Do you tell the wife that her wonderful husband cheated on her for two years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those who say MYOB, if you were the aggrieved wife would you want to know the facts or just remain blissfully ignorant?

I would want to know the facts.

I'll bite and maybe this isn't popular but I don't think its anyone else's place, ever, to insert themselves into my marriage. I think barring serious abuse where getting someone out is paramount to survival/ health (NO you can't talk infidelity into that category) then it is really a shit thing to do to try to tell me what I should or shouldn't know. Either I find out or I don't but that really doesn't effect your life after you get your little "moment" in. So why does anyone feel the right to insert themselves?

Weeellll, some would say that the other woman/man already "inserted" themselves into your marriage by sleeping with your spouse. This would be just making YOU aware of YOUR business.

yes and no.

She didn't insert anything that wasn't invited by the spouse, I don't think OW or OM are saints but I honestly think they are not at ALL what is the issue in the case of infidelity. So, in some ways, I totally get you and in others I still believe what I said. I'm not inviting you into my marriage to "tell me my business", just because he invited you for sleeping with him does not mean I think you have the right to insert yourself into my life with any such conversation.

You have very compartmentalized thinking. Almost like you think that by denying object permanency, an object only exists as long as you can see it. You should know that your husband is your husband even when he is not with you. When another woman touches him that is your business.

To me though, its just part of trust. I have to trust that my husband is still my husband when we aren't together. At his word and his word only. If my whole life is a lie because of what DH is doing, then its MY life and my lie to deal with.

[Anonymous]

If she isn't skeptical enough about the stalking story to dig deeper on her own (trust but verify) then I'd say the wife doesn't want to know the truth.

[Anonymous]

Little story:

I have a friend and anytime I saw her DH and another friend together something just seemed off. I observed little looks between them, sly touches. A little too enthusiastic about each other, you know? I felt terrible for "seeing" these things and I always pushed it aside. Because I had noticed though I just kept noticing.

Three years go by and I guess the other friend can read my face after witnessing an interaction between the two and a few days later she comes clean to me. They, both married with children, have been having an affair for 8 years. She explains that they are both staying with their spouses "for the children" and that about 50% of his business trips are to a hotel with her about a mile from his home. I felt sick and wished I could unknow this information.

My friend believes she is happily married. She and DH are affectionate and fun together, great parents. Other friend's husband is a workaholic and pretty inattentive (doesn't mean he should be cheated on). I cringe whenever my friend walks about her wonderful marriage and homelife (often in front of other friend) and there is this huge proverbial gorilla in the room. I am in a position like the OP. I just do not know what to do. My gut tells me to tell my friend, that I myself would want to know. My brain says stay out of it MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those who say MYOB, if you were the aggrieved wife would you want to know the facts or just remain blissfully ignorant?

I would want to know the facts.

I would want the facts to come from someone who is compassionate and has my interests in mind. The OP does not seem to be that kind of a friend.

Does anyone remember a similar post where the neighbor(1) wanted to tell her pregnant neighbor(2) about her husband's(2) affair that she(1) had witnessed? The OP of that thread had discussed the affair with the entire neighborhood and wanted to tell her pregnant neighbor after the fact. That OP was a malicious bitch and somehow this OP seems to be cut from the same cloth.

Yes, tell your friend the truth, but only if you are discreet, sensitive and want the best thing for her. Be prepared to support your friend is she leaves her husband - car, money, shelter, job, child care - for as long as she needs to get back on her feet. You can't do that? Then you have no business to insinuate yourself in her life.

This OP seems to be the one who had the affair, and the married man pretended to be single. She is angry and vindictive and her reason to tell is to punish and get revenge. That makes her as much as a lowlife as the cheating husband.

Wow. You are reading a lot into OPs few sentences. She/he actually didn't say much.

I would absolutely want to know. Send an anonymous note with evidence and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those who say MYOB, if you were the aggrieved wife would you want to know the facts or just remain blissfully ignorant?

I would want to know the facts.

