A "friend" lied to me. Do I call her out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unit = hint

Lol! I thought maybe "giving me a unit" was slang for "giving me the finger"!

Ha ha. Me too.

For me, I would not bring it up but I also wouldn't pretend I didn't know. I'd ask her "how was the party this weekend?" And move on but not trust her. At all. I get that you can't be invited to everything. But they were invited before and now are not. And "friend" was a dick for lying.

Just act like she didn't tell you that she wasn't having the party. Ask her about it afterwards.

But just remember--she isn't your friend, and she's a liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely let her know that I knew. I hate when people just get away with lying, and she DESERVES to feel uncomfortable. You don't have to make a big deal out of it. Just tell her you heard that she did have the party, and that her lie was hurtful and that you no longer wish to go to the event with her. No yelling, no crying, just the facts, then move on with your life.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Rather than spend time debating on whether to confront your friend, spend time self-reflecting on why you were not invited.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me but it was a very close friend. Be were extremely close friends for about 7 years.

She got a frenemy who was intimidated by our friendship. My friend started with little lies here and there an then the big one... she pretended she was not having a 40th birthday party, but she was and I found out.

I did not confront her, because she would have just made excuses and I am not about excuses. So I simply disengaged from our friendship, slowly. But, we live on the same street, so it was impossible to totally disengage. She was mean and selfish but I always stayed true to myself. I moved on respectfully and gracefully.

I am not afraid of confrontation, but I felt I was better than acting like a bunch of tweens when it came to socializing.

We were not really friends anymore, but polite to each other ALWAYS for about 3 years.

Then... one day, she came to my door and said, "I need your friendship back". Her husband was dying of a rare disease and it was going to be 5+ long years of care before he eventually died.

We sat on my porch and she told me she knew she was not the good friend that she needed to be and I said, "all is forgiven" what do we need to do.

Her frenemy only stuck around for about 2 years of the "hard times" and now her group of friends is amazing... the good ones stuck around, and I am one of the good ones.

She is better for it, I am better for it. I would not go back and do it differently.

[Anonymous]

Lying/backstabbing is about the only thing that will end a friendship with me. Don't tell me one thing and do another; and absolutely do not go behind my back.

The responsibility is on the offender, period. End it, OP. This person is not a friend. You can say "hi" if you want to, or she can be history, and not exist. Your choice. But if you engage, you get exactly what you asked for.

I would bet there are tons of other people who are well aware of her reputation, and propensity to lie and look out for number one only.

Fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on me.

[Anonymous]

I would find a way to mention it in passing but in an unemotional way. Just like an acknowledgment so you don't have to tiptoe around it anymore. Something like well the weekend of your event is the same weekend as our camping trip and I know the weather is supposed to be good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rather than spend time debating on whether to confront your friend, spend time self-reflecting on why you were not invited.

BS. The "friend" is a dick.

[Anonymous]

Acquaintances, people who cross paths, would not need to tiptoe around this. She does not consider you a friend.

[Anonymous]

Who did you hear she's having the party from? Maybe that's the person who's lying or mistaken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying this is admirable or anything but I would totally ghost her for lying to my face about that. I mean total freeze out, we're done. But I'm just like that, you might not be.

If she asked me later why I was distant I would tell her flat out and never respond to any follow up texts/calls/emails.

+1... except that I wouldn't respond if she asked. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Totally agree.

No, this is childish. If you have a problem with someone and they ask - by all means tell them. If you still want to move on, that's your prerogative, but at least let the other person make it up or explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying this is admirable or anything but I would totally ghost her for lying to my face about that. I mean total freeze out, we're done. But I'm just like that, you might not be.

If she asked me later why I was distant I would tell her flat out and never respond to any follow up texts/calls/emails.

+1... except that I wouldn't respond if she asked. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Totally agree.

No, this is childish. If you have a problem with someone and they ask - by all means tell them. If you still want to move on, that's your prerogative, but at least let the other person make it up or explain.

I don't agree. I I don't have to accept negativity in my life. I don't owe anyone a reason or explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying this is admirable or anything but I would totally ghost her for lying to my face about that. I mean total freeze out, we're done. But I'm just like that, you might not be.

If she asked me later why I was distant I would tell her flat out and never respond to any follow up texts/calls/emails.

+1... except that I wouldn't respond if she asked. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Totally agree.

No, this is childish. If you have a problem with someone and they ask - by all means tell them. If you still want to move on, that's your prerogative, but at least let the other person make it up or explain.

I don't agree. I I don't have to accept negativity in my life. I don't owe anyone a reason or explanation.

Everyone makes mistakes. If you don't forgive a friend after 1 issue, then I don't know how you have any friends.

[Anonymous]

I agree OP, being lied to takes precedence over not being invited.

Once someone lies to me, it is very tough for me to trust in them later on.

Just do the bare minimum around her. Meaning speak as little as necessary.

If she wonders why you are suddenly a little detached, then she should be able to figure out why.

[Anonymous]

Not a friend. Dump her.

[Anonymous]

Holy moly, is everyone here in 8th grade? I'm including the OP and her friend, because everyone seems to be very eager to avoid direct statements and general sucking it up.

No one gets invited everywhere. OP should know that, and her friend should have given her credit for knowing that (although seeing how this has shaken out, she had reason to doubt).

So the grownup thing to do when not inviting someone is not to lie about it. You don't invite someone, you don't mention it to her/him at all, and if the non-invitee hears about it, s/he says, "Oh, that sounds like fun" and moves along.

At this point, the grownup thing for OP to do would be to say to her friend, "Look, I know you can't invite everyone to everything, but in the future, don't like about it. Just don't mention the things I'm not invited to, and I won't mention the things I don't invite you to, and we'll just stay calm and know we like each other, OK? And I hope your shindig goes well."