answer your question, if your sister would be inclined to invite this friend, she should be invited. It's your sister's party! You and this person should just avoid one another from here on out.

[Anonymous]

i bet this boy is your sister's boyfriend, but she doesn't want you scaring him away with your rudeness.

btw, why is this all about you? even the title of your post "Did I deserve..". This is allegedly about your sister. Sounds like you are trying to take over, deciding who is 'worth' inviting or not and managing to piss off the one friend you previously considered legitimate. I am guessing your sister hides her personal life from you for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP,

Having carefully read your post, I see absolutely no sign that this woman was rude to you first, nor that she deserved to be spoken to in that way. I do see that *you* started the rudeness by writing:
"watch your tone when you're talking to people".
And of course, if you are rude to someone for NO good reason, you should be prepared for some backlash.

Honestly, I'm not sure what's going through your head, OP. You sound as if you don't want this party to be a success. You acted as if you didn't appreciate this woman's genuine attempts to be helpful. Just because she has different opinions than yours, it doesn't make her wrong or rude. Are you jealous of your sister? Are you unconsciously trying to sabotage her party? I'm not expecting you to come up with an honest answer. My mother constantly sabotages me and would never admit it, even to herself.

[Anonymous]

PP again. I just read your update, OP. It's childishly immature, and at 27, you should be ashamed of yourself for reacting in this way. Hopefully you have some growing up to do. Worst case scenario, you're a narcissist, and your poor family has to put up with you and how the world revolves around you.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP. Next time you feel the urge to tell someone (who is not your own kid) to mind their tone, hold your tongue or stop those texting fingers. It is never a good idea, and it will always end up badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP. Next time you feel the urge to tell someone (who is not your own kid) to mind their tone, hold your tongue or stop those texting fingers. It is never a good idea, and it will always end up badly.

+1. OP, you're 27, you should be a heck of a lot better at texting than this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Dear OP,

Having carefully read your post, I see absolutely no sign that this woman was rude to you first, nor that she deserved to be spoken to in that way. I do see that *you* started the rudeness by writing:
"watch your tone when you're talking to people".
And of course, if you are rude to someone for NO good reason, you should be prepared for some backlash.

Honestly, I'm not sure what's going through your head, OP. You sound as if you don't want this party to be a success. You acted as if you didn't appreciate this woman's genuine attempts to be helpful. Just because she has different opinions than yours, it doesn't make her wrong or rude. Are you jealous of your sister? Are you unconsciously trying to sabotage her party? I'm not expecting you to come up with an honest answer. My mother constantly sabotages me and would never admit it, even to herself.

OP here.

Does ANYONE not understand what I was responding to??

I reached out to HER for her SUGGESTIONS.

It was RUDE of her to dismiss my aunts sweet gesture as " lol. thats a lame party".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, you asked her to help brainstorm who should be invited to your sister's party. She offered suggestions, which you (kind of rudely, IMO) shot down. Then you gave her crap about her "tone." Yeah, she might have been rude, but you appear to have started it.

Totally my takeaway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Dear OP,

Having carefully read your post, I see absolutely no sign that this woman was rude to you first, nor that she deserved to be spoken to in that way. I do see that *you* started the rudeness by writing:
"watch your tone when you're talking to people".
And of course, if you are rude to someone for NO good reason, you should be prepared for some backlash.

Honestly, I'm not sure what's going through your head, OP. You sound as if you don't want this party to be a success. You acted as if you didn't appreciate this woman's genuine attempts to be helpful. Just because she has different opinions than yours, it doesn't make her wrong or rude. Are you jealous of your sister? Are you unconsciously trying to sabotage her party? I'm not expecting you to come up with an honest answer. My mother constantly sabotages me and would never admit it, even to herself.

OP here.

Does ANYONE not understand what I was responding to??

I reached out to HER for her SUGGESTIONS.

It was RUDE of her to dismiss my aunts sweet gesture as " lol. thats a lame party".

Nice editing job there. You asked her for suggestions, she gave you some, you told her you weren't inviting your sister's friends because your sister hadn't told you enough about these people, and she made a joke about it being a lame party if your sister wasn't allowed to have friends there (which is probably the kind of party she was envisioning when you asked her). And then you reprimanded her like she was your three-year-old child. Given your over-the-top rudeness toward her in telling her to watch her tone, I suspect your response dismissing her suggestions was a whole lot ruder than you've let on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Dear OP,

Having carefully read your post, I see absolutely no sign that this woman was rude to you first, nor that she deserved to be spoken to in that way. I do see that *you* started the rudeness by writing:
"watch your tone when you're talking to people".
And of course, if you are rude to someone for NO good reason, you should be prepared for some backlash.