I would want the facts to come from someone who is compassionate and has my interests in mind. The OP does not seem to be that kind of a friend.

Does anyone remember a similar post where the neighbor(1) wanted to tell her pregnant neighbor(2) about her husband's(2) affair that she(1) had witnessed? The OP of that thread had discussed the affair with the entire neighborhood and wanted to tell her pregnant neighbor after the fact. That OP was a malicious bitch and somehow this OP seems to be cut from the same cloth.

Yes, tell your friend the truth, but only if you are discreet, sensitive and want the best thing for her. Be prepared to support your friend is she leaves her husband - car, money, shelter, job, child care - for as long as she needs to get back on her feet. You can't do that? Then you have no business to insinuate yourself in her life.

This OP seems to be the one who had the affair, and the married man pretended to be single. She is angry and vindictive and her reason to tell is to punish and get revenge. That makes her as much as a lowlife as the cheating husband.

Wow. You are reading a lot into OPs few sentences. She/he actually didn't say much.

I would absolutely want to know. Send an anonymous note with evidence and leave it at that.

How would you send an anonymous note? Email or mail?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Little story:

I have a friend and anytime I saw her DH and another friend together something just seemed off. I observed little looks between them, sly touches. A little too enthusiastic about each other, you know? I felt terrible for "seeing" these things and I always pushed it aside. Because I had noticed though I just kept noticing.

Three years go by and I guess the other friend can read my face after witnessing an interaction between the two and a few days later she comes clean to me. They, both married with children, have been having an affair for 8 years. She explains that they are both staying with their spouses "for the children" and that about 50% of his business trips are to a hotel with her about a mile from his home. I felt sick and wished I could unknow this information.

My friend believes she is happily married. She and DH are affectionate and fun together, great parents. Other friend's husband is a workaholic and pretty inattentive (doesn't mean he should be cheated on). I cringe whenever my friend walks about her wonderful marriage and homelife (often in front of other friend) and there is this huge proverbial gorilla in the room. I am in a position like the OP. I just do not know what to do. My gut tells me to tell my friend, that I myself would want to know. My brain says stay out of it MYOB.

It was really, really shitty for her to put that on you. How selfish of her! I'm sure she felt relieved to tell someone, but now she's transferred all of this baggage onto you. That's not fair, at all. And I'd probably drop her as a friend.

That said, I would still MYOB. I would feel terrible about turning The Wife's lift upside down.

[Anonymous]

I would tell. I dated a married man who said he was single. When I found out he was married I told his wife and she thanked me profusely for "telling her what kind of a man she was married to". She's gorgeous and now they're divorced. I wish her well.

[Anonymous]

[b]

Holy shit, don't call yourself this woman's friend, because you are most definitely not her friend. You suck.

Anonymous wrote:Little story:

I have a friend and anytime I saw her DH and another friend together something just seemed off. I observed little looks between them, sly touches. A little too enthusiastic about each other, you know? I felt terrible for "seeing" these things and I always pushed it aside. Because I had noticed though I just kept noticing.

Three years go by and I guess the other friend can read my face after witnessing an interaction between the two and a few days later she comes clean to me. They, both married with children, have been having an affair for 8 years. She explains that they are both staying with their spouses "for the children" and that about 50% of his business trips are to a hotel with her about a mile from his home. I felt sick and wished I could unknow this information.

My friend believes she is happily married. She and DH are affectionate and fun together, great parents. Other friend's husband is a workaholic and pretty inattentive (doesn't mean he should be cheated on). I cringe whenever my friend walks about her wonderful marriage and homelife (often in front of other friend) and there is this huge proverbial gorilla in the room. I am in a position like the OP. I just do not know what to do. My gut tells me to tell my friend, that I myself would want to know. My brain says stay out of it MYOB.

[Anonymous]

lol loved the "object permanence" comment. No kidding!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she isn't skeptical enough about the stalking story to dig deeper on her own (trust but verify) then I'd say the wife doesn't want to know the truth.

