A "friend" lied to me. Do I call her out?

[Anonymous]

A friend hosts a specifik event every year. She told me they weren't doing it this year. Well, I just found out that they are, we're just not invited.
Yes DCUM, I get it. The question is: Do I let her know that I know? Not being invited is one thing but lied to is another. I'm gonna have a hard time acting as usual around her after this. At the same time, I don't want to come across as a complete nutcase. The thing is that I cannot avoid this person. She is "around" so to speak. What say you DCUM?

[Anonymous]

I say ignore. But that part about her lying makes me want to get my pitchforks out.

[Anonymous]

She told you she wasn't having the event because she doesn't want to fess up about why you're not invited.

Don't bring it up, but continue to be your polite self.

There is a reason you weren't invited, but it may not be because she doesn't like you.
So dony sweat this party when you see the person.

[Anonymous]

Did you ask about the event, or did she randomly bring it up and go out of her way to tell you it wasn't happening?

In any case, this person is not your friend. I would say hello and that's about it. Pretty rude of her, especially if it's a large event.

[Anonymous]

I'm not saying this is admirable or anything but I would totally ghost her for lying to my face about that. I mean total freeze out, we're done. But I'm just like that, you might not be.

If she asked me later why I was distant I would tell her flat out and never respond to any follow up texts/calls/emails.

[Anonymous]

1. Specific. Not specifik.

2. You're not invited, and she isn't a friend. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying this is admirable or anything but I would totally ghost her for lying to my face about that. I mean total freeze out, we're done. But I'm just like that, you might not be.

If she asked me later why I was distant I would tell her flat out and never respond to any follow up texts/calls/emails.

+1... except that I wouldn't respond if she asked. Ain't nobody got time for that.

[Anonymous]

It depends. Are you prepared to hear her answer? After not being invited, do you even want o be her friend. Addressing it, opens the door for conversation. Maybe you don't want that. Personally, I wouldn't say anything.

[Anonymous]

I'd call her, ask what she did on the weekend, and when she lies, say 'Really? Because I heard you hosted ___ party. Is there a reason we weren't invited?' If she gives you a real reason, maybe you both can work with it and reconcile. If she gives you a baloney reason, you know where you stand, and should let her go.

I did this with my cousin who lied to me about why she didn't show for my party. She said she was called in to work last-minute. I said 'Really? Because I heard you went to ____.' She fessed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying this is admirable or anything but I would totally ghost her for lying to my face about that. I mean total freeze out, we're done. But I'm just like that, you might not be.

If she asked me later why I was distant I would tell her flat out and never respond to any follow up texts/calls/emails.

+1... except that I wouldn't respond if she asked. Ain't nobody got time for that.

I would because I do like to be direct. "Michelle, I know you lied to me and don't value friendship with liars." That's about it. Zero arguing back and forth afterward. Just a simple "you lie and I do not like you."

[Anonymous]

Don't bring this up. You already made her uncomfortable by asking about the event and she didn't feel like she could be honest with you. If you make this into a thing, then you're just doing more of made her uncomfortable around you in the first place. Back down from all engagements with her. Clearly, she finds your approach overwhelming. I'd be polite and say hello to her but not much else.

[Anonymous]

Makes me think of my 'friend' who replied with a terse, "No, I'm getting my hair done" to an invite. Haha. She was totally giving me a unit without saying you suck. Her reasons are hers and its all good. Take a hint and move on.

[Anonymous]

Unit = hint

[Anonymous]

There are plenty of reasons why she may not be inviting you (cutting back?), and plenty of reasons why she choose to lie instead of telling you some version of the truth (uneasy about it?), or trying to evade the subject altogether (maybe you put her on the spot?).

Anyway, this alone does not make her a bad person. The best reaction is to act as if you did not know, and continue to treat her politely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't bring this up. You already made her uncomfortable by asking about the event and she didn't feel like she could be honest with you. If you make this into a thing, then you're just doing more of made her uncomfortable around you in the first place. Back down from all engagements with her. Clearly, she finds your approach overwhelming. I'd be polite and say hello to her but not much else.

I agree.