awful night with bf- any tips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to be kidding me. Your boyfriend wants to read a damn book, let him read a book. This is ridiculous.

It's all about MEEEEEEEEEEEE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a John Gray book. You're having a classic male/female fight.

Actually, not really. I'm a female introvert married to a male extrovert, and we had to figure out exactly this issue. It's not gender, it's personality.

[Anonymous]

this post is soooo fake

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to do some growing up. You also may need to face the fact that you two are not well suited. I don't think this is an introvert/extrovert as much as a "comfortable with himself and has interests of his own" vs. "a need attention and want to be worshiped" thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a John Gray book. You're having a classic male/female fight.

Actually, not really. I'm a female introvert married to a male extrovert, and we had to figure out exactly this issue. It's not gender, it's personality.

How did you work it out?

[Anonymous]

I would have put the moves on you after you moisturized, fwiw

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am also the more extroverted one in our relationship, and I am on your boyfriend's side.

Your expectations are princessy. You went and showered and were ready to hang out, but he was still doing what he was doing. Where's your respect for his task, his time?

If I had been you last night (which I have), I would've finished the job application, and then gotten up to take a shower. Before I left, I would say, "Hey DH, I'm going to go take a shower and then do you want to talk/have some dinner/watch a movie together/fool around/etc.?" If he said, "That sounds great!" then great. If he said, "I'm pretty tired and kind of just want to read and crash out" then that would also be fine, because his needs are just as valid of mine.

Your BF should apologize for saying unkind things to you. You should apologize for being needy and demanding. You should talk like adults about how to handle these differences of relational style in the future, or your relationship is going to fail.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have put the moves on you after you moisturized, fwiw

Nothing exciting about wanting to fuck a moisturized bitch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also the more extroverted one in our relationship, and I am on your boyfriend's side.

Your expectations are princessy. You went and showered and were ready to hang out, but he was still doing what he was doing. Where's your respect for his task, his time?

If I had been you last night (which I have), I would've finished the job application, and then gotten up to take a shower. Before I left, I would say, "Hey DH, I'm going to go take a shower and then do you want to talk/have some dinner/watch a movie together/fool around/etc.?" If he said, "That sounds great!" then great. If he said, "I'm pretty tired and kind of just want to read and crash out" then that would also be fine, because his needs are just as valid of mine.

Your BF should apologize for saying unkind things to you. You should apologize for being needy and demanding. You should talk like adults about how to handle these differences of relational style in the future, or your relationship is going to fail.

+1

Hmm...this has to be fake. Nobody on DCUM is this mature, reasonable and comfortable in their own skin as this person. But just in case you are for real, you sound pretty awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have put the moves on you after you moisturized, fwiw

Nothing exciting about wanting to fuck a moisturized bitch

Thank the lord I wasn't drinking coffee when I read this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

BF says he doesn't feel appreciation.

How can I show it to him in a way he appreciates?

By ungrudgingly giving him his personal time. "Wow, looks like you had a rough day at work. I was going to open this bottle of wine. Why don't you have a glass while you read your book? I'll be in the kitchen making dinner/cookies/organizing the fridge/calling my mom/whatever. We can talk about it later, if you want."

And by recognizing the ways that he does show affection, like sitting next to you while you work and rubbing your feet.

Great answer.

Why does she have to organize the fridge or make dinner while he sits on his ass?

Oh wait... you're preparing her to have the typical DCUM marriage, the one all the women on here have and detest. Where she does all the work and should be just grateful for a smile and nod from her partner.

Got it!

Jesus, great a grip and unclench. are you really this uptight in real life or just behind the keyboard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also the more extroverted one in our relationship, and I am on your boyfriend's side.

Your expectations are princessy. You went and showered and were ready to hang out, but he was still doing what he was doing. Where's your respect for his task, his time?

If I had been you last night (which I have), I would've finished the job application, and then gotten up to take a shower. Before I left, I would say, "Hey DH, I'm going to go take a shower and then do you want to talk/have some dinner/watch a movie together/fool around/etc.?" If he said, "That sounds great!" then great. If he said, "I'm pretty tired and kind of just want to read and crash out" then that would also be fine, because his needs are just as valid of mine.

Your BF should apologize for saying unkind things to you. You should apologize for being needy and demanding. You should talk like adults about how to handle these differences of relational style in the future, or your relationship is going to fail.

+1

Hmm...this has to be fake. Nobody on DCUM is this mature, reasonable and comfortable in their own skin as this person. But just in case you are for real, you sound pretty awesome.

Original PP here. Not a troll, just BTDT.

