When a friend or family member is making a huge parenting mistake...

[Anonymous]

Something that routinely comes up for me is seeing pictures on social media of people's kids buckled in their carseats the wrong way (loose straps, buckles around their belly buttons instead of at their armpits, etc). I'm guessing I'm not the only one who's seen these.

When you seem something like this, do you say something? Really could be a life/death situation if they are in a bad accident.

[Anonymous]

There was a big debate here a few months ago started by someone who was worried her nephew had not been enrolled in school by age 6 and the SIL was "home schooling" but not actually doing anything. That's where my mind went with this one.

Personally, if that were the case, I'd consider calling the authorities. But that's just me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something that routinely comes up for me is seeing pictures on social media of people's kids buckled in their carseats the wrong way (loose straps, buckles around their belly buttons instead of at their armpits, etc). I'm guessing I'm not the only one who's seen these.

When you seem something like this, do you say something? Really could be a life/death situation if they are in a bad accident.

Good question. I see this a lot and don't know what to say (especially if it's someone I'm 'friends' with on FB, but not in real life). I also saw someone post a picture of their toddler with whole (not cut) grapes in a bowl and I was debating about what (if anything) to say when luckily, someone else (I'm assuming a closer friend) posted a comment about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something that routinely comes up for me is seeing pictures on social media of people's kids buckled in their carseats the wrong way (loose straps, buckles around their belly buttons instead of at their armpits, etc). I'm guessing I'm not the only one who's seen these.

When you seem something like this, do you say something? Really could be a life/death situation if they are in a bad accident.

Is an incorrectly-installed/incorrectly-used car seat a parenting mistake?

The analogy would be an incorrectly-used seatbelt, which would then be what? A being-self mistake?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something that routinely comes up for me is seeing pictures on social media of people's kids buckled in their carseats the wrong way (loose straps, buckles around their belly buttons instead of at their armpits, etc). I'm guessing I'm not the only one who's seen these.

When you seem something like this, do you say something? Really could be a life/death situation if they are in a bad accident.

Is an incorrectly-installed/incorrectly-used car seat a parenting mistake?

The analogy would be an incorrectly-used seatbelt, which would then be what? A being-self mistake?

What a strange question. Why on earth does it matter? Regardless of what it's called, it's a mistake, that is made by parents, that could have terrible repercussions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar situation, OP. Except I was a total jerk and had a strong emotional reaction first. Now I want to tell this parent/family member the facts calmly but an hesitant to open the can of worms that I did when I was an asshole and screamed at her.


Not to hijack your thread, but does anyone have advice for me? Can I now approach the subject calmly just to get on the record?

Keep your mouth shut.

+1

Wow - I disagree 100%!!! If I thought my sister was doing something that would emotionally hurt my nephew I would explode at her - and then apologize but definitely restate my objections calmly later. I love my nephew and my sister!!! These are not some random strangers whose business I can butt out of - they are constants in my son's, DH's and my life.


I would definitely bring it up again, PP.

I'll be looking for your sister's post on the "Family Relationships" board. Probably something about her sister yelling at her for deciding to formula feed her son. And then, after they'd moved past it (so she thought!) her sister sent her a follow up email with links and "calm" explanation. How thoughtful!

PP here and no. My nephew is a very, very bright but sensitive and well behaved boy and only 23 months old. He has been home with a loving nanny who reads to him about two hours a day which he loves - and older books for four and five year olds. This is a smart kid. He is also small for his age. My brother and SIL decided to send him to a big, franchised daycare for 8 hours a day at least and fire his nanny "to toughen him up". I am opposed to everything about this plan but mostly his motivation. I am a school psychologist and consultant for the top DC private preschools and I know this is a mistake.


I was a jerk to lose it on my SIL when she told me. Now I do want to talk to my SIL and brother about this calmly. And we are close - my brother's family and mine - having kids the same age and shuttling between each others houses for holidays and often evening date-night care.

I feel I have to say something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something that routinely comes up for me is seeing pictures on social media of people's kids buckled in their carseats the wrong way (loose straps, buckles around their belly buttons instead of at their armpits, etc). I'm guessing I'm not the only one who's seen these.