Honestly, I'm not sure what's going through your head, OP. You sound as if you don't want this party to be a success. You acted as if you didn't appreciate this woman's genuine attempts to be helpful. Just because she has different opinions than yours, it doesn't make her wrong or rude. Are you jealous of your sister? Are you unconsciously trying to sabotage her party? I'm not expecting you to come up with an honest answer. My mother constantly sabotages me and would never admit it, even to herself.

OP here.

Does ANYONE not understand what I was responding to??

I reached out to HER for her SUGGESTIONS.

It was RUDE of her to dismiss my aunts sweet gesture as " lol. thats a lame party".

Do you not understand that YOU were rude first? YOU basically said "No, your suggestions are stupid!", to which she responded "well, fine, don't take my suggestions, but it's going to be a pretty lame party if you don't invite someone!".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Dear OP,

Having carefully read your post, I see absolutely no sign that this woman was rude to you first, nor that she deserved to be spoken to in that way. I do see that *you* started the rudeness by writing:
"watch your tone when you're talking to people".
And of course, if you are rude to someone for NO good reason, you should be prepared for some backlash.

Honestly, I'm not sure what's going through your head, OP. You sound as if you don't want this party to be a success. You acted as if you didn't appreciate this woman's genuine attempts to be helpful. Just because she has different opinions than yours, it doesn't make her wrong or rude. Are you jealous of your sister? Are you unconsciously trying to sabotage her party? I'm not expecting you to come up with an honest answer. My mother constantly sabotages me and would never admit it, even to herself.

OP here.

Does ANYONE not understand what I was responding to??

I reached out to HER for her SUGGESTIONS.

It was RUDE of her to dismiss my aunts sweet gesture as " lol. thats a lame party".

Don't lie to yourself, OP. She wasn't responding to your aunt's sweet gesture, she was responding to you shooting down her suggestions. She was telling you the truth, which is sometimes not pleasant to hear. Not polite perhaps, but definitely not nearly as rude as you telling her to change her tone.
You're not being honest with yourself, OP. Do you honestly think it will be a great party if only one friend is there? If roles were reversed, I bet you would have thought (and/or said outright) that it would be a lame party.

Your head is not screwed on the right way. I'm afraid that your family is aware of it, since you don't even know who your sister's friends are.

[Anonymous]

You're totally the rude one.

Your asked the one friend your sister has and when she offers her suggestions you act all high and mighty. Has it occurred to you that college changes a person and your little sister might not be as lonely as you envision or have planted her out to be in your mind? Have you considered the friend knows your sister better than you including who is or isn't her boyfriend? You sound like a judgmental bitch and if I was your little sister I would be devastated that Dear Aunt Sally asked you to help plan it.

You're 27 and act like you act worse than a mother would. I feel sorry for your little sister ... esp since you annihilated your sister's one and only friend (that you're aware of) who is probably sharing with your sister the amount of crazy you just showed her. Perfectly honest, you're ruining your relationship with your sister more than anything else.

Are you jealous that your Aunt is throwing a party for your sister? Is that the real underlying issue here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Dear OP,

Having carefully read your post, I see absolutely no sign that this woman was rude to you first, nor that she deserved to be spoken to in that way. I do see that *you* started the rudeness by writing:
"watch your tone when you're talking to people".
And of course, if you are rude to someone for NO good reason, you should be prepared for some backlash.

Honestly, I'm not sure what's going through your head, OP. You sound as if you don't want this party to be a success. You acted as if you didn't appreciate this woman's genuine attempts to be helpful. Just because she has different opinions than yours, it doesn't make her wrong or rude. Are you jealous of your sister? Are you unconsciously trying to sabotage her party? I'm not expecting you to come up with an honest answer. My mother constantly sabotages me and would never admit it, even to herself.

OP here.

Does ANYONE not understand what I was responding to??

I reached out to HER for her SUGGESTIONS.

It was RUDE of her to dismiss my aunts sweet gesture as " lol. thats a lame party".

But that response was after you shot down her recommendations...and she is now doubting whether she wants to attend or not. You are not this girl's elder, you are her friends sister. A peer. Just because she wasn't taking it as seriously as you doesn't give you the right to school her on tone.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're weird and rude. And yes, it sounds like a lame party. You're talking about inviting TWO more people. Just two. Get over yourself and just invite them for your sister.