Did I deserve such rudeness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the story:

My little sister is graduating from college this Spring. Our aunt and her dh want throw her a surprise party at their home with their 3 beautiful little children. Our aunt reached out to me to inquire if I knew anyone who my sister would want at the party. My sister is kind of a loner and she has only really had one close friend over the years that I could think of that would be worth inviting. Looking to brainstorm if we should extend the invitation to other friends of hers to this, I reached out to this friend.

She responded by saying I should invite a girl my sister has only hung out with once outside of class and this boy that my sister has been talking with for the past few months. I didn't recall anything in recent memory that would make me think either of their limited interactions with my sister warranted them an invite to this intimate gathering and I told this friend that. She responded with, "well that sounds like it will be a lame party, lol". I am pretty miffed and respond back, "...This isn't a college party where every kid she has ever talked to is invited. This isn't even MY party." And she responds with, " her boyfriend isn't a random person she hardly talks to" and then follows it with, " this is her party and she should invite whoever she is close!"

I'm so confused as last I heard, a few days back from my sister, she and the boy are "just talking" and aren't serious. I haven't even met him! I'm annoyed and text this girl, " okay. thanks for your input. I'll get back to you with final details and by the way, watch your tone when you're talking to people."

She flips out and hits back with, " you are a crazy bitch and so selfish! Don't ever talk to me like that again!" and blocks me.

...

This girl just got herself uninvited to the party. Am I right?

No, but you guaranteed she'll probably be a no-show and dump your sister as a friend.

[Anonymous]

This HAS to be fake. Damn, I fell for it.

[Anonymous]

No wonder her sister isn't close to OP. Op sounds like a raving lunatic bitch

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I texted her to ask for any suggestions she may have. Asking her for suggestions does not guarantee that person gets an invite. This isn't MY house or MY party. I know for a fact the other girl this friend of hers recommended has literally only hung out with my sister out of class once or twice last semester. This boy that my sister has been talking to has only been introduced to this friend of hers and from what I gather, they have hung out a few times and partied together for Halloween. They did not spend Thanksgiving together and he is not even invited to her graduation. She has not brought him around any family. It isn't exactly MY place to reach out to him on behalf of of aunt and invite him to her house. I don't even have his number.

When this girl made her suggestions, I discussed with her how I didn't think they were important enough to get an invite as they were not super close to my sister.

Instead of accepting that I reached out to her for her input, she thinks she IS the party planner.

How am I being crazy?

FYI, she's 23. I am 27.

[Anonymous]

Wow.

[Anonymous]

On another note, why does this have to be a surprise party? If it were me, I'd prefer to know ahead of time so I can arrange to invite people I care about -- about whom my family may know little and therefore wouldn't know to invite.

Wait a minute! Your sister is graduating this spring, OP? Why is all this being planned now? Her friendship circle may change by then and this boy may definitely be her boyfriend. Why do you all need to be nailing down a guest list right now? This is odd.

[Anonymous]

Are you 80, OP? "Watch your tone?"
Sheesh.
This is not about who has known your sister the longest. She could have a friend from elementary-high school that she no longer has anything in common with after 4 years of college. You asked this friend for suggestions, she gave you a couple, and you shot them down, leaving only her and your sister. She doesn't have to be engaged to this boy to make him "worthy" of being invited.
It kind of feels like a lot of damage has already been done--by you. If I was this friend, I would be apprehensive about going to this party.
Perhaps your family should have a party for your sister, and she can then feel free to celebrate with her friends in whatever way she chooses.
In conclusion, I'm agreeing with the others that the only rudeness here was you. When you get this level of agreement on DCUM, you should seriously check yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I texted her to ask for any suggestions she may have. Asking her for suggestions does not guarantee that person gets an invite. This isn't MY house or MY party. I know for a fact the other girl this friend of hers recommended has literally only hung out with my sister out of class once or twice last semester. This boy that my sister has been talking to has only been introduced to this friend of hers and from what I gather, they have hung out a few times and partied together for Halloween. They did not spend Thanksgiving together and he is not even invited to her graduation. She has not brought him around any family. It isn't exactly MY place to reach out to him on behalf of of aunt and invite him to her house. I don't even have his number.

When this girl made her suggestions, I discussed with her how I didn't think they were important enough to get an invite as they were not super close to my sister.

Instead of accepting that I reached out to her for her input, she thinks she IS the party planner.

How am I being crazy?

FYI, she's 23. I am 27.

OP, you're just cementing your jerk status. You need to apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are crazy.

+1

[Anonymous]

Wow. Why didn't you just ask the friend if she had contact info for these people? Or thank her for the suggestions and then not invite them?

[Anonymous]

Why is this in the relationship forum? Should be in the family forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On another note, why does this have to be a surprise party? If it were me, I'd prefer to know ahead of time so I can arrange to invite people I care about -- about whom my family may know little and therefore wouldn't know to invite.

Wait a minute! Your sister is graduating this spring, OP? Why is all this being planned now? Her friendship circle may change by then and this boy may definitely be her boyfriend. Why do you all need to be nailing down a guest list right now? This is odd.

Exactly! And if she is more of a loner, she will hate this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

They did not spend Thanksgiving together and he is not even invited to her graduation.

What the what?!

I did not spend Thanksgiving with ANY of my college boyfriends. Dude.

Also, I invited lots of people to my graduation party who weren't invited to the graduation.

And I'm 37.

You are crazy.

[Anonymous]

OP, you were rude to dismiss her suggestions. And she probably knows your sister's social life better than you do.

Yes, you are being crazy.

From here, I would suggest you tell aunt that it would be better to not make it a surprise and ask your sister who should would like to invite. I fear you are going to lose friends for her quickly. And please apologize to the friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are crazy.

+1

WTF? HOW am I the "crazy" one??