Reply to My sister's new relationship...not comfortable with this at all.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, it sounds like your sister does childcare for you in exchange for money. That's called work, providing a service or product in exchange for money. Your phrasing makes it sound as if you are the one doing her a favor and that has me wondering. Is something wrong with her, i.e. is she not capable of being a functional adult? There is a reason she is responding to this guy and I'm trying to figure what it is. She has the same hormones pumping through her body that you do... the difference is that you are married with children and she isn't. Do you give her time to date and meet a "nice boy" as our grandmothers would say? Given your odd phrasing, I'm wondering if you treat her poorly, things like "You have time off when the kids are in school, any man worth having will accomidate your schedule". Your ground rules don't seem to be healthy or effective, she is going off and probably screwing or doing drugs with this guy in his car. That's far more damaging to your children then a nice boyfriend would ever be. I'm also not convinced he randomly texted her, he had to know based on something that she'd respond and not turn him into the school. My suggestion is that you treat her like a live-in nanny or at minimum an au pair, give her time and opportunity to meet a nice gentleman. If you think there are mental health issues, do what you can to address them. Start with love not with rules "Jane, this dude hasn't invited you on a date, he isn't interested in getting to know you or your family, what is it about him that appeals to you?". [/quote]

OP here. Not sure where you got all these ideas about me treating her poorly or her "screwing or doing drugs in a car." Calm down.

She has severe social anxiety after a series of traumatic circumstances in her life. We have all been gently trying to make her get out and meet some people, getting her involved in some activities, make friends, etc. It's very complicated. By "ground rules," I meant explicitly stating that her relationship needed to be discreet in front of the kids (for obvious reasons). And I can assure you that this DID start with him looking up her number in the directory and texting her. She showed me. Neither of us could believe it. I think as a predatory person, he saw an opportunity in the fact that she's socially awkward with low self-esteem. Unfortunately, it worked.

And she's not my full-time nanny. She just helps out now and then. So it's not a matter of a lack of time or freedom.

The principal has contacted me about the situation and she's not happy at all. She agrees that it's an abuse of resources and a violation of trust for a teacher to use the school contact list to pursue women (yes, plural).

I'll keep you all posted. [/quote]

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