When you seem something like this, do you say something? Really could be a life/death situation if they are in a bad accident.

Is an incorrectly-installed/incorrectly-used car seat a parenting mistake?

The analogy would be an incorrectly-used seatbelt, which would then be what? A being-self mistake?

What a strange question. Why on earth does it matter? Regardless of what it's called, it's a mistake, that is made by parents, that could have terrible repercussions.

It matters because the topic of discussion is parenting mistakes. Is any mistake made by a parent a parenting mistake?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar situation, OP. Except I was a total jerk and had a strong emotional reaction first. Now I want to tell this parent/family member the facts calmly but an hesitant to open the can of worms that I did when I was an asshole and screamed at her.


Not to hijack your thread, but does anyone have advice for me? Can I now approach the subject calmly just to get on the record?

Keep your mouth shut.

+1

Wow - I disagree 100%!!! If I thought my sister was doing something that would emotionally hurt my nephew I would explode at her - and then apologize but definitely restate my objections calmly later. I love my nephew and my sister!!! These are not some random strangers whose business I can butt out of - they are constants in my son's, DH's and my life.


I would definitely bring it up again, PP.

I'll be looking for your sister's post on the "Family Relationships" board. Probably something about her sister yelling at her for deciding to formula feed her son. And then, after they'd moved past it (so she thought!) her sister sent her a follow up email with links and "calm" explanation. How thoughtful!

PP here and no. My nephew is a very, very bright but sensitive and well behaved boy and only 23 months old. He has been home with a loving nanny who reads to him about two hours a day which he loves - and older books for four and five year olds. This is a smart kid. He is also small for his age. My brother and SIL decided to send him to a big, franchised daycare for 8 hours a day at least and fire his nanny "to toughen him up". I am opposed to everything about this plan but mostly his motivation. I am a school psychologist and consultant for the top DC private preschools and I know this is a mistake.


I was a jerk to lose it on my SIL when she told me. Now I do want to talk to my SIL and brother about this calmly. And we are close - my brother's family and mine - having kids the same age and shuttling between each others houses for holidays and often evening date-night care.

I feel I have to say something.

Daycare vs Nanny question. Regardless of their motivations, putting the kid in day care is not going to hurt him. Definitely not your place.

- Mom to a kid who is extremely bright, small for her age, and thriving at day care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar situation, OP. Except I was a total jerk and had a strong emotional reaction first. Now I want to tell this parent/family member the facts calmly but an hesitant to open the can of worms that I did when I was an asshole and screamed at her.


Not to hijack your thread, but does anyone have advice for me? Can I now approach the subject calmly just to get on the record?

Keep your mouth shut.

+1

Wow - I disagree 100%!!! If I thought my sister was doing something that would emotionally hurt my nephew I would explode at her - and then apologize but definitely restate my objections calmly later. I love my nephew and my sister!!! These are not some random strangers whose business I can butt out of - they are constants in my son's, DH's and my life.


I would definitely bring it up again, PP.

I'll be looking for your sister's post on the "Family Relationships" board. Probably something about her sister yelling at her for deciding to formula feed her son. And then, after they'd moved past it (so she thought!) her sister sent her a follow up email with links and "calm" explanation. How thoughtful!

PP here and no. My nephew is a very, very bright but sensitive and well behaved boy and only 23 months old. He has been home with a loving nanny who reads to him about two hours a day which he loves - and older books for four and five year olds. This is a smart kid. He is also small for his age. My brother and SIL decided to send him to a big, franchised daycare for 8 hours a day at least and fire his nanny "to toughen him up". I am opposed to everything about this plan but mostly his motivation. I am a school psychologist and consultant for the top DC private preschools and I know this is a mistake.


I was a jerk to lose it on my SIL when she told me. Now I do want to talk to my SIL and brother about this calmly. And we are close - my brother's family and mine - having kids the same age and shuttling between each others houses for holidays and often evening date-night care.

I feel I have to say something.

