Did I deserve such rudeness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On another note, why does this have to be a surprise party? If it were me, I'd prefer to know ahead of time so I can arrange to invite people I care about -- about whom my family may know little and therefore wouldn't know to invite.

Wait a minute! Your sister is graduating this spring, OP? Why is all this being planned now? Her friendship circle may change by then and this boy may definitely be her boyfriend. Why do you all need to be nailing down a guest list right now? This is odd.

Exactly! And if she is more of a loner, she will hate this.

+1 million. Tell your aunt to chill.

[Anonymous]

OP has issues

[Anonymous]

Did I deserve such rudeness?

Kind of. Yes.

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone else. OP, you were wrong and extremely rude. By 27 you should know better. You asked for help, received it, criticized the suggestions, then chastised the friend for her perceived tone over a text message. Do you really not see the problem?

P.S. as it stood, there was only going to be one friend of your sister's at this party. That's sad. I think the friend was probably trying to boost the numbers so your sister wouldn't be embarrassed. Under the circumstances, it seems the guy she's talking to and another girl she has hung out with at least once are appropriate suggestions. It's not like there are any better options.

In fact, you seem determined to emphasize your sister's loner status in front of your family by keeping her friends away. You may want to examine your motivations here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone else. OP, you were wrong and extremely rude. By 27 you should know better. You asked for help, received it, criticized the suggestions, then chastised the friend for her perceived tone over a text message. Do you really not see the problem?

P.S. as it stood, there was only going to be one friend of your sister's at this party. That's sad. I think the friend was probably trying to boost the numbers so your sister wouldn't be embarrassed. Under the circumstances, it seems the guy she's talking to and another girl she has hung out with at least once are appropriate suggestions. It's not like there are any better options.

In fact, you seem determined to emphasize your sister's loner status in front of your family by keeping her friends away. You may want to examine your motivations here.

OP here.

It was this girl who was being unspeakably rude! It was extremely kind of my aunt to host a celebration for my sister's graduation. It was extremely nice of her to loop me in. It was also very nice of ME to even nudge this girl for her thoughts.

WHAT is rude about contemplating whether the two weak prospects she suggested were legitimate candidates for an invite! How would my sister feel randomly having a girl she hung out with a semester ago to her aunt's house? How would she feel walking in and seeing this boy she was talking to sitting in her aunt's living room all the while she has not had the chance to introduce him to anyone?!

[Anonymous]

WHAT is rude about contemplating whether the two weak prospects she suggested were legitimate candidates for an invite! How would my sister feel randomly having a girl she hung out with a semester ago to her aunt's house? How would she feel walking in and seeing this boy she was talking to sitting in her aunt's living room all the while she has not had the chance to introduce him to anyone?!

why don't you solve the problem by asking your sister? why are you the one to judge who should "legitimately" be invited and whether they are weak or not? Who died and made you miss Judgy? Its not like you had any better suggestions….or any at all. you clearly don't know anything about your sister's personal life (and I can guess why, i would keep you away from my friends), you reach out to her friend, she accommodates your request, and you manage to alienate her with your rudeness. You really are a piece of work OP and you sound like you are 15, not 27.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, did your aunt host a party like this for you when you graduated from college?

I'm just curious because at this point it rather sounds like you're trying to sabotage the party because you're jealous.

[Anonymous]

This whole thing is so weird. I've never heard of a grown woman, with a husband and three children receiving a surprise party for graduating college.

And to try to search for classmates to invite. Odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone else. OP, you were wrong and extremely rude. By 27 you should know better. You asked for help, received it, criticized the suggestions, then chastised the friend for her perceived tone over a text message. Do you really not see the problem?

P.S. as it stood, there was only going to be one friend of your sister's at this party. That's sad. I think the friend was probably trying to boost the numbers so your sister wouldn't be embarrassed. Under the circumstances, it seems the guy she's talking to and another girl she has hung out with at least once are appropriate suggestions. It's not like there are any better options.

In fact, you seem determined to emphasize your sister's loner status in front of your family by keeping her friends away. You may want to examine your motivations here.

OP here.

It was this girl who was being unspeakably rude! It was extremely kind of my aunt to host a celebration for my sister's graduation. It was extremely nice of her to loop me in. It was also very nice of ME to even nudge this girl for her thoughts.

