A "friend" lied to me. Do I call her out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't bring this up. You already made her uncomfortable by asking about the event and she didn't feel like she could be honest with you. If you make this into a thing, then you're just doing more of made her uncomfortable around you in the first place. Back down from all engagements with her. Clearly, she finds your approach overwhelming. I'd be polite and say hello to her but not much else.

I agree.

OP here, yes, this is what I'm inclined to do. It's just hard to back out of other engagements with no reason. I wish I was brave enough to cancel or say no with the "getting my hair done" excuse.

OP, when you say other engagements do you mean that she's part of social events that she's not hosting but you both are invited to? If so, don't cut your nose off to spite your face. Which means go to events you want to be part of.

If she's trying to initiate lunches or coffees with you, then I would feel free to decline. You don't need to be specific as to why; just that you're busy.

Yes exactly, we are both invited to pretty large events and I'm sure we'll both attend a number of them. I wouldn't decline the invitation just because she would be there. It's just this specific event that I wasn't even planning on attending, she asked me to go together and I accepted. Now I really don't feel like it anymore.

You are totally within your rights to cancel. You don't even have to come up with a good excuse. Just "I'm sorry, something came up, I can't make it after all" will suffice. And then never contact her again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't bring this up. You already made her uncomfortable by asking about the event and she didn't feel like she could be honest with you. If you make this into a thing, then you're just doing more of made her uncomfortable around you in the first place. Back down from all engagements with her. Clearly, she finds your approach overwhelming. I'd be polite and say hello to her but not much else.

I agree.

OP here, yes, this is what I'm inclined to do. It's just hard to back out of other engagements with no reason. I wish I was brave enough to cancel or say no with the "getting my hair done" excuse.

OP, when you say other engagements do you mean that she's part of social events that she's not hosting but you both are invited to? If so, don't cut your nose off to spite your face. Which means go to events you want to be part of.

If she's trying to initiate lunches or coffees with you, then I would feel free to decline. You don't need to be specific as to why; just that you're busy.

Yes exactly, we are both invited to pretty large events and I'm sure we'll both attend a number of them. I wouldn't decline the invitation just because she would be there. It's just this specific event that I wasn't even planning on attending, she asked me to go together and I accepted. Now I really don't feel like it anymore.

You are totally within your rights to cancel. You don't even have to come up with a good excuse. Just "I'm sorry, something came up, I can't make it after all" will suffice. And then never contact her again.

Agree- just don't connect or worry. Not your problem. There are so many fake people in this area to act like your best friend and then do something that makes you realize you are not in the "inner circle" or whatever. Keep positve- you did nothing wrong- this person is simply not a friend so knowing this move forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unit = hint

Lol! I thought maybe "giving me a unit" was slang for "giving me the finger"!

Ha ha. Me too.

For me, I would not bring it up but I also wouldn't pretend I didn't know. I'd ask her "how was the party this weekend?" And move on but not trust her. At all. I get that you can't be invited to everything. But they were invited before and now are not. And "friend" was a dick for lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unit = hint

Lol! I thought maybe "giving me a unit" was slang for "giving me the finger"!

Ha ha. Me too.

For me, I would not bring it up but I also wouldn't pretend I didn't know. I'd ask her "how was the party this weekend?" And move on but not trust her. At all. I get that you can't be invited to everything. But they were invited before and now are not. And "friend" was a dick for lying.

Agree with this. No decent person would ever lie like that. She's just not worth OP's time.

[Anonymous]

Most people in this area are just transactional.

That does not make them bad people, but most are not real friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unit = hint

Lol! I thought maybe "giving me a unit" was slang for "giving me the finger"!

Haha,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't bring this up. You already made her uncomfortable by asking about the event and she didn't feel like she could be honest with you. If you make this into a thing, then you're just doing more of made her uncomfortable around you in the first place. Back down from all engagements with her. Clearly, she finds your approach overwhelming. I'd be polite and say hello to her but not much else.

I agree.

OP here, yes, this is what I'm inclined to do. It's just hard to back out of other engagements with no reason. I wish I was brave enough to cancel or say no with the "getting my hair done" excuse.

OP, when you say other engagements do you mean that she's part of social events that she's not hosting but you both are invited to? If so, don't cut your nose off to spite your face. Which means go to events you want to be part of.

If she's trying to initiate lunches or coffees with you, then I would feel free to decline. You don't need to be specific as to why; just that you're busy.

Yes exactly, we are both invited to pretty large events and I'm sure we'll both attend a number of them. I wouldn't decline the invitation just because she would be there. It's just this specific event that I wasn't even planning on attending, she asked me to go together and I accepted. Now I really don't feel like it anymore.

You are totally within your rights to cancel. You don't even have to come up with a good excuse. Just "I'm sorry, something came up, I can't make it after all" will suffice. And then never contact her again.

+1. And it's not a lie or an excuse...something DID come up to change the circumstanf
es - her behavior!

[Anonymous]

OP, I would have a really fun dinner party - and not invite her.

[Anonymous]

Are you in the same general social circle? If so, she would have to know that other people would assume you were going to her party and tell you about it. It's really rude. If I had balls - and I don't - I would ask her about it directly.

[Anonymous]

Decline the event you had agreed to. "I just want to let you know I won'the be going now."

Then keep your distance. Remain polite but that's all.

If she didn'the want you there fine but the lying would finish it for me.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely let her know that I knew. I hate when people just get away with lying, and she DESERVES to feel uncomfortable. You don't have to make a big deal out of it. Just tell her you heard that she did have the party, and that her lie was hurtful and that you no longer wish to go to the event with her. No yelling, no crying, just the facts, then move on with your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying this is admirable or anything but I would totally ghost her for lying to my face about that. I mean total freeze out, we're done. But I'm just like that, you might not be.

If she asked me later why I was distant I would tell her flat out and never respond to any follow up texts/calls/emails.

+1... except that I wouldn't respond if she asked. Ain't nobody got time for that.

I would because I do like to be direct. "Michelle, I know you lied to me and don't value friendship with liars." That's about it. Zero arguing back and forth afterward. Just a simple "you lie and I do not like you."

I think I might know why none of you people would get invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Decline the event you had agreed to. "I just want to let you know I won'the be going now."

Then keep your distance. Remain polite but that's all.

If she didn'the want you there fine but the lying would finish it for me.

I agree. Tell her you can no longer make it. And then start to ghost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying this is admirable or anything but I would totally ghost her for lying to my face about that. I mean total freeze out, we're done. But I'm just like that, you might not be.

If she asked me later why I was distant I would tell her flat out and never respond to any follow up texts/calls/emails.

+1... except that I wouldn't respond if she asked. Ain't nobody got time for that.

I would because I do like to be direct. "Michelle, I know you lied to me and don't value friendship with liars." That's about it. Zero arguing back and forth afterward. Just a simple "you lie and I do not like you."

I think I might know why none of you people would get invited.

Weird thing to say. Personally, this hasn't ever happened to me. But I'm nobody's chump. If you'll lie to my face to exclude me from an event, you're not my friend and I won't treat you as such. That was the advice we gave OP. What's she supposed to do, tail along and ask friend why she wasn't invited and make herself feel bad about it?

[Anonymous]

This is kind of strange. If she asked you to go somewhere with you, it's not like she doesn't like your company.

Could there be other reasons? She had to invite your ex and didn't want everyone to be uncomfortable? She really isn't holding the event and you are mistaken?

If you aren't close to her, I would just drop it. If you are, I would just ask her straight out.

I've had friends not mention things to me in order not to hurt my feelings - I hate that, but I understand why they are doing it.