awful night with bf- any tips?

[Anonymous]

OP, are you the Groupon poster?

And FWIW, "both parties" would include your boyfriend, not just you.

I think it's best you move on. this is not the partner YOU are looking for.

[Anonymous]

You should read "The 5 Love Languages"

You and the BF obviously have different ways of showing love and appreciation. You might be better off with someone who "speaks" the same Love Languages as you, otherwise you'll face a lifetime of aggravation.

I'm now finally with someone who speaks similar Love Languages as myself. It's 100% better than any previous relationship - like night and day.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like an awesome weeknight to me, just curling up on the sofa with a book and a foot rub. That "is" spending time together. What exactly did you want from him right then? Conversation? Can that be done at dinner? In bed? Was there something pressing you just had to dish to him?

If you don't enjoy your silent time together, it may not be the best fit for you.

[Anonymous]

DTMFA.


He is not a match and sounds verrrryyyyy immature.

I am an extrovert too and while I can make it work with an introvert for a while, I also cannot sit next to someone in stone cold silence. It starts making me feel absolutely crazy, not to mention rejected and totally uncomfortable.

I cannot imagine dealing with this for life. Just imagine- this will be your reality day in day out, birthdays, holidays.

Time to move on and find an extroverted dude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DTMFA.


He is not a match and sounds verrrryyyyy immature.

I am an extrovert too and while I can make it work with an introvert for a while, I also cannot sit next to someone in stone cold silence. It starts making me feel absolutely crazy, not to mention rejected and totally uncomfortable.

I cannot imagine dealing with this for life. Just imagine- this will be your reality day in day out, birthdays, holidays.

Time to move on and find an extroverted dude.

And then complain that he wants to talk about his day instead of hearing all about yours, or wants to go out with friends instead of rubbing your feet and treating you like a princess

[Anonymous]

You have to be kidding me. Your boyfriend wants to read a damn book, let him read a book. This is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DTMFA.


He is not a match and sounds verrrryyyyy immature.

I am an extrovert too and while I can make it work with an introvert for a while, I also cannot sit next to someone in stone cold silence. It starts making me feel absolutely crazy, not to mention rejected and totally uncomfortable.

I cannot imagine dealing with this for life. Just imagine- this will be your reality day in day out, birthdays, holidays.

Time to move on and find an extroverted dude.

And then complain that he wants to talk about his day instead of hearing all about yours, or wants to go out with friends instead of rubbing your feet and treating you like a princess

I dont know if you think extroverts like making speeches.... but actually we generally enjoy back and forth. Interaction. That's kind of our thing, actually. But +1 for the straw man attempt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: As someone who loves me, I expect him to relish the fact that he gets to see me at the end of the day and he should not want to wait to hang out with me and talk to me and tell me about his day.

To me this sounds exhausting.

You can't tell people how they should feel when they love you.

+1.

OP, I'm an extreme extrovert married to a mild-to-moderate introvert.

Very happily married, in fact!

But the absolute fucking worst thing you can possibly do is get it in your head that "because I express love/happiness/affection in X way, he/she will express it in X way too, and if they express something different, I'll just assume it means to them whatever it would mean if I expressed it."

This is so fucking dumb that there's even a name for it -- the Mirror Imaging Fallacy. Emphasis on "Fallacy".

You have two options.

You can find someone who reacts to everything in a relationship the same way you do, which you might find someone who matches you more but good fucking luck finding someone who matches you perfectly...

...or you can learn to take him as he is and take his emotions/reactions/expressions *on their own terms* rather than through the lens of *your* relationship/romantic logic, which is not universal, it's just the way that you personally prefer to do things.

Pick one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DTMFA.


He is not a match and sounds verrrryyyyy immature.

I am an extrovert too and while I can make it work with an introvert for a while, I also cannot sit next to someone in stone cold silence. It starts making me feel absolutely crazy, not to mention rejected and totally uncomfortable.

I cannot imagine dealing with this for life. Just imagine- this will be your reality day in day out, birthdays, holidays.

Time to move on and find an extroverted dude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I love my bf to pieces. He is the best guy!! I can't even fathom breaking up! I just want to figure out how tp resolve this issue we have. I just assumed we'd naturally fall into a rhythm that accommodates both people clearly that's not working. I need to put more thought into giving him room for his alone time.

My husband and I are like this. I just let him go into his office and goof off for a while, and then after an hour or two he's more receptive to talking. If I need social time I go to happy hour with friends. I also walk the dog after I get home and that helps me unwind from my day. He's usually the one who suggests we go out to dinner during the week, and it's because he gets his alone time the other days.

Also, we email/text during the day if there's something we need to talk about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds like an awesome weeknight to me, just curling up on the sofa with a book and a foot rub. That "is" spending time together. What exactly did you want from him right then? Conversation? Can that be done at dinner? In bed? Was there something pressing you just had to dish to him?

If you don't enjoy your silent time together, it may not be the best fit for you.

I agree. For him, just being around you is "spending time with you". when DH and I were dating, it took us some time to adjust to each other. I felt like if we weren't doing anything, I might as well go out, but he just liked for me to be home with him. It's pretty normal. You aren't going to be able to change him, so either work through it, respecting his needs, or move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DTMFA.


He is not a match and sounds verrrryyyyy immature.

I am an extrovert too and while I can make it work with an introvert for a while, I also cannot sit next to someone in stone cold silence. It starts making me feel absolutely crazy, not to mention rejected and totally uncomfortable.

I cannot imagine dealing with this for life. Just imagine- this will be your reality day in day out, birthdays, holidays.

Time to move on and find an extroverted dude.

You are not a people person.

[Anonymous]

Move on. Plenty of (extroverted) fish in the sea.

[Anonymous]

I predict he's going to dump you soon.

Then you're going to spend your 20s and 30s cycling through guys who don't "treat you right."

Then you're going to get increasingly less interest until you desperately marry someone when you are like 39/40 and are running out of time to have a baby.

Then you'll regret losing this current BF because you were so immature and unrealistic about what being in a relationship means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I predict he's going to dump you soon.

Then you're going to spend your 20s and 30s cycling through guys who don't "treat you right."

Then you're going to get increasingly less interest until you desperately marry someone when you are like 39/40 and are running out of time to have a baby.

Then you'll regret losing this current BF because you were so immature and unrealistic about what being in a relationship means.

You sound bitter. Dumped by an extroverted girl, huh?