WHAT is rude about contemplating whether the two weak prospects she suggested were legitimate candidates for an invite! How would my sister feel randomly having a girl she hung out with a semester ago to her aunt's house? How would she feel walking in and seeing this boy she was talking to sitting in her aunt's living room all the while she has not had the chance to introduce him to anyone?!

That's why this should NOT be a surprise party. Your aunt is wonderful for wanting to throw your sister a party but why not just tell her about it and ask who she wants to invite? I think this would take a lot of pressure off of everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here.

It was this girl who was being unspeakably rude! It was extremely kind of my aunt to host a celebration for my sister's graduation. It was extremely nice of her to loop me in. It was also very nice of ME to even nudge this girl for her thoughts.

No. You are asking her for advice, not inviting her into something.

Anonymous wrote:
WHAT is rude about contemplating whether the two weak prospects she suggested were legitimate candidates for an invite!

Are you serious? It is rude to ask someone's advice and then immediately tell them it is poor advice.

Do you have a job, OP? Working with other people? It really sounds like you have no people skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone else. OP, you were wrong and extremely rude. By 27 you should know better. You asked for help, received it, criticized the suggestions, then chastised the friend for her perceived tone over a text message. Do you really not see the problem?

P.S. as it stood, there was only going to be one friend of your sister's at this party. That's sad. I think the friend was probably trying to boost the numbers so your sister wouldn't be embarrassed. Under the circumstances, it seems the guy she's talking to and another girl she has hung out with at least once are appropriate suggestions. It's not like there are any better options.

In fact, you seem determined to emphasize your sister's loner status in front of your family by keeping her friends away. You may want to examine your motivations here.

OP here.

It was this girl who was being unspeakably rude! It was extremely kind of my aunt to host a celebration for my sister's graduation. It was extremely nice of her to loop me in. It was also very nice of ME to even nudge this girl for her thoughts.

WHAT is rude about contemplating whether the two weak prospects she suggested were legitimate candidates for an invite! How would my sister feel randomly having a girl she hung out with a semester ago to her aunt's house? How would she feel walking in and seeing this boy she was talking to sitting in her aunt's living room all the while she has not had the chance to introduce him to anyone?!

Nothing is rude about that. What's rude is that you chastised the suggestion giver. If you spend any time on DCUM, you'd know that consensus is uncommon and unanimity rare. Yet, in this case, everyone agrees you were rude.......

[Anonymous]

Frankly, OP sounds like a very, very high maintenance family member and I'm not sure I would tell her too much about casual relationships until I was close enough to people to warn them about my strange relations. My guess is that both of these people are closer to your sister than she has let on. Her best friend knows her friends better than you do. You reached out to said friend who made the recommendations and based on your limited knowledge of your sister's friends and school acquaintances, you reacted very rudely to her.

Your sister sounds introverted. Having family like you would make it harder for someone introverted to meet friends and feel comfortable inviting said friends from meeting her family. I think you need to lighten up and also apologize to your sister's friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here.

It was this girl who was being unspeakably rude! It was extremely kind of my aunt to host a celebration for my sister's graduation. It was extremely nice of her to loop me in. It was also very nice of ME to even nudge this girl for her thoughts.

No. You are asking her for advice, not inviting her into something.

Anonymous wrote:
WHAT is rude about contemplating whether the two weak prospects she suggested were legitimate candidates for an invite!

Are you serious? It is rude to ask someone's advice and then immediately tell them it is poor advice.

Do you have a job, OP? Working with other people? It really sounds like you have no people skills.

You're so crazy.

I asked her for suggestions. She provided 2 suggestions.

I said as far as I know, x is doesn't seem really close with sis since they hung out LAST SEMESTER. IF she knew that was incorrect information WHY cant she say, "actually, no, your sister hung out with her 5 times over the past month so she should be invited" and I would go, "oh, okay!"

....

[Anonymous]

OP for the future, when a texting conversation starts to go weird, I suggest you shift to speaking over the phone. Otherwise, you might escalate the problem and entrench the misunderstandings (which you did in this case).

[Anonymous]

Surprise parties suck.