I am a PP who says I would prefer ignorance - depending on the messenger. You are probably right. But then again, the wife could be digging deeper or could already know - she could just be keeping her cards close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Little story:

I have a friend and anytime I saw her DH and another friend together something just seemed off. I observed little looks between them, sly touches. A little too enthusiastic about each other, you know? I felt terrible for "seeing" these things and I always pushed it aside. Because I had noticed though I just kept noticing.

Three years go by and I guess the other friend can read my face after witnessing an interaction between the two and a few days later she comes clean to me. They, both married with children, have been having an affair for 8 years. She explains that they are both staying with their spouses "for the children" and that about 50% of his business trips are to a hotel with her about a mile from his home. I felt sick and wished I could unknow this information.

My friend believes she is happily married. She and DH are affectionate and fun together, great parents. Other friend's husband is a workaholic and pretty inattentive (doesn't mean he should be cheated on). I cringe whenever my friend walks about her wonderful marriage and homelife (often in front of other friend) and there is this huge proverbial gorilla in the room. I am in a position like the OP. I just do not know what to do. My gut tells me to tell my friend, that I myself would want to know. My brain says stay out of it MYOB.

So the OW, a mutual friend, came clean to you with the expectation that you would not tell the wife, a mutual friend. Sorry...not buying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are the other woman, do not tell the wife. She will never believe you. She'll just think you are a crazy stalker.

If you are the wife's sister, or life-long best friend, then yes, go ahead and tell.

If you are both the other woman and the wife's sister/best friend, you are a total loser bitch.

+1 Totally agree. As for the part about you being the OW you totally deserve whatever the wife throws at you if you tell. And the OW who tells the wife out of spite is also a total loser bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she isn't skeptical enough about the stalking story to dig deeper on her own (trust but verify) then I'd say the wife doesn't want to know the truth.

She WAS skeptical. Numerous times she went through his phone. I believe she caught the "text" by logging into his phone and snooping. From what I know the husband may have been set on actually leaving his wife but once she found the text or whatever else she found there may have been some threats or the wife may have used the toddler against him. I don't think the wife is aware that he was cheating for two straight years and had a condo on the side, but I do know she saw texts and he blamed them on a women texting him which was not the case.

For her sake and the child's sake and knowing he's going to cheat again, wouldn't you want to know that your husband was that scummy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[b]

Holy shit, don't call yourself this woman's friend, because you are most definitely not her friend. You suck.

Anonymous wrote:Little story:

I have a friend and anytime I saw her DH and another friend together something just seemed off. I observed little looks between them, sly touches. A little too enthusiastic about each other, you know? I felt terrible for "seeing" these things and I always pushed it aside. Because I had noticed though I just kept noticing.

Three years go by and I guess the other friend can read my face after witnessing an interaction between the two and a few days later she comes clean to me. They, both married with children, have been having an affair for 8 years. She explains that they are both staying with their spouses "for the children" and that about 50% of his business trips are to a hotel with her about a mile from his home. I felt sick and wished I could unknow this information.

My friend believes she is happily married. She and DH are affectionate and fun together, great parents. Other friend's husband is a workaholic and pretty inattentive (doesn't mean he should be cheated on). I cringe whenever my friend walks about her wonderful marriage and homelife (often in front of other friend) and there is this huge proverbial gorilla in the room. I am in a position like the OP. I just do not know what to do. My gut tells me to tell my friend, that I myself would want to know. My brain says stay out of it MYOB.

Why do I suck and which friend are you referring to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Holy shit, don't call yourself this woman's friend, because you are most definitely not her friend. You suck.

Anonymous wrote:Little story:

No no no. The two cheaters sucks. Especially the female cheater who burdened OP with this information.

And for that matter, YOU also suck for being so damn judgmental and making OP feel even worse. Perhaps OP isn't very close with the Blissfully Unaware Wife and considers the cheating female to a closer friend.

Regardless, I think OP should dump the cheating woman as a friend. No "friend" unloads that information onto the conscience of a neutral 3rd party. So messed up.