Please don't. You know this is pretty typical, don't you? Many, many kids go to daycare/preschool all day from an even earlier age. Except for a couple years when I worked part time, my two kids were in daycare/preschool all day from the time they were infants. They are now very well-adjusted, happy, social elementary age kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something that routinely comes up for me is seeing pictures on social media of people's kids buckled in their carseats the wrong way (loose straps, buckles around their belly buttons instead of at their armpits, etc). I'm guessing I'm not the only one who's seen these.

When you seem something like this, do you say something? Really could be a life/death situation if they are in a bad accident.

Is an incorrectly-installed/incorrectly-used car seat a parenting mistake?

The analogy would be an incorrectly-used seatbelt, which would then be what? A being-self mistake?

What a strange question. Why on earth does it matter? Regardless of what it's called, it's a mistake, that is made by parents, that could have terrible repercussions.

It matters because the topic of discussion is parenting mistakes. Is any mistake made by a parent a parenting mistake?

Um, yes? Part of the job of a parent is to keep his/her kid safe, and to know how to do it.

[Anonymous]

They may not have been able to afford the nanny, so they put a better face on it. Leave it be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My brother and SIL decided to send him to a big, franchised daycare for 8 hours a day at least and fire his nanny "to toughen him up". I am opposed to everything about this plan but mostly his motivation. I am a school psychologist and consultant for the top DC private preschools and I know this is a mistake.

I was a jerk to lose it on my SIL when she told me. Now I do want to talk to my SIL and brother about this calmly. And we are close - my brother's family and mine - having kids the same age and shuttling between each others houses for holidays and often evening date-night care.

I feel I have to say something.

OMG, are you for real? You think Daycare is going to ruin your nephew? How insulting to all the families who use daycare?
I sent my smart, sensitive, newly 2yo to KinderCare after being at home for 2 years. She thrived! She loved it. She only went there for a year before preschool, but she still yells out excitedly "KinderCare" every time we drive by it. She is now 6. So far, she is my best performing student of my 4 children (the others stayed home with nanny until preschool)

I don't like your brother's idea to "toughen him up", but that isn't what daycare is about. They can be really good places and open up a whole new world to toddlers. I don't buy that you are a school psychologist at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something that routinely comes up for me is seeing pictures on social media of people's kids buckled in their carseats the wrong way (loose straps, buckles around their belly buttons instead of at their armpits, etc). I'm guessing I'm not the only one who's seen these.

When you seem something like this, do you say something? Really could be a life/death situation if they are in a bad accident.

Is an incorrectly-installed/incorrectly-used car seat a parenting mistake?

The analogy would be an incorrectly-used seatbelt, which would then be what? A being-self mistake?

What a strange question. Why on earth does it matter? Regardless of what it's called, it's a mistake, that is made by parents, that could have terrible repercussions.

It matters because the topic of discussion is parenting mistakes. Is any mistake made by a parent a parenting mistake?

Um, yes? Part of the job of a parent is to keep his/her kid safe, and to know how to do it.

And of course, not every mistake made by a parent is a parenting mistake. If I forget to turn in a report at work, not a parenting mistake. If buckle my child in her carseat the wrong way, fail to lock cabinets where I keep cleaning solution, or put an newborn in bed with lots of blankets, those are parenting mistakes, because my job is to keep her safe.

[Anonymous]

My niece is behind on several milestones - she is 23 months, just started walking last month, does not say any words at all. Brother and SIL live in another country, they don't believe in early intervention and think things will sort themselves out. They saw a pediatric neurologist a couple of times, but keep whatever info they got secret.

I think they are too carefree about something like this and they don't do enough for the child (seeing specialists, development activities). But I can't say anything because it will accomplish only 1 thing - alienate them and create bad feelings. I am expecting my 1st, so I don't exactly have a long partenting resume. Sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut until asked for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
And of course, not every mistake made by a parent is a parenting mistake. If I forget to turn in a report at work, not a parenting mistake. If buckle my child in her carseat the wrong way, fail to lock cabinets where I keep cleaning solution, or put an newborn in bed with lots of blankets, those are parenting mistakes, because my job is to keep her safe.

But if everything I do as a parent (good or bad) is parenting, then how come I keep reading on DCUM that parents are not parenting?