I also agree with the poster who suggests proactively giving the BF space while doing something else. The thing about being an extrovert married to an introvert is that DH doesn't expect me to witness his relaxation. If he wants to sit around and read a book in silence for 3 hours, he doesn't expect me to also do that. If he's worn out and I need stimulation, I call a friend, or go to the gym, or get into some kind of project, rather than bugging him to entertain me.

It's one thing to want to connect with your partner (which I think is where the OP is coming from, even if it sounds princessy). It's another thing to expect that your partner be there for you, 100% of the time in exactly the way you want. That's just not reasonable, even for people with very similar personalities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also the more extroverted one in our relationship, and I am on your boyfriend's side.

Your expectations are princessy. You went and showered and were ready to hang out, but he was still doing what he was doing. Where's your respect for his task, his time?

If I had been you last night (which I have), I would've finished the job application, and then gotten up to take a shower. Before I left, I would say, "Hey DH, I'm going to go take a shower and then do you want to talk/have some dinner/watch a movie together/fool around/etc.?" If he said, "That sounds great!" then great. If he said, "I'm pretty tired and kind of just want to read and crash out" then that would also be fine, because his needs are just as valid of mine.

Your BF should apologize for saying unkind things to you. You should apologize for being needy and demanding. You should talk like adults about how to handle these differences of relational style in the future, or your relationship is going to fail.

+1

Hmm...this has to be fake. Nobody on DCUM is this mature, reasonable and comfortable in their own skin as this person. But just in case you are for real, you sound pretty awesome.

Original PP here. Not a troll, just BTDT.

I also agree with the poster who suggests proactively giving the BF space while doing something else. The thing about being an extrovert married to an introvert is that DH doesn't expect me to witness his relaxation. If he wants to sit around and read a book in silence for 3 hours, he doesn't expect me to also do that. If he's worn out and I need stimulation, I call a friend, or go to the gym, or get into some kind of project, rather than bugging him to entertain me.

It's one thing to want to connect with your partner (which I think is where the OP is coming from, even if it sounds princessy). It's another thing to expect that your partner be there for you, 100% of the time in exactly the way you want. That's just not reasonable, even for people with very similar personalities.

PP here, quoting myself.

Also, OP, COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR BF. Communication avoids blow ups like you guys had. If you had told him, "BF, I really want to hang out with you and talk, I could use your advice/thoughts about what happened today" rather than getting pissy because he didn't read your mind, this would probably have ended a lot differently. Communicate your needs clearly. Listen to him when he communicates his needs clearly. Clarify with him if you are not sure what he needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bf and I got into a huge fight last night due to our introvert-extrovert differences. I am slightly more extroverted than he is and although I need alone time to recharge after a social activity, I still need more interaction with people. After a long day at work, I want to come home, get a glass of wine and vent/chat with my bf. He is my safe place after a day out in the world.

After a long day of work, my bf gets moody and grumpy and just drained. He gives one word responses, is tired and usually just wants no interaction with me. He'd much rather play a video game or read a book.

I of course don't take this too well. As someone who loves me, I expect him to relish the fact that he gets to see me at the end of the day and he should not want to wait to hang out with me and talk to me and tell me about his day.

Last night, he was grumpy and quiet in the car, so I left him alone and we drove pretty much quietly after work. Once home, I had to get a job application out, so I was on the laptop and he got himself a glass of wine and a book and sat next to me and started reading. He'd rub my feet and read and I'd type away. After I got done, I went and showered and moisturized myself and looked over at him and he was still absorbed in his book.

I feel hurt that even though I was done with my task and I was free now, he still just wanted to read his book. He asked me how I was doing, I said I was okay. I then turn on netflix and get quiet and "pouty". He asks me whats wrong. I say its nothing. He asks again, I tell him that I felt hurt that he wanted to read his book instead of spend time with me since I was not going to be there tomorrow and the day after.

He flipped out! And started going off a rant about how it is SOOOO unfair that I am begrudging him a book! I said I don't care if he reads his book and that I'm hurt he is doing it now when he could do it tomorrow or the day after when I'm not around. We go back and forth. He starts accusing me of not giving him any space to do anything except hang out with me and do stuff I want. I'm hurt I even have to ask him to spend time with me. He was yelling and saying all sorts of unflattering things about how I am so unfair and so mean!

I then tried to sleep on the couch and cried until 2am. After which he came to get me and I finally went to bed.

We were still arguing about it this morning. I am exhausted and can't focus on work. I feel like I have been through a war being attacked and criticized all night.

OP here. He also went on a rant about how I don't appreciate him and all he does for me and if I did I would not begrudge him a book and some alone time to relax after a long day.

This is so stupid because I tell him I love him and appreciate him all the time!

you sound young. Or immature. Or both

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dump him and move on to someone who is a better fit

Good luck..

This. You guys are not compatible. I also hope that you are very young because you need to grow